Getting to that next step

[Miiiike]

I've been hanging out with this girl for 6 months now. For the first month or so she had a boyfriend that she had had for years so I put the though of us out of my mind and we were just really good friends, but then they broke up and we started hanging out more. Three months ago we got a little more serious until a few days later she said that she wasn't ready for a relationship yet and that she hoped I would wait. Considering how long her and her ex had been together I could see where she was coming from and did wait. We've been friends ever since (really good friends that might kiss once in a while depending on how much either of us drink but still just friends). I don't want to sound like I want to control her but ever since she's broken up with her boyfriend she has been getting progressively wilder and wilder, with the bars and random trips to different cities, pot and even other drugs. While she says she doesn't want to be in a relationship I really think a good, steady relationship would help. We've had plenty of "talks" and she said she's attracted to me and we would work but she just doesn't think she can be in a relationship right now. I wouldn't want to say I'm in love with her yet, but I feel like I'm getting there and I truly do want to be with her.

 

So I have two questions,

first, am I right in thinking that a relationship would benefit her situation. One can never be to sure of their intentions when rationalizing why they should be together with a person they feel this way about.

 

second, how would I go about this? What is the best way to approach and solve this problem?

 

essentially I'd like some perspective here.

[tman666]

She is boning other guys (many) since yesterday. If she were attracted to you, she would have been reciprocating your advances.

 

You are on the friend ladder, and you have been for a long time.

 

Your best bet is to forget about her as possible relationship material. It's not going to happen, and personally, if some chick told me to "wait" while she went out partying and doping off in different cities, I'd tell her to go pound sand.

[Miiiike]

She is boning other guys (many) since yesterday. If she were attracted to you, she would have been reciprocating your advances.

 

You are on the friend ladder, and you have been for a long time.

 

Your best bet is to forget about her as possible relationship material. It's not going to happen, and personally, if some chick told me to "wait" while she went out partying and doping off in different cities, I'd tell her to go pound sand.

 

If that were the case I'd agree, but we're practically living together at this point (to be honest, I'm usually doping off in different cities with her) and she, to the best of my knowledge hasn't boned anyone since me.

 

But I agree on the friend thing, that's what I'm trying to get out of.

[tman666]

I apologize for assuming that she was going out without you.

 

Whatever her reasons may be for not entering into an exclusive, romantic relationship with you, the facts are is that she would if she wanted to. I know that the previous statement seems obvious, but let it ring in your ears for a bit.

 

I think that even if she said "yes, I want a relationship with you" right now, it would not end well. She sounds like she's got more than a few emotional issues that she needs to work out still. Of course, she's more than happy to let you patch some of the emotional holes, but that's for her own ego and need for validation. Do you really want to be that guy? Do you believe that she respects you? Do you think that she would still respect you if you were in a relationship that you had to play some sort of masterfully orchestrated game to create? Would you be able to look yourself in the mirror and feel good about yourself after having to coax her into loving you? You made your move(s), man. You already have your answer.

 

When you find that special girl who is as equally excited about you as you are about her (and you will), you'll know exactly what I'm talking about.

[skydiveaddict]

 

Whatever her reasons may be for not entering into an exclusive, romantic relationship with you, the facts are is that she would if she wanted to. .

 

 

I agree. Once caught in the friendzone escape is nearly impossible