Stuck!

[Tea]

But why wouldn't your wife divorce you after all these?

 

1) She is a cake-eater.

2) She is afraid to be ruin financially.

3) She is worried for the kids. Such people have checked out of the marriage but if possible, they would want to keep the family intact and explore other people outside. They would drop the divorce bomb when the kids are grown up and/or found their OM/W. Have seen such cases in LS.

4) She is afraid of the stigma of a divorce.

5) She is afraid of your reaction, i.e. confronting the partner and exposing everything to the company and the whole world.

 

You could also assess the pros and cons of staying in this loveless marriage, and good to start exploring yourself too

 

I'm not sure if WindSurf and have the same perspective. The way I see it, she would rather have you out. She put you through law school. You actually moved out for a month and came back. Her family is encouraging a split. She doesn't have the stigma attached and she's more concerned for the kids with you around as is shown by the outward hostility when the kids are around.

 

As for the OM. He's married. He's slimy. He's a partner. So what has he (or she) got to lose for being "outed." That's just the nature of people like him and for you to be on your high horse pointing at them as to how "they ruined" your marriage would be ridiculous for all and would actually ruin your marriage.

 

You know that your issues are beyond this other guy. I've said it before, you need to only change what you have control over, and that's you.

 

Once you have your confidence and independence you could start working on the tangential stuff. At that point, she has no more excuses to be upset at your behavior and she'll need to work on her own. Only when you fix yourself could you figure out what you want out of a relationship and your marriage. If she doesn't want to, then you could walk away with your head held high knowing you did everything right and confident that life will go on (b/c it will).

 

You cannot change her or make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Once you change yourself and know your self worth, you'll see things a little clearer and will be able to know what you deserve and pinpoint what you want (and don't want). You just have to get there first.

 

I love gunny's story btw. Learn from that. I don't believe this cake eater stuff when there were issues prior to the suspicious behavior. You know this goes deeper than that.

 

A marriage should be about two people who love spending their lives together. If one needs a second person, well, sad for them that they can't lead a satisfying and fulfilling life with just one individual willing to give their souls to them. What kind of life is that? Being with one, thinking of another. Those people will never have the inner satisfaction of sitting down with their partner and smiling because they are content with the moment.

 

I hope you do not believe that you are the only victim here. You both are and you both can work on it together. Right now, I think you need to find your own footing.

 

On a more personal level. I had a lot of inner turmoil after graduating law school and dealing with the growing pains of success and what it all means. Nobody really talks about what life is like after what one envisions as the "happily ever after" point. that's really rough, especially after being in "limbo" for so long.

 

I spent a lot of time just thinking about what success is and what it means. A lot of it for me is being content with what I have and appreciating every bit of it. It stands logic on its head to be satisfied with what you have when you're wired to want more and that's what makes you driven and "successful." But, I found that being positive and truly feeling good with yourself, the monetary success just seems to hunt you out. I know it sounds hokey and maybe seeing things in a positive light makes me believe that success just finds me, but it really does.

[trippi1432]

Once you have your confidence and independence you could start working on the tangential stuff. At that point, she has no more excuses to be upset at your behavior and she'll need to work on her own. Only when you fix yourself could you figure out what you want out of a relationship and your marriage. If she doesn't want to, then you could walk away with your head held high knowing you did everything right and confident that life will go on (b/c it will).

 

You cannot change her or make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Once you change yourself and know your self worth, you'll see things a little clearer and will be able to know what you deserve and pinpoint what you want (and don't want). You just have to get there first.

 

I love gunny's story btw. Learn from that. I don't believe this cake eater stuff when there were issues prior to the suspicious behavior. You know this goes deeper than that.

 

A marriage should be about two people who love spending their lives together. If one needs a second person, well, sad for them that they can't lead a satisfying and fulfilling life with just one individual willing to give their souls to them. What kind of life is that? Being with one, thinking of another. Those people will never have the inner satisfaction of sitting down with their partner and smiling because they are content with the moment.

 

I hope you do not believe that you are the only victim here. You both are and you both can work on it together. Right now, I think you need to find your own footing.

 

On a more personal level. I had a lot of inner turmoil after graduating law school and dealing with the growing pains of success and what it all means. Nobody really talks about what life is like after what one envisions as the "happily ever after" point. that's really rough, especially after being in "limbo" for so long.

 

I spent a lot of time just thinking about what success is and what it means. A lot of it for me is being content with what I have and appreciating every bit of it. It stands logic on its head to be satisfied with what you have when you're wired to want more and that's what makes you driven and "successful." But, I found that being positive and truly feeling good with yourself, the monetary success just seems to hunt you out. I know it sounds hokey and maybe seeing things in a positive light makes me believe that success just finds me, but it really does.

 

Another wonderful and valid post TEA, more importantly, you were able to salvage your relationship through introspection and truly looking at yourself in relation to your spouse's feelings....this is an act of truly being unselfish. True, what may have began as hostile or selfish, as most breakups do....you turned yours around by seeing both sides of the situation.

 

I would also say that in addition to that, you have a very patient husband for the most part...maybe not always agreeable, but a man who knew that he loved you and wanted to be in your life. Not all of us are that lucky. I wish I had your introspection and wisdom...more than that, I wish I had married a man who truly love me for me and not the material things I provided him.

 

There's the difference WhyHope.....the difference between a bring out the worst or bring out the best. If you work to bring out your best, you will see it work in your favor in more ways than one.

[Tea]

Another wonderful and valid post TEA, more importantly, you were able to salvage your relationship through introspection and truly looking at yourself in relation to your spouse's feelings....this is an act of truly being unselfish. True, what may have began as hostile or selfish, as most breakups do....you turned yours around by seeing both sides of the situation.

 

I would also say that in addition to that, you have a very patient husband for the most part...maybe not always agreeable, but a man who knew that he loved you and wanted to be in your life. Not all of us are that lucky. I wish I had your introspection and wisdom...more than that, I wish I had married a man who truly love me for me and not the material things I provided him.

 

There's the difference WhyHope.....the difference between a bring out the worst or bring out the best. If you work to bring out your best, you will see it work in your favor in more ways than one.

 

Oh yes! That was key! He could have left me in a heartbeat! Had he taken the "this is your problem" road (which, btw, he did at first), there would be no us. He is a great man.

 

You will find the right man As long as you keep a positive spirit, you will definitely attract what you are looking for.

[habs53]

Tea, i would love to hear your whole story. How can i find that?

[tnttim]

Whoah did I miss something but doesn't his W have a OM?

 

I'm pretty sure jealously is a symptom of the problem. BUT if hope has a history of jealously then I totally agree.

 

Hope did you snoop on her in the past or ask her where she's been?

 

Women like confident men. The opposite of that is jealously, it shows weakness, another turn off to a woman.

 

Hope I can tell you one thing for sure, humans are amazingly capable of change. Start with a small change, and then pay attention to how 1 little change blossoms into a 100. Ill use an example, if you take 2 arrows that are traveling parallel to each other and turn 1 just a little bit. At first the change isn't noticeable but if you give it some time the 2 arrows are no where near each other. That's how 1 small change can put your life on a whole new course, a better course. My W cheated on me and I can condfidently say that I'm a way better man, person, and friend because of it. My life is truly 100 times better.

 

1 small change dude, its up to you.

[habs53]

It doesn't matter if she's cheating or not. You're separated, and you want her back. I am reconciling with my W as of Dec.

 

You have to think, act and speak counter intuitively. You also have to treat her as if she was a prospective date. That means everything that happened in the past, stays in the past.

 

Gunny asked me to list the E books that helped me out.

 

Stop Your Divorce by Homer MacDonald. This book was my bible from October to December and I credit the information in it to getting my W on the fence between the OM and myself.

 

Super Sex Power Magnetism by CR James. I use this e book now and will continue to use the principals in it for the rest oh my life. Its works on my W, your W and any woman for that matter.

This is the same approach that my sisters friend told me to do. No negativity, agree with everyting. But communication is a must. But make sure you are in a mental state to do it. Take time for yourself first. I believe myself that this no contact completey will never work. Every relationship i seen saved required some type of communication. Very short and agree on everything. This will screw there minds up. Then see other people and have fun. I believe this may work for some, but only when your ready and really want your wife back. Me, im not sure anymore.

Edited June 24, 2010 by habs53

[trippi1432]

This is the same approach that my sisters friend told me to do. No negativity, agree with everyting. But communication is a must. But make sure you are in a mental state to do it. Take time for yourself first. I believe myself that this no contact completey will never work. Every relationship i seen saved required some type of communication. Very short and agree on everything. This will screw there minds up. Then see other people and have fun. I believe this may work for some, but only when your ready and really want your wife back. Me, im not sure anymore.

 

I can personally attest to NC screwing up any recon as well as pretending that you are out dating to make him/her jealous....just gave my ex justification to move in with his GF and stop hiding it (or not hiding anything as he claims).

[habs53]

I can personally attest to NC screwing up any recon as well as pretending that you are out dating to make him/her jealous....just gave my ex justification to move in with his GF and stop hiding it (or not hiding anything as he claims).

 

Im not sure if you agree or dissagree. Im very tired right now lol.

Bottom line is every situaltion is differnt. The failure rate for NC is horrible. Just look at this site alone. Small positive comunication cannot hurt. But you have to remember what you are trying to save. Do you really want that person and there luggage back again. In my case im not so sure about that.

[trippi1432]

Im not sure if you agree or dissagree. Im very tired right now lol.

Bottom line is every situaltion is differnt. The failure rate for NC is horrible. Just look at this site alone. Small positive comunication cannot hurt. But you have to remember what you are trying to save. Do you really want that person and there luggage back again. In my case im not so sure about that.

 

 

I guess I can say in my case, the initial contacts were justification in leaving. Next came the ugly contacts because he had another woman, then came the grass is not greener...I still love you...do I have another chance contacts.

 

So, did I want that person and that luggage back again....no.

[habs53]

Yeah every case is differnet. I believe how you use those contacts is a maker or breaker. I do believe that agreeing with your ex is a good thing to do. I find personally that when my wife hears what she wants to hear she start to open up. But keeping it simple seems to work as well. As far a dating someone else, i think you would have to assume your marriage is done for good. I think going out and meeting people is fine. I think NC is great for getting a grip on yourself and what you want for your own life. I told a friend today that i am looking at my wife as just another potential girlfriend which is pretty much true. Maybe i will find someone elsel in the meantime. Fact is, most marriages were in hard shape before all this stuff happened.

[habs53]

I guess I can say in my case, the initial contacts were justification in leaving. Next came the ugly contacts because he had another woman, then came the grass is not greener...I still love you...do I have another chance contacts.

 

So, did I want that person and that luggage back again....no.

What happened on the initial contacts?

[trippi1432]

What happened on the initial contacts?

 

WhyHope - not trying to steal your thread, but here's is an example of how crazy things can get.

 

The initial contacts were basically, him justifying leaving because we weren't happy, MC didn't work, I didn't try hard enough to meet his expectations, leaving to find his happiness and to make me happy. Too much job stress on both of us, too much fighting, disagreements about our son, money and the stress from his family (in-laws). He also admitted that he didn't put me first in our relationship, but knew that this was a problem and would make sure to the next woman first in his next relationship.

 

He failed to mention that he is/was a blackout drunk, a constant gambler, nagged constantly and had the freedom to come and go as he pleased.

 

After about 6 weeks, he pulled girlfriend out of the woodworks ( 2 weeks after she kicked her husband out) and only a week prior to him asking for a "booty call" to see if we could work out our issues. I gave him one opportunity to turn this all around, I would forgive everything if he would leave her, move in with him mom and away from his drinking buddy and let us work on our marriage....he stated that he could not do that to her (the OW).

 

We split at the end of August/1st of September for the second time...the above was from September to mid October.

 

November - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t210902/

 

January - Gets really bad - http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t216805/

 

Blocked his number from my cell phone company so I couldn't get texts or emails from him anymore. In the meantime, he is sending me emails at home telling me he still loves me and always will......

 

February - even more....http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t222509/

 

May - Getting Closure http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t228924/

 

It's actually been quiet since May, when I told him that he needed to forgive himself...he stated that he knew he crossed a bridge he shouldn't have crossed (the OW). I'm hoping for some peace and solitude to continue. Divorce will be final Sept. 1st.

[Windsurf66]

I'm not sure if WindSurf and have the same perspective. The way I see it, she would rather have you out. She put you through law school. You actually moved out for a month and came back. Her family is encouraging a split. She doesn't have the stigma attached and she's more concerned for the kids with you around as is shown by the outward hostility when the kids are around.

 

As for the OM. He's married. He's slimy. He's a partner. So what has he (or she) got to lose for being "outed." That's just the nature of people like him and for you to be on your high horse pointing at them as to how "they ruined" your marriage would be ridiculous for all and would actually ruin your marriage.

 

You know that your issues are beyond this other guy. I've said it before, you need to only change what you have control over, and that's you.

 

Once you have your confidence and independence you could start working on the tangential stuff. At that point, she has no more excuses to be upset at your behavior and she'll need to work on her own. Only when you fix yourself could you figure out what you want out of a relationship and your marriage. If she doesn't want to, then you could walk away with your head held high knowing you did everything right and confident that life will go on (b/c it will).

 

You cannot change her or make her do anything she doesn't want to do. Once you change yourself and know your self worth, you'll see things a little clearer and will be able to know what you deserve and pinpoint what you want (and don't want). You just have to get there first.

 

I love gunny's story btw. Learn from that. I don't believe this cake eater stuff when there were issues prior to the suspicious behavior. You know this goes deeper than that.

 

A marriage should be about two people who love spending their lives together. If one needs a second person, well, sad for them that they can't lead a satisfying and fulfilling life with just one individual willing to give their souls to them. What kind of life is that? Being with one, thinking of another. Those people will never have the inner satisfaction of sitting down with their partner and smiling because they are content with the moment.

 

I hope you do not believe that you are the only victim here. You both are and you both can work on it together. Right now, I think you need to find your own footing.

 

On a more personal level. I had a lot of inner turmoil after graduating law school and dealing with the growing pains of success and what it all means. Nobody really talks about what life is like after what one envisions as the "happily ever after" point. that's really rough, especially after being in "limbo" for so long.

 

I spent a lot of time just thinking about what success is and what it means. A lot of it for me is being content with what I have and appreciating every bit of it. It stands logic on its head to be satisfied with what you have when you're wired to want more and that's what makes you driven and "successful." But, I found that being positive and truly feeling good with yourself, the monetary success just seems to hunt you out. I know it sounds hokey and maybe seeing things in a positive light makes me believe that success just finds me, but it really does.

 

Thanks.

 

I guess its a chicken and egg thing. She starts with the lies and flirting, he starts with the questioning and suspicions. If this was the case, then the ball is in her court to change her behaviour first to start respecting her marriage. It will be difficult for the OP to be normal again, i know, very difficult if she doesn't stop her nonsense and change. He will always be suspicious and this marriage/wife, as of now, is offering him nothing much. No emotional support, no friendship, no companionship, no intimacy. Just the kids left.

 

But, if the OP was all along like this, from the beginning, then my question is, why did she choose to marry him, and even propose to him.

[Gunny376]

Confidence and self assurance coupled with self validation without the need for external validation ~ that's an attractive qualities in any person, ~ be they male or female.

 

But it can take some work to get there. And in more cases than not? One has to work before sunup until after sundown to overcome one's insecurities.

 

I like most am more or less your typical guy? I've have my strengths and weaknesses, my shortcomings ~ but at the end of the day there are part of me that are pretty freaking awesome. The rest? I'm working, (literally) on a daily basis. Mentally, financially, emotionally, psychologically, physically.

 

One of the Fourteen Leadership traits is to "identify and overcome your weaknesses daily.

 

Drinking (Am I'm certainly not one to speak of such) smoking, drugs, being addicted to gambling, hoarding and other negative behaviors ~ their nothing more than weakness of being and of the soul.

 

And so is "having" to be in a relationship. Having to be in a relationship

~ to feel complete.

 

Its nothing more than a weakness that needs to be overcome. To be in a relationship just to be in a relationship ~ to be married just keep from being alone. Its a weakness.

 

I've spent many a year overcoming this one weakness, ~ to become a self validating, self actualized single individual. Whether someone comes or goes or stays? It matters not.

 

You've got to love yourself and truly like yourself before you can expect to find such with someone else.

 

To to the OP you've got to reach deep inside and find that confidence that you once had that got you through life thus far and through law school.

 

I realize your not a Marine ~ but the same self determination, commitment, dedication, commitment that it takes to become and be a Marine and make it twenty years is the same that it took for you, Tea to get through law school and for trippi1432 to get through her MBA program ~ and that's tough enough to do when your single let alone "Married with Children"

 

Whether you enlist into the Marines, go to law school or get an MBA ~ there's more than once occasion when you want to throw in the towel and quit.

 

Marine boot camp, Officer Candidate School, law school, Business Grad school are all designed on purpose to see if you've got what it really takes to make it out there. (Except enlisting into the Marines doesn't have the intent of sucking every ever-loving last penny out of you )

 

People around her keep emphasising the importance of "communication"

 

WRONG!

 

Its taking communication and creating a dialog ~ and on-going dialog. Sometimes that possible and sometimes it not. Depends upon the individual.

 

Obviously your DW isn't ready to do that.

 

Were it me? I'd move out and she would think that I had fell off the face of the Earth. Some people here say NC doesn't work? I know for a fact that it does.

 

Not in a mean spiteful way ~ but because after I retired from the Corps and while in college ~ I "caved" ~ in that I went to work, to class, home.

 

I've caved in the sense of "Men Are From Mars, and Women Are From Venus" (For those that haven't read the book ~ men tend when confronted with problems tend to withdrawal and crawl back into a cave to think things through ~ while women discuss things in great detail with each other ~ thus the term "caving"

 

What I went through post-career you and Tea are going through (or in Tea's case have gone through) in making the adjustment from law school to real world.

 

That is to say your making the pyschological adjustment ~ thing is? You and the DW have worked so long and so hard ~ and the DW is expecting and intanteous pay-off which has not been forth coming.

 

The truth of the matter is? It takes years upon years to build a successful accounting, law, medical practice.

 

1. Be and think positive

 

2. Be and act positive ~ even if you've got to fake it until you make it.

 

3. Avoid any and all displays of negativity, neediness, being clingy.

 

4. Be quick to smile and laugh as well as project being positive.

 

5. Go see your Primary Care Provider, explain to him what is going on and ask for some anti-anxiety medication ~ Trust me, it will balance your mind and thinking out. Perhaps even some anti-depressants ~ they've worked wonders for me ~ I sleep better, I concentrate and focus better, my work performance is up 150%

 

6. See a psychologist or other professional ~ I would recommend a psychologist.

 

Work on you and let her do her own thing.

 

Finally even if there is OM ~ she's probally "traded down"

 

I mean think about it? You made it through under-grade university and law school. Your only 31 you've yet to even meet your stride?

 

Just as a 53 year old retired Marine Gunny ~ I've got more to offer a good 80% of the women out there than they've got to offer me. No brag just fact.

 

Finally where in the Hell did you ever get it into your deluxe brain housing group that this one woman is the best and only you could ever get and do? (And trippi1432 and the rest of you ladies ~ the same applies to you)

 

Confidence, respect, self actualiztion, self realization, self-validation

~ that's what its all about.

 

People come and people go?

 

But there's no one monkey that makes a show!

 

When all is said and done? All my XHEX was to motivate me to become a better person, better individual, a better man, a better lover, kinder, more senstive, caring, giving, fun individual for someone else.

 

I've learned how to be and become more romantic, entertaining, a better dancer, more charming, more caring.................

 

I've learned bar tricks, card tricks and have gagets like a magentic ring that will make watches stop and move metal under glass ~ that is become more entertaining, make women laugh and smile. I've learned how to dance, (They love when I teach them how to dance the "Shag" to "Beach Music" from out of the Carolina's ~ where I spent most of my career in the Corps)

 

Girls just want to have fun!

 

You like I got so wrapped up in making it and surviving ~ that you lost your marriage!

 

You like I? Stupid XHEX just made you the perfect man for the next woman.

[Gunny376]

Make sure the next woman sends her a "Thank You" note.

 

I'm seriously tempted to send DHX3 such a note for taking her off my hands, along with a bill for those "Store-bought Boobs" I paid 3K for!

[trippi1432]

Confidence and self assurance coupled with self validation without the need for external validation ~ that's an attractive qualities in any person, ~ be they male or female.

 

But it can take some work to get there. And in more cases than not? One has to work before sunup until after sundown to overcome one's insecurities.

 

I like most am more or less your typical guy? I've have my strengths and weaknesses, my shortcomings ~ but at the end of the day there are part of me that are pretty freaking awesome. The rest? I'm working, (literally) on a daily basis. Mentally, financially, emotionally, psychologically, physically.

 

One of the Fourteen Leadership traits is to "identify and overcome your weaknesses daily.

 

Drinking (Am I'm certainly not one to speak of such) smoking, drugs, being addicted to gambling, hoarding and other negative behaviors ~ their nothing more than weakness of being and of the soul.

 

And so is "having" to be in a relationship. Having to be in a relationship

~ to feel complete.

 

Its nothing more than a weakness that needs to be overcome. To be in a relationship just to be in a relationship ~ to be married just keep from being alone. Its a weakness.

 

I've spent many a year overcoming this one weakness, ~ to become a self validating, self actualized single individual. Whether someone comes or goes or stays? It matters not.

 

You've got to love yourself and truly like yourself before you can expect to find such with someone else.

 

To to the OP you've got to reach deep inside and find that confidence that you once had that got you through life thus far and through law school.

 

I realize your not a Marine ~ but the same self determination, commitment, dedication, commitment that it takes to become and be a Marine and make it twenty years is the same that it took for you, Tea to get through law school and for trippi1432 to get through her MBA program ~ and that's tough enough to do when your single let alone "Married with Children"

 

Whether you enlist into the Marines, go to law school or get an MBA ~ there's more than once occasion when you want to throw in the towel and quit.

 

Marine boot camp, Officer Candidate School, law school, Business Grad school are all designed on purpose to see if you've got what it really takes to make it out there. (Except enlisting into the Marines doesn't have the intent of sucking every ever-loving last penny out of you )

 

People around her keep emphasising the importance of "communication"

 

WRONG!

 

Its taking communication and creating a dialog ~ and on-going dialog. Sometimes that possible and sometimes it not. Depends upon the individual.

 

Obviously your DW isn't ready to do that.

 

Were it me? I'd move out and she would think that I had fell off the face of the Earth. Some people here say NC doesn't work? I know for a fact that it does.

 

Not in a mean spiteful way ~ but because after I retired from the Corps and while in college ~ I "caved" ~ in that I went to work, to class, home.

 

I've caved in the sense of "Men Are From Mars, and Women Are From Venus" (For those that haven't read the book ~ men tend when confronted with problems tend to withdrawal and crawl back into a cave to think things through ~ while women discuss things in great detail with each other ~ thus the term "caving"

 

What I went through post-career you and Tea are going through (or in Tea's case have gone through) in making the adjustment from law school to real world.

 

That is to say your making the pyschological adjustment ~ thing is? You and the DW have worked so long and so hard ~ and the DW is expecting and intanteous pay-off which has not been forth coming.

 

The truth of the matter is? It takes years upon years to build a successful accounting, law, medical practice.

 

1. Be and think positive

 

2. Be and act positive ~ even if you've got to fake it until you make it.

 

3. Avoid any and all displays of negativity, neediness, being clingy.

 

4. Be quick to smile and laugh as well as project being positive.

 

5. Go see your Primary Care Provider, explain to him what is going on and ask for some anti-anxiety medication ~ Trust me, it will balance your mind and thinking out. Perhaps even some anti-depressants ~ they've worked wonders for me ~ I sleep better, I concentrate and focus better, my work performance is up 150%

 

6. See a psychologist or other professional ~ I would recommend a psychologist.

 

Work on you and let her do her own thing.

 

Finally even if there is OM ~ she's probally "traded down"

 

I mean think about it? You made it through under-grade university and law school. Your only 31 you've yet to even meet your stride?

 

Just as a 53 year old retired Marine Gunny ~ I've got more to offer a good 80% of the women out there than they've got to offer me. No brag just fact.

 

Finally where in the Hell did you ever get it into your deluxe brain housing group that this one woman is the best and only you could ever get and do? (And trippi1432 and the rest of you ladies ~ the same applies to you)

 

Confidence, respect, self actualiztion, self realization, self-validation

~ that's what its all about.

 

People come and people go?

 

But there's no one monkey that makes a show!

 

When all is said and done? All my XHEX was to motivate me to become a better person, better individual, a better man, a better lover, kinder, more senstive, caring, giving, fun individual for someone else.

 

I've learned how to be and become more romantic, entertaining, a better dancer, more charming, more caring.................

 

I've learned bar tricks, card tricks and have gagets like a magentic ring that will make watches stop and move metal under glass ~ that is become more entertaining, make women laugh and smile. I've learned how to dance, (They love when I teach them how to dance the "Shag" to "Beach Music" from out of the Carolina's ~ where I spent most of my career in the Corps)

 

Girls just want to have fun!

 

You like I got so wrapped up in making it and surviving ~ that you lost your marriage!

 

You like I? Stupid XHEX just made you the perfect man for the next woman.

 

I know I shouldn't quote the whole post, but d*mn Gunny!! Great post!! OP and anyone else out there with the Men Are from Mars, Women Are From Venus sitting on their bookshelf collecting dust....pull the book out and read it....I've been speaking with a very intellectual man over the past few days who has truly read it (and it is interesting how the communication just flows). If he asks something I don't feel comfortable answering....he simply states "Got it" and the conversation moves on...why, because this communication method does not make me feel like he is invalidating my feelings or that I have to provide any explanation.

 

Of my various collection of books now, I have made it my goal to finish this book myself. Chapter 9 is a very good chapter, How to avoid arguments, and I can see it pertaining to the OP's current issues, but honestly, there has to be some relationship value there....if there is nothing genuine between the two of (as is my case with my ex), then at least look to this book to help you in future relationships.

 

Gunny has said many times, what one person doesn't want, the next person gains....this is the truth. I know this is the truth and I'm not settling for just any person....truth is, I may never settle again, but I'm going to have fun in this lifetime.

 

WhyHope - The cards are in your hands....I'm still on the fence on the NC because of the kids...LC is probably more in line for you....but you have to let her just do her thing and you work on you. Making that change for you will either help the marriage or help you in the long run.

 

BTW - Thanks Gunny!! If you ever get this way or vise-versa, we are going to have to do some shagging (and for those aren't aware, it's a dance not a UK term for "doing da nasty".) LOL!! :love:

[Gunny376]

LOL! Shagging! Love North and South Carolina!

 

Myrtle Beach, Tybee Island, Hunters Island, Hilton Head, Ocean Head, River Walk ~ Savannah. Charleston

[Gunny376]

Shagging North Carolina and / or South Carolina style ~ doesn't have anything to do with sex ~ but its an awesome way of dancing to Myrtle Beach Dancing!

[Gunny376]

BTW - Thanks Gunny!! If you ever get this way or vise-versa, we are going to have to do some shagging (and for those aren't aware, it's a dance not a UK term for "doing da nasty".) LOL!! :love:

 

LOL! Shagging is so much fun!

 

I love the Carolina's. The food, the seafood, the people. Eastern North Carolina BBQ? South Carolina shrimp on rice ~ OMG! :love:

 

I so much loved going out toward Flipp Island and hitting the bars in between ~ out in the middle or no where.

 

Margerrtivile.

 

No shagging isn't about sex ~ its about dancing!

[Butterflair]

I haven't posted much lately, just been lurking and waiting for my divorce time to come through but I wanted to say that the advice in this thread has helped me so much. Even though my separation is now 7 months, there are still very hard days and nights. My head thinks too much.

 

Do I want him back? no, he can have the girl and be happy (but he won't be)

 

I want to heal myself, I want to not need someone to make me happy, I want to be content being single and if someone floats into my life, great.

 

@whyhope - I've read your whole thread and you are making progress. It's going to be hard but you have to stop texting and asking questions for awhile. Only contact should be about the kids. Give her space and if she starts seeing you go on with your life, she'll start to think harder about things. Give her a chance to "miss" you. Be strong in front of her, cry in private. If her mind is on another man right now, you can't force it back. She has to decide to end it and move on. It has to be her decision whether she wants the marriage.

 

I wish you luck.

[tnttim]

I can personally attest to NC screwing up any recon as well as pretending that you are out dating to make him/her jealous....just gave my ex justification to move in with his GF and stop hiding it (or not hiding anything as he claims).

 

At least you found out where he stood. Its better than getting played and lied too, something your ex got pleasure out of.

[tnttim]

I can personally attest to NC screwing up any recon as well as pretending that you are out dating to make him/her jealous....just gave my ex justification to move in with his GF and stop hiding it (or not hiding anything as he claims).

 

At least you found out where he stood. Its better than getting played and lied too, something your ex got pleasure out of.

[Tea]

Tea, i would love to hear your whole story. How can i find that?

 

sorry, I haven't really posted a story of my trials and tribulations. This poster just reminded me of a difficult time in my life where I was very much like his wife: stubborn, upset, short-tempered, flighty, seeking (or unexpectedly finding and entertaining) outside attention, strong-willed, blaming H for my unhappiness, ready to move on and life my own life, etc.

 

I thought I could offer some help from the perspective of the other party and it just came out

[WhyHope]

sorry, I haven't really posted a story of my trials and tribulations. This poster just reminded me of a difficult time in my life where I was very much like his wife: stubborn, upset, short-tempered, flighty, seeking (or unexpectedly finding and entertaining) outside attention, strong-willed, blaming H for my unhappiness, ready to move on and life my own life, etc.

 

I thought I could offer some help from the perspective of the other party and it just came out

 

 

Its like you are my wife... Ok, haven't been here for awhile. Updates: Still LC; Staying positive - have my ups and downs. HATE this whole thing, but... gotta do what I gotta do.

 

A little better in terms of "checking up" on her. A little more trust. She flipped out for NO reason last night in front of the kids. No reason whatsoever. I calmly told her that a) no reason to flip b) no reason to flip in front of the kids.

 

Have been keeping my cool. Focusing on work. Contact is very limited. I hate that. But...

 

All of you - thank you for your support!

[trippi1432]

LOL! Shagging! Love North and South Carolina!

 

Myrtle Beach, Tybee Island, Hunters Island, Hilton Head, Ocean Head, River Walk ~ Savannah. Charleston

 

Darn Gunny - We missed the Beach Music Festival and Shag Contest in Carolina Beach....it was June 5th....meet ya there next year!!! :love: