Meesa Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 I'm 21 and I've been with my boyfriend alittle more than 3 years... he and I are the same age, and we are going to be moving in together in March...BUT lately, I've not been feeling attracted to him, and I feel like we are not "on the same page..." Everything about him is "old." I am just frustrated because he is so boring to me! He has had the SAME hair style since the day I met him... and maybe its because i am a Hairstylist that i feel this way..but WHY does he want to look the same every day? He says hair is not fun....but thats because its looked the same since he was 14! But then i suggest that i do something to it and he says no.... Even the way he dresses is old to me... I will go buy him some shirt that I feel will look really nice on him and he tells me to return it..... Then I ask him what he likes to wear and he says he doesn't know because he doesn't care about how he looks. I'm not asking him to become Mr. GQ, i just wish he would care once in a while...and make an conscious effort in how he looks. I ask him why change is so hard for him and he didnt answer me.... He just said that he WILL NEVER change. So he wants to be boring for the rest of his life??? Thats like death to me! I guess my problem is that in my career, how you look is very important, and I feel like i should be with some one who cares how he looks...atleast to accept change.... Does all this sound like I am being too "materialistic?" I know that looks are just the first bite...but they are still important right? I'm scared that i will keep feeling like this way and nothing will change! I am just so tired of everything being the same; same hair, same clothes, same attitude, same, same, same, same!!! Should i get over this? IS this even a normal way of feeling??? or........? Link to post Share on other sites
wiserthenmyyears Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 Well you should talk to him about it, tell him what you told us in this thread. Maybe you should think about whether or not you really want to move in with him. Link to post Share on other sites
tattoomytoe Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 well first, do you still find HIM as a person, not a sight, interesting? maybe this could be the first steps of becoming comfortable with each other...why should he change? things have assumingly been fine for 3 years or more. my bf is similar, he only gets his hair cut a certain way by a certain stylist, for 5-6 years, he always brushes the hair off his forehead, even though i think it looks better on his fore head. i buy him new shirts...but you have to go subtle first....if he like dark colors, try buying slightly lighter darks, ....you get me? then maybe in a year he will be wear ing a nice oxford, maybe not. Guys love/ prefer comfort over most everything else...maybe the sweater you bought him itches, stuff like that. this could also be the beginning of him getting old, like you said, it is easy start off with small things, like hair styles...when maybe it is something deeper bothering you, like premove jitters? who knows-but you...that is why you have to figure out if you are just way too materialistic, or maybe this is just done. Link to post Share on other sites
lquidmetalspine Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 The only question I have for you is: Do you still want this relationship? If so I have some advice that might help. If he is not willing to change, maybe you should. By that I mean that you should be the one that suggests to do things, get him out more, meet people. And one more thing is things take time. Everyone changes weather it's good or bad. But if you are really wanting to stay with him, wait it out. If not then ask him if he wants to have an open relatiobship. Because you are both young, and not tied down. Have fun while you can. Link to post Share on other sites
jenny Posted January 30, 2004 Share Posted January 30, 2004 i think it's possible you need to change yourself - are you sure it's not your own perespective that is stuck in a bit of a rut? why are you exereting all this mental energy on your bf's appearance when there are a zillion things in the world to learn? maybe he has things to teach you as well. i'm taking the position that we have no evidence that there is anything wrong with the boyfriend, but we know for certain the poster is bored. there are many better ways that Meesa can make her life less boring than to makeover her man. Link to post Share on other sites
faux Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 You aren't happy with how your boyfriend has his hair cut, or how he dresses. Assume I as a guy wasn't intersted in a girl with an absolutely wonderful personality, because I didn't like how she had her hair cut, or what she wore. Would you find me to be shallow? Would you find it wrong? He doesn't want to change because he's happy with the way he is. He's comfortable with it. Respect that. Also... You say you're tired of him being the same? Okay, so you will never be able to find anyone and love them for who they really are, as you will ultimately become bored with them? What a lovely and attractive trait. Link to post Share on other sites
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