A Predicament

[Jamez1580]

Hi. First and foremost i'd like to apologise if i've entered this thread in the wrong category. Well i'll be as brief as possible, considering the fact that i'm merely asking advice on something which has probably been asked upwards of million times. Basically i'm a young student but i wouldn't classify myself as the archetypal student, i rarely drink and i never attend nightclubs but most importantly i have a significant amount of trouble talking to girls of whom i find even slightly attractive. Sure, i've had a few girlfriends in the past but that's spurred from mutual friends or meeting online but I'm really quite shy, considerably quiet and lacking in self confidence, though sometimes i'd, without an ego, consider myself to be an alright looking guy. The advice i'm asking for regards my predicament last night when i attended a concert with my friend. Prior to attending the concert we went for a quiet drink at a particular pub which we attend mostly when we do go out and i noticed a bar worker there whom i'd never seen before. I initially just thought she was just another enchanting woman, totally out of my league, so i didn't really think much of it but some inexplicable energy made me really want to talk to her eventually (it wasn't to due to consumption of alcoholic beverages as i'd had only one drink, literally) and despite my friend trying his utmost best to make me go over and talk to her, i just couldn't and i can't understand why but i can't quite get her out of my head now. I assume she works on saturdays so i guess i'll return in a couple of weeks but taking into account my bashfulness, i've absolutely no idea how i'd approach her. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or opinions. Thankyou.

[You'reasian]

Hi. First and foremost i'd like to apologise if i've entered this thread in the wrong category. Well i'll be as brief as possible, considering the fact that i'm merely asking advice on something which has probably been asked upwards of million times. Basically i'm a young student but i wouldn't classify myself as the archetypal student, i rarely drink and i never attend nightclubs but most importantly i have a significant amount of trouble talking to girls of whom i find even slightly attractive. Sure, i've had a few girlfriends in the past but that's spurred from mutual friends or meeting online but I'm really quite shy, considerably quiet and lacking in self confidence, though sometimes i'd, without an ego, consider myself to be an alright looking guy. The advice i'm asking for regards my predicament last night when i attended a concert with my friend. Prior to attending the concert we went for a quiet drink at a particular pub which we attend mostly when we do go out and i noticed a bar worker there whom i'd never seen before. I initially just thought she was just another enchanting woman, totally out of my league, so i didn't really think much of it but some inexplicable energy made me really want to talk to her eventually (it wasn't to due to consumption of alcoholic beverages as i'd had only one drink, literally) and despite my friend trying his utmost best to make me go over and talk to her, i just couldn't and i can't understand why but i can't quite get her out of my head now. I assume she works on saturdays so i guess i'll return in a couple of weeks but taking into account my bashfulness, i've absolutely no idea how i'd approach her. I'd really appreciate any thoughts or opinions. Thankyou.

 

Start with hey, how are you?

 

Drink a beer if it helps with the liquid courage.

 

BEAVER Close method

 

Be genuine.

Engage her in conversation.

Appreciate her beauty (but don't tell her that you think she is because that's too much - she'll notice your non-verbals anyways)

Verbalize her responses before offering your own to help you think your response and allow your conversations transition properly

Exchange phone numbers

Respect her time - she's a waitress, let her take care of her customers

 

Close on a positive note.

 

"____ I enjoyed talking to you this evening. Hope you have a nice evening. See you later!"

 

Hope this helps...

Edited June 13, 2010 by You'reasian

[Jamez1580]

Thankyou for your help, i really appreciate it. There is one other thing though which i'm pondering and it's the subject of whether or not she's single, i mean what if i get too far and she just thinks i'm trying to be friendly in a very platonic sense, i'd feel really embarrassed but i suppose that's the inevitable risk anyway. I know that it's not something you'd really ask a girl so would it be terribly weird if i were to ask one of her co-workers maybe if she has a boyfriend? Sorry to bother you, it's just i've never actually made the first 'move' and on top of that she's working so i'll feel more weary and stuff. I'm just totally clueless! That's not to say your post hasn't helped.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

Gosh, I know all of the vibes of which you speak, and you have certainly assessed the situation appropriately (she's working, she's attractive, she may well indeed have a boyfriend) (AND she probably gets hit-on all the time when working in an arena like that)

 

(deep sigh)

 

Maybe this is a case where you go there next week, or next month, and make it your goal to have a conversation with her, about most anything (keeping it light-hearted and sincere).

 

Perhaps bring along with you, a note, to her, including your e-mail address and cell phone number, and the line "hi, my name is Jamez1580, I've seen you here a couple of times now and you seem like someone I'd like to know".

 

This lets you be direct, offer a potential inroad of further communication, NOT put any undue pressure on her in her work environment, AND keep you from feeling as awkward as you're likely to feel in the event that she has a boyfriend and tells you so.

 

Finally, do NOT stay there at the bar long enough to have enough alcohol to inspire anything less than a fine impression in her eyes.

 

Most likely is that she has a boyfriend to whom she is loyal and she won't contact you. Don't let yourself perceive any lack of follow-up on her part as anything aside from that factor.

 

Indeed my suggestion would be slightly different were she not in her work environment.

[Feelin Frisky]

Hot looking babes who work in bars can be budding professional cock teasers. I've had experience with this. Hit the books and stay focused on your school work. You'll attract someone when you start being somebody. Don't get hung up on a bar maid. Check her finger for a ring and expect her to be the subject of many people's fantasies and the object of many commers-on actual tries.