Friend in bad relationship. Where to draw the line?

[Waiting4TheSun]

I have a friend who picks all the wrong guys, imho. Wrong as in physically and mentally abusive. They're just mean, mean men. The worst part about it is her children all witness this. I don't know if any of these guys touch her kids, but given what I know of them, I wouldn't throw out the notion at all. She gets involved with these guys very quickly. There's no "dating" period in her relationships that I've witnessed, it's just full bore boyfriend/girlfriend relationship. Currently, she's jobless and 100% dependent on the current boyfriend.

 

I've been progressively getting annoyed with her relationship problems, to the point that I'll avoid her calls and messages because I don't want to sit for 2 hours on the phone with her to listen to her complain about the same things over and over. She asks me for my opinion and my advise but never, ever takes it. I have reason to believe that she goes back and says to the bf "well this is what **me** thinks so you should change"... Which usually results in her bfs not liking me (like I care, I think they're horrible people).

 

I'm frustrated. This is how I've been thinking lately... How many damn times can you be a victim before you're volunteering?? Seriously!

 

My frustration is silent. I lend my ear to her, I tell her truthfully what I think of the situation, but damn! I feel like a broken record and I'm scared for both her and her children. I'm one for people doing what they choose in their lives. I understand that something good must be in that relationship for her to tolerate some of the crap he does. He cheats on her, screams at her and her children, throws things, punches holes in walls, and I know of one time he threw furniture at her.

 

Where do I draw the line?? I love my friend, but I feel so drained after she vents on me. I mean, I see no end in sight! She's trying to get this man to respect her, to treat her right and, me personally, I don't think you can change anyone ever.

 

Do I ask her not to talk to me about it anymore? Do I tell her once and for all what I think of her situation and tell her I'll always be here for her but won't tolerate the venting anymore? I'm at a loss. The last thing I want to do is alienate her but I just don't think it's fair to me to have to get all emotionally upset because my friend won't do a thing about her relationship.

 

Thanks in advance.

[ADF]

Every relationship needs a certain amount of reciprocity. You do for your friends, and they in turn do for you. The trouble with people like your friend is that their lives are so chaotic they need so much more than they can possibly give back. It exhausting. And, as you say, she doesn't even take good advice. As much as you clearly want to help, your resources are limited. There is only so much anyone can do.

 

Keep an eye on her, and if you think that she or her kids are in real danger, call the authorities. But set some boundries, too. No more endless venting at you.