calithin83 Posted January 29, 2004 Share Posted January 29, 2004 im 20 years old and my curfew is 10pm. im soon going to be 21 on july...im going to college and soon gonna transfer, i just dont havea job but im a full time student so atleast im getting my education. ANyways my parents are strict, the curfew of 10pm bugs me but they dont get it. even when i come at 10 theyre still upset, they always want me to tell them where im going. I know they just do it cos they care but they gotta trust me and know that i make my choices now and i wont do anything stupid. plus i have a cell phone and they can reach me at so why trip?? ANyways i want to go this weekedn from Fri-Sun to Fresno, with my bf to visit his dads house, but i havent told my parents cos i fear that they will say NO, or that they will be upset cos i asked. Ive gone twice before, but the first time they let me because i begged and the 2nd they let me but then they didnt, but somehow i stil went but my mom was mad cos i went so she didnt pick up my calls when i called her from fresno. this was a year ago.....now i wanna go back cos my bfs dad invited me for his birthday plus i have lots of fun there, its a nice family who is not so strict. How should i ask my parents and convince them to let me go???? i know that what they fear is the fact that they dont knwo who im sleeping with or what room and they are worried if me and my bf have sex. But they dont understand that i already have had sex with him, cmon ive been with him 3 years and i love him alot. Ive never told him that cos they would KILL ME, they are really religious and expect me to wait til marriage or soemthing. so i would never tell them..... but anyways thats theyre worry i think,....anyways i dunno what to say or do so they can understand me and just let me go... and just let me be and make my own choices and not always being on my back like im a little girl.. pleease Help!!!! thanxz p.s. they like my boyfriend, theyve met him and my mom rfeally likes him so thats not a probl;em i just think SEX is..theyre afraid i have sex when i already have!! UGHJ but dont tell em;-p Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah12385 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 my gosh...i think you and i are living each other's lives. i believe you're the one who responded to my last post. well for one thing, my parents are the SAME way. however, they upped my curfue to 11:30 when i turned 19 lol. but the strictness, i know, believe me. the religious thing, they're the same way. i've never had sex yet, but to tell you the truth, i doubt i'll be waiting til i'm married. i'll tell you what i did. i said down with my mother (she's more liberating than my father) and i told her that i was 19 and that i'm growing up. i dunno about you but i'm an only child. and a girl, which makes matters worse. i told my mum that she can't stop me from growing up. let your mother, or father, or both know that you're aware that they just care about you so much, but you need to start living your life, and that they can't keep you at 13 years old forever. you're going to be 21 you said? kids in Europe are usually expected to leave their homes at 16! (so i hear) your parents need to respect you as an adult and see that you need to make decisions yourself. my parents have gotten better over the years, but it took a lot of work, and i've thrown several fits. probably not the most mature thing to do, but i must say, it *did* help. i hope everything works out for you. good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
lquidmetalspine Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Well it seems like your parents are insecure about your living. But the only thing is, do they pay for your college? And if so then they have you by the reigns. I agree that you should sit down and talk to them. Tell them that you might not be as religious as they are and they need to let go. As far as you going with your b/f, if they have you by the reigns so to speak then your gonna have to live with there decision, or just go. Im not trying to get you in trouble, but you are an adult. If you want to go, then talk to them first about it, see what they say. And if you are not happy with their decision, then when the time comes, tell them that you are going period. Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Ha Ha HA!!!!! You just repeated VERBADUM my life before I got married. I had a 10 o-clock curfew, and my parents did NOT want me to have sex. I was 19 before I even started DATING!!!!! Once they found out that I had in fact had sex, they didn't let me date any more. I was 20 when they stopped letting me go out of the house! I was only allowed to go to work, and church, and that is it! If I went SHOPPING, it had to be with my parents. I met my husband at work, but he lived 2 hours away. He'd drive down to take me to lunch for an HOUR on his days off, and he'd come down and come to church with me. My parents would NOT let us be alone EVER. They drove me to church, and my now husband and I had to sit right in front of them. Remeber, I was 20. I never thought my husband would stick around. Wrong. Listen to this: We were never alone, unless he picked me up at work, and took me to lunch. Ok: He told me that he was in love with me 3 days after we met. I waited until I was sure. EXACTLY a month after we met, I told him that I loved him over the phone. The next day, he took me to lunch, then dropped me off at work. An hour later, he showed up at work. I was suprised. He got down on one knee, and proposed. I accepted. A week later, we got married. We've lived happily ever after. I met him in February, and married him in April. My husband and I had to get married so we could DATE. It's crazy. Now, I'm am the happiest I've EVER been. I don't have a curfew, and I get to spend as much time with my "boyfriend" as I want Even when my husband and I fight, I think back to how my life was before him, and I thank God that I have him, and I usually am pretty quick to apologize. Why don't you move out of your parent's house? Move into a dorm. Trust me, leaving yor parents would be the best thing for you. Get a job that will work around your school schedule. Then, move into a low price appartment or dorm. Trust me, it's the only way to be happy. I used to have acne when I lived at home, because of all the stress. 2 months after I moved in with my husband, my face was clear and beautiful. I think my parents may have been worse than yours, though....if I got home a MINUTE after 10, they dropped my curfew 5 minutes then, if I came home a minute after 9:55, they dropped it another 5 minutes. It was crazy. Link to post Share on other sites
missthang Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 You're 21, take charge of your independence. Move out, pay for college yourself, take out loans. If you still want to live at home, sit down with your parents and lay down some rules for you all. Tell them that you need an extended curfew (at least fridays & saturday!), that your priority is school, & that your boyfriend (plus that your parents like him) makes you very happy and treats you well. Taking a weekend trip to visit his parents shouldn't be a big deal, after all his parents will be there. Especially, don't tell them you're having sex, let them live in denial. You are grown up, and you have to make decisions and mature without having your wings clipped by your parents. Above poster, it's great that that worked out for you and your hubby, but getting married to gain independence is totally not good, he could end up being a creep, and I personally think it's important to learn to live on your own, and figure out who you are as yourself, not as someone's daughter, or wife or mother. It's ironic, that strict well-meaning parents often end up creating the very thing that they're worried of-kids making bad decisions and hurting themselves. OP this doesn't sound like you though, you seem to be living your life according to your own values and morals and your own terms which is great. Life is short, you have to make the most of it, and not always wait for some future day... Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 I totally agree with misthang. Jumping into marriage worked for me, but it was definately a bad, immature choice I made. I just bot blessed/lucky that my husband ended up being so wonderful. Knowing someone a month, then marrying them is really stupid. I can say that, because I did it. I got lucky, but I doubt that's the norm. Definately lay down some rules, and if they don't like it, then it IS their house, so they get the last word....your best bet is to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author calithin83 Posted February 2, 2004 Author Share Posted February 2, 2004 thanxz for the advice, well im 20 and i doubt ill get married any time soon, plus my bf who ive been with for 3 years is 19...and he doesnt wanna get married til 27-28:( so i doubt that will ever happen, so anyways im proabbly gonna move to dorms this year-fall 2004:) i hope so..but im not sure yet, i knwo that will help ALOT and ya all the stress soemtimes also makes me break out:-(... but anyways...thanxz for replies Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 I have a teenage daughter and know lots of other parents. Therefore, I can honestly say that parents usually want what they feel is best for their children. They want so much to protect their kids from hurt and harm. So, love them thru it...... However, I had very overbearing, yet wonderful, parents who actually kept me from joining the Navy which I was 19. I didn't stand up to them....and didn't do something which I had dreamed about since I was 13. I regretted it my whole life....and still do. I ended up compromising my lfe and just getting married instead. I never felt fulfilled or pleased with my life. My parents NOW regret it and said they wish I would've stood my ground and joined anyway. The point being, this is YOUR life. No one knows more what your dreams and aspirations are more than you do. Sometimes, you have to stand up for yourself. I don't think you have to do it in a disrespectful way. Again, most parents are just reacting in love....they aren't trying to screw up your life. But as you appraoach adulthood....and actually you ARE an adult at 19...you have to act like the adult you are and say "NO, I will make a few of my OWN deicisons which may not be your decisions for me.". Even if you are living at home and they are paying your college....does not mean your life preferences are supposed to be disregarded. So, call a family meeting....tell them you love them and appreciate them with all your heart.....but this is YOUR life and you are no longer their baby girl....you are a young woman with a life to run. They MAY get a little miffed....but they will respect you for it in the long run. If they threaten to pull funds.....threaten to get a job, get student loans and that you will move out before you will let them rob you of taking responsibility for your own choices. They will talk it over....and end up making compromises with you. Keep us posted... Arabess Link to post Share on other sites
abbyroadme Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Originally posted by calithin83 im 20 years old and my curfew is 10pm. im soon going to be 21 on july...im going to college and soon gonna transfer, i just dont havea job but im a full time student so atleast im getting my education. ANyways my parents are strict, the curfew of 10pm bugs me but they dont get it. even when i come at 10 theyre still upset, they always want me to tell them where im going. I know they just do it cos they care but they gotta trust me and know that i make my choices now and i wont do anything stupid. plus i have a cell phone and they can reach me at so why trip?? ANyways i want to go this weekedn from Fri-Sun to Fresno, with my bf to visit his dads house, but i havent told my parents cos i fear that they will say NO, or that they will be upset cos i asked. Ive gone twice before, but the first time they let me because i begged and the 2nd they let me but then they didnt, but somehow i stil went but my mom was mad cos i went so she didnt pick up my calls when i called her from fresno. this was a year ago.....now i wanna go back cos my bfs dad invited me for his birthday plus i have lots of fun there, its a nice family who is not so strict. How should i ask my parents and convince them to let me go???? i know that what they fear is the fact that they dont knwo who im sleeping with or what room and they are worried if me and my bf have sex. But they dont understand that i already have had sex with him, cmon ive been with him 3 years and i love him alot. Ive never told him that cos they would KILL ME, they are really religious and expect me to wait til marriage or soemthing. so i would never tell them..... but anyways thats theyre worry i think,....anyways i dunno what to say or do so they can understand me and just let me go... and just let me be and make my own choices and not always being on my back like im a little girl.. pleease Help!!!! thanxz p.s. they like my boyfriend, theyve met him and my mom rfeally likes him so thats not a probl;em i just think SEX is..theyre afraid i have sex when i already have!! UGHJ but dont tell em;-p First of all, your 20 and have a curfew. Your parents have to start to realize your not a little kid anymore. Though you still seem to be in child mode in terms of rebelling. Best thing to do is sit down with your parents, maybe even have your boyfriend there. Tell them how you feel and all. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
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