I was the boyfriend now Im the friend. Can I become the boyfreind again ?

[bluestraps]

I was with a woman for 10 years . Last year she broke up with me . Its been 9 months now . She left me for one of my friends. But recently we have been friendly again. We have had time to talk. She has told me about many problems they are having.

 

Basicaly she tells me she is confused about her boyfriend. Im sure she loves him. But there are some things that are sreiously wrong with his living conditions and the way he lives and she wonders if there is really a future with him . She is hanging on to this rellationship.

 

She has feeling for me, And I know this because we had a long relationship and I know her better than anyone, even her new boyfriend.

 

I know this guy and know that he cannot give her in the long run what she needs, and wants.

 

She had chose to be with him for a few reasons. I think now she's finding out that it's not all perfect like she thought it would be. We chat on facebook and we even got together one time once totake a walk and then I took her to Chicago for the day We went shopping and went to a place we used to go to to eat . We talked and laughed And I think she had fun

 

She did tell me that she feels that I can talk to her and I understand her. Although this is one of the reasons she left me . She actualy felt that the other guy was more in tune with her .

 

Because I do love her I realize what we had and how taking eachother for granted can ruin a relationship.

 

I want to know if its posible that we can try again. I guess the best way would be for me just to communicate with her. But I feel as if I need to try to attract her back to me .

 

My question is If youre a woman I need some tips on what to do. And also can it be done. I have to believe that she does still care and love me down deep but I just need to make her see me in the romantic way again . And I dont think being on facebook together is enough.

[ADF]

You're extremely unlikely to ever be this woman's boyfriend again, and you shouldn't be her friend, either. After a 10 year relationship, this woman dumps for some other guy and you are seriously thinking about getting back together with her? Why, so she can do it again?

 

Plus, you're not really her friend anyway. You're just playing that role temporarily in hopes she'll make you her boyfriend again. At least, until the next time she dumps you.

 

10 years is long enough. If you were really wanted to be with her, you'd have married already. Enough is enough.

[WTRanger]

Perhaps the other guy was more in tune with her on another level? Perhaps physically? You may have had the emotional connection, which she may still be seeking.

 

This is dangerous territory. By playing this role, you risk becoming the girlfriend with a penis. Rarely, if ever, do guys score girls by listening to them bitch about their current relationship problems. Why drive a wedge between two people for your selfish needs? That's quite manipulative don't you think?

[skydiveaddict]

Once you're in the friendzone that's it. there is no way out.

[Cracker Jack]

Dude, she left you for one of your friends and feels fine chatting with you about this?

 

Something's seriously wrong there. I agree with the others; you need to just let it go. I don't see it being anything serious anymore.

[WTRanger]

Dude, she left you for one of your friends and feels fine chatting with you about this?

 

Something's seriously wrong there. I agree with the others; you need to just let it go. I don't see it being anything serious anymore.

 

She feels fine with it because the OP allows it to happen under the guise of getting her back. I can take a very good guess that she has zero clue about how he really feels and is under the impression that they are friends only. Because I'm sure the OP does understand her, and I'm sure she does feel comfortable talking about it to him. After all, all three people in this triangle all know each other. However, the underlying reasons for it are all different.

[bluestraps]

I expected the responses I got. If we did try it again it would work out. Sometimes I dont know why even post on LS. Unfortunatly, no one can really comment with complete athority . because we are all strangers.

 

But I still respect the comments as being honest . But alas not really any constructive ideas just alot of negativity. People get back together all the time just as splits always occour.

[bluestraps]

Im not the one who is selfish here . I didnt do anything wrong . For every reason she decided to break with me, I could also point out a few reasons why our breakup is a good thing. How many times she neglected our relationship as probably I did too.

Edited June 13, 2010 by bluestraps

[bluestraps]

Ill be honest its really a sick situation . This may be a lesson for them and not me . When they crossed me they made a enemy.

[LoveLace]

Why not just tell her you think about trying again and you'd like to see all this as something that is strengthening to your relationship with each other.

 

And yes I'm sure that with being her "friend" that part of you has hoped it would lead to reconciliation. But it is quite common for relationships of that longevity to remain friends and support each other, as you've been doing. Not ALL relationships break up and insist to never speak again. Anyway, the situation has in fact made you positively want her back.

 

So obviously you can only play "friend" for so long, beyond that is stringing you along on her part. Tell her your feelings and her reaction should indicate your next move. If she's determined to make it work with her BF, you should say good luck and see ya. If she considers trying with you, she needs to end it with him first and after that, earn your trust back.

[fran_lebowitz]

Hello

I definitely think that it can happen: you could get back together. You should just be careful. My favorite saying is that: once is a dot but twice is a line. If she ever did something like go for someone else or cheat during the ten years maybe its not a good idea but if she just tried something new and now she realizes how great you are and wants you back, I think you can. You should really do what your heart tells you and you should discuss with her. On the other hand, you could also just be friends, but if you are, don't be with the intention of dating her again because that's unhealthy for you. You'll block out other opportunities of meeting other people (friends or anything else).

 

Good luck

[Chrome Barracuda]

Your talking about not constructive advice? dude listen to what your saying, she' left you for your friend? and dumped you and you want back in?

 

Dude a chick like that isnt even worthy of shining my timbs!!! real talk.

 

Think about it, how can you honestly take her back when she plunged a knife in your back. Is your love of this woman that strong to whether constant memory, that SHE betrayed you. All that time y'all spent together she pissed it all away.

 

Nothing can EVER be the same again, and you know it.

 

The only thing you can count on is you was never legally married. Just imagine she left you and took half of your financial savings with it? WTF, now wouldnt that have pissed you off? Dont know why your crying about it?

[cavedweller]

bootstraps,

 

If you two do get back together it will never be the same. It's over.

[Jordanjames]

I think the OP has to accept the fact it is over between him and this woman. The OP has to build some self esteem and this situation with this woman is shattering his self esteem and worth. The only way for this guy to get over this woman is to take a break and move on ASAP.