Bostonbabe Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 My boyfriend and I have been dating for about 1 1/2 years now. Im currently in college and we have had a very close relationship where I am used to seeing him throughout the day and falling asleep at night/waking up next to him in the morning. Unfortunately, he has had to move away for a very intense job across the country that has him working 24/7 during the summer. It has been very hard for me to adjust to this change because I am currently in the same place we used to date and doing a job that has A LOT of downtime with very few friends around in the summer. I've spent the last week crying and I am finding it hard NOT to be upset during the day. Because he is so busy and stressed I don't want to dump all my troubles on him, but I am used to talking to him about things. I don't want to continue to be this upset, but I really don't know how to distract myself (tried reading, watching TV, etc) and don't want to continue to feel this way until I see him again in August. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
sr9 Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 : ( Wow i totally feel your pain... This is going to happen to me 2 babe... Its like Life sux when im not in a Relationship with someone.... because too me it bring me the most joy... and if the way u do when u say A LOT of downtime with very few friends around in the summer me too i got very few firends and I really don't know how to distract myself (tried reading, watching TV, etc) Yea i feel u on that... Hopely the nice people on here can help but u really touch me on your story... Link to post Share on other sites
asrgal Posted June 14, 2010 Share Posted June 14, 2010 Ugh...I can relate, too. My bf of 4 years (almost every day together) started a very stressful job a few month back about 4 hours from home. Now I only see him every 3-4 weeks. It is very difficult, especially that I am working from home, and I have lot's of down time as well. It seems to be easier on him, since he is working so much. I had my share of complains and whining, which I really don't want to do, but I guess I can't help it at times, feeling very lonley without him. I started to work out a lot and reading all those relationship books...lol.. Hopefully it will get better for you soon...Good Luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bostonbabe Posted June 14, 2010 Author Share Posted June 14, 2010 I'm just not sure how to convey how upset I am and how much I need him to talk me through it (which we have done every other time I am upset and may be adding to the stress) without becoming an additional source of stress for him. I don't want him talking to me to become something he dreads doing but I don't know how to control this urge to fall apart with him nearby. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 (edited) I have to admit, I was in the EXACT same situation a couple of years ago. My boyfriend had to move cross country for a job, and I was left in the city that we began dating in. It's going to be very hard... I won't sugar coat it. However, despite the fact that you don't want to be "an additional source of stress" for your boyfriend, you REALLY need to talk to him about how you feel. Communication is very important. Pick a time when you are both relaxed (on the weekend, for example) to have a real, down-to-earth talk about how you are feeling and about how you want things to go in terms of long distance. I found that talking to my boyfriend both before AND after he moved was very helpful.. Just keep communicating, no matter what. I wish you the very best. Edited June 15, 2010 by Ashbash11 Link to post Share on other sites
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 15, 2010 Share Posted June 15, 2010 I'm also in the same situation. My long-distance bf is currently very, very stressed out by lots of financial/education concerns/dilemmas, and it sucks that I cannot be there to help him. In fact, there is nothing I can do to help at all, and over the past few months I've learned not to run to him with my emotional problems any more. I came to this conclusion after many, many nights of crying alone in the dark. My logic is that: I used to be okay on my own. Now he needs me to be strong, and I'm determined to do that for both of us. Of course, I feel like a lot of the intimacy that we used to have is gone, but until his urgent real life problems are solved, I think negative emotions on my part are just going to weigh him down and make life worse for him than it already is. I agree that you should talk about your concerns during weekends. Are there any 'small' things he can do to help you feel better? Like keeping in touch with supportive texts during the day? Quick emails/calls help too. Hope you can work things out and find the strength to be happy again! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bostonbabe Posted June 16, 2010 Author Share Posted June 16, 2010 Also, what tends to be the average "mourning period" for a new LDR? I've been through the week of heart-shattering sadness where I've been upset pretty much around the clock and have reached a week of pretty much intense stress, with a few freak outs and bouts of crying. What can I expect, emotionally, from here? Link to post Share on other sites
stace79 Posted June 16, 2010 Share Posted June 16, 2010 I have to admit, I was in the EXACT same situation a couple of years ago. My boyfriend had to move cross country for a job, and I was left in the city that we began dating in. It's going to be very hard... I won't sugar coat it. However, despite the fact that you don't want to be "an additional source of stress" for your boyfriend, you REALLY need to talk to him about how you feel. Communication is very important. Pick a time when you are both relaxed (on the weekend, for example) to have a real, down-to-earth talk about how you are feeling and about how you want things to go in terms of long distance. I found that talking to my boyfriend both before AND after he moved was very helpful.. Just keep communicating, no matter what. I wish you the very best. Agree with this. Also, maybe limit yourself to a certain number of times you talk to HIM about the issue. Find another friend or relative you can talk to the other times you're upset, even if just by phone. If you're still in school a lot of colleges have counselors or peer advisers you can talk to for free, too. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Also, what tends to be the average "mourning period" for a new LDR? I've been through the week of heart-shattering sadness where I've been upset pretty much around the clock and have reached a week of pretty much intense stress, with a few freak outs and bouts of crying. What can I expect, emotionally, from here? When my boyfriend moved away, I was sad for a few weeks, if not a month. You have to think of it as a loss. You are mourning the loss of your boyfriend's regular company. The absolute BEST thing you can do is keep busy. Hang out with your friends, join activities.. find new ways to bring joy into your life. The worst thing you can do is sit at home, alone and cry about your boyfriend being gone. You'll find that after a few months, you will start to feel normal again. You will continue to miss him, and think about him, but your life will feel more balanced (as long as you engage in other activities besides pining for him/talking to him, etc.) Just hang in there. I thought it would never get better, but it does Link to post Share on other sites
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