Jazzy Posted July 13, 2000 Share Posted July 13, 2000 My husband and I just got back together. He lived in a house that he had furnished during our break-up. Now that we are back together, he refuses to rent the place out and merge the furnishings. However, he goes to that place often to check on things or to do whatever. I never go to the place because I don't feel welcome. I don't feel he is ready to move forward in our marriage, however, he tells me that he is. But he won't give up that place. Now, I have a problem with this. A big question mark lingers in my psychie. Is he or Is he not emotionally and physically back in the relationship? What is a wife to do? Link to post Share on other sites
JillyBean Posted July 13, 2000 Share Posted July 13, 2000 Hey Jazzy: Your post attracted my attention for several reasons. You and your husband just got back together where? He refuses to do what? He goes to where often? "That place"? You don't feel wlcome? You have a problem with this? Is he or is he not? As far as the physical goes, I have no idea. As far as the emotional... read above questions again, and again, and again... He's hanging on to what he made in your absence so, are you really back together?, not if he keeps hanging on to the life he made without you. Link to post Share on other sites
billy the kid Posted July 13, 2000 Share Posted July 13, 2000 awhile back whe had some problems with these kinds of posts.. I think it is great that you write but tell us all.. do you have a place that you both lived in before??? It really makes a difference, he might not won't to go back to that setting.. and you have a right to have a problem with the situation,, why does he want to keep this place..now a few questions for you .. who lives there . for how long. why and when does he visit them, and why.. well I 'd really like to say more but you have to let us know more.. My husband and I just got back together. He lived in a house that he had furnished during our break-up. Now that we are back together, he refuses to rent the place out and merge the furnishings. However, he goes to that place often to check on things or to do whatever. I never go to the place because I don't feel welcome. I don't feel he is ready to move forward in our marriage, however, he tells me that he is. But he won't give up that place. Now, I have a problem with this. A big question mark lingers in my psychie. Is he or Is he not emotionally and physically back in the relationship? What is a wife to do? Link to post Share on other sites
lisa Posted July 13, 2000 Share Posted July 13, 2000 I hate to be the suspicious one, but it sounds to me like he's not just going back to the house to 'do whatever'. Does he have a dog there? Because furniture and other household goods seem to hold up ok on their own. I rarely check on mine. On the little bit of information you have told me, it sounds like he may have somebody on the side. Or maybe he just wants to hold on to his bachelor's life a little longer. If this is the case, he doesn't sound ready to move on in your marriage. It doesn't make sense to me that he is unwilling to even rent the place out. Maybe he missed you during your seperation, isn't ready to lose you completely, but also isn't ready for the commitment of marriage- I had a friend who seperated from his wife due to an affair, bought a house nearby his mistress, then called his wife and said that the affair was over, and he had bought a new house for them to have a new start in, all the while intending to have both the women at the same time. Disgusting, huh? So perhaps that experience is coloring my perception of the situation. Do you feel in your heart he is seriously ready to take on the compromise and honesty and commitment that makes for a successful and happy marriage? If not, listen to yourself, as you will only be postponing the inevitable. My husband and I just got back together. He lived in a house that he had furnished during our break-up. Now that we are back together, he refuses to rent the place out and merge the furnishings. However, he goes to that place often to check on things or to do whatever. I never go to the place because I don't feel welcome. I don't feel he is ready to move forward in our marriage, however, he tells me that he is. But he won't give up that place. Now, I have a problem with this. A big question mark lingers in my psychie. Is he or Is he not emotionally and physically back in the relationship? What is a wife to do? Link to post Share on other sites
Nina Posted July 13, 2000 Share Posted July 13, 2000 Since he obviously hasn't invested himself into rebuilding the relationship, I don't think that he's ready to move forward. The thing is that you can't just sit back and wait for him to do all the work. Why don't you ask to go with him to the place he lived when you were separated? A relationship requires both parties to work to move forward. You can't hold grudges and expect one person to do all the work, even if he was the one at fault. You need to try and involve yourself into his life again. If he refuses to allow this, then you know that something is relaly wrong and that he's notbeing honest with you. I don't feel welcome at my future in-law's house, but I damn well bust my ass and go there so that I show my fiancee that I'm working to unite our families and I'm not a baby and I do what needs to be done. Link to post Share on other sites
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