problems sleeping due to jealousy/fear

[xxbrokentoyxx]

i have had major jealousy issues with my boyfriends past long time girlfriend. now i have these dreams of him leaving me for her. they're like nightmares. i wake up in the middle of the night crying and i have to go sit in the living room for a minute to help me realize it didnt happend. their so intense and real. i wake my boyfriend up in the middle of the night and he holds me. i just dont know what to do, they shake me up so bad i think about them all day. the feeling of dread like sticks with me. can someone please help me..

[doniker]

if a bad dream is your biggest problem, you have got it pretty easy.

 

there are millions of people in the world cold and hungry and they don't know where there next meal is coming from. That's a problem.

 

try dwelling on something positive and these thoughts will vanish.

[Venéa]

Hi,

I've had the odd dream about my boyfriend's ex girlfriend (I've mentioned this many a time as you all know). I can relate, honestly. Take a read at some of Thinkalot's posts, she's very helpful and on the way to recovery from severe jealousy problems.

If you want to talk to anyone about your situation (perhaps it'll help and ease your mind to know there's others in the same situation) feel free to PM me.

[jmargel]

doniker, that wasn't cool. No need to put her down & make it seem like its not a problem.

 

Has he done anything to make you think this & feel this way? Or is it the feeling that you are now truly happy in life and you aren't accustomed to that. I think when one loves someone & puts their heart into them completely its natural to have that fear. In all reality you are putting yourself into them. One thing I try to remember when I feel that way is that your mate is with you because they WANT to be with you. Don't let fear dictate the way your relationship is going to head.

 

When you goto sleep at night, literally tell yourself you are NOT going to have any more of these dreams. I used to get sweat-drenched nightmares and the only way I could get those to stop was by doing that. Also when these fears get into your head, force yourself to think of all the good times you had and will have in the future.

[doniker]

Originally posted by jmargel

doniker, that wasn't cool. No need to put her down & make it seem like its not a problem.

 

 

 

One thing that helps me when I am down is to realize that alot of people have worse problems.

 

Just trying to put things in perspective.

 

Someone who lets a dream bother them or ruin there day has a weak mind.

[FolderWife]

I have dreams that I am at my parent's house, and I haven't seen my husband for a week, and he hasn't called, so I finally decide to call him, but he's moved and changed his number, and I can't find him.

 

I have dreams that I have left him, and when I come to our home to pick up my things, he's already moved all of my stuff out, and it's like I have never even lived there.

 

Of course, I usually wake up to find him laying beside me, and that makes me smile and relax....I usually roll over, and put my arms around him, and drift of to sweet dreams

 

I wish they'd stop too

[Benedict]

I agree with Venea: you need to talk about it with somebody. You have some anxiety going on, and it needs some resolution. Good luck!

 

Nice going, Doniker. Hey, is there any help for MY weak mind? BTW, "there mind" should really be "their mind"...

[Venéa]

Dreams are the most simple way of confronting your deepest fears (or sometimes, the past - like 'closing that chapter'). It's normal to be anxious; everyone knows the worst feeling in the world would be to lose the love of your life.

 

Doniker - people may have worse problems; the world is filled with death, destruction and poverty. But to one person, one little person of the billions, this is alot to them. And shutting it out, pretending that you are over-reacting and that alot of people have worse is NOT going to stop them feeling the fear that they do. The only way to combat fear is to face it head on, not pretend it's nothing and should eventually go away.

 

Also, I'm sure that to many people, losing their loved one in such a hurtful way is higher on their things to worry about (if, yes, you have a 'weak mind' as you put it) than the millions of people who are starving. What can I say, humans are selfish beings - they look out for number one.

[moimeme]

One thing that helps me when I am down is to realize that alot of people have worse problems.

 

Just trying to put things in perspective.

 

Someone who lets a dream bother them or ruin there day has a weak mind.

 

It is very distasteful to see someone belittle someone else's feelings. What may 'work' for you will not work for everybody because everybody is not like you. As the others pointed out, dreams may be a key to deeper inner issues. It's not 'just a dream' if it disturbs her to this extent. That you cannot empathize with the problem does not mean that it is not a genuine or valid problem.

[SoleMate]

Broken Toy, I'm glad you have the strength and clarity to ask for help. I sympathize with your problem. I am glad that your bf is there to hold you when your anxiety level is so high. If anything will help you feel safe and calm, it is the arms of your lover around you...

 

Do you feel that this anxiety may have any basis in reality, or is it just a nasty trick your mind is playing on you?

 

I like the ideas Venea and jmargel had. I do recommend that if some of these self-help methods don't reduce your anxiety to a bearable level, you see a counselor about possible medication for anxiety for a short time, just to help you control these disturbing feelings.

 

(Doniker, nobody posts on LoveShack about world peace or feeding the hungry. We're all posting about our own problems. I know you have a good well of sympathy to reach down into - can you try scooping a little deeper next time?)

[jmargel]

Looking at this from a physlogical point of view..

 

Most of the time our state of fear is created by how we think about things. We evaluate something as dangerous when it is unknown; when it poses the risk of physical or emotional pain; and, if an action, we decide we are not capable of performing it well enough, or safely. Our mind steps in after we have experienced or witnessed an event and interprets the action as beyond our abilities, likely to cause us pain (physical or emotional), or as the best we could do and we can't do it better.

 

Its normal to have insecurities but it could lead to bigger things. In such cases, the mind evaluates self as not enough: not good enough, not strong enough, not attractive enough, not quick enough, disciplined enough, brave enough, or perfect enough, etc..

 

When you lose this confidence usually you start to lose communication. You start assuming things which aren't true. This is where the danger lies. Its good you are keeping communcation open, and he's having a positive response to you. You haven't told us about your past so I'm not sure what we are dealing with.

 

But, like I said before here are some steps you can take to help you overcome this (I'm teaching myself now to do this):

 

Relaxation - involves learning to recognize and then relax the tension in your body. It involves a paradox because you learn to identify what thoughts or situations trigger your tension, and then you learn to react to these situations and thoughts with a relaxation response instead of a tense or fearful response. In a sense, you learn to control your state of relaxation, by recognizing your physical response, and changing it from a tense response to a relaxed response.

 

Creating POSITIVE images, or visualizations inside your mind. Concentrate on the good things you have, especially when these fears come about. Do this every night before going to bed.

 

Self-Talk involves learning to recognize and eliminate the self-defeating messages you give yourself and, in their place, inserting positive, empowering, affirming messages. Tell yourself you aren't going to have these dreams anymore, and tell yourself you have nothing to worry about.

 

The emotion of fear is sending you a message. The message that you maybe are endangering yourself if you don't take preparatory action. Learn relaxation and visualization. Once you receive the message, I suggest you do not begin arguing with the inner voices: “I'm going to lose him,” or “I'm going to die”,etc.. Don't argue with them because you'll lose. Instead, begin to plan a strategy to overcome the fear. When you become aware of a negative self-talk script, substitute a positive one. By not giving the negative self-talk any of your attention, it will eventually diminish and stop. Remember, you have the power to change the channel. You have to use that power by creating positive self-talk and using it.

 

Following these steps isn't going to give you success the first day. You need to do this over a period of a long time. It will build up your self-confidence as well. Hope this helps!

[xxbrokentoyxx]

[color=darkred] thanks a lot, i printed most of the responses and put them in my day planner. whenever i get upset about the dream before i read them. no, my boyfriend hasnt really done anything to provoke these dreams, its mostly like jmargel said that i am truly happy and am not accustomend to that. he's also my first and only love. im so use to losing everyone, when i was younger i lost all 3 of my brothers to foster homes, and my dad left when i was around 15, and moved out at 16. its just hard to belive someone actually wants to be with me, and are not just sticking around until they find something better. well thanks for all the great advice from all of you cept doniker. [/color]