Men: would you be put off by a girl having a PhD in math?

[Philetus]

Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about.

 

It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding.

 

Is this really such a turn off?

 

 

Not to me. I find intelligence, and accomplishments like a PhD sexy.

 

But, to a lot of men they get turned off by women whom are obviously smarter than themselves.

 

But... would you want to be with a man like that?

[Engadget]

It's about personality, and chances are if she's got a PhD she's likely to be a stuck up elitist, no thanks.

 

Plus math sucks all kinds of ass.

[Lakeside_runner]

Plus math sucks all kinds of ass.

 

And why is that if I may know? You made a general statement - now I'm interested in what motivated it...

[yah]

could it be you were over-explaining your research to them and when they couldn't understand what the heck you were talking about, and you still kept going, they were turned off? if i told somebody what i do in 1 sentence and someone comes up with a story explaining what abstract thing they did, i would find that boring.

 

for what its worth, i'm 3yrs into my PhD (science) and when someone asks i just say i'm a researcher. 1 word. unless they ask for details and then i use layman's terms in under 5 sec.

[Engadget]

And why is that if I may know? You made a general statement - now I'm interested in what motivated it...

 

I just hate math with every fiber of my being, always have and always will. Only need the basics, the more advanced stuff is useless to me.

[Lakeside_runner]

I just hate math with every fiber of my being, always have and always will. Only need the basics, the more advanced stuff is useless to me.

 

Then, please, don't make those statements... Rather say something like "I would find someone with a math PhD a turn-off since I don't like math".

[Engadget]

Then, please, don't make those statements... Rather say something like "I would find someone with a math PhD a turn-off since I don't like math".

 

I'll make whatever statement I please, and because I said it, it's obviously an opinion in that post.

 

Why the heck would anyone get upset at someone saying math sucks? It's not like it's a family member.

[Jilly Bean]

I think it's turning off men because people like to find commonality when meeting online. Talk about similiar interests, experiences, jobs, etc. To jump out and scream I HAVE A PH.D IN MATH pretty much ends the conversation, as there generally isn't a lot of common ground found with that.

 

I don't think men are intimidated by it - they're probably just bored, and worried you would be a super nerd. Particularly if you mention your important research. *snooze*. I mean, how many interesting conversations do people have at cocktail parties over math?

 

OP - tone it WAY down with the credentials. Just tell them you have a boring job in research that involves a lot of math, and leave it at that. Most men won't pursue it, and then you can move onto topics that will interest both of you.

[Bangle]

If a woman told me she had PhD in whatever, I would be impressed and would only become annoyed by it, if she threw it in my face all the time. Super brainy women turn me on, but a woman who shows humility turns me on more so.

[Lakeside_runner]

I'll make whatever statement I please, and because I said it, it's obviously an opinion in that post.

 

Why the heck would anyone get upset at someone saying math sucks? It's not like it's a family member.

 

Well, if you choose so, sir. That's true - you have every right to make any statement that you want. Though, following your past posts I thought you're better than that...

[Engadget]

Well, if you choose so, sir. That's true - you have every right to make any statement that you want. Though, following your past posts I thought you're better than that...

 

I think math sucks all kinds of ass, so what? Why does that offend you even?

[Lakeside_runner]

OP - tone it WAY down with the credentials. Just tell them you have a boring job in research that involves a lot of math, and leave it at that. Most men won't pursue it, and then you can move onto topics that will interest both of you.

 

I'd skip the bolded. Why would you want to belittle yourself? That breeds all sorts of questions, like: "If you think your job is boring - why don't you quit then? Why did you get it in the first place?"

 

I agree - one doesn't have to go into details, unless asked for specifics and even then one has to keep it short and simple. But nobody says you can't show a little excitement about what you do!

[Jilly Bean]

I'd skip the bolded. Why would you want to belittle yourself? That breeds all sorts of questions, like: "If you think your job is boring - why don't you quit then? Why did you get it in the first place?"

 

I agree - one doesn't have to go into details, unless asked for specifics and even then one has to keep it short and simple. But nobody says you can't show a little excitement about what you do!

 

I'm suggesting she say something to this effect in passing, to gloss over the topic of her job. It's clearly turning men off, so why spend more time than it needs? She needs to mention it in a way that doesn't invite more conversation.

 

And I don't think men online would inquire that deeply, to be honest. I think they are exchanging perfunctory facts, and not looking to get too deep in introductory emails. It's a polite question to ask what someone does, and if it's a cool job or a topic he finds interesting, he'll probe. If not, then he'll want to move on to another topic of common interest - food, music, travel - etc.

[Gentlemen_shadow]

Since I joined online dating recently I corresponded with couple of men. It all looked really promising, they went on about how they loved my pictures etc. Then when they asked me what I do I responded that I have a PhD in math, that I work in research and briefly outlined what my research is about.

 

It is hard topic, and most people just don't even get what it is even after my best attempts at explanation. I am completly OK with them not understanding and I don't expect anyone to. After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding.

 

Is this really such a turn off?

 

 

I have to say no, smart women are the cream on the cake. I personally will not date a dumb girl. Then again I'm quite odd and if I was dating someone with that PHD I'd be inclined to ask them math questions while ....in bed. it would be funny and a good test I think of doing said math under pressure or something like it.

 

Also don't think it's the PHD unless they say so. Maybe their into dumb girls... maybe they went on another date and fell in love....maybe you didn't put out on the first date so they look elsewhere. It may seem like that cause of the noted surprise I'm assuming they showed once you told them.

 

Though that been said no one likes to feel dumb so maybe they thought you were far out of their league just make sure you're not talking over their head all the time and try to relate to them and don't see why smart should be anything but another word for sexy

[Lakeside_runner]

I think math sucks all kinds of ass, so what? Why does that offend you even?

 

Because I don't like when people express general and emotional statements on topics they have little or absolute no knowledge about.

 

Sorry, but if Einstein, Banach, Oppenheimer or Wiles would have made this statement - yeah, different story.

 

Either way - mathematics is a field of science and people should not have an emotional attitude towards it.

 

Again - you have all right to have made this statement and continue making it. As I said - I'm just a little disappointed.

[Lakeside_runner]

I'm suggesting she say something to this effect in passing, to gloss over the topic of her job. It's clearly turning men off, so why spend more time than it needs? She needs to mention it in a way that doesn't invite more conversation.

 

And I don't think men online would inquire that deeply, to be honest. I think they are exchanging perfunctory facts, and not looking to get too deep in introductory emails. It's a polite question to ask what someone does, and if it's a cool job or a topic he finds interesting, he'll probe. If not, then he'll want to move on to another topic of common interest - food, music, travel - etc.

 

I agree to some extent. If asked for - just mention what you do and that's it. Don't explain, don't go into details. But any attempt of "glossing over" seems like trying to hide something or being ashamed.

 

I think that a lot of people in academia think they're doing something special and I hate this attitude. (I'm not saying the OP is like that.) I've realized that if you state what you do in a normal way so that there is no difference between saying "I sell vacuum cleaners" and "I'm a researcher" - it's OK.

 

On the other hand if the topic of the PhD comes up while talking about hardest accomplishments then, yeah, this may come off as bragging...

[homersheineken]

Dude that was awesome!

 

technically 'y=mx+c' is a physical relationship though haha. man i hate calculus.

 

 

Calculus? That's the equation for a line, like 7th grade stuff!

[Els]

It's about personality, and chances are if she's got a PhD she's likely to be a stuck up elitist, no thanks.

 

Plus math sucks all kinds of ass.

 

Don't worry. Doubt anyone with a PhD would be interested.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Reading all those posts, I sense a lot of envy from people. Never considered that before. It's like all the people that have ever failed math, or the people that didn't do well academically want to put me down in some way. While in the middle of PhD, I had old friends from HS find me on FB and get into FB PM convo. When we got to the part of "what do you do now" and I said "I am in the middle of PhD in math", but to be humble added "If I keep going at this rate, I will never finish it!". And a lot of the time, I never heard from that person again (male or female).

 

If you knew me in person, you would see that I am FAR for stuck up. I put myself down a lot with self-depreciating humor - too much it seems as my good friends tell me. But those online guys never see any of that...because they stop corresponding way before a meeting is set up.

 

My job is FAR from "boring". I do work with lot of males but they are ALL taken. I mean ALL of them are at least living with a partner. And yes, I get along great with them and we have lots of other things in common too (not just research). Interestingly, most of their partners are the equvivalent of a coffee-shop girl, many have not even finished college. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just odd that those highly educated men would not seek someone even remotely similar.

 

On the other hand, I would approximate that about 60% of the female academics are in their 30's and single. That is more than a concidence.

 

Another thing: I am not a typical nerd or any of that. I take care of my looks, love fashion, make up and dressing up and all that girly stuff. I am pretty sure that how I look is not a problem.

[SadandConfusedWA]

Calculus? That's the equation for a line, like 7th grade stuff!

 

good stuff Homer!

[sweetjasmine]

I agree to some extent. If asked for - just mention what you do and that's it. Don't explain, don't go into details. But any attempt of "glossing over" seems like trying to hide something or being ashamed.

 

Heh, I always end up glossing over everything because most people don't know much of anything about my field, and it would take some time to explain it. It's not hard to understand at all, but it'd take a while for me to describe what I do. Of course I end up saying, "I study X," referring to the whole general field instead of the area I work on, and of course people then start asking lots of questions about what the f that's really about because they think it's x, y, z, but they saw this thing once where it looked like actual science and they got confused because they thought it was exactly like the stuff they learned in grade school. So either way, I end up having people ask me to explain what I do, even if they realize about halfway through that they wish they hadn't asked.

[linwood]

Is this really such a turn off?

 

Only to an uneducated insecure twit.

 

I`d be coming on to you that much harder because I`d have help with my taxes if I was able to hook up with you.

 

[Lakeside_runner]

Reading all those posts, I sense a lot of envy from people. Never considered that before. It's like all the people that have ever failed math, or the people that didn't do well academically want to put me down in some way.

 

True - I sensed the same thing. I wouldn't put it though on the fact that those people did poorly in math at school. It's just that people think of math as a collection of formulas and rules on how to calculate something. Movies like "Beautiful mind" or "Goodwill hunting" also contribute to a poor image/awareness (you name it) of math in the society. Well, that's just it. Math is another field of science - nothing more. There should be no emotion towards it. Do people have the same feelings about entomology or seismology???

 

If you knew me in person, you would see that I am FAR for stuck up. I put myself down a lot with self-depreciating humor - too much it seems as my good friends tell me. But those online guys never see any of that...because they stop corresponding way before a meeting is set up.

 

Don't put yourself down! Never! Just be who you are and do what you do! You don't come off as a person who brags about things or one of these stuck up academia women...

 

My job is FAR from "boring". I do work with lot of males but they are ALL taken. I mean ALL of them are at least living with a partner.

 

Ummm... this is great news for me

 

And yes, I get along great with them and we have lots of other things in common too (not just research). Interestingly, most of their partners are the equivalent of a coffee-shop girl, many have not even finished college. Not that there is anything wrong with that, it's just odd that those highly educated men would not seek someone even remotely similar.

 

This winter I had the pleasure of dining with two highly recognized mathematicians in their HUGE house. And by HUGE I mean ginormous!!! Well, the thing is I barely lasted the dull and boring conversation, the stiffness etc. I think that ultimately the level of education doesn't matter. I'd be more than happy with someone who has a cubicle 9-5 job but has some other parts of their life they can devote themselves to. (And of course by these parts I mean running & triathlons).

 

On the other hand, I would approximate that about 60% of the female academics are in their 30's and single. That is more than a concidence.

 

Ummm... again - good news for me?

 

Another thing: I am not a typical nerd or any of that. I take care of my looks, love fashion, make up and dressing up and all that girly stuff. I am pretty sure that how I look is not a problem.

 

This is the most important thing - TO KEEP IT REAL! Greatest compliment I could have gotten from my running group gals & buddies was "We don't perceive you as math PhD. You never act like that!!!".

[WintersNightTraveler]

After I said what I do, 2 out of 2 men have stopped responding.

 

Is this really such a turn off?

 

I don't think so. It sounds like you're just not used to the numbers game that is online dating.

 

Having 2 people stop responding is nothing. It's worse for guys, but even women get blown off frequently online for no particular reason that has to do with them. It just means the other person is busy, flakey, shy, met someone else, not who they pretend to be, etc.

 

I suspect you're just reading into it, in other words you're worried that guys will find that a turn off so you saw that as the reason.

 

Personally I'd think it was a big big plus, all other things being equal.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I don't think so. It sounds like you're just not used to the numbers game that is online dating.

 

Having 2 people stop responding is nothing. It's worse for guys, but even women get blown off frequently online for no particular reason that has to do with them. It just means the other person is busy, flakey, shy, met someone else, not who they pretend to be, etc.

 

I suspect you're just reading into it, in other words you're worried that guys will find that a turn off so you saw that as the reason.

 

Personally I'd think it was a big big plus, all other things being equal.

 

Hopefully you are right. I am now corresponding with another 2 men, not talking about work at all so at least if they stop responding, I won't worry it's because of the PhD/work.

 

For someone else that asked, all these men contact me first and seem to have read my profile in great detail (as they comment on it) and compliment my pictures. So they come across as very interested. It's weird that they would somehow lose interest without the meeting.