Should I act Fun and Happy Or Show her I'm Sad Without her? I want her back!

[tigerarmies]

Just curious....I'm 26, my girlfriend is 24. She moved in with me and has lived with me the past year and a half. We've been together 4 years.

 

We had a great relationship. She loved me very much I loved her just as

much. But she ended up moving out to her sister's apartment just recently

because she's confused about us. She needs time on her own to figure stuff out.

She says she loves me and she knows she wants to be with me but she just feels

depressed about where her life is headed and what she's doing with it...Not really depressed

with me.

 

I've just been trying to help her and support her because I love her more than anything and want

to NOT be bitter or sad for leaving me, But I'm running into the problem of Not knowing How to act.

 

Should I Be that fun, loving, care-free, imaginative, romantic guy she fell in love with and go along with

her offers to still hang out and do things ocassionally?? Or should I let her be on her own and not call her,

give her space and SHow her how sad I am with out her?

 

I'm trying hard not to be sad, But I miss her so much. I miss holing her hand, rubbing her head, rubbing her feet,

Snuggling with her, Listening to her stories, Making dinner with her. I mean we just hung out last night and we did that stuff,

But at the end of the night she goes to her place. When she's around me I'm happy, but sad. I don't know how to act,

I want her to see that I'm still there for her, But not have to say it all the time.

[Benedict]

Should I Be that fun, loving, care-free, imaginative, romantic guy she fell in love with

 

 

Do that part. Be available if she might need you, but do not expect much. Maybe consider it like going back to when you were just dating. Maybe she needs to see that part of you again.

[xalysabethh]

i agree people are much more attractive to go back to when they are like that rather then just sad and depressed.

xalysabeth

[tigerarmies]

Thanks guys, I'll just be myself, That's all I can do. Thanks again.

[tigerarmies]

But How should I handle Everything?

 

When She calls and asks me if I want to do something, Should I say No? I just want her to have her space and

sort of see what it would be like to not have me around. Because right now she's getting both. She's moved out

and I'm still seeing her, But nothing Romantic, just hanging out.

 

I want to stay busy with myself and let her have her space, But she keeps calling, How can I say No without seeming

like I'm trying to blow her off but I'm getting on with my own life?

[jmargel]

She says she loves me and she knows she wants to be with me but she just feels

depressed about where her life is headed and what she's doing with it...Not really depressed

with me.

 

See that doesn't make sense. If she's just worried about life in general where its taking her, she would have no reason to want to leave you. For example, my gf & me are totally in love, yet she is SO stressed out. Its because of her job & school. She's moving in with me in March, but doesn't have a job lined up yet so that's on her mind. So she's worried about life in general. But we are together.

 

If your ex-gf is just worried about her job, or school, then getting rid of you would be a stupid thing. If she's worried about the future and she's moved out then that means she's worried about the future with you in it. She's not being straight with you. Is she going out with other guys? Does she consider herself single? I think those questions you need to ask of her. You two have had a long relationship with each other so it's not like she just got scared & did this all at once. She had to go through alot of thinking.

 

You need to be straight with us & yourself if you two had any problems in your relationship. That's the only way things can get resolved.

 

Most people find it very difficult to just 'be friends' with someone you had a relationship with. My ex-fiancee wanted that from me, but I told her no. It would just make things too weird.

 

Unless you give us more info I really can't say much more. You really need to have a heart to heart with her. How long has this been goin on?

[Errol]

Originally posted by tigerarmies

But How should I handle Everything?

 

When She calls and asks me if I want to do something, Should I say No? I just want her to have her space and

sort of see what it would be like to not have me around. Because right now she's getting both. She's moved out

and I'm still seeing her, But nothing Romantic, just hanging out.

 

I want to stay busy with myself and let her have her space, But she keeps calling, How can I say No without seeming

like I'm trying to blow her off but I'm getting on with my own life?

 

"xxxxx, I want you to have your space and see what life is like without me for a while. Right now it is not fair to me to be with you since we want different things. I want love and romance and a relationship plus friendship and you want a friend only. It's not fair to either of us to put me in that position. I would not knowingly hurt you this way. I don't want to blow you off, but I need my space too. Why don't we agree not to contact each other for a month and see how things go. We both might change our minds and our hearts by then." Then let her go and you can nurse your wounds and start your own life.

[cdn]

Nice, Errol.

 

The key is that you need to both respect her wish for space and she needs to respect you, too. Errol's message conveys that (as does the action behind his message).

 

I also think that the points raised by jmargel are worth thinking about.

[Arabess]

Great response Errol!!

[tigerarmies]

Everything was always so good. I treated her good and always looked out for her. She would always tell me

she was so lucky and loved me so much and I was so beautiful to her and in a lot of ways, so much better than She could ever be(which sometimes bugged me because she was being too hard on herself). She always struggled with issues about herself,

Low self-esteem, feeling inadequate because she didn't know what she wanted to Be in life.

 

I had several heart-to-hearts with her and she keeps saying the same thing. She just feels lost and loves me and know's

i'm the guy for her, but needs space and time to figure stuff out. But I think like you do, I think WHY WOULD YOU GIVE

UP A LOVING SUPPORTIVE PARTNER? Unless she just wants to date around. It seems like a major cop out. But she says there's no one else. I just think she doesn't want to hurt me by being up front and honest and if she was honest, she knows she'd be screwing up and she'd lose me. This had happened before, She was acting distant about 6 months ago, so I brought it up and she said it was nothing, she'd get over it and so she stayed. So She's thought about it a while.

 

I'm going to take Errol's advice. I'll try it.

[tigerarmies]

hAVEN'T TALKED TO HER YET, BECAUSE SHE HASN'T CALLED. SHE MAY CALL TODAY, I'M TEMPTED TO CALL HER.....BUT I SHOULDN'T RIGHT?

[glasshammer]

Do what you feel, just don't play games like she seems to be playing