White Flower Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Before I came on LS, I had no idea how rampant the phenomenon of single people dating married people was. No freakin' clue. I knew it happened, of course. I even knew it was common. But I had no idea infidelity was a full-blown subculture all its own. An infidelity subculture, so to speak. I was amazed the infidelity subculture even has its own language, its own vocabulary. For example: BS for "betrayed spouse"; EA/PA for "emotional affair" or "physical affair"; D-Day for the day a clandestine affair is finally revealed. People within the subculture philosophize about its rules and customs and traditions. Does a MM owe anything to his OW after the affair is over? Does a BS have the right to expose an affair after D-Day? Is an EA as bad as a PA? It is just amazing to me. My question is, what is the appeal of the infidelity subculture for those who participate in it? It seems many women seek out MM for affairs, and that MM seek out women interested in affairs with MM. Again, why is this so? It would seem to me that seeking relationships outside the infidelity subculture would be a lot less hassle. FWIW I didn't know it existed either, this secret society, but let me tell you I thank God it does! It helps me to mull over something that is STILL difficult to talk about in public without whispering. You asked what the appeal is and for ME all it is is a place to go to after you discover yourself in a sitch you never thought you'd see yourself in. I NEVER sought out a MM and when one sought me I never thought I would succumb to an A with him. It took a year and a half of hardcore courting, actually, on his part before I did. It was very old-fashioned if you ask me. Heck, affairs are even old-fashioned if you think about it. Anyway, the appeal of these forums (if they are a subculture at all) is to seek advice from like-minded people and like-minded people from all sides of the triangle for complete clarity on the issue. Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 The fact that more women are paying alimony is what might stop it. All of a sudden people will start caring. Yep...it scared me concerning my last D...I held my breath on that one...I've never asked for alimony and didn't get child support, so won't pay either... Link to post Share on other sites
pureinheart Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 FWIW I didn't know it existed either, this secret society, but let me tell you I thank God it does! It helps me to mull over something that is STILL difficult to talk about in public without whispering. You asked what the appeal is and for ME all it is is a place to go to after you discover yourself in a sitch you never thought you'd see yourself in. I NEVER sought out a MM and when one sought me I never thought I would succumb to an A with him. It took a year and a half of hardcore courting, actually, on his part before I did. It was very old-fashioned if you ask me. Heck, affairs are even old-fashioned if you think about it. Anyway, the appeal of these forums (if they are a subculture at all) is to seek advice from like-minded people and like-minded people from all sides of the triangle for complete clarity on the issue. This is excellent WF...bold same here...in fact I met MM at work in 1999 and WF everytime I turned around he was there. I took an inverse lay-off and left to be w/H in VA. He tracked down my email addy from a friend...he wrote gibberish, hard to understand writings...and I told him I was visiting home town soon...he wanted me to meet him, I never wrote him back. I got called back to work and had moved back home by then and he ended up in the same shop, this was the tail end of 2003...he told me he cried when I didn't write him back (I thought WTH?)...then chased me like crazy for another solid year...whatever...I mean I really don't care that much, but look what happened and where we are today...what was the point? Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 This is excellent WF...bold same here...in fact I met MM at work in 1999 and WF everytime I turned around he was there. I took an inverse lay-off and left to be w/H in VA. He tracked down my email addy from a friend...he wrote gibberish, hard to understand writings...and I told him I was visiting home town soon...he wanted me to meet him, I never wrote him back. I got called back to work and had moved back home by then and he ended up in the same shop, this was the tail end of 2003...he told me he cried when I didn't write him back (I thought WTH?)...then chased me like crazy for another solid year...whatever...I mean I really don't care that much, but look what happened and where we are today...what was the point? Perhaps we should start another thread? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ADF Posted June 13, 2010 Author Share Posted June 13, 2010 This turned out to be a pretty interesting thread. And I think the posters who questioned my calling it an "infidelity subculture" are probably right--in claiming it was a full-blown subculture, I probably overstated the case. Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 This turned out to be a pretty interesting thread. And I think the posters who questioned my calling it an "infidelity subculture" are probably right--in claiming it was a full-blown subculture, I probably overstated the case. I agree, it has been interesting and educational. Thanks ADF! Link to post Share on other sites
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