sugarbritches Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 probably will make her feel good to sit there all triumphant in front of the betrayed wife. See I wouldn't think of it as triumphant for her, she has to sit and look at the woman that has everything she wants. The woman that he goes home to everynight. She maybe thinking I screwed your husband last week, but she knows the wife screwed him last night. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarbonCopy Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 See I wouldn't think of it as triumphant for her, she has to sit and look at the woman that has everything she wants. The woman that he goes home to everynight. She maybe thinking I screwed your husband last week, but she knows the wife screwed him last night She does not have "everything I want." I might love her husband but that doesn't mean were he available that he'd be a good match for me. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a me vs. his wife thing. It's happening and that's it. I just wanted to hear from others who were in a similar situation. I didn't know this thread was going to explode... Link to post Share on other sites
2sunny Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 being friendly with her is only positioning yourself to be the betrayer for EVERYONE involved, including you. example: you befriend her = he gets edgy as to where your alliance is... it also betrays you - because the level of pretending becomes much bigger in order to cover up your time and energy spent with him. as a friend - we share with friends = she gets info from you that he may not want her to know. so you betray him all the while you are ultimately betraying yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
sugarbritches Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 She does not have "everything I want." I might love her husband but that doesn't mean were he available that he'd be a good match for me. Anyway, I don't want to turn this into a me vs. his wife thing. It's happening and that's it. I just wanted to hear from others who were in a similar situation. I didn't know this thread was going to explode... Your post doesn't make since. You are having an affair with a married man, yet you sayd that he may not be a good match for you. If you have any class at all, you will be sick that day and not go. Link to post Share on other sites
Ann_Igma Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 She does not have "everything I want." I might love her husband but that doesn't mean were he available that he'd be a good match for me. Wow... just... wow. I'm not going to make any mean comments to you, because I don't see that's going to help the situation any. But I do want to ask, have you really sat down and thought about the implications of what you've said? You don't know if this man would be a good match for you if he was single, yet you are happy to destroy his wife's life? And his life as he knows it? And also, you claim you love this man, but your other statements don't seem to back that up. Are you sure you love him and are not just attracted to/infatuated by him? Please think about what you are doing, and all of the potential devastation that could come out of this. Is it really worth it? Link to post Share on other sites
sugarbritches Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Wow... just... wow. I'm not going to make any mean comments to you, because I don't see that's going to help the situation any. But I do want to ask, have you really sat down and thought about the implications of what you've said? You don't know if this man would be a good match for you if he was single, yet you are happy to destroy his wife's life? And his life as he knows it? And also, you claim you love this man, but your other statements don't seem to back that up. Are you sure you love him and are not just attracted to/infatuated by him? Please think about what you are doing, and all of the potential devastation that could come out of this. Is it really worth it? My point exactly!! Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 if the affair is ever found out by the wife, and I hope it is soon, then CC is going to look like a psycho stalker by befriending the wife. correction, not "going to look like" but "will be" Link to post Share on other sites
translucentsoul Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 CC, what was your decision/how did it go? Link to post Share on other sites
worlybear Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Hey heres a really radical thought- why don't you give up the mm, stop making excuses to view the competition and move away! I went through the humiliation of the OW seeing me socially (through our children!) -( didn't realise at the time)and I despise her for her motives and intentions. Talk about in my face! Do the lady a favour- CANCEL the dinner- Oh and go and find yourself an unmarried man to play with!:mad: Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarbonCopy Posted June 23, 2010 Author Share Posted June 23, 2010 Dinner was fine. We both had a nice time. But it made me realize I really don't want to do this anymore. I haven't spoken to MM since the beginning of this month and I have no desire to speak to him anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Dinner was fine. We both had a nice time. But it made me realize I really don't want to do this anymore. I haven't spoken to MM since the beginning of this month and I have no desire to speak to him anymore. What happened? Did you realize you'd rather have a friendship with her than an affair with him? Too bad, its not really possible anymore. Any dealings you have with her, when found out, will be part of that deception in her mind. And in the midn of any of her friends and family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarbonCopy Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 I would like to be her friend, maybe some time in the future. But not now. I can't now. I guess the breaking point when she was mentioned that she hadn't gotten her period and there's a possibility that she could be pregnant. And that made me feel like complete crap, so much so that I felt dizzy and lightheaded. After that I just can't be with him. It was a very eye-opening dinner. Link to post Share on other sites
NoIDidn't Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I would like to be her friend, maybe some time in the future. But not now. I can't now. I guess the breaking point when she was mentioned that she hadn't gotten her period and there's a possibility that she could be pregnant. And that made me feel like complete crap, so much so that I felt dizzy and lightheaded. After that I just can't be with him. It was a very eye-opening dinner. Wow. I'm not trying to bash you, just being frank. You really downplayed your involvement with her here. Saying you were just "friendly", and here she is sharing something so intimate with you. I would feel like crap too. I've been close to this position, but it was the husband (that I wasn't in a R with anymore) telling me that his W was pregnant when I didn't even know he was married! I guess you told him you were ending it? (((CC))) Link to post Share on other sites
White Flower Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I would like to be her friend, maybe some time in the future. But not now. I can't now. I guess the breaking point when she was mentioned that she hadn't gotten her period and there's a possibility that she could be pregnant. And that made me feel like complete crap, so much so that I felt dizzy and lightheaded. After that I just can't be with him. It was a very eye-opening dinner. That must have been very difficult. I hope this makes it easier to end it with him. Hugs. Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 As an OM, I'm no angel, but to actually know the BS and have a friendship with that person........Yukkkk. Link to post Share on other sites
Silly_Girl Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I would like to be her friend, maybe some time in the future. But not now. I can't now. I guess the breaking point when she was mentioned that she hadn't gotten her period and there's a possibility that she could be pregnant. And that made me feel like complete crap, so much so that I felt dizzy and lightheaded. After that I just can't be with him. It was a very eye-opening dinner. If she hadn't said that, potential pregnancy, do you think you'd have reacted in the same way? You went along, that showed a lot, I think, about your feelings towards her (or lack of). Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 It really is a slap of reality when one realizes that there is a real person involved with a real life and real emotions counting on the person they are married to be a real partner. Reality isn't a fantasy for someone's life who is on the receiving end of bull. Link to post Share on other sites
Fieldsofgold Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Well, I'm a little late getting here, but I was the betrayed spouse who was befriended by my H's OW. Let me tell you how it went down. H, OW and I all worked at a very large corporation, and just like you and her, we had very brief business contact about once a week. We weren't really "friends," but we were friendly. Same for my H, so I didn't think it was unusual to see him occasionally talking to her in passing. She invited me on a shopping trip with her and some of her friends on one occasion. I always had a little nagging feeling that there was something going on with her and H. Anyway, time passed, and I caught them. In the act. Our baby was just a few weeks old. It got U -- G -- L -- Y. I was doubly angry because both H and she had "gaslighted" me to try to make me think there was nothing going on. Ultimately, to protect herself rather than admit her part, she made my life a living h3ll. I was nearly fired because of her. I was devastated, divorced, and had to leave my job, with a tiny baby to support. Fast forward 30 years. My now-grown daughter and I ran into she and her husband in a public gathering. I had never deliberately chosen to do anything to hurt another person. Until then. My daughter made a plan, determined to carry it out right then and there. She was a 30 y/o woman - I couldn't stop her. To "spare her," I did it for her. (insert evil grin). With one simple statement, 30 years after the fact, I'm pretty sure I destroyed the fOW's life as she then knew it. At least I certainly gave she and her husband something to talk about. As unvengeful and forgiving as I typically am, I am not sorry I did it - not for one minute do I regret it. And if I hadn't done it, my daughter would have. My recommendation to you is, don't EVER try to be friends with her - give her a wide berth, and watch your back for the rest of your life, because you just never know when or how or by whom it will come back to bite you. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 Dinner was fine. We both had a nice time. But it made me realize I really don't want to do this anymore. I haven't spoken to MM since the beginning of this month and I have no desire to speak to him anymore. why is that? because you realize whatever the husband said about the wife was all a bunch of crap just to more easily woo you into bed? Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 CarbonCopy- your name makes me wonder... There is so much inconsistancy in your posts. One minute you're hot the next you're cold. One minute he's 1% the next you love him so much. Anyway, this is actually sad and such a shame that you can sit there and entertain a conversation with his W. Inhumane and I really hope you are bracing yourself for that Ole' little "karma" that you are expecting to receive. It is safe to say that if you ever had plans to have a "happily ever after" with your MM you just kissed it goodbye! My exH OW knew me, we were at a lot of public events together. She was someone that was friend with his daughter's mother. I never liked her, saw right through her, so never ALLOWED her to befriend me. More like I always wanted to break her jaw just for being fresh and trying to get too close to me (yet I didn't know she was screwing my H). Didn't gain her any purple stars and on the contrary now both of them are like outcasts within our circle for trying to be "cute". It was tasteless, classless and disgusting. I have a strong feeling this is far from over and I predict other A's in your future. You sure have the caliber to endure one. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CarbonCopy Posted June 24, 2010 Author Share Posted June 24, 2010 why is that? because you realize whatever the husband said about the wife was all a bunch of crap just to more easily woo you into bed? Nope. He never badmouthed her nor did he talk about their marriage. And we did not have an active sex life so he didn't need to "woo" me into bed. It is safe to say that if you ever had plans to have a "happily ever after" with your MM you just kissed it goodbye! I never saw myself having a future with him so I don't really care if I "blew" anything. I have a strong feeling this is far from over and I predict other A's in your future. You sure have the caliber to endure one. This was my first and last affair. But think what you want. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I think you should have used that dinner to tell your friend the truth. You should have told her you were in love with her husband and he is in love with you. You should have asked her if she would give him to you. You should have been honest. Link to post Share on other sites
Dexter Morgan Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 Nope. He never badmouthed her nor did he talk about their marriage. And we did not have an active sex life so he didn't need to "woo" me into bed. no sex eh? I'll just give you the benefit of the doubt there. so the question is, if he never badmouthed the wife or talk about her, at what point did you think to yourself the reasons why he is cheating on her with you.....even if you are in an EA, he is cheating. What did you think his reasons were if he never talked bad about the marriage? Sounds like he is just a run of the mill cheater whose life at home isn't bad, just boring being with the same person for any extended period of time. So what is so appealing about a cheater, let alone one that cheats with no real problems at home? I never saw myself having a future with him so I don't really care if I "blew" anything. ah, so basically you were just going through the motions of helping the betrayal of a fellow female for some short term fun? Link to post Share on other sites
MizFit Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 (edited) Wrong post...........sorry... Edited June 25, 2010 by MizFit I'm a blonde! Link to post Share on other sites
Mimolicious Posted June 25, 2010 Share Posted June 25, 2010 I never saw myself having a future with him so I don't really care if I "blew" anything. So exactly why are you homewrecking???? Piece of work. To think that this guy is putting his M at stake with someone that gives a flying rat's ass about him. WHOA! Link to post Share on other sites
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