Sarah12385 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 hey everyone, thanks for at least reading my post just hoping to get some feedback on this well, i'm with this really great guy, one of those too-good-to-be-true things you know? anyways, for some reason i feel like i'm becoming somewhat dependent on him. not for happiness necessarily, it sort of feels like a "i look up to you" feeling, but i'm not very comfortable with it. i don't want somebody to make me feel "below" them so to speak. my thoughts are rather scattered at the moment, i don't think "below" really fits what i'm trying to say. when i look at him when he falls asleep next to me on the couch, or talking to his father, anything really, i look at him and think how lucky i am (for those of you who read my pathetic attempts of saving my last relationship, you know why hehe) so...i guess nothing's really *wrong*, i just feel like i'm not being as strong as i usually am. he doesn't intimidate me, he makes me feel great. maybe it's a weak-in-the-knees thing. *shrugs* ...........ok any advice or opinions are more than welcome! Link to post Share on other sites
calithin83 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 hi sarah i know what u mean cos i seem to do that with my bf, kinda like i admire him and i look up at him yet in a weird way it makes me feel less then or like im the lucky one rather then him the lucky one... but i guess u should try not to make him see how special u think of him, cos i sometmes catch myself saying "youre so cute, "youre so smart" "gosh im so glad im wtih you", and that just boosts his confidence while mines stays at the same cos he doesnt really look up to me like that. I guess u gotta see ure qualities and see that ure just as special, maybe he plays better at a sport, or hes better at communicating that doesnt make him better, cos there might be things that u have that he dont. But i get u, sometimes i dont know how to break the habit but ive just tried not to always pay so mcuh attention on him and just focus more on me and tell myself that hes also lucky to have me cos i dont cheat, play games and im a sweet girl. Link to post Share on other sites
calithin83 Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 also im trying to be independent, like if we dont hang out i wont make a big deal as before, cos i aint making him the center of my world, instead ill just have hobbies, like working out, going to the mall, cleaning, etc. .etc... cos if one day hes gone i gotta have things to fall upon but if i just have him and i lose him then im in a rut!! Link to post Share on other sites
reasontosigh Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 instead ill just have hobbies, like working out, going to the mall, cleaning, etc. .etc... Sorry to get off-topic here (though I am reading intently) but I thought I was the only one who thinks of cleaning as a hobby...lol Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted January 30, 2004 Author Share Posted January 30, 2004 thank you for the reply that was some good advice i think, about not always telling him "you're so cute" things, cause i do that a *lot*. at least more than i probably should. i noticed that the more complimental i became, the less he was. so you just may be 100% correct! Link to post Share on other sites
Amberlyn Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 I feel that admiration-type feeling too. I don't think it's a bad thing unless you get it in your head that he's better than you. Just because you feel lucky to be with him doesn't mean one of you is better than the other. Don't get that feeling of not being as good as him, mixed up with a feeling that he's making you feel that way. Those are two different things. If you're letting yourself fall into the trap of feeling that way, that's on you. If he's deliberately doing things to assert his dominance over you or make you feel subservient or like less of a person, then that's a different problem, and one that's a lot harder to fix. My mom used to say, "No one can make you feel a certain way. You control your feelings, and the moment you let someone else control them, then you might as well let them control everything else too." If that's the direction you think your relationship's road is headed, then steer it another direction. He probably doesn't feel like a better person than you at all, he's likely just going with the flow of how things are progressing. As for telling him he's cute or telling him you're lucky to have him, I believe it's never bad to say those things. Confidence boosters are a good thing going either direction. If he's not saying those types of things to you, then I could see cutting back, but I'd never stop saying those things completely. A lot of guys don't realize how much it means to us to hear those words. Plus, they're not always very easy to say. Look more at his actions and less at his words if he's that type of guy. I hope you'll find that he does feel lucky, and just has a hard time saying so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted February 1, 2004 Author Share Posted February 1, 2004 thank you for your reply last night, Friday night, he took me ice skating, which was real fun, then on the car ride home, we were talking about how much we've gotten to know each other, etc. and i said something, not too sure what it was, about how "i don't think you really REALLY know me, not quite yet", something along those lines... anyways, to make a long story short (i'm real tired & don't fee like typing much @ the moment), after we talked about each other, blah blah, he says to me "Sarah...i like you a lot, i meana *lot*, believe me...but, you're not very outgoing. like, when i drive a little crazy sometimes, you get so scared, and you know i'm just messing, or like that night we went to dinner, and i ordered a Long Island iced tea, you got so so scared that i'd get drunk off that one thing. and you won't come skiing with me cause you're afraid of the ski lifts, and you were scared tonight ice skating cause you didn't wanna fall....i dunno..." and i'll admit, what he said was true, and he said that all to me in the nicest way possible, so i didn't get mad, lol but i felt myself get a little teary. you see, i'm 19, and he's 22. he's a social drinker, i'm not a drinker at all. he's more experienced with life in general than i am, which might be why i have the feeling i was talking about in my first post. .....what do you think? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Sarah12385 Posted February 1, 2004 Author Share Posted February 1, 2004 "I am fine but i wish you could live my lifestyle sometimes, sometimes i wish you were 21 but i like you the way you are" that's the text message he just sent me. ouch. i feel like i'm 12. Link to post Share on other sites
calithin83 Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 he sounds like a nice guy especially for telling u this, donty take it personally, he would want that sometimes like he sais but overall he likes you for you...and tahts sweet... just dont think negative but instead positive, he sounds sweet... my bf didnt like stuff about me nor did i about him but eventually ure able tos ee that u cant have EVERYTHING u want in someone, and sometimes its those lil differences in personality that make it more exciting!... Link to post Share on other sites
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