Christians - would you date a non-believer?

[ParkRain]

Many of my friends are christians and active in the church community, etc. I'm a non-believer (somewhere along the line between agnostic and atheist).

 

As it happened, I met a girl through some of my christian friendsa few years ago. I got along really well with her, and we ended up talking pretty much to each other. Turned out we had a class together at college, so we spoke pretty frequent and we often hung out with our mutual friends. I was thinking about asking her out, but it started to seem like she did not consider me as a dating option at all. A couple of weeks later, it turned out there was a new guy in her church that she had the hots for, and they're now engaged. I'm happy for them, and I'm still friends with her, but the whole thing got me thinking - did she immediately dismiss me as a dating option due to me not sharing her faith?

 

It'd be interesting to hear what some christians say about this? Would you consider dating a non-believer? Why, or why not?

[hopesndreams]

I have no interest in dating a man that doesn't believe in God, even if he was the hottest man on earth. Who do non-believers answer to? Themselves?

[jackson30]

I wouldn't have any problems dating someone would believed, but I'd have trouble with someone who was real bible thumper and kept telling me how I was going to hell.

[taiko]

The Christian scriptures warn against such relationships yet millions of self professing Christians get into them all the time. As a new Christian who biggest problem before being born again came from sex I wanted to do the right thing especially in this area. I was only tested once as a Christian but she turned away my advances I made before I knew she was not a Christian, a Buddhist in her case. Some might say my wife was not a good Catholic, she did not seek special permission from the local Bishop, because her church is more exclusive then the church I fellowship with.

 

The one friend I had who gave up waiting for a "Christian" man after being warned off of an relationship with a Muslim the year before ended up with a boyfriend who would actively ridiculed people who prayed. In the end she left the life of active Christian fellowship. Truth be told I like how my life ended up, the tortoise and hare syndrome, in relation to hers.

[ParkRain]

 

The one friend I had who gave up waiting for a "Christian" man after being warned off of an relationship with a Muslim the year before ended up with a boyfriend who would actively ridiculed people who prayed. In the end she left the life of active Christian fellowship. Truth be told I like how my life ended up, the tortoise and hare syndrome, in relation to hers.

 

Wow, that is some serious douchebaggery right there.

 

I have no interest in dating a man that doesn't believe in God, even if he was the hottest man on earth. Who do non-believers answer to? Themselves?

 

Belief in God does not make you moral. Not believing in God does not make you immoral.

[aerogurl87]

I believe in God but I'm agnostic. Who (or what) God is, I have no idea. With that said, my boyfriend is a Christian and he's adamant about Jesus being God's son and all that jazz. We have interesting discussions about the Bible actually, as I know alot about the Bible since I love studying it. He's open minded though, which I like. If he wasn't I wouldn't be dating him.

[califnan]

Those who believe they are responsible to God and live their life in that manner, would be unequally yoked to someone who feels that they are only responsible to themselves and their idea of doing the 'right thing'.

 

There is no knowing if the girl did not consider you because you didn't share her Christianity ... You may have been attracted to her for her Godliness..

[califnan]

I believe in God but I'm agnostic. Who (or what) God is, I have no idea. With that said, my boyfriend is a Christian and he's adamant about Jesus being God's son and all that jazz. We have interesting discussions about the Bible actually, as I know alot about the Bible since I love studying it. He's open minded though, which I like. If he wasn't I wouldn't be dating him.

 

----------------

 

Jesus is most likely the center of his life. And when he prays, he probably prays 'In Jesus name, amen'...

[aerogurl87]

----------------

 

Jesus is most likely the center of his life. And when he prays, he probably prays 'In Jesus name, amen'...

 

He does pray "In Jesus name.... amen" and if he didn't I'd wonder why he didn't. With that said, I don't think Jesus or the Bible is the centre of his life. He says he's a Christian but he doesn't always act very Christian like. I can think of at least one thing he does that the Bible condemns, and if he were ever to try and harp on me about being "unchristian" well I have an arsenal of knowledge to use on him. So as I said, I'm happy he's open minded and not someone who denounces everyone who doesn't share his beliefs to hell or something.

[knaveman]

I'm not Christian, but I'll offer my opinion anyway. That's just how I roll.

 

I'm a Buddhist and would have no problem dating someone who wasn't a Buddhist. Maybe that's because Buddhists are hard to find in my area, dunno. The only thing I have a problem with is the extremist believers no matter what they believe in.

 

I guess if I was to date "down" I would date a Christian. But only if I had to. <--------Joke

[Shakz]

I was raised Catholic and I believe in God, but I'm not fanatical about my faith. I would certainly date a woman who did not share my religious views. She could be an atheist, an agnostic, a Buddhist, a Jew, a Muslim, or just a regular old person like me, so long as she cares about other people. To me that's who God is; other people. How else can we come to know God? Didn't Jesus say the greatest commandment is to, "Love God and love your neighbor. The first is like the last"?

[skydiveaddict]

I am Roman Catholic, but not a very good one. I have dated non-christian as well as christian girls. I find the church laws forbidding sex before marriage impossible to keep. My hormones win out every time

[alphamale]

- did she immediately dismiss me as a dating option due to me not sharing her faith?

no she dismissed you because you friendzoned yourself a number of years ago

[Toki]

I am Roman Catholic, but not a very good one. I have dated non-christian as well as christian girls. I find the church laws forbidding sex before marriage impossible to keep. My hormones win out every time

 

Boy you would have been screwed (in a bad way) a few hundred years ago.

 

I'm a Deist. Which means, I used to be a fervent Catholic, and then later discovered people of every faith like to kill each other in the name of god... so much for Christianity being a peaceful religion... any who, after some experimentation with dating Christian/Muslim/Jewish women, that were particularly zealous, or anybody that puts religion as a high priority, they'll be crossed off the list.

[Eve]

Many of my friends are christians and active in the church community, etc. I'm a non-believer (somewhere along the line between agnostic and atheist).

 

As it happened, I met a girl through some of my christian friendsa few years ago. I got along really well with her, and we ended up talking pretty much to each other. Turned out we had a class together at college, so we spoke pretty frequent and we often hung out with our mutual friends. I was thinking about asking her out, but it started to seem like she did not consider me as a dating option at all. A couple of weeks later, it turned out there was a new guy in her church that she had the hots for, and they're now engaged. I'm happy for them, and I'm still friends with her, but the whole thing got me thinking - did she immediately dismiss me as a dating option due to me not sharing her faith?

 

It'd be interesting to hear what some christians say about this? Would you consider dating a non-believer? Why, or why not?

 

I suppose the real question is whether you would have wanted her in this way?

 

Then, would you have been open to her way of dealing with the good times and the bad via her faith?

 

As a Christian, this would be my foremost concerns.

 

Hubby stayed beside me as I prayed and eventually saw for himself ... but I knew as he did that we were meant to be. In this sense we would have followed each other to the ends of the world... and all that extreme love stuff.. :o

 

Faith became 'us' in a way, so there was no differentiation to be concerned by.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[ADF]

I have no interest in dating a man that doesn't believe in God, even if he was the hottest man on earth. Who do non-believers answer to? Themselves?

 

Did it ever occur to you that many of the most callous, most cruel, most vicious acts are commited by people who do them precisely because they think have God's permission? When Paul Hill murdered a doctor outside his clinci, he wasn't carrying out his own will. According to him, he was doing God's work.

[Eve]

Exactly true. They THINK they have God's permission. Like the 10 commandments didn't exist. That's why he is where he should be.

 

Amen. Crazy bitches are crazy bitches..

 

I watched a TRUE film about some serial killer man in the 1920s (if I remember the date properly.. may have been later in time than this) who ate children and when caught he said.. 'God didnt give me a sign to stop.. so I continued'..

 

What? Who said eating children was ok? Who even thinks about eating a child when trying to achieve faith? If, during any point, even WAY before I became a Christian I started thinking about **** like that .. I would have jumped off a bridge before hurting a little child.

 

... As I always say to my kids.. 'a twat is a twat, no matter what they say they do or dont believe in..'

 

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[sally4sara]

When I was a christian, I was all about my relationship with god. Even got into writing because it allowed me to express my relationship with god in a more personal way. But even then, I didn't buy into a lot of the dogma that goes with religion.

There are many parts of the bible that are obvious human agendas hidden as what god wants of christian followers. Those were the parts that caused me to question what I was taught.

I saw so much wrong being perpetrated on others in the name of christianity. And the relationships I've had with devout christians were the worst relationships I've had. I've come to the conclusion that religion doesn't lift people up so much as it is used for personal justification for shabby treatment of others. It is not exclusive to christianity. You can find people of any religion using their manuals to find loopholes to justify their selfish acts.

 

It wasn't until I discarded christianity and gave an atheist a shot that I found true honorable love in a relationship. There is no manual for which to find loopholes in atheism. If you are looking for one, you know what you want to do is wrong. To the same thought, if you have to ask if what you want to do is wrong but you don't want to ask the other person involved, then you don't really care about the wants and feeling of others. Even if your god and his manual says a certain behavior is okay - the other person involved might not feel good about the outcome. So what good is it in the end?

[califnan]

Good.. Then let's hear it for all self righteous athiests marrying self righteous athiests..

[Toki]

Hurray Self Righteous Atheists!!!

[sally4sara]

Good.. Then let's hear it for all self righteous athiests marrying self righteous athiests..

 

I'd rather be self righteous than fake righteous and dumb.

 

I've know quite a few religious people with good hearts; you're not one of them.

[Taramere]

I think the kind of philosophical clashes that would be inevitable between a Christian and an atheist would make it unlikely to be a goer in the long term. Each would have to have a respect for the other's position...which might feel possible when the relationship was going well, but I think when it hit a rocky patch the ideological differences would make it much harder for them to reach resolution.

 

From what I can see, many atheists have had negative experiences of religion in early life, and have been left with strong feelings about it in consequence. Perhaps if the atheist had been brought up in a devout family where they'd rebelled, something in them would be drawn toward a spouse where that familiar dynamic could be recreated.

[pureinheart]

For me, he would have to be Christian. Have to say also that it would be much better if we were on the same page concerning our walks with God as people are at different levels of understanding spiritually.

 

People can be on the same page being "Christians", yet be worlds apart as far as a denominational level...I don't do "Holy Wars" in the home.

 

To each his own...this is just my preference...

[Malenfant]

I think the kind of philosophical clashes that would be inevitable between a Christian and an atheist would make it unlikely to be a goer in the long term. Each would have to have a respect for the other's position...which might feel possible when the relationship was going well, but I think when it hit a rocky patch the ideological differences would make it much harder for them to reach resolution.

 

From what I can see, many atheists have had negative experiences of religion in early life, and have been left with strong feelings about it in consequence. Perhaps if the atheist had been brought up in a devout family where they'd rebelled, something in them would be drawn toward a spouse where that familiar dynamic could be recreated.

 

for me, what you've said Tara pretty much hits the nail on the head.

Although I am an atheist, my non-beliefs are important for me, and form a large part of my own philosophical musings on life.

My H is more agnostic than hardened atheist, in that I think he just doesnt really think about religion or god much.

 

I didnt have any bad experience of religion as a child, i've just been brought up in an agnostic family and have never been told there is or isnt a god, and hense have come to my own conclusions based on my own perspective of the world.

 

My friend is agnostic and her partner is very religious. they respect each other's views but I think it will become an issue if and when they have children as he definately wants to bring them up in his faith, whereas she's more for allowing people to feel and believe what they want through informed conversation, not because they have always been told thats how it is.

I personally couldnt allow my own children to be brought up in a faith as it is contradictory to how I see life.

I wouldn't mind at all if they became believers later on in life, because faith is a very personal thing, but I would rather they were allowed to come to their own conclusions.

This is one reason why I personally would not consider a life partner who was very religious.

I would be happy to be with a person of faith as long as they didnt preach to me or force their views on our children, but, like you said, the philisophical differences between us may make any true understanding of each other's views and feelings difficult.

[Eclypse]

I am non-believer and have been my whole life. Some of my friends from university are Catholic and I considered dating one of the girls, but I got turned off when I found out how preachy she was with her religion. Honestly, don't take a subject called "Genetics and the Evolution of Life" if you're going to bag out Darwin every chance you get

 

So I don't know if I could date a believer. I probably would if she was nice, caring, great personality etc, and as long as their beliefs weren't forced on me and I got to stay at home instead of going to church. As well I don't think I could last without pre-marital sex.

 

Luckily I haven't got this problem with my current girlfriend, who is as much of a non-believer as me.

Edited June 16, 2010 by Eclypse
spelling