Yet another sexless marriage rant

[giotto]

Fine then she should give him permission to seek sex elsewhere so she can keep her safe haven. Unbelievable.

 

you know, he has choices... I've been there. Try to talk to her, seriously, MC and divorce, if that doesn't fix anything... if he is staying, he should accept it and get on with it... I suppose I'm lucky (), because I get on with my wife on every other level, but if life is hell overall, then just leave...

[reddog63]

I agree sex is important, but obligatory sex is a big NO imo. It can damage a woman's desire in the long term--does more harm than good.

 

My pov: How can a spouse accept obligatory sex? Why stay married?

 

 

 

Ok, I get that. But lack of sex isn't the root issue. I doubt you can fix the sex issue without addressing the general lack of respect, and maybe even contempt, she shows you. Women don't want to have sex with men who irritate them. Why is she so darned irritable with you? (notice I didn't assume you are irritating).

 

Well, I think it matters on the definition/context of what "obligatory" means. If a spouse is not responsible with the finances, is he or she obligated to be responsible with them? If a spouse is a workaholic and does not spend time with his family, is he obligated to spend more time? I think we are parsing words here. And like I said, maybe the word should be changed to something else.

 

If you think about the vows of marriage, each is obligated to do certain things.........is that not expected? Of course, one can decide not to and you can not force them and maybe that is what many of you mean.

 

And I will add, that many of the posters start discussing what the man is doing wrong. They tell what hoops he should jump to get more sex. And sure, some might be A holes and dont deserve it. But putting them aside and talking about the ones who post that they have bent over backwards and still little in the way of results. Can it not just be a spouse who has lost interest and is too lazy or too stubborn or thinks she/he can get away with little sex? Similar to a workaholic who is told many times by the wife she wants more time with him and he never gets around to doing anything about it until it is too late. I think there are too many excuses given to the spouse who basically is satisfied with little to no sex. Just my thoughts......

[WalkingOnEggs]

Well, I think it matters on the definition/context of what "obligatory" means. If a spouse is not responsible with the finances, is he or she obligated to be responsible with them? If a spouse is a workaholic and does not spend time with his family, is he obligated to spend more time? I think we are parsing words here. And like I said, maybe the word should be changed to something else.

 

If you think about the vows of marriage, each is obligated to do certain things.........is that not expected? Of course, one can decide not to and you can not force them and maybe that is what many of you mean.

 

And I will add, that many of the posters start discussing what the man is doing wrong. They tell what hoops he should jump to get more sex. And sure, some might be A holes and dont deserve it. But putting them aside and talking about the ones who post that they have bent over backwards and still little in the way of results. Can it not just be a spouse who has lost interest and is too lazy or too stubborn or thinks she/he can get away with little sex? Similar to a workaholic who is told many times by the wife she wants more time with him and he never gets around to doing anything about it until it is too late. I think there are too many excuses given to the spouse who basically is satisfied with little to no sex. Just my thoughts......

Thank you!

[AVR1962]

You didn't meantion your age or how long you have been married but just reading what you posted I don't think your wife is as interested in sex as you are and I think that is fairly typical. A week without sex to me is a joke, my husband and I ahve gone almost 6 months! I have always been the one that had to approach him, when I asked many years ago why this was the way with him, he told me that he has once been very hurt by his first love and he swore he'd never let anothr woman hurt him again. We have been togethr 21 years and I ahve just gotten to the point where I am tired of his lack of persuit for me and have slowly, little by little stopped seeking him and well, 6 months has gone by and while I am sure he'll tell you that he is frustrated he shows no signs that he's ineretsed in me.

[WalkingOnEggs]

Well, folks I'm really at the end of my rope here. This is driving me up the wall big time. I'm not sure many of you can understand this feeling. But it's consuming my thoughts all day. I get erotic thoughts al the time. This is ridiculous. I don't know what to do about this, but I can't last much longer in this mode.

 

I'm trying hard not to be angry, but it is very hard. It's so easy for her to do something about it, and yet I get the felling she couldn't possibly care less. It gets me steamed like you wouldn't believe.

Edited June 15, 2010 by WalkingOnEggs

[giotto]

Well, folks I'm really at the end of my rope here. This is driving me up the wall big time. I'm not sure many of you can understand this feeling. But it's consuming my thoughts all day. I get erotic thoughts al the time. This is ridiculous. I don't know what to do about this, but I can't last much longer in this mode.

 

I know exactly how you're feeling because I've been in your position... it just drives you up the wall and makes you incredibly depressed... at the end, I could take no more, so I said I was packing my bags... see how she reacts to that and take it it from there... extreme problems need extreme actions...

[WalkingOnEggs]

I know exactly how you're feeling because I've been in your position... it just drives you up the wall and makes you incredibly depressed... at the end, I could take no more, so I said I was packing my bags... see how she reacts to that and take it it from there... extreme problems need extreme actions...

 

That would work for sure, but I'm afraid sex afterwards won't be much different than doing it with her while I have a pistol in her mouth.

 

All I want is a little sexual energy here. I can't see why it has to be so difficult.

 

If I pack my bags, it'll be because I'm really leaving, not as a way to twist her arm.

[giotto]

That would work for sure, but I'm afraid sex afterwards won't be much different than doing it with her while I have a pistol in her mouth.

 

All I want is a little sexual energy here. I can't see why it has to be so difficult.

 

If I pack my bags, it'll be because I'm really leaving, not as a way to twist her arm.

 

WoE... I was seriously leaving... I wasn't trying to twist her arm... I got to the point where I didn't care anymore...

 

Results? Mixed bag, really. We compromised, had more sex, but now it's back to the old weary routine... I also felt she was doing it to keep me here. Unfortunately, the change has to come from within your wife. The sex problems is only a mirror of a bigger problem. You need to find out what this problem is before you can fix the sex problem. My problem wasn't fixable, since it's down to the wife to fix it (as in fixing herself), so I'm stuck... I hope your problem - if you manage to find what it is - is fixable and you can find happiness again.

[Windsurf66]

Well, folks I'm really at the end of my rope here. This is driving me up the wall big time. I'm not sure many of you can understand this feeling. But it's consuming my thoughts all day. I get erotic thoughts al the time. This is ridiculous. I don't know what to do about this, but I can't last much longer in this mode.

 

I'm trying hard not to be angry, but it is very hard. It's so easy for her to do something about it, and yet I get the felling she couldn't possibly care less. It gets me steamed like you wouldn't believe.

 

I know this feeling too, and empathized with you. The lack of intimacy is further exacerbated by yr partner dressing hot but u got no relief. It keeps you awake, and depressed, and jacking off yrself can only offer a very temporary relief.

 

I read yr previous post that you were sort of successful when you had a talk with her last night. Why not try it again?

 

And i agree with the rest of the posters, its time to go for MC and try to work to a compromise. Maybe u just have to accept that yr wife's sex drive for you is no longer there, and accept her putting out for you altho she feels nothing much. If yr wife dun love you enough to meet yr needs, I would say dun waste yr time and drive yrself crazy. And dun cheat as well

[porkinsjehosaphat]

That would work for sure, but I'm afraid sex afterwards won't be much different than doing it with her while I have a pistol in her mouth.

 

All I want is a little sexual energy here. I can't see why it has to be so difficult.

 

If I pack my bags, it'll be because I'm really leaving, not as a way to twist her arm.

 

 

Hmmmm....well you don't seem like you want to just lay down the law and make her have sex with you.

 

I don't see why you should pack your bags though. Why would you leave your own house?

 

Just start doing what you want to do.

 

I suppose you can't force her to have sex with you.

 

If you don't want to have an affair, that means you have to masturbate to get relief.

 

But no need to masturbate in shame or private. It's your house.

 

Just open up your laptop in bed, with your wife next to you, put on some raunchy kinky porn that really turns you on, and start masturbating.

 

Right next to your wife.

 

If she says why are you doing that, tell her the truth: Because she doesn't want to have sex with you. Then tell her she can either stay and participate, or leave.

 

If she stays, even if she doesn't participate, when you are ready to orgasm shoot it all over her face and body. And you should be very up front about that, give her fair warning: This is what you are going to do, masturbate to completion, with or without her, but if she stays in the bed next to you, you are going to take full advantage of the situation and give her a facial.

 

You are perfectly entitled to masturbate in your own d*mn bed. If she doesn't want to hang around, she can leave the room. If she sticks around she will get a face load.

 

Stop letting the b*tch you married control your life.

 

(Needless to say the mere fact of you behaving this way will completely turn your wife on sexually.)

Edited June 15, 2010 by porkinsjehosaphat

[Mme. Chaucer]

Hmmmm....well you don't seem like you want to just lay down the law and make her have sex with you.

 

I don't see why you should pack your bags though. Why would you leave your own house?

 

Just start doing what you want to do.

 

I suppose you can't force her to have sex with you.

 

If you don't want to have an affair, that means you have to masturbate to get relief.

 

But no need to masturbate in shame or private. It's your house.

 

Just open up your laptop in bed, with your wife next to you, put on some raunchy kinky porn that really turns you on, and start masturbating.

 

Right next to your wife.

 

If she says why are you doing that, tell her the truth: Because she doesn't want to have sex with you. Then tell her she can either stay and participate, or leave.

 

If she stays, even if she doesn't participate, when you are ready to orgasm shoot it all over her face and body. And you should be very up front about that, give her fair warning: This is what you are going to do, masturbate to completion, with or without her, but if she stays in the bed next to you, you are going to take full advantage of the situation and give her a facial.

 

You are perfectly entitled to masturbate in your own d*mn bed. If she doesn't want to hang around, she can leave the room. If she sticks around she will get a face load.

 

Stop letting the b*tch you married control your life.

 

(Needless to say the mere fact of you behaving this way will completely turn your wife on sexually.)

 

Yuck. If his wife is not into sex with him, this behavior should solidify her position 100%.

[porkinsjehosaphat]

Yuck. If his wife is not into sex with him, this behavior should solidify her position 100%.

 

Who cares what his wife thinks?

 

More to the point, Chaucer, are you saying that you don't like it when your partner gives you a facial? Why not? Do you think semen is "dirty" and "disgusting"?

 

LOL at a woman's husband's semen being "yuck," "disgusting."

 

Grow up, it's just some cum. I'm sure you've swallowed gallons in your time.

Edited June 15, 2010 by porkinsjehosaphat

[Honorable_Venerable]

Hmmmm....well you don't seem like you want to just lay down the law and make her have sex with you.

 

 

(Needless to say the mere fact of you behaving this way will completely turn your wife on sexually.)

Yeah right, and the moon's made of green cheese.

 

I don't know where you're located, but I think it's worth pointing out that what you're describing is called "sexual assault" in a lot of places, and carries a long prison sentence upon conviction.

 

Of course at that point, sexual frequency may increase, although the circumstances (sharing a cell with a twenty stone soap-dodging protection racket enforcer) may not be everyone's cup of tea.

[Mr White]

Hmmmm....well you don't seem like you want to just lay down the law and make her have sex with you.

 

I don't see why you should pack your bags though. Why would you leave your own house?

 

Just start doing what you want to do.

 

I suppose you can't force her to have sex with you.

 

If you don't want to have an affair, that means you have to masturbate to get relief.

 

But no need to masturbate in shame or private. It's your house.

 

Just open up your laptop in bed, with your wife next to you, put on some raunchy kinky porn that really turns you on, and start masturbating.

 

Right next to your wife.

 

If she says why are you doing that, tell her the truth: Because she doesn't want to have sex with you. Then tell her she can either stay and participate, or leave.

 

If she stays, even if she doesn't participate, when you are ready to orgasm shoot it all over her face and body. And you should be very up front about that, give her fair warning: This is what you are going to do, masturbate to completion, with or without her, but if she stays in the bed next to you, you are going to take full advantage of the situation and give her a facial.

 

You are perfectly entitled to masturbate in your own d*mn bed. If she doesn't want to hang around, she can leave the room. If she sticks around she will get a face load.

 

Stop letting the b*tch you married control your life.

 

(Needless to say the mere fact of you behaving this way will completely turn your wife on sexually.)

 

Hee, hee. With a few modifications I kinda like this idea . I'll keep that in mind if I ever have this problem.

 

There was a good scene similar to this this in the movie "American Beauty"

[WalkingOnEggs]

I know this feeling too, and empathized with you. The lack of intimacy is further exacerbated by yr partner dressing hot but u got no relief. It keeps you awake, and depressed, and jacking off yrself can only offer a very temporary relief.

 

I read yr previous post that you were sort of successful when you had a talk with her last night. Why not try it again?

 

And i agree with the rest of the posters, its time to go for MC and try to work to a compromise. Maybe u just have to accept that yr wife's sex drive for you is no longer there, and accept her putting out for you altho she feels nothing much. If yr wife dun love you enough to meet yr needs, I would say dun waste yr time and drive yrself crazy. And dun cheat as well

 

It was not successful. She gave me bare bones sex to shut me up and there's been nothing since. It's such a predictable, repeatable pattern, which is why I don't care to discuss it with her anymore. It's all bullsh*t.

 

With all due respect, I haven't the slightest idea what your advice (in bold) means.

[WalkingOnEggs]

Hmmmm....well you don't seem like you want to just lay down the law and make her have sex with you.

 

I don't see why you should pack your bags though. Why would you leave your own house?

 

Just start doing what you want to do.

 

I suppose you can't force her to have sex with you.

 

If you don't want to have an affair, that means you have to masturbate to get relief.

 

But no need to masturbate in shame or private. It's your house.

 

Just open up your laptop in bed, with your wife next to you, put on some raunchy kinky porn that really turns you on, and start masturbating.

 

Right next to your wife.

 

If she says why are you doing that, tell her the truth: Because she doesn't want to have sex with you. Then tell her she can either stay and participate, or leave.

 

If she stays, even if she doesn't participate, when you are ready to orgasm shoot it all over her face and body. And you should be very up front about that, give her fair warning: This is what you are going to do, masturbate to completion, with or without her, but if she stays in the bed next to you, you are going to take full advantage of the situation and give her a facial.

 

You are perfectly entitled to masturbate in your own d*mn bed. If she doesn't want to hang around, she can leave the room. If she sticks around she will get a face load.

 

Stop letting the b*tch you married control your life.

 

(Needless to say the mere fact of you behaving this way will completely turn your wife on sexually.)

Hey I laughed . But seriously, that's not quite livin' the dream, is it?

[carhill]

I haven't the slightest idea what your advice (in bold) means.

 

Replace 'dun' with 'don't' and 'yr' with 'your'.

 

Essentially, if this issue is irreconcilable, don't waste more time on it; divorce. Don't cheat.

[mem11363]

WOE,

Typically with a woman who is so aggressive that her H choose the name WOE, she actually has a DESIRE for conflict. And not you walking away. And not you telling you she hurt your feelings. Real conflict where you use a sharp tone of voice and a very concise delivery style to let her know her behavior is not acceptable. And of course there are consequences. Maybe that weekly dinner you take her out for gets cancelled, maybe other nice things you typically do suddenly stop happening.

 

Maybe you stop being helpful around the house. UNTIL she apologizes sincerely and commits to trying to improve her behavior. You may find that true conflict creates voltage across her sexual circuitry.

 

If you can pull this off - assert yourself enough that she begins to treat you better in general - you may see a whole different behavior in bed.

 

But this can't just be reactive conflict where you wait until she does something overtly hostile to respond. Even stuff - non sexual stuff - that she does which reflects a serious lack of consideration should be the basis for conflict. Not yelling or screaming - that is never helpful. But very sharp edged tone - very few words - followed by a very cold affect until she responds in a satisfactory manner.

 

You really seem like a decent guy. I think you may have inadvertently morphed from kind to weak and THAT will turn many women off.

 

 

It was not successful. She gave me bare bones sex to shut me up and there's been nothing since. It's such a predictable, repeatable pattern, which is why I don't care to discuss it with her anymore. It's all bullsh*t.

 

With all due respect, I haven't the slightest idea what your advice (in bold) means.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Eggs, I'm glad I could inject some humor into a sad scenario, but actually I was only half-joking.

 

I mean these sex-denying women like your wife, typically, have some weird psychological push-me/pull-you dynamic, where you just have to be somewhat over the top sexually to get their motor running.

 

Get her off that pedestal man, start treating her like the slut she really is.

 

I mean just grab her, squeeze her ass, and whisper in her ear: "Honey you are so delicious, I am so hard for you, I want to f*ck you in your @ss tonight."

 

Guaranteed this will turn her on. She will either laugh, but will still be turned on, or will feign dismay or try to put you down, and then you simply smiling and say: "Hey I was just kidding." Pause. "No I wasn't." Then laugh. Keep her guessing.

 

But what you're doing with this naughty talk is "priming" her psychologically for the fact that the sex you're talking about might actually occur.

 

And what you say has to be over the top, out of your comfort zone, definitely out of her comfort zone.

 

So many wives like yours, deny their husbands sex, are like a dried out prune, then the next thing the husband knows is she's having unprotected bukkake gang sex in all orifices with the high school football team and the poor husband is: "Geez this isn't the woman I married is it?"

 

The whole thing about the masturbation scenario isn't the masturbation, it's the part where you tell the wife that you full intend to shoot your load in her face, considered to be very naughty by most, esp. sex-denying wives. She will be turned on by it, guaranteed, even if she pretends not to be.

 

All these women (my wife included by the way) pretend to be so prim and proper with their spouses, but it's all situational; if it serves her purpose your wife would have no problem letting you be very sexual with her.

 

It's all about psychological domination. Right now she has you psychologically dominated, and you seriously need to break free of that. Same thing as all the rest of the sex deprived husbands. Break the psychological hold she has over you.

 

A perfect example is the poster who said "Oooh it's illegal to give your wife a facial." LOL, no it's not!

 

You're a ridiculous jokester, and probably the latest incarnation of a recurring troll around here. No, I don't think "facials" or semen are gross. I think the concept of being slimed with jism by a man who has been jerking off to a computer next to me in OUR bed who doesn't give a damn whether I'm into it or not is sick, especially given the fact that the actual couple in question has "lack of sex" issues.

 

If the OP is ready to get rid of his marriage for good, he should definitely follow your advice.

 

Now get back to porking Jehosephat. I bet you're really good at that.

[Mme. Chaucer]

Consensual sex is not "sexual assault." A man is perfectly within his legal rights to masturbate in his own bed. If his wife doesn't want to participate, she can leave. If she stays in the bed, then she is consenting to the participation. If he tells her what he is going to do to her--in the example I provided, give her a facial--and she stays for the happy ending, then she has consented to the sexual contact.

 

Perry Mason, you're not.

 

Wow. Spoken like a true rapist.

 

I can't tell your gender, but you're either a lesbian man hating feminist or a sex-deprived p*ssy-whipped granola eating cuckold.

[Honorable_Venerable]

I can't tell your gender, but you're either a lesbian man hating feminist or a sex-deprived p*ssy-whipped granola eating cuckold.

Wrong on all counts:laugh:

[Windsurf66]

Replace 'dun' with 'don't' and 'yr' with 'your'.

 

Essentially, if this issue is irreconcilable, don't waste more time on it; divorce. Don't cheat.

 

Thanks Carhill!! I apologise for the abbreviations used.

[Windsurf66]

It was not successful. She gave me bare bones sex to shut me up and there's been nothing since. It's such a predictable, repeatable pattern, which is why I don't care to discuss it with her anymore. It's all bullsh*t.

 

With all due respect, I haven't the slightest idea what your advice (in bold) means.

 

Your wife is giving you the bare bones? Aren't bones for dogs?? How respectful to treat you in this way!! So where happened to all the meat??

[Jack & Coke]

If she stays, even if she doesn't participate, when you are ready to orgasm shoot it all over her face and body. And you should be very up front about that, give her fair warning: This is what you are going to do, masturbate to completion, with or without her, but if she stays in the bed next to you, you are going to take full advantage of the situation and give her a facial.

 

[Aurora-man]

It seeems as if you made all the attempts one person can make without seeking marriage counseling. If she refuses then you have to face that she is trying to push you away. Sorry to be blunt, but women aren't stupid, and neither is your wife, they've been told since they first got tits what men want. She's not doing you simply because she doesn't desire it. Now perhaps has a real issue, maybe hypothyroidism. My wife has it and it can really lower the sexual desire and sex drive. They simply don't desire or think about sex much and when they do, it's fleating.

Medication can help, but there is no cure. but once she sees a doctor, can knows that her thyroids is affecting her drive, she can compensate for it by satisfying you out of love and making you happy.

 

If that doesn't work, then grow a pair, wait till the kids hit 18 and divorce the ice queen before you so old and bitter no else wants you.