Christians - would you date a non-believer?

[taiko]

I am non-believer and have been my whole life. Some of my friends from university are Catholic and I considered dating one of the girls, but I got turned off when I found out how preachy she was with her religion. Honestly, don't take a subject called "Genetics and the Evolution of Life" if you're going to bag out Darwin every chance you get

 

So I don't know if I could date a believer. I probably would if she was nice, caring, great personality etc, and as long as their beliefs weren't forced on me and I got to stay at home instead of going to church. As well I don't think I could last without pre-marital sex.

 

Luckily I haven't got this problem with my current girlfriend, who is as much of a non-believer as me.

 

But then again unless you are a Dawkins follower and think believers in God are mentally ill there is no spiritual or community pressure on you to stay in your community like there are among believers in exclusive religions. They believe God warned them to stay in their group because if they don't the non-believer will lead them at best to sin and at worst to belief in another god or no God in the end.

[Eclypse]

But then again unless you are a Dawkins follower and think believers in God are mentally ill there is no spiritual or community pressure on you to stay in your community like there are among believers in exclusive religions. They believe God warned them to stay in their group because if they don't the non-believer will lead them at best to sin and at worst to belief in another god or no God in the end.

 

No there is no pressure, but I like hanging out with them. They are awesome people and I would absolutely count them among people I could trust. I think my life would be less fulfilled if I didn't know these girls. It's just they happen to be pretty hardcore catholics. For the most part we dont discuss religion anymore though and everyone is really happy. I always keep my mouth shut when it comes to debates like that anyway.

[Eve]

When I was a christian, I was all about my relationship with god. Even got into writing because it allowed me to express my relationship with god in a more personal way.

 

Just wondering what you used to write? Do you have any examples? I was thinking about this for some reason this morning.

 

Would it be a deal breaker now within your relationship if you were to return to faith in any way?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[sally4sara]

Just wondering what you used to write? Do you have any examples? I was thinking about this for some reason this morning.

 

Would it be a deal breaker now within your relationship if you were to return to faith in any way?

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

I started of with religious poetry. God was the only father I knew. Then it became sci-fi short stories with a religious leanings. Now it is mostly spoken word with varied topics within social consciousness and interpersonal relationship experiences. Think Aesop Rock, Heiruspecs, and Sage Francis.

 

I doubt it would bother my husband if I tried to investigate the faith of my childhood to see if it has a place in my life now. I was never the kind of christian that forced my faith on others or became unquestioningly devout so I doubt I'd become that way if I returned to it. The core message never supported that practice anyway. And I don't really blame the religion for the problems I observed. Just that religion only exacerbates an already hateful and nasty disposition to a new, more dangerous level that has no merit I can identify. And the people I grew up around had their education woefully limited by what their religious heads viewed to be contrary to walking the path of god. If I decided to return to christianity, I'd not do so for that kind of flock again. Those congregations smell of cult life.

[ParkRain]

I think the kind of philosophical clashes that would be inevitable between a Christian and an atheist would make it unlikely to be a goer in the long term. Each would have to have a respect for the other's position...which might feel possible when the relationship was going well, but I think when it hit a rocky patch the ideological differences would make it much harder for them to reach resolution.

 

From what I can see, many atheists have had negative experiences of religion in early life, and have been left with strong feelings about it in consequence. Perhaps if the atheist had been brought up in a devout family where they'd rebelled, something in them would be drawn toward a spouse where that familiar dynamic could be recreated.

 

This was a very good post TaraMere.

 

For my personal siutation, I grew up in a pretty secular and agnostic area, and later moved to a more christian one. I wouldn't be so close as I am with my friends if I didn't have a genuine respect for their beliefs - and vice versa. I'm in no way a Dawkins follower - I find the guy to be an incredible douche.

 

The one real serious problem I see would be how to raise children. It's not a matter of what morals to teach children - it's more the fact that I value family ties very high. While I know several christian women I could be very close to - the fact remains that we are adults. Perhaps there is a risk that if there isn't unity in the same faith between the parents, it could create rifts between a child and one of the parents.

[reservoirdog1]

I was nominally raised Christian as a small child, which basically means my mom took us to Sunday school in the most liberal Christian church there is. The last time i went, I was about 8. I went to private school in which, in the early grades, the Lord's Prayer was recited every morning and grace was said at lunch, and there were chapel services on Friday. However, the religious bent, again, was only nominally Christian and most of the chapel services involved a mini-lecture on world religions. And those stopped entirely after Grade 7. I've considered myself an atheist for almost thirty years. I recognize that there could well be some higher power, but I suspect that it's nothing like any existing defined human conception of "God". And I'm sure it doesn't need financing or churches.

 

I could date a religious girl, provided that (a) she didn't quote scripture at me when trying to make any point, unless religion was the topic under discussion, (b) she didn't try to convert me, © she was respectful of other religions, and (d) no religion-induced sexual hangups.

 

My ex-wife became a Christian around the time we split. Both my kids have been baptized. I've made very sure of two things in my approach to this: (1) I will respect their mother's beliefs and not slag them, but I will be honest about my own beliefs when asked, and (2) I always operate from the perspective that my personal religious beliefs (i.e. that God doesn't exist) are just as valid a set of beliefs as those of my ex-wife, and are entitled to respect, and that I'm entitled to impart my views on the kids as much as she is. Functionally, this really boils down to the kids going to church on the Sundays when they're with her, and not going when they're with me.

 

If the marriage had worked out, would the religion thing have been a problem? Not sure. Towards the end she was making noises about having our marriage recognized by the church, basically repeating our vows. I told her that I wasn't prepared to do this because as far as I was concerned, it was unnecessary. My vows already bound my conscience and I didn't need to say them again. (The marriage ended for reasons unrelated to this difference of views.)

Edited June 17, 2010 by reservoirdog1

[Taramere]

The one real serious problem I see would be how to raise children. It's not a matter of what morals to teach children - it's more the fact that I value family ties very high. While I know several christian women I could be very close to - the fact remains that we are adults. Perhaps there is a risk that if there isn't unity in the same faith between the parents, it could create rifts between a child and one of the parents.

 

I've encountered this a little bit with my niece and nephew. One day my niece spoke up about God and said "there's no such thing, is there?" I hadn't discussed this issue with my brother and SIL, and really didn't want to start treading on any toes. Plus, who knows? My parents, who I don't recall ever being churchgoers other than attending the odd wedding, funeral or christening, had apparently insisted to the pair of them that there is a God. I opted for the middle ground and said some people believe, some don't - and that it was something she had to decide for herself. Needless to say she wanted to know what I believe. These conversations with little kids can be quite bloody testing at times.

 

Now she's in the Brownies, and it's all "I promise to serve my God, my Queen and my country". Also of course there's Christmas. Quite hard to celebrate that while denying Christianity...so for now, the pair of them are choosing to believe in God. Basically, like most people, doing so when it's convenient. In a similar way, when a tooth starts to work loose they magically recover their belief in the £1 bearing tooth fairy. I found myself in the dock for being the Easter Bunny only after all Easter treats had been discovered. When they were still on the hunt for those treats, the pair of them did a sterling job of demonstrating adorably innocent belief in the thing.

 

Like notions of Santa, the Tooth Fairy and the Easter Bunny, I don't really think the notion of God needs to be that big a problem for kids. I can remember myself swithering between disbelief one moment, and writing what amounted to fanmail to God the next at the age of 8 or 9. Allowing kids to just go through those various stages of devotion, agnosticism and atheism without much comment is probably the best policy.

[taiko]

The how to raise children question come because of Christianity's exclusive nature. Salvation or die with your sins, probably headed to hell. Even in inter-Christian relations Catholics, Evangelics, Jehovah Witness, Mormon and Sabbath Keeper fundamentalist all have their version of only we have the truth and the rest of you may not even be Christian.

 

The more fundamental you go the more important it is that a mate share all the distinguishing marks of your faith. For them to have say a Catholic baptised child exposed to the full truth chosing to be Methodist as their father is, is as dangerous to that child's eternal soul as if the child grew up to be Richard Dawkins. So those parents want to play the odds. If mom and dad believe x, that child is less likely to choose y or z.

[califnan]

small

 

I could date a religious girl, provided that (a) she didn't quote scripture at me when trying to make any point, unless religion was the topic under discussion, (b) she didn't try to convert me, © she was respectful of other religions, and (d) no religion-induced sexual hangups.

 

 

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No one who is afraid of God or the things of God should date a "religious girl" .. No girl in her right mind should be muzzled - (beyond this forum) .. Do women a favor, stay with the athiests..

 

"unless religion was the topic under discussion" ... ha You should just cuddle up to "LS".

[reservoirdog1]

No one who is afraid of God or the things of God should date a "religious girl" ..

You've lost me. Am I the one who's "afraid of God or the things of God", in your view? Pretty tough to be afraid of something I don't believe in. Or are you referring to the religious girl? I thought being "God-fearin'" was a GOOD thing for a Christian.

 

No girl in her right mind should be muzzled - (beyond this forum) .. Do women a favor, stay with the athiests..

Ooh, dating advice! Kewl.

 

"unless religion was the topic under discussion" ... ha You should just cuddle up to "LS".

Who's LS? Is she hot?

[califnan]

 

 

Who's LS? Is she hot?

 

-------------------

 

I don't know if she's hot - but she's very talkative and with all kinds of diff opinions, and she doesn't like religion either ..

[aerogurl87]

On the question of raising kids in an interfaith household, I think it's possible. If my boyfriend and I were to have kids in the future, I would have no problem raising them to be Christians on a few conditions. 1)They would read the actual Bible themselves and come to their own conclusions and 2) they would learn all the facts about Christianity (the good and the bad). Then I could care less.

[Eve]

I started of with religious poetry. God was the only father I knew. Then it became sci-fi short stories with a religious leanings. Now it is mostly spoken word with varied topics within social consciousness and interpersonal relationship experiences. Think Aesop Rock, Heiruspecs, and Sage Francis.

 

I doubt it would bother my husband if I tried to investigate the faith of my childhood to see if it has a place in my life now. I was never the kind of christian that forced my faith on others or became unquestioningly devout so I doubt I'd become that way if I returned to it. The core message never supported that practice anyway. And I don't really blame the religion for the problems I observed. Just that religion only exacerbates an already hateful and nasty disposition to a new, more dangerous level that has no merit I can identify. And the people I grew up around had their education woefully limited by what their religious heads viewed to be contrary to walking the path of god. If I decided to return to christianity, I'd not do so for that kind of flock again. Those congregations smell of cult life.

 

Yeah, people are strange. I think its pretty easy for people to fall into cult like behaviour, even without the mention of God! Do you know if they ever calmed down? I seriously think that there is an aspect to faith which involves learning a new form of devotion that in the wrong setting can be destructive. Even the Bible itself warns about this. I have seen something as such myself on my travels within Christian circles but have concluded that it stems probably from a fear of unhappiness and so I am unafraid of it. I cant see how a non Christian would be able to support a Christian partner through such times though. I would think that the leaning would be to think the people concerned are simply crazy and not identify this same struggle exists within themselves.

 

It would be good to read some of the work that you have mentioned at some point .. if you ever get the time. It keeps coming back to my attention and this usually means there is something of significance to be gained.

 

Glad you found happiness and love here on this earth.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

Edited June 17, 2010 by Eve

[taiko]

On the question of raising kids in an interfaith household, I think it's possible. If my boyfriend and I were to have kids in the future, I would have no problem raising them to be Christians on a few conditions. 1)They would read the actual Bible themselves and come to their own conclusions and 2) they would learn all the facts about Christianity (the good and the bad). Then I could care less.

 

The question then becomes: learn about Christianity from where? The committed Christian is bound to try to bring his household along with strangers into the faith. Depending upon the sect he must either protect the child from eternal death caused by original sin by baptising, thus making the infant a Christian in their eyes. Or by sending the child to school on Sundays/Saturdays to learn the Bible as taught by his fellowship with hope that before the teen years the child will step up, proclaim faith in Jesus and maybe be baptised.

 

I don't know if there is a really nuetral position. Even if oe side is universalist the other may not be and see the universal message as hostile to their true church as they see it.

[sally4sara]

Yeah, people are strange. I think its pretty easy for people to fall into cult like behaviour, even without the mention of God! Do you know if they ever calmed down? I seriously think that there is an aspect to faith which involves learning a new form of devotion that in the wrong setting can be destructive. Even the Bible itself warns about this. I have seen something as such myself on my travels within Christian circles but have concluded that it stems probably from a fear of unhappiness and so I am unafraid of it. I cant see how a non Christian would be able to support a Christian partner through such times though. I would think that the leaning would be to think the people concerned are simply crazy and not identify this same struggle exists within themselves.

 

It would be good to read some of the work that you have mentioned at some point .. if you ever get the time. It keeps coming back to my attention and this usually means there is something of significance to be gained.

 

Glad you found happiness and love here on this earth.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

Well we leave for vacation in TWO HOURS! Weee!

I'll send you some when we get back; thanks for your interest.

[Tayla]

I often find it intriguing that the originating poster only asked opinions of the christian faith...that there deems that any other faith is not of use. Faith is faith, no matter the background of God or deity.

 

As a spiritual being I do not exclude one at the expense of another.

 

I agree with the few who talked of the Hardcore thumpers or deeply rooted without true roots to acceptance. Once a mind is open its rare to let it close...I find the good in different practices....

 

As to dating/marrying someone of a different *religion* yeah gotta say, thats a tough one . Dated a man of old testament faith and he honestly said " you are a gentile and while you are a WHOLE lotta fun! I must marry within my faith" Like I was an inferior spiritual being....TO this day when I meet people of this faith they still exude that air of snobbery and have no qualms in putting you in your place...so I just smile ...and validate once again...you cant open a rusty door! (or mind for that matter)

[Eeyore79]

I am an atheist, and I would have no interest in dating any religious person, no matter what religion they are. This is because I see faith in God (any god) as unscientific and illogical, and I wouldn't want to date anyone with that mindset. Nor would I want them passing on religious beliefs to any future children; I want my children to be taught scientific rationalism not religion.

 

I absolutely respect any person's right to believe in whatever they want, but I do not share their beliefs and don't feel I could relate completely to a believer in a relationship. Their religion would always be a sticking point, especially if we had children, and therefore I choose to date only non-religious people.

 

If I found out that someone was religious, I would immediately rule them out as a dating prospect, and have done this in the past. I assume that religious people probably rule out atheists (and possibly people of other religions) for similar reasons.

[taiko]

I often find it intriguing that the originating poster only asked opinions of the christian faith...that there deems that any other faith is not of use. Faith is faith, no matter the background of God or deity.

 

As a spiritual being I do not exclude one at the expense of another.

 

I agree with the few who talked of the Hardcore thumpers or deeply rooted without true roots to acceptance. Once a mind is open its rare to let it close...I find the good in different practices....

 

As to dating/marrying someone of a different *religion* yeah gotta say, thats a tough one . Dated a man of old testament faith and he honestly said " you are a gentile and while you are a WHOLE lotta fun! I must marry within my faith" Like I was an inferior spiritual being....TO this day when I meet people of this faith they still exude that air of snobbery and have no qualms in putting you in your place...so I just smile ...and validate once again...you cant open a rusty door! (or mind for that matter)

However Christianity along with Islam are exclusive religions and most conventional believers in those faiths, along with Judaism, interpret their holy texts (thus God Himself) to teach against or outright ban such relationships. Perhaps if Muslims were more active on boards like this one and if Islam and other non Christian faiths were stronger in the English speaking world a different question would have been asked inb the original post.

 

I would say that to the true believer in the God of Abraham would think that while you may surely be as spiritual as anyone by definition they must believe that you are wasting your time with a false god, as only their God is a true God. The snobbery is almost an unavoidable side effect of the exclusivity of the faiths

[aerogurl87]

The question then becomes: learn about Christianity from where? The committed Christian is bound to try to bring his household along with strangers into the faith. Depending upon the sect he must either protect the child from eternal death caused by original sin by baptising, thus making the infant a Christian in their eyes. Or by sending the child to school on Sundays/Saturdays to learn the Bible as taught by his fellowship with hope that before the teen years the child will step up, proclaim faith in Jesus and maybe be baptised.

 

I don't know if there is a really nuetral position. Even if oe side is universalist the other may not be and see the universal message as hostile to their true church as they see it.

 

Good points. I wouldn't mind my kids going to church, wouldn't bother me one bit. But I'd also make them read the Bible and tell them to come to their own views on religion like I finally did at the age of 16. Just because you send a child to church doesn't mean they will believe. I was indoctrinated (and yes I don't mean taught because my parents shoved their religion down my throat) by my parents since the age of 4 or so and I still managed to break away from their religion on my own. I believe if a child is forced to look at the whole picture and not just one small piece of the puzzle, or point of view, they can make their own decisions down the road in life. So them being raised Christians wouldn't bother me as I said, especially since my boyfriend's not one of those die hard extremists. He's more laid back like I am and we respect each other's views.

 

EDIT: I just texted my boyfriend about this subject (raising kids in a family where both parents have differing views) and he said (and I quote): "I have my beliefs. You haven't been yet (his church that he semi-regularly attends) so we will see... after you go. If you like it then yes I would (me asking if he would want our kids to be raised Christians). Maybe not every week. However, I wouldn't force them to get baptized or anything like that. I want them to make their own choices religiously."

 

And the part in bold is the reason why I say it would work for my boyfriend and I. I wouldn't mind raising them to be Christian as long as it's not forced down their throat when they show interest in another religious view, or a lack thereof. Compromise is the key I believe, and for me this compromise would work perfectly.

Edited June 18, 2010 by aerogurl87

[Shakz]

I can only speak for myself, but as a Christian I would only ask other Christians of their faith trials, worries or the strength of their testimony in Christ. No other faith can do that for me. Certainly not someone who's faith isn't the same as mine...that faith being in God and the everlasting life that is offered through that faith.

 

With all that said, the opinions of friends who aren't believers I do respect as they know me and how I live. They love me and I them.

 

Suppose you met someone who was not a Christian, but was Christlike in word and deed. Suppose this person said "I do not believe", but everything they did was in imitation of Christ? What would you say to such a one?

[taiko]

Suppose you met someone who was not a Christian, but was Christlike in word and deed. Suppose this person said I do not believe, but everything they did was in imitation of Christ? What would you say to such a one?

 

That is the challenge of course, and many do end up with a mate outside of their faith tradition. Or the true beliver sometimes ends up with the nominal member, which seems jusb as unequally yoked to me. If you agree with the scripture you do your best. Most faith communities make allowances for those who are not in lockstep. It ranges from acceptance with cautions not to leave the faith to getting pledges that any children will be raised in the faith and not as what is seen as heretical or ungodly manner. Although a few communities will ban you from fellowship and shun you.

 

Edit to add

 

I just remembered one of the first TV sermons I saw. It was a Seventh Day Adventist pastor laying out his case that the Pope was the antiChrist as in the Book of Revelation. Just saying someone seems Holy or like Christ is not enough as you go more fundamentalist along the spectrum of belief

Edited June 18, 2010 by taiko

[Shakz]

That is the challenge of course, and many do end up with a mate outside of their faith tradition. Or the true beliver sometimes ends up with the nominal member, which seems jusb as unequally yoked to me. If you agree with the scripture you do your best. Most faith communities make allowances for those who are not in lockstep. It ranges from acceptance with cautions not to leave the faith to getting pledges that any children will be raised in the faith and not as what is seen as heretical or ungodly manner. Although a few communities will ban you from fellowship and shun you.

 

Edit to add

 

I just remembered one of the first TV sermons I saw. It was a Seventh Day Adventist pastor laying out his case that the Pope was the antiChrist as in the Book of Revelation. Just saying someone seems Holy or like Christ is not enough as you go more fundamentalist along the spectrum of belief

 

Whenever I hear about Christians bashing other Christians I'm always reminded of the incident in the Gospels when the Apostles complain to Jesus that others are going around spreading his fame without their approval. His answer is classic: "What's it to you?" Gotta love that guy.

[Shakz]

I would say what I have already said and done. I have maintained a close friendship, I enjoy their company and we have great conversations about everything. But I would not date them or marry them. I need someone who will be on the same page as I am.

 

Understandable. You have a way of life that revolves around faith and worship and anyone who would share that life must be similiarly inclined. It's a bit too bad though, to be so exclusive, because you might just be the conduit through which another might find their own faith. My personal feeling is that faith is a gift that is offered to all but the hand that offers it never closes. Even unto death.

[Eve]

I often find it intriguing that the originating poster only asked opinions of the christian faith...that there deems that any other faith is not of use. Faith is faith, no matter the background of God or deity.

 

As a spiritual being I do not exclude one at the expense of another.

I agree with the few who talked of the Hardcore thumpers or deeply rooted without true roots to acceptance. Once a mind is open its rare to let it close...I find the good in different practices....

 

As to dating/marrying someone of a different *religion* yeah gotta say, thats a tough one . Dated a man of old testament faith and he honestly said " you are a gentile and while you are a WHOLE lotta fun! I must marry within my faith" Like I was an inferior spiritual being....TO this day when I meet people of this faith they still exude that air of snobbery and have no qualms in putting you in your place...so I just smile ...and validate once again...you cant open a rusty door! (or mind for that matter)

 

H'mm, thank you for raising the topic of interfaith relationships Tayla.

 

 

.. Just gathering my thoughts as I do have a lot to muse upon with regard to this topic.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

[Tayla]

H'mm, thank you for raising the topic of interfaith relationships Tayla.

 

 

.. Just gathering my thoughts as I do have a lot to muse upon with regard to this topic.

 

Take care,

Eve xx

 

Your welcome, but it was the poster who originated the interfaith concept and questioning if this was the *reason* for being *dismissed* .

 

Just flabbergasted in the sense that some are sooo die hard that their *faith* is the only one and they would exclude a *LOVING* relationship simply because ....???? because what? a book told them? okay done for now....(puts soap box down)