A fork in the road

[Sasha]

I have been married alomst 4 years,since the begining we have had problems. When we first went out he was to inexperienced and I had been through to much to train him in on how to be a good boyfriend. But I did have feels for him so he always stayed in my heart. A few years later we ran into each other and he had more experience in relationships so we really hit it off and I fell so hard for him,but because I broke things off the first time I had to pay my dues in order to get back with him. So after many months of him sleeping with me ,but telling me I wasn't his girlfriend he said he really loved me and that he had been lieing all along about not wanting me. So we moved in together and happily ever after, yeah right I was never able to make hime happy,my house was to small my car wqs a pile my garage was to small I didn't make enough money. So we got a bigger house,garage,truck and I bought him a bike. He still seems unhappy he tells me all the time that he loves me,but if he really loved me he would be happy with our life. Everything has been bad, our wedding day so bad the day I told him we were having our first child all he had to think about was the expense and how it would effect him(Iwanted to die when he responded so horribly) you name it he has mentioned to make it turn out ****ty. I ask for romance he bought abook "relationships for dumbies" that was his way of progress. We went to my pator he said well basically your husband is a all the things you say he is, then offer advice on how to fix things and my husband wasn't intrested it just lead to more aurguements. I try so hard all the time to have faith, after all was said and done I went out and went home with someone that had been intrested in me for a while. It wasn't about the sex it wasn't about cheating it was about feeling let down. I tried so hard to make my marriage last but in the end I still felt alone,the I love yous seem hollow and all I am is a hole on the other side of the bed. He is great with our kids and yes I did try to leave him on several occasions before I moved out. He said to me things would be better and moved me back. Th eman I meet is like taking a step sideways from my husband, he doesn't have anything to offer me as fare as a healthy relationship and I don't want to be with him, he is just nice to have to hold me once in a while, he reminds me of how things use to be between the man I really love my husband, It hard when you love someone and they only here what they wanna hear. If I said I am miserable I am spending time with some one else he would say your sleeping with someone else, he would never hear the pain I go through, the disappointment in my marriage to him. I can't find the light at the end of the tunnel and the longer things go on I seem to care less and less. I haven't told my husband about this otherguy, because I don't want to get even or hurt him. It is not his fault he doesn't know how to be a good husband, but it is his fault for not really working on it. My question is if I love my husband do I stay with him and just continue to watch our lives pass and live quitely empty. Or do I screw up my kidslives, his life, and mine just because I am unhappy( fdeel like i am just going with the motions). If I divored him it is only for the reason of freedom to breath not the other guy,he means nothing more than a warm place to rest my beatup heart. to me my heart belongs to my husband I am just to tired to keep fighting/trying.(I agree with you that telling the other person that you have been with someone else is wrong, deal with your guilt don't dump it on them).So my real question is Should I stay or should I go?

[Guest]

If you are so unhappy that you are looking outside the marriage for comfort, and your husband will not go to counseling with you and make an effort to fight for the marriage, then leave.

 

Think about the example you want to set for your children. Imagine them in this situation -- what would you tell them to do? Would you want them to leave a marriage and nurse a broken heart for a little while and then move on with their lives and possibly-probably find happiness? Or would you tell them to stay and be unhappy and accept things the way they are?

 

What would your mother say to you? Would she want you to be happy?

 

Marriage is worth fighting for - but you have to draw a line to know when to stop the battle and surrender. Good Luck.