Abuse?

[Cantcope]

I have questions about what people do and do not consider abusive. My ex and I had 3 "encounters" in our 1.5 year relationship. He constantly threw these things in my face, and because of that, I feel like a horrible, abusive scum.

 

Scenerio 1 - At a party where we both had too much. I was trying to leave. He stole my phone so I couldn't go. When I figured out it was him who took it, we started yelling at eachother. He got in my face and called me a f*cking b*tch. I had my keys in my hand since I was getting into my car. I pointed at him and said "Don't you dare call me that". Well, since he was so in my face, my keys ACCIDENTALLY poked him next to his eye. I was mortified. Someone had to hold him back from hitting me and all I could do was cry. Swear it was an accident, yet 1.5 years later, I still heard that I was an abuser and tried to blind him. What do you think?

 

Scenerio 2 - I was sleeping at his house. 4 am and he's playing video games. I'm sleeping. Apparently my phone rang and it was an unknown number. He woke me up screaming at me that I knew who it was, was it some sort of cryptic code from another man seeing if I was available. I was very angry and started to yell. I threw my phone on the floor and decided to leave. He stood on my phone so that I coouldn't go. After 10 minutes of BEGGING him to get off of my phone, he didn't. I shoved him really hard with my shoulder so that I could get my phone and leave. For WEEKS....and leading up to the end, I heard that I had officially abused him twice. He said that he could no longer trust me. Was this abuse?

 

Scenerio 3 - Yes, this I consider abusive. We were out for his birthday drinking. He was out of control. I told him that I wanted to leave (I was driving). He got in my face and yelled obsanities at me. I got so angry that I tried to knock his hat off of his head. He's so much taller than me that when I went to do it, I missed his hat and hit him in the forehead. He went insane saying that he was going to call the cops because I "punched him in the face". Abuse?

 

I don't know why I'm asking other than to know if I'm an abuser. I even went into counseling after this and my counselor even thought that he was getting a bit carried away and really seemed to like playing the victim. In our last contact, he said "good luck with your next guy. Will he let you punch him in the face?" These 3 events, spread out over about 1 year of the relationship were thrown into my face EVERY TIME we even had the slightest disagreement. They ultimately led to what he said was me "ruining the relationship" by being an abuser and breaking his trust. He said he was scared of me.

 

Please tell me....do I need help, am I an abuser? Or did the ex really love playing the victim?

[kdark]

I agree with your counselor. That guy sounds like he really loves playing the victim card. And he also loves to agitate the situation and push your buttons to where you retaliate physically.

 

It's never good to hit anyone, but he is just as much if not more to blame for how toxic your relationship is.

[bunnixkisses]

If the stories you are stating are completely true.. than obviously..no..you're not. And YOU do not think so either. You made it clear to put the word "accidently" in every story, which means you didn't intentionally hurt him. It sounds like it's just a case of a destructive relationship. If the fights are getting to the point where they are "possibly abusive".. you guys should really just end it. Now, if the fights escalated, you got angry for HIM emotionally abusing you (calling you names) and you flew off the handle and hit him or something...yeah..it would be abuse. But should you feel bad for it? No. If he brings it up again..make him realize that there are people out there that get the living **** kicked out of them, their lives threatened, are forced to watch their children be beat ETC ETC If you seriously injuried him, and it was an accident..tell him to STFU and stop being a baby. By him not accepting your apology as it was an accident..HE is creating fights. If it really wasn't an accident and you didn't seriously hurt him...who cares? He was being emotionally abusive and clearly needs attention:bunny:

[Cantcope]

Thank you for your relpies.

 

He will NEVER see any wrong doing on his part. I abused him, and he's "scared" of me. Just 3 days ago he brought it up in conversation again. It's ridiculous.

[nikayla]

An ex is an ex for a reason. Do yourself and your next boyfriend a favor by eliminating all contact with him... unless you want to continue being labeled an abuser.