What's the typical cost of an acceptable engagement ring?

[Mr White]

I've hear that the "rule" (beats me who made this "rule"??) is to spend about 2 months of your salary, and i personally think that this is INSANE. My monthly take home/net income is 3700, so there is NO way I'm shelling $7,000+ for a ring .

 

That said, I understand that the ring is important for a girl, so I don't want to cause a huge dissapointment when the time comes (I don't think we're ready yet, I'm just beginning to plan well in advance, with the idea of hopefully proposing within a year, year and a half).

 

So, I'm really curious about what constitutes an "acceptable" ring - in terms of carat, cut etc., and what is the typical attendant cost... i understand that there are a lot of superficial expectations attached to the rink, and I understand I can't - nor want to - get away on the cheap; but I also want to be reasonable, so I've decided that my price ceiling is ~ 4,500, which is still tons of money - I bought my car for that amount! Related, I'm interested in other's opinions and general discussion of what is a *reasonable* cost for a ring...

[mem11363]

What matters the MOST in a relationship is that you have similar views of money. I would marry a "saver" who wants a nice ring, but would NEVER marry a "spender" who wants a nice ring. The ring is a one time expense. The "spender" mindset is toxic over time.

 

How is she in general with money? Does she have a sense of entitlement? Has she racked up credit card debt?

 

My wife has always been a saver - she is great with money. And I think that matters so much because the cultural conditioning that WE as males are responsible for being the primary providers means that she will resent you over time if you try to "control" her spending.

 

The other question is how big a wedding does she want and who is going to pay for it. Many couples today have crazy expensive weddings and start out in a bad way financially instead of a modest wedding and a bigger down payment on a house.

 

The female mindset is often "ring size" = how much he loves me.

 

But if that translates to day to day spending you will end up one more casualty of arguing about money.

 

As for the long run - we have zero debt of any kind. No mortgage etc. We live in a house that we both love, in a great neighborhood with the highest rated schools in the state. We could have bought a house that cost twice as much about 1/2 mile away fronting a lake. We talked about it. Decided that having more freedom in how we spend our time mattered more than living in a lake front house. That house would mean we would have a decent mortgage payment now and an extra 10K a year in property tax.

 

Peace of mind is a beautiful thing.

 

I've hear that the "rule" (beats me who made this "rule"??) is to spend about 2 months of your salary, and i personally think that this is INSANE. My monthly take home/net income is 3700, so there is NO way I'm shelling $7,000+ for a ring .

 

That said, I understand that the ring is important for a girl, so I don't want to cause a huge dissapointment when the time comes (I don't think we're ready yet, I'm just beginning to plan well in advance, with the idea of hopefully proposing within a year, year and a half).

 

So, I'm really curious about what constitutes an "acceptable" ring - in terms of carat, cut etc., and what is the typical attendant cost... i understand that there are a lot of superficial expectations attached to the rink, and I understand I can't - nor want to - get away on the cheap; but I also want to be reasonable, so I've decided that my price ceiling is ~ 4,500, which is still tons of money - I bought my car for that amount! Related, I'm interested in other's opinions and general discussion of what is a *reasonable* cost for a ring...

[mem11363]

PS: We spent $1,400 on her (small) ring when we married - back then I made 3,500 a month.

 

I offered to by her a 10K/15K ring this year as an anniversary present. She said - maybe next year.

 

 

I've hear that the "rule" (beats me who made this "rule"??) is to spend about 2 months of your salary, and i personally think that this is INSANE. My monthly take home/net income is 3700, so there is NO way I'm shelling $7,000+ for a ring .

 

That said, I understand that the ring is important for a girl, so I don't want to cause a huge dissapointment when the time comes (I don't think we're ready yet, I'm just beginning to plan well in advance, with the idea of hopefully proposing within a year, year and a half).

 

So, I'm really curious about what constitutes an "acceptable" ring - in terms of carat, cut etc., and what is the typical attendant cost... i understand that there are a lot of superficial expectations attached to the rink, and I understand I can't - nor want to - get away on the cheap; but I also want to be reasonable, so I've decided that my price ceiling is ~ 4,500, which is still tons of money - I bought my car for that amount! Related, I'm interested in other's opinions and general discussion of what is a *reasonable* cost for a ring...

[Mr White]

Thanks, good points. I think my gf is a saver, she's very careful with money (almost to the point of being cheap, and that's okay). What makes this even better (perhaps) is the fact that her family seems to be well off -the only potential downside of which is that she may not be aware of the actual cost of some if their lifestyle. I don't think she has major credit card debt, just some student loans.

 

I am on track to become debt free in 2 years (26k accumulated during grad school UGH ), and I've communicated to her that I absolutely hate the feeling of being in debt, so hopefully we're on the same page in that regard.

[carhill]

IMO, acceptable is whatever you can pay cash for and feel good about. 'Feeling good' might include what is usual and customary within your socio-economic community, but might not. The usual conferencing and compromise with one's intended is assumed.

 

When I proposed, I used a cash equivalent of what then existed in my 'dating rejection' fund of Exxon stock to purchase an engagement ring for stbx.

 

My best friend and his wife, married 28 years, still wear the plain gold wedding bands (no other rings) they got when he was broke from his prior divorce. Money is decidedly no issue for them, at all, but they still stick to those plain bands like glue. Everyone is different.

 

Best wishes for a fulfilling engagement and marriage

[2sure]

The rule is nonsense. Its just marketing by the diamond industry. Rules like spending X% of your income on your mortgage are valid - NOT rules made by the retail industry.

 

That being said: Purchase a ring that fits your style, your lifestyle, and your budget today. If your intended and yourself are living in small apartments, driving older cars, or still paying student loans...it will look and feel uncomfortable to have a rock on her finger. Its like announcing you have no common sense or that its fake.

 

What does she like? Are you sure she wants a traditional diamond? Lots of options available, no need at all to over extend.

[sunshinegirl]

I liked Mem's reply.

 

I am generally a saver, have no debt except a student loan, paid cash for my (used) car... but I wanted a nice ring.

 

I'm quite proud of my fiance for finding a jeweler who could replicate the ring I loved at about half the price... and he wound up spending less than a month's salary (about 67% of his monthly gross pay) on a ring that appraised for twice its value.

Edited June 10, 2010 by sunshinegirl

[LucreziaBorgia]

An acceptable one would be one that brings meaning to you both, and one that you both can see having a permanent place on her left hand. It doesn't have to be a certain brand, type or even a certain type of stone.

 

You will want to have an absolute certainty about what you think she will like before you go off shopping, that's for sure!

 

Mine didn't cost my fiance a dime - however, it is a ring passed down in his family for nearly a hundred years now, which IMO makes it absolutely priceless. Not sure how much it cost to design/make in the 20's but that doesn't matter to me. It has a priceless meaning and value to both of us.

[Crazy Magnet]

Have you talked to her about what style of ring she likes or wants? Some women prefer plain bands, some women prefer antique bands, some like lots of sparkle. The type of ring she is interested in will help you know what you will end up spending and what will be acceptable to her. Obviously the more elaborate style the more it's going to cost.

 

I can't imagine dropping the equivalent of a down payment on a house for a ring, but many women feel this is perfectly normal!

 

The going trend in my circle of friends seems to be 1 carat with a couple of 2 carats thrown in there. The latter blow my mind. That's a lot of money in a ring. We're are all in our 30's and well established which might make a difference. Who knows. I personally plan to use a family diamond as I can't justify dropping that much cash when there's a free diamond I can use!

[Lauriebell82]

It depends on the type of ring I suppose. Personally, I don't believe that a man should shell out big bucks that HE DOESN'T HAVE. An engagement ring is very important, but cost isn't everything..it's supposed to be a symbol of love, not high priced jewelry to show off.

 

My engagement ring is a round cut white gold solitaire, 1 carat. I love it, my fiance got it on sale for an awesome price. It looks SO much more expensive then it is. Basically I could care less what it costs, I didn't think he would get me a carat at all!

 

The 3 months salary is a stupid rule IMO, not everyone man can do that. Depending on the ring I think $2000-4000 would be appropriate depending on the man's income. Maybe it's just me but I don't care about the cost as long as it's nice and special to me.

[sally4sara]

I once heard the cost of the engagement ring should be two months of the groom's income, but I'd be afraid to wear something that cost that much around everyday! Not to mention wearing on my finger that which would purchase a car. Its like asking to get mugged.

[Art_Critic]

The rule is nonsense. Its just marketing by the diamond industry. Rules like spending X% of your income on your mortgage are valid - NOT rules made by the retail industry.

 

That being said: Purchase a ring that fits your style, your lifestyle, and your budget today. If your intended and yourself are living in small apartments, driving older cars, or still paying student loans...it will look and feel uncomfortable to have a rock on her finger. Its like announcing you have no common sense or that its fake.

 

What does she like? Are you sure she wants a traditional diamond? Lots of options available, no need at all to over extend.

 

I like all of this post but would add that in no way should you be cheap or cheap out on it just because you have a lesser value for an engagement ring doesn't mean they will have the same..

 

and by cheap out I mean if you think you are being too cheap then you are..

I know guys that make 6 figures that wouldn't spend but a grand on a ring.. that is cheap IMO and will show them in a negative light for no other reason than they show that money means more to them than their future wife..

 

There is a line though on cheapness that shouldn't be crossed.. there is a difference between being frugal and being cheap.

[allina]

I think that no matter how not materialistic the woman is, the ring matters, A LOT. I feel like women are pressured in to saying they don't care but trust me they DO. We want to LOVE that ring and wear it and show it with pride. IMO it is best to get your gf a ring that matches (in cost/value) the rings of other women in her socio economic class. If yo get your gf a .25 carat diamond, and all her friends and relatives are showing off their 1+ carat rings she will feel bad.

 

I'm not saying that one should spend more than they can afford or get in to major debt for the ring. I'm also not saying that the ring is anywhere near as important as the man and marriage. Of course it isn't, but to women, the ring is a huge deal, men should know that, do the best they can and talk to their gf about rings before buying anything.

 

I'm glad that I absolutely love my ring. I'm glad that my SO insisted on looking at rings together.

[terra]

My priorities in receiving a ring aren't cost. As long as it suites me, (I'm a simple lady) the cheaper the better!

I'd way rather spend money on travel or bills.

 

I guess it's important to know what she likes. Maybe talk to her or look at rings she is interested in and go from there.

[Lipsy10]

What you have to remember is your lady will (hopefully) be wearing this ring for the rest of her life.

 

This doesn't mean you have to spend a fortune thou. I think 1000 to 2000 is reasonable. Think of it as a life long investment. She doesn't want to pass down a tatty engagement ring to your future daughter

[aerogurl87]

I don't care how much the ring costs as long as it's real and pretty. I like simple things and I hate big rings, so when I get engaged my ring probably won't be more than $1,000 which is fine with me. I figure you have more important and better things to spend your money on than a ring. Like a house, your future wedding, or honeymoon.

[tigressA]

I'm with the posters who say that you should definitely find out what your girlfriend's desired ring style is and go from there. The most important thing is that she will love it and want to wear it.

 

I'm one of those probably very few women who doesn't want an engagement ring, period. I think they're incredibly frivolous, and compared to the commitment symbolized by a wedding ring, they mean nothing. If I did want one, I definitely wouldn't want my man spending more than $1,000 on it. Actually, even that amount sounds ridiculous to my ears...

[Crazy Magnet]

I think that no matter how not materialistic the woman is, the ring matters, A LOT. I feel like women are pressured in to saying they don't care but trust me they DO. We want to LOVE that ring and wear it and show it with pride. IMO it is best to get your gf a ring that matches (in cost/value) the rings of other women in her socio economic class. If yo get your gf a .25 carat diamond, and all her friends and relatives are showing off their 1+ carat rings she will feel bad.

 

I'm not saying that one should spend more than they can afford or get in to major debt for the ring. I'm also not saying that the ring is anywhere near as important as the man and marriage. Of course it isn't, but to women, the ring is a huge deal, men should know that, do the best they can and talk to their gf about rings before buying anything.

 

I'm glad that I absolutely love my ring. I'm glad that my SO insisted on looking at rings together.

 

I agree with bold part! Check out what her friends have and get something similiar (within reason. No need to take out a second mortgage.) She should want to run up and shove it in everyone's face not hide it in her pocket.

 

 

The ring is something you wear for the REST of your life, every single day. Then, you pass it down to an upcoming generation. Who wants to pass down the cracker jack box ring? Nobody will want it honestly.

[porkinsjehosaphat]

I really wish that in this day and age of supposed equality, someone would please explain why it's always the man who has to buy/give an expensive engagement ring to the woman.

[BlackLovely]

I think that no matter how not materialistic the woman is, the ring matters, A LOT. I feel like women are pressured in to saying they don't care but trust me they DO. We want to LOVE that ring and wear it and show it with pride. IMO it is best to get your gf a ring thatmatches (in cost/value) the rings of other women in her socio economic class. If yo get your gf a .25 carat diamond, and all her friends and relatives are showing off their 1+ carat rings she will feel bad.

 

I'm not saying that one should spend more than they can afford or get in to major debt for the ring. I'm also not saying that the ring is anywhere near as important as the man and marriage. Of course it isn't, but to women, the ring is a huge deal, men should know that, do the best they can and talk to their gf about rings before buying anything.

I'm glad that I absolutely love my ring. I'm glad that my SO insisted on looking at rings together.

 

So true dear!

[SarahRose]

I like all of this post but would add that in no way should you be cheap or cheap out on it just because you have a lesser value for an engagement ring doesn't mean they will have the same..

 

and by cheap out I mean if you think you are being too cheap then you are..

I know guys that make 6 figures that wouldn't spend but a grand on a ring.. that is cheap IMO and will show them in a negative light for no other reason than they show that money means more to them than their future wife..

 

There is a line though on cheapness that shouldn't be crossed.. there is a difference between being frugal and being cheap.

 

 

Excellent points!

 

If a guy is making 200k a year a $100 ring from Walmart just isn't going to cut it.

 

I think what would bother me is if he easily would drop thousands on golf clubs, computer/video equipment, things for a motorcycle or car and wouldn't want to spend that amount on a ring.

 

 

That is just being cheap and a sign of what he values.

[amerikajin]

My partner and I are spending about $550 total on the rings. Neither one of us sees the need to spend any more than that, and we had thought about being even cheaper.

 

I think your bottom line is this: buying a ring is going to be representative of a lot of the other financial decisions that a couple will make. There are some people who need a Porsche; others are fine with a Honda. There are some who need to live in a posh estate; others are okay with living in a bungalow. Some people need a Rolex; some just need a Timex. Some people need to spend a minimum of $5,000 on a gold ring, whereas others get Titanium. You have to know your partner's tastes. If your partner is materialistic, then going on the cheap is not going to work. If your partner isn't materialist, then you probably won't have to spend that much money. It's not as important to know your stones and your karats as it is your partner's tastes.

[jthorne]

I haven't read the other replies, but my ring was the exact one I wanted, and it was only around $3,000. It's the Tiffany blossom ring in platinum. I have small hands, and tend to be unconventional, so I didn't want a typical engagement solitaire. I wanted something pretty of good quality that I could wear on my other ring finger when we got married. He could have easily afforded 3x that amount.Plus I am getting his grandmother's wedding ring.

Has she indicated what she likes?

[amerikajin]

My best friend and his wife, married 28 years, still wear the plain gold wedding bands (no other rings) they got when he was broke from his prior divorce. Money is decidedly no issue for them, at all, but they still stick to those plain bands like glue. Everyone is different.

 

Sounds like they've got their priorities right. People who put so much emphasis on having the perfect ring or the perfect wedding are really missing the big picture. The ring and the wedding just aren't that point, and hopefully we find a partner who realizes that.

[carhill]

LOL, much to my bmf's chagrin, my interest in jewelry has rubbed off on his wife and she's now 'decorating' herself with costume jewelry she picks up cheap (they're both very frugal). He just groans when she shows me her newest finds. Have a beer man, it'll be better.

 

My problem, relevant to my prior post regarding cost, is getting women to reject me more so I can build that engagement ring fund back up again. As things are now, she'd get a gum wrapper