Update on my situation after wife left me

[JP72]

Hello everyone.

 

I haven't posted on here in a while, but I just wanted to share a little bit more about my story. Previously, I had posted that my wife left me about 6 weeks ago. At the time she couldn't give me a reason for leaving me other than she was unhappy. We had only been married for a little over a year and we had been together for almost 4 years. Before she left me she started hanging out with a new group of people from work and going clubbing several nights a week. She wouldn't let me join her and basically pushed me away. If anyone wants to read more about my story I think the posts are on page two of this forum.

 

SInce she has been gone I started to see a therapist and tried to recover. During my therapy sessions the therapist asked questions about our sex life and after we were done with the discussion, my therapist told me that my wife had classic symptoms of someone who had been sexually abused. My wife had mentioned to me several times over the years that she thought she had been, but she was scared to find out. I didn't push her to get help because I thought she would be ok. I didn't really no what to do.

 

When my wife left the house she moved in with her mom. I checked up on her and noticed that she was out every night and would not come home on the weekend until 2 - 3 am. Finally last week I found out that she has been spending her time with some guy at his condo. I followed them around and discovered that they are more than just friends. There is nothing like seeing your wife kissing another guy.

 

Anyway, this past Monday I confronted my wife about the guy and she broke down and told me it was a huge mistake and that her life was out of control. She told me she had been talking to a therapist on the phone for the last few months and that she was scared. She said that the only reason she was seeing this guy was because she was scared to be alone. I brought up to her what my therapist had told me about the sexual abuse and she told me she knew she had been sexually abused and she told me she knew who did it (I also know who did it). I told her I would help her and she seemed ok with that. SHe thanked me before she left and I told her I would be there for her whenever she needed me.

 

The next night I talked to my therapist about finding my wife help and she gave me some names of people she could see. I called up my wife the next day and wanted to tell her about the people she could see, but now she had a totally different attitude. She told me that she wasnt' sure if she had been abused and that she had talked to her mom the previous night about this and they decided they would seek help when they are ready, which could be tomorrow, next month, next year, etc. She also told me that she wasn't sure if she would stop seeing the guy anymore. She didn't know. SHe had a totally different attitude from the night before.

 

I was upset, but not so much about the guy. I really had no intention of trying to win my wife back, I was just wanting her to get help because she needs it bad. She is having a mental breakdown. I called her mom on the phone and told her that she needs to make sure my wife gets help and then I emailed her mom the list of people that she should go see. Yesterday her mom wrote me back a nasty email basically telling me to stay out of thier lives for now on. She told me to stop trying to counsel her daughter and that I am the one who needs to get counseling. I feel both my wife and her mom are in denial.

 

This is what I was afraid of, I don't know if her mom will make my wife get help. I think they both will try to ignore the problem and it won't get better. I was trying to help as a friend and I may have tried too hard, but I know after talking to my wife on Monday night, she needed help. If I could have gotten her into see someone that night, she would have gone. Now, I don't know when she will go, if ever. The other frustrating thing is that I am made to look like the bad guy for trying to get my wife help. I still love her despite everything she has put me through. I just wanted her to get help, not for our marriage, but for her own sake. I guess now the only thing I can do now is just leave them alone. I have tried to do everything I could and if she doesn't get help and if her mom doesn't push her to get help there is nothing else I can do.

 

I know the sexual abuse was a reason my marriage fell apart, it's not the only reason, but it is a reason. I am also scared for my wife because if she stays with this guy, he could take advantage of her. She told me she was lonely and he was there to hold her and make her feel better. This guy may have good intentions, but I am afraid that something bad could happen. I am not really even that angry that she is seeing someone else. I am starting to get over the fact that my marriage is over, but I hate to see her life fall apart.

 

Sorry about the long post, but I had a lot on my mind.

[mindyourown]

Is she still your wife? if not, then, do what her mom said: stay out of her life and mind your own business.

 

is the emotional baggage from her past made your marriage fall apart or is your marriage that brought her new hand-ups?