relaxxx Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 [FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica][sIZE=2][COLOR=black]Hello, thanks for reading my post first of all, hopefully I can keep it concise! I met a girl about 2 weeks ago at a party through mutual friends... I think we instantly hit it off, we talked for a fair while and the conversation really flowed, she seemed very comfortable talking to me and I was very comfortable talking to her... There was a little bit of flirting of course and it was just a really fun conversation. Later on we were chatting about something to do with dancing and we actually ended up slow dancing for a little while which was great. We both stayed at my friends house that night, and at some point me her and one of our mutual friends were sitting on the couch and she said she was tired and she put her head in my lap for a while (she had been drinking a little bit but was not drunk or anything). Later on I offered her the comfortable couch because she got stuck on a camp bed and after some persuasion she accepted, so I took the uncomfortable camp bed which was fine. Somehow she ended up sleeping in my sleeping bag and I slept in hers - don't know why it ended up that way... Anyways, the next morning we all talked for a while over breakfast and she said she was looking for the sex and the city series which I had a cop of so I offered to make some copies for her and I got her phone number. I send her a message a few days later to organize how I could get the dvd's to her and she suggested I give her a call a little later on cause she was at work. I gave her a call but she didn't answer and texted me the next day to say that she had been very busy and apologized. Anyways I said I could drop them off at her house or said we could meet somewhere and go out for a few drinks which she agreed to. I ended up picking her up and we went to this very upmarket lounge bar which was great and we actually talked for about 3 hours - again very interesting and flowing conversation. I did notice she wasn't very touchy feely but I think she's just not that kind of person. We ended up going for a walk before we went home and I gave her a hug and stuff - thought she may have been expecting a kiss but I had a really bad cold so didn't want to make her sick. She did also invite me an outing of some of her friends (who I have met a few times before through mutual friends) and I offered to drive her which she said would be great. So I picked her up when we went out and we all had a great time, ending up at a pub where one of her male friends told me that she looked like she really liked me in the way she was looking at me and stuff, so i thought that was great. So I ended up dropping her home and she asked me if I wanted to stay for dinner with her, so we had dinner and went for a walk - again great conversation and we have a lot in common and very similar values. I knew I had to kiss her, so as I left I gave her a hug and kissed her gently (no tongue or anything) for a few seconds, and pulled away slightly and then we kissed again for a few seconds before I pulled away to end it. As I walked out the door she stopped me and she said something along the lines of 'I'm not ready for a relationship because I ended a bad relationship about 5 months ago and I'm not entirely over it as he was the only guy I ever loved but I knew he wasn't good for me so when he said he was falling in love with me I ended it." - this was a bit of a shock to me cause none of her friends knew she had an ex. She did say tough that it was only a pretty short relationship, and that she really hoped she would be ready "very soon". She said I was a great guy and stuff but that she's just not ready to get back into another relationship just yet and if I would be ok with it if for some reason things end up as us just being friends. I said I would be but to be honest I was in a bit of shock so didn't really ask her the questions I probably should have so I left. As I got home I send her a message to say I appreciated her telling me cause im sure it was hard and that i'm happy to just see where things go. She send back that she appreciated the message and that she looks forward to getting to know me. So I thought about whether that was just her way of not hurting me but that she doesn't have feelings for me as more than a friend, but when I asked one of her friends, he did say that she was just very cautious of getting into a relationship after she got hurt. Anyways, we saw each other again at a party last night and we chatted for a bit though in a group. She had a bit to drink (she wasn't paralytic or anything but just a bit 'happy'). We both ended up on the same couch and she ended up falling asleep in my lap for about an hour which I suppose is a good sign she's comfortable with me. I was very much grappling with whether I should ask her where I stood, whether she wants to keep doing what we've been doing, or whether she wants something casually or whether she wants nothing to do with me as more than friends. I decided against it to not appear needy and I ended up asking her out for dinner this morning... She said she's busy this week but maybe next week, and she gave me a big hug and stuff when we left. So my question is where do I go from here? Do i actively pursue her? Or do I sort of take the control away from her by not contacting her and stuff, or maybe being a bit less of the 'nice guy' that I am? Or should I just be a friend and see where things go? I don't want to get into the friendship zone so I'm just wondering what the best plan of action is... Just some background, I am 20 and she is 23 so a little older than me though she does always comment on how mature I am, and everyone does think I'm a little older. Sorry about the length but I figured everything is relevant! Thanks in advance for any replies.[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
Arbitrariness Posted June 13, 2010 Share Posted June 13, 2010 Dude that was bloody epic! and no it wasn't all necessary. She said she broke up some 5 months ago from what was a short relationship. She's not heartbroken, just not interested in you. She gave u a textbook blowoff and didn't have the guts to be honest with you. You've already been friend-zoned hardcore and unless you are happy to be just her friend I'd leave this one behind. Show some self respect and stop pursuing, your time would be better spent on girls that are worthy of your interest. Link to post Share on other sites
Author relaxxx Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 Hey, thanks for your reply. Thats the feeling I had as well to start off with, but on the other hand, why would she invest time and effort into quality time with me if she has no interest whatsoever? I did ask her friends and they did confirm that her break up did hit her quite hard (and its actually closer to 4 months than 5) and that she is very cautious and having trouble trusting people as she suspected her ex was cheating on her behind her back... I guess all I can do is see what happens... I know I will get over it if nothing happens but I suppose I don't have much to lose from seeing where things go, and if I prepare myself that I'm ok being with just friends I'm sure whatever happens will be for the best. Any other opinions on this by anyone? Link to post Share on other sites
Cracker Jack Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Yeah, the whole "You're a good guy but I'm not ready for a relationship" pretty much implies there's no chance at this point. I don't think you should pursue it anymore at the moment. Perhaps her feelings could change, but you shouldn't focus on it much anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
RedCherries Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Arbitrariness is right. I just went through the same thing. She's not that into you and she's trying to let you off nicely. I do the same thing to guys, everyone does unfortunately because we are all cowards. Link to post Share on other sites
desertmoon Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 You have been "friend-zoned". Move on. Link to post Share on other sites
sigurpol Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 I can definitely see why you're considering a lot of options, seeing as you probably like this person. Anyway, I'll spare you a ton of silly details... and also add (like some have already said) this has happened to me as well. More so than I would like to admit. Normally, when I really develop feelings for someone (not to say you're head over heels), I will excuse their "bad" behavior and put my needs on the back burner. So when I'm told, "I just got out of a ____ relationship", I'll be really forgiving towards them, and they can play that angle of "taking things slow" or "not being ready", because I don't want to attack that angle. But at the same time, I know where all of it is heading. I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't pursue it, you'll only drive yourself nuts. If she really wants to go in a direction, then you'll know. Sort of how you have a feeling now that things are murky. As I stated in another thread... when you give a **** about someone, you make time for them and you cut out the excuses. That's how easy it is. Link to post Share on other sites
TheLoneSock Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 1) You were too nice and too available to her. 2) She's got 3 years of experience on you (meaning you're more easily manipulated - regardless of how 'mature' you are at 20) 3) She's a 'Sex and the City' fan - big red flag. Bottom line: she's flaky, selfish and not interested in you. She cannot make you happy. Chalk it up to wasted time, learn to recognize these signs more quickly for the next time, and move on. It's not your loss, trust me. Link to post Share on other sites
gypsy_nicky Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Its too early to tell if she is or isn't interested, you haven't known her for months yet correct? If you want this girl, do not mention where you stand with her or what your relationship status is. This makes things awkward and puts undue pressure on her. Just go with the flow- don't push things too quick and don't be too unavailable. (btw your situation with her has nothing to do with the past breakup) Link to post Share on other sites
Krytie TV Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 She's not interested in dating you... period. Save your effort for someone who is. And yes, she will lead you on in annoying ways in an effort to rope you in just enough to give her attention but far enough away to not have to give you anything. Link to post Share on other sites
phineas Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 don't pursue. She doesn't want to date you. You are now free to date other women. Stop doing her favors. Before you know it your going out of your way to do stuff for this woman & she is doing nothing for you in return. Don't ever admit you have a copy of Sex & the city to a woman or to anyone else for that matter. She straight-armed you romantically. You can be her friend if you want, but your just going to be torturing yourself if your only hanging out with her in hopes she'll decide she wants you. Just move on & find someone else. She's got your number. Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 If I like a guy and he wants to be my boyfriend, I'm all over it. I say "I'm not ready for a relationship" when I think a guy is nice, but not nice enough to get involved. Maybe he's fun to be around or cute, but in the long run I'm not interested. Link to post Share on other sites
love009 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 If I like a guy and he wants to be my boyfriend, I'm all over it. I say "I'm not ready for a relationship" when I think a guy is nice, but not nice enough to get involved. Maybe he's fun to be around or cute, but in the long run I'm not interested. I agree Stace..its a nice way of saying not interesting in that type of relationship with you thanks u very much! Link to post Share on other sites
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