An ex boyfriend contacting me after 15 years

[lorr]

I am so confused and need some advice on how to deal with this situation.

 

When I was in my teens I had my very first boyfriend who I was completely in love with.He was my first serious relationship that lasted for Nearly 2 years. Like any teen relationship it had its ups and downs, but eventually we broke up, as I ended up migrating to another country.

 

Many years past and I got on with my life, until 14 years later when he tried contacting me on "Hi 5". I ignored his friend request and didn't have the urge to contact him whatsoever.

 

Then in 2008 he sent me a message on facebook and a friend request which again I ignored, as I didn't feel the need to contact him. A good friend of mine who lives in the same country as him, told me that she had seen him out and about, and that he was actually getting married. She also hinted that he didn't seem that sure of himself.

 

A month after his wedding(my mother told me). I had flown out to spend time with my parents. He is also my next door neighbour where he lives with his wife. At the time he was doing little things to get my attention. Again I ignored it.

 

I suppose curiosity got the better of me when I arrived back home as I started to check the old social networking site. Little did I know that he was able to see that I had viewed his profile.

 

I felt a bit embarrassed, and in 2009 I ended flying back out to said country to visit my parents. We completely ignored each other, and as far as I was concerned that was that.

 

Then at the start of 2010, he requested 2 of my friends on facebook(a bit strange I thought).Now all of a sudden these old feelings have surfaced back and each day I can't stop thinking about him and reminscing about the past.

 

I feel that I can't move forward,and that I am stuck in some sort of time warp. Its got so bad that I am constantly dreaming about him and constantly have reoccurring dreams every other night. Sometimes the dreams involve both of us (being reunited,getting married. having his children etc).

 

I need to make sense of all this, and just don't know what to do.

 

Because he has been trying to contact me over the years does it mean that he still has feelings for me? or that he wants to be friends?

 

I am so tempted to contact him, but know that it would not be the most sensible thing to do

 

Would really appreciate some advice

[xox101]

You are never going to know how he feels about you or indeed how you feel about him until you actually talk with him either face to face or online. 15 years is a long time and neither you nor him are even remotely the same person you were when you first got together!

 

Instead of looking at him through your past memories try this. View him as a man who wants to date you. You don't know him ( after 15 years this is true ) so treat him as you would any other man you have just met. Look at him as a prospective partner/boyfriend WITHOUT the memories getting in the way! Add him as a friend on Facebook and see what sort of messages you get from him. Try and have a few conversations with him and see if he sparks a new interest in you.

 

As for thinking about him constantly? How is the rest of your life going? Are you perhaps wanting to move back home and see him as a convenient excuse? I'm not trying to annoy you by saying this but it is amazing how our minds work! This could simply be a little fantasy that your mind has concocted to take your attention away from what is happening in your real life.

 

Whatever you do take it very slow! As I said before neither of you are the same person you were all those years ago, some of the feelings you had for him then might still be there ( only natural as he was your first love ) but you are a totally different person as is he.

[Cantcope]

HE'S MARRIED!

 

Enough said.....

[S.Tee]

Well first love always has the most impression and the deepest feeling of all. He is married but also do not see anything wrong just to check on you after all these years. It is like long time old friends meeting up again. Although maybe he still has feelings for you, it will not work if you do not have the feeling anymore.

 

Better not sweetheart coz again...he is married.

 

Only try to avoid any dates. I understand how you feel coz I suddenly met my first gf from fb, and just feel like talking to her over a coffee, but still trying to deny the desire. If no physical contacts, should be OK.

 

Just be friends, no harm.