superfroggy Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 I recently got engaged about two months ago. My boyfriend and I started dating in 2008 and ere in the same town etc then I moved one state over (only about 2 hours) and we lived long distance for almost a full year. He moved here in April officially and we're living together. This is fine and all, it's just that recently his attitude is different. We get in more arguements and I want to talk about them but he wants to just pretend they don't happen. Another thing, he smokes and I don't like it ( I have asthma). He smokes outside but we sat d talked about why it bothers me. We made a compromise on it. It's that if he smokes, he has to brush his teeth and all before bed and change his clothes so i don't have to smell it and that he should limit how much he smokes. Of course he's all eager at the time to do this, and every 2 weeks ish we have to change the compromise FOR HIM because he's not happy anymore and he feels a relationship shouldn't have "rules" I may or may not be wrong, but I want to discuss these things and fights we have but never wants to. We're planning to have a long engagement by the way. We're both in college and want o graduate before we wed so looking at about 2-3 years. I've heard many people say long engagements do work and I'm clearly worried but everytime I mention something, he gets mad and blames me. I'm tired of being the bad guy. Link to post Share on other sites
make me believe Posted June 11, 2010 Share Posted June 11, 2010 It sounds like you two have a LOT of issues that need to be worked out before you even think about getting married. I'm glad you're planning on a 2-3 yr engagement because you guys are not ready for marriage if you are having all of these communication problems. The smoking would be a deal-breaker for me, especially because it doesn't sound like your BF is really willing to compromise on the issue. You should inform him that all relationships have "rules" about what is acceptable & what isn't. If smoking is an issue for you and he isn't willing to change, maybe you two aren't compatible. You have to consider if you want to spend the rest of your life nagging him to change his clothes & brush his teeth after every cigarette. Or what if you have kids? Do you want them to be around a smoker? Your BF doesn't seem willing to bend on this, so these are things you need to think about. But the biggest red flag in your post is that whenever you try to bring up a discussion, he gets mad & blames you. He sounds immature & not ready to be in a real relationship. I would never put up with someone who was unwilling to communicate with me because that kind of a relationship will NEVER make you happy in the long run. Your BF needs to make some serious changes if this relationship is going to work out. Link to post Share on other sites
DaisyLeigh Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 He is not ready for marriage. Find a man who is grown up and who will put your health above a habit. Link to post Share on other sites
Crazy Magnet Posted June 12, 2010 Share Posted June 12, 2010 It sounds like you two have a LOT of issues that need to be worked out before you even think about getting married. I'm glad you're planning on a 2-3 yr engagement because you guys are not ready for marriage if you are having all of these communication problems. The smoking would be a deal-breaker for me, especially because it doesn't sound like your BF is really willing to compromise on the issue. You should inform him that all relationships have "rules" about what is acceptable & what isn't. If smoking is an issue for you and he isn't willing to change, maybe you two aren't compatible. You have to consider if you want to spend the rest of your life nagging him to change his clothes & brush his teeth after every cigarette. Or what if you have kids? Do you want them to be around a smoker? Your BF doesn't seem willing to bend on this, so these are things you need to think about. But the biggest red flag in your post is that whenever you try to bring up a discussion, he gets mad & blames you. He sounds immature & not ready to be in a real relationship. I would never put up with someone who was unwilling to communicate with me because that kind of a relationship will NEVER make you happy in the long run. Your BF needs to make some serious changes if this relationship is going to work out. Can I just sign my name to the bottom of this post like a petition. Ditto. If you two can't communicate it's going to be a long 65+ years together. Link to post Share on other sites
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