Update on your situation/affair

[fooled once]

Since we aren't allowed to specifically ask for an update on just one member, I thought I would start this post so those currently in or ending their affair could update us all, instead of updates in other people's threads.

 

So..... if you are currently in an affair, how are things going?

 

So..... if you are currently exiting an affair, how are you doing?

[Circular]

Mine has been over for a little more than two months. It was a mutual agreement that things in their present state were pulling us apart and creating too much guilt especially with children involved. We agreed that NC was the best option for now and that at some point we'd have more of a casual friendship.

 

It's been rough, I really miss seeing her and talking to her regularly. Worse, she called and left a message on my voicemail the other day just to say hi. I didn't respond and feel like crap.

 

But, doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest thing.

[JustJoe]

The affair has been over for a few months. Re-conciliation didn't happen, so the MW's divorce is final, next week. MW has gotten a job, has repudiated her life-style and is going to therapy. BS has a new trophy wife readyto move in, as soon as the D is final, and will no doubt have the same problems he has had in the past. I have left the Army and will be teaching this fall. Will MW (soon to be FMW) and I get back together? More than likely , if she continues to prove herself. Since D-Day, she has done everything I have asked of her, and has shown herself to be committed to self-improvement. BTW although she and her STBX had a pre-nup, she refused the (sizeable)money settlement, saying that she is no longer for sale. I am very proud of her for this.

[Hazyhead]

Mine has been over for a little more than two months. It was a mutual agreement that things in their present state were pulling us apart and creating too much guilt especially with children involved. We agreed that NC was the best option for now and that at some point we'd have more of a casual friendship.

 

It's been rough, I really miss seeing her and talking to her regularly. Worse, she called and left a message on my voicemail the other day just to say hi. I didn't respond and feel like crap.

 

But, doing the right thing is sometimes the hardest thing.

 

You're very right Circular. I'm about three months out of a similar situation. It'll get easier and your feelings about her (even if just her impact on your life) will ease the more you reconnect with your family.

 

Good luck with it and stay strong. (That voicemail message must have been tough. If you're in NC don't respond! You're doing too well to throw away the progress you've made.)

[Silly_Girl]

I'm 2 or 3 weeks out of an affair. Quite often feel like I'm dying inside. Am confused about how the relationship came to be, and how it developed (my part, my needs, my behaviour), and also how it came to end oh so suddenly when I thought it was the real deal... Feel emptiness and sadness.

 

I need time to heal. I miss him every day, miss the things we did and the dreams we shared and the way we opened up to each other and the friendship and support and the way we made each other smile and the way we gently mocked each other. I miss the affection and the sex. I miss feeling lucky we found each other. And I miss feeling in love.

 

It's made me think of previous relationships (doesn't help that my ex-ex has been stalking and threatening me of late and deliberately stalling on the financial agreement) and all sorts of things. I appear to be grieving for my grandparents and natural father all over again, missing my overseas family, falling out with my mum, getting behind at work, my son's dad is being a prat, I'm a little on the broke side and my friends all tell me what a really 'strong person' I am and that I've 'survived much worse than this'.

 

This is the first adult relationship that I've had to end when I haven't wanted it to end. It's tough at times. I'm NC with xMM and hate that fact so much. But, as stated by Circular, doing the right thing is hard. But it will be worth it and will give me strength in the future, I hope.

 

This relationship/split seems to be a catalyst for me tidying up a lot of stuff. And I plan to take that opportunity (painful or not) so I can come out of it stronger than every before. There is only one area of my life right now of which I am proud/happy - my son. He's a wonderful excuse to act strong and get on with things.

[fooled once]

I'm 2 or 3 weeks out of an affair. Quite often feel like I'm dying inside. Am confused about how the relationship came to be, and how it developed (my part, my needs, my behaviour), and also how it came to end oh so suddenly when I thought it was the real deal... Feel emptiness and sadness.

 

I need time to heal. I miss him every day, miss the things we did and the dreams we shared and the way we opened up to each other and the friendship and support and the way we made each other smile and the way we gently mocked each other. I miss the affection and the sex. I miss feeling lucky we found each other. And I miss feeling in love.

 

It's made me think of previous relationships (doesn't help that my ex-ex has been stalking and threatening me of late and deliberately stalling on the financial agreement) and all sorts of things. I appear to be grieving for my grandparents and natural father all over again, missing my overseas family, falling out with my mum, getting behind at work, my son's dad is being a prat, I'm a little on the broke side and my friends all tell me what a really 'strong person' I am and that I've 'survived much worse than this'.

 

This is the first adult relationship that I've had to end when I haven't wanted it to end. It's tough at times. I'm NC with xMM and hate that fact so much. But, as stated by Circular, doing the right thing is hard. But it will be worth it and will give me strength in the future, I hope.

 

This relationship/split seems to be a catalyst for me tidying up a lot of stuff. And I plan to take that opportunity (painful or not) so I can come out of it stronger than every before. There is only one area of my life right now of which I am proud/happy - my son. He's a wonderful excuse to act strong and get on with things.

 

Silly, believe it or not, but your post reminds me of ME 12+ years ago. Your "ex ex" was my EX H who told me after we divorced, that he would have sex with me at least once more, even if he had to rape me. Yeah, the locks got quickly changed!

 

Your post about your MM brought back a ton of memories. What struck me the MOST was your last 2 sentences....as my son was very young when the A I was in ended (he was 8) and if not for him, I would probably still be in bed grieving (well, not REALLY, but you know what I mean). He was my reason for getting up each day and I am so thankful for that. I am also thankful he really doesn't have memories of me during that time (and none of the MM besides his dog). Hang tight to your son and he will help you through it all, I promise.

[Thunderbolt]

The affair ended 6 weeks ago and xMM and I have been in no NC. I told him to leave me alone unless he decided to end his M. It's been a tough road. I miss so much about him and us. We shared so much in the 3 years we were together. It's hard to believe the A is over. Some days are better than others but I seem to keep making it through another day. He emailed me a week ago and that seemed to destroy a big chunk of the confidence I had begun to rebuild. He wasn't asking for a reconciliation but for some reason he felt the need to tell me about his life (work, kids, coping, etc.). This was completely selfish on his end since I told him when we broke up that I didn't want any contact from him unless his M was over.

 

I was beginning to start the slow process of healing until he came back around. I don't understand why he did this?

 

I completely agree with Circular. Sometimes doing the right thing is definitely the hardest, especially when kids are involved.

[MorningCoffee]

It has been 14 weeks since our last contact in person, and 8 weeks of total NC. I think about her often, but less often. I miss her a great deal, but with much less pain than just two or three weeks ago.

 

My perspective on the relationship we developed over 2 years has also evolved as the pain of her absence from my daily life has lessened. Clearer on the emotional needs we each fulfilled in the other, as well as on those aspects of our relationship that were really growing into mutual devotion.

 

It was clear before it ended, and is clearer than ever now, that our connection was strong and getting deeper, and we both knew something would have to give. Neither of us was suited to a long term affair. I could no longer tolerate that I had to share her with her H, and she was having a hard time (emotionally) staying with him. Nevertheless, her obvious choice when confronted on D-Day was to choose to stay there and try to make the M work. I was not surprised at all.

 

Almost no contact after that during the first 6 weeks, just two brief phone conversations and a few emails. But 6 weeks after D-Day, she sent me a letter followed up by a lengthy email a few days later, and that was when I was pulled right back to intense misery. I had to stop waiting and start healing.

 

I made the decision to tell her please, no more contact at all unless it is to tell me you are divorcing.

 

Total NC and moving on have been very difficult, but is getting easier. I am getting a clearer picture (and LS posts are enormously helpful) of what was typical affair pattern stuff and what was actual relationship between us stuff. This will get me to where I want to be, which is to be able to remember fondly our love affair without the pain, to wish her well now and in the future, and to incorporate all the lessons so painfully learned into my life going forward.

[Confused4Now]

I'm at very limited contact (email on occasion) Like everyone else...I told her to not contact until she gives me what I want. I don't think that will ever happen. It's been about 2 months of emailing but since I'm doing things in my life...its a lot easier....working out, taking care of my kids, playing sports. I can barely find time to date.....which I'm doing as well.

 

So you can say I'm kinda on hold but kinda done....

[fooled once]

The affair ended 6 weeks ago and xMM and I have been in no NC. I told him to leave me alone unless he decided to end his M. It's been a tough road. I miss so much about him and us. We shared so much in the 3 years we were together. It's hard to believe the A is over. Some days are better than others but I seem to keep making it through another day. He emailed me a week ago and that seemed to destroy a big chunk of the confidence I had begun to rebuild. He wasn't asking for a reconciliation but for some reason he felt the need to tell me about his life (work, kids, coping, etc.). This was completely selfish on his end since I told him when we broke up that I didn't want any contact from him unless his M was over.

 

I was beginning to start the slow process of healing until he came back around. I don't understand why he did this?

 

I completely agree with Circular. Sometimes doing the right thing is definitely the hardest, especially when kids are involved.

 

Honey, you need to block his email or set it up so that they go to the trash immediately. He is playing a game with you -- to see if you will bite and he can drag you back in to suit his personal needs.

 

I am sorry you are hurting...but it will get less as time goes on. Jthorne was in an A on and off for 19 years - 19 years of her life! She too felt as you did.

 

But ask her how things are now? In fact, I am going to email her and make her update on her

[fooled once]

It has been 14 weeks since our last contact in person, and 8 weeks of total NC. I think about her often, but less often. I miss her a great deal, but with much less pain than just two or three weeks ago.

 

My perspective on the relationship we developed over 2 years has also evolved as the pain of her absence from my daily life has lessened. Clearer on the emotional needs we each fulfilled in the other, as well as on those aspects of our relationship that were really growing into mutual devotion.

 

It was clear before it ended, and is clearer than ever now, that our connection was strong and getting deeper, and we both knew something would have to give. Neither of us was suited to a long term affair. I could no longer tolerate that I had to share her with her H, and she was having a hard time (emotionally) staying with him. Nevertheless, her obvious choice when confronted on D-Day was to choose to stay there and try to make the M work. I was not surprised at all.

 

Almost no contact after that during the first 6 weeks, just two brief phone conversations and a few emails. But 6 weeks after D-Day, she sent me a letter followed up by a lengthy email a few days later, and that was when I was pulled right back to intense misery. I had to stop waiting and start healing.

 

I made the decision to tell her please, no more contact at all unless it is to tell me you are divorcing.

 

Total NC and moving on have been very difficult, but is getting easier. I am getting a clearer picture (and LS posts are enormously helpful) of what was typical affair pattern stuff and what was actual relationship between us stuff. This will get me to where I want to be, which is to be able to remember fondly our love affair without the pain, to wish her well now and in the future, and to incorporate all the lessons so painfully learned into my life going forward.

 

I'm at very limited contact (email on occasion) Like everyone else...I told her to not contact until she gives me what I want. I don't think that will ever happen. It's been about 2 months of emailing but since I'm doing things in my life...its a lot easier....working out, taking care of my kids, playing sports. I can barely find time to date.....which I'm doing as well.

 

So you can say I'm kinda on hold but kinda done....

 

Very happy that both of you updated us on how you are doing.

 

MC -- I am sorry that the MW actually had the 'opportunity' to come clean, yet chose not to.

 

C4N -- I am glad you are dating and healing.

 

Thank you both for sharing!

[Mombot]

Just got back from 4 day vacation with MM- He went home out of state for 3 weeks- I look great today but feel sad and kind of pissed. He did not call me today, am wondering if he is reconciling with separated wife. Not loving it even though the trip was fun.

[Thunderbolt]

fooled once, I know that I need to block him from my email. It's an account that we both privately have. Therefore, I should just close it completely. He'd most likely get the message if he ever tried to sent another note. I know this is what's best for me but it's so hard to do. I was psychotic in the way I was checking it daily (usually more). I was doing so well, I hadn't checked that email account in over a week and there it was. My heart stopped when I saw his name. Please do sent the update you spoke about earlier.

 

I was honestly beginning to think that I'd never hear from him again. I've worked really hard at maintaining NC for the last 6 weeks. This is the longest I've ever gone. This has been a minor set back. It hurts, but I plan on continuing to move forward.

[fooled once]

Thunder ((hugs)) close it.

 

You can do it. Having it is only causing you more heartache and NOT letting you move forward.

 

I have emailed jthorne and I know she will be here when she can and she will share. She is an amazing woman (like so many here). I hope you find her 'story' as inspiring as I did!

[jthorne]

Thunder ((hugs)) close it.

 

You can do it. Having it is only causing you more heartache and NOT letting you move forward.

 

I have emailed jthorne and I know she will be here when she can and she will share. She is an amazing woman (like so many here). I hope you find her 'story' as inspiring as I did!

Talk about pressure!!! Ugh. FO, you know I hate talking about this...

But for you, my friend, and if it will help others...

 

When I was 19, I fell in love with a MM 15 years my senior. Yes, I knew he was married, but I got what I now know to be the same old lines about how miserable he was... I was young, had little self esteem and was inexperienced. I wanted to rescue a "good man" that paid me attention (and sex) from what I thought was a miserable existance. I fell head over heels for him. This went on for much longer than I'd like to admit. I'd have relationships with single men during the breaks. But especially with MM in the wings ever so lonely, eventually I went back. Same story, different verse. More excuses. Leave, come back.

 

Later, I had to move ten hours away. The night before I left, he asked to see me. You guessed it, same song, different verse, this time, from ten hours away. For another three years, this went on. Daily (constant) emails, texting, calls when he could. Funny what you can say hiding behind a computer screen that you can't say to someone's face. Though we were farther away physically, I thought we had grown closer together. Maybe THIS time he'd see the light. But it just seemed like the emails and meeting 2-3 times a year were enough for him, even though he said they weren't, and even though he said he loved me the most, blah blah blah.

 

A family member was diagnosed with cancer, and my world changed. What was important then, wasn't important now. What I was justifying then wasn't acceptable. There was no more justifying. I couldn't do it his way anymore, hoping that he'd finally come around. It was hard. He was my friend. As they always say, I thought he was my best friend. He wasn't really. He was his best friend. Anyway, after what ended up being 10 years over a close to 20 year span, I finally realized that I had to live for me, not for him. What I was doing was wrong, I knew that all along, and made excuses. I couldn't anymore. My life, my soul, my integrity, my sanity was more important than him. So I said goodbye for good. It wasn't easy but while he wouldn't choose, I chose for him (finally). I chose ME.

 

I went NC. Made myself busy with other things, started going to the gym more. One day, one of my gym buddies asked me out. He's handsome, bright, ambitious, funny...so funny. And beautiful. Inside and out. We share the same ideals, the same goals. He had asked me out a few months earlier, but I declined because of MM. This time, I said yes. Because I was ready to say yes, and I could say yes.

 

We've been together ever since. I can't imagine my life without him. He said he waited around a long time for me to get my head out of my a$$, and he's glad I finally did. We're now engaged.

 

So, it can be done, my friends. There is definitely life after an affair.

Edited June 16, 2010 by jthorne

[fooled once]

Talk about pressure!!! Ugh. FO, you know I hate talking about this...

But for you, my friend, and if it will help others...

 

When I was 19, I fell in love with a MM 15 years my senior. Yes, I knew he was married, but I got what I now know to be the same old lines about how miserable he was... I was young, had little self esteem and was inexperienced. I wanted to rescue a "good man" that paid me attention (and sex) from what I thought was a miserable existance. I fell head over heels for him. This went on for much longer than I'd like to admit. I'd have relationships with single men during the breaks. But especially with MM in the wings ever so lonely, eventually I went back. Same story, different verse. More excuses. Leave, come back.

 

Later, I had to move ten hours away. The night before I left, he asked to see me. You guessed it, same song, different verse, this time, from ten hours away. For another three years, this went on. Daily (constant) emails, texting, calls when he could. Funny what you can say hiding behind a computer screen that you can't say to someone's face. Though we were farther away physically, I thought we had grown closer together. Maybe THIS time he'd see the light. But it just seemed like the emails and meeting 2-3 times a year were enough for him, even though he said they weren't, and even though he said he loved me the most, blah blah blah.

 

A family member was diagnosed with cancer, and my world changed. What was important then, wasn't important now. What I was justifying then wasn't acceptable. There was no more justifying. I couldn't do it his way anymore, hoping that he'd finally come around. It was hard. He was my friend. As they always say, I thought he was my best friend. He wasn't really. He was his best friend. Anyway, after what ended up being 10 years over a close to 20 year span, I finally realized that I had to live for me, not for him. What I was doing was wrong, I knew that all along, and made excuses. I couldn't anymore. My life, my soul, my integrity, my sanity was more important than him. So I said goodbye for good. It wasn't easy but while he wouldn't choose, I chose for him (finally). I chose ME.

 

I went NC. Made myself busy with other things, started going to the gym more. One day, one of my gym buddies asked me out. He's handsome, bright, ambitious, funny...so funny. And beautiful. Inside and out. We share the same ideals, the same goals. He had asked me out a few months earlier, but I declined because of MM. This time, I said yes. Because I was ready to say yes, and I could say yes.

 

We've been together ever since. I can't imagine my life without him. He said he waited around a long time for me to get my head out of my a$$, and he's glad I finally did. We're now engaged.

 

So, it can be done, my friends. There is definitely life after an affair.

 

:love::love::love::love::love::love:

 

Thanks jthorne for sharing this, even after much arm twisting

 

I am so incredibly happy for you!! After all you have endured, you broke free, you said ENOUGH and now, look at you :love::love::love::love:

 

I am so glad you chose YOU; I am so glad we clicked here and I am proud to call you my friend.

[Thunderbolt]

FO, thanks so much for putting a little pressure on jthorne. jthorne, what a roller coaster ride spanning so many years. I'm so happy that you were finally able to break free and find the happiness you deserve. I hope for this one day myself. It's tough breaking free from MM for good. It's so final. I'm doing my best and making progress. It's a daily struggle.

[jthorne]

Thank you, FO. I'm glad we're friends too, thanks to LS. Why didn't I find this place sooner?!?!

FO, thanks so much for putting a little pressure on jthorne. jthorne, what a roller coaster ride spanning so many years. I'm so happy that you were finally able to break free and find the happiness you deserve. I hope for this one day myself. It's tough breaking free from MM for good. It's so final. I'm doing my best and making progress. It's a daily struggle.

Thunder, it gets easier. It really does. Doing things for yourself helps. But you have to stop all methods of contact. There's no use checking email ten times a minute if you've set up a rule to delete emails from his address, kwim? Or having a secret email. One of the most empowering things I ever did was to delete permanently ever text or email I ever got from him. It helped purge him from my system.

 

It's hard to shift gears. In an A, it's all about him. Now it's time to make it all about YOU.

[White Flower]

Since we aren't allowed to specifically ask for an update on just one member, I thought I would start this post so those currently in or ending their affair could update us all, instead of updates in other people's threads.

 

So..... if you are currently in an affair, how are things going?

 

So..... if you are currently exiting an affair, how are you doing?

Not sure I can wait the Oct 1 deadline. Think I'm gonna bail very soon.

 

Shoot, I just took the bait, didn't I?

[TinaniT]

Still moving on forward with trying to be together free of our prior entanglements.

 

His wife knows now. I really had hoped he wouldn't tell her but he said while he would not bring it up on my request if she ever asked he would never lie to her because it was hard enough to not own up to it; he didn't want to lie outright. She actually burned some of his stuff that he personally prized (according to his oldest kid) and sold a few of his antique cars far below value... which was a little silly, since he was giving her all of that and she really cost herself money. He is not too concerned, though. A little disappointed but he figures he had it coming for having strayed before the marriage was final and that he needs to pay the piper, as it were, in order to move on with his life and that it might help bring her a little peace. We can only hope... I still think it would have been better for her to never know, not just for me and us, but for her, but I can appreciate not wanting to lie.

 

 

Am so happy with him still. He is an incredible man. We are perfect together. We have started attending some premarital counseling as suggested... not so much that we see an issue, but to make sure none develop. We know we have a lot against us and neither of us are willing to see this fail.

 

That's about all to say, I guess.

[Ellin]

Still moving on forward with trying to be together free of our prior entanglements.

 

His wife knows now. I really had hoped he wouldn't tell her but he said while he would not bring it up on my request if she ever asked he would never lie to her because it was hard enough to not own up to it; he didn't want to lie outright. She actually burned some of his stuff that he personally prized (according to his oldest kid) and sold a few of his antique cars far below value... which was a little silly, since he was giving her all of that and she really cost herself money. He is not too concerned, though. A little disappointed but he figures he had it coming for having strayed before the marriage was final and that he needs to pay the piper, as it were, in order to move on with his life and that it might help bring her a little peace. We can only hope... I still think it would have been better for her to never know, not just for me and us, but for her, but I can appreciate not wanting to lie.

 

 

Am so happy with him still. He is an incredible man. We are perfect together. We have started attending some premarital counseling as suggested... not so much that we see an issue, but to make sure none develop. We know we have a lot against us and neither of us are willing to see this fail.

 

That's about all to say, I guess.

Hi, TinaniT!

 

Thank you for sharing this, it's an inspiration and shows how problems can be dealt with.

 

I'm sure you wish your happiness didn't have to cause someone else to become upset, but life is not a fairy tale.

 

Hope you two stick together and get through all the difficulties with similar success.

 

All the best!

[Heather1]

After 2 months of NC, we are in LC the last few months. It seems he wants me to say "we're friends." I'm fighting that tooth & nail, because it just means he feels better about hurting me & moving on. Honestly though, I give up on our A. We're in "how's the weather?" mode, nothing intense, no flirting. I actually saw him the other day & we gave each other a limp hug. We didn't talk about us at all, only when he asked if we could be friends & I said, "I don't know." Haven't heard from him since.

 

I don't have intense feelings for him anymore, although I have to admit, I do love him in a friend sense. I miss that part, but we haven't been actual friends since the PA started. Of course I miss the physical, but the mental pain far outweighed any physical pleasure we had.

 

So I guess I'm doing OK. Not planning our next meeting, not hoping to hear from him, not thinking we have a future at all. Just staying busy (really busy!)

[ladydesigner]

I have been NC for 11 months and do not miss my XAP at all. I feel totally free of him now. I do not feel an ounce of hatred for him anymore either. I went through a large bout of anger for almost six months (really?) but have truly let go. I wish him well and have no hard feelings. Our A was a mistake (by choice) that never should have been made.

 

I have some new issues in my M that I posted on the infidelity forum recently and have been working on resolving that. But besides that I am loving my life and my kids to the fullest.

[fooled once]

I have been NC for 11 months and do not miss my XAP at all. I feel totally free of him now. I do not feel an ounce of hatred for him anymore either. I went through a large bout of anger for almost six months (really?) but have truly let go. I wish him well and have no hard feelings. Our A was a mistake (by choice) that never should have been made.

 

I have some new issues in my M that I posted on the infidelity forum recently and have been working on resolving that. But besides that I am loving my life and my kids to the fullest.

 

LD ((HHUUUGGSS))) I was hoping you would pop on and answer.

 

I am so happy to see how far you have come. I am incredibly proud of you - and I sincerely mean that. My hope for you - M or not M - is that you find happiness and joy from the bottoms of your feet to the top of your head.

 

Life is about enjoying it -- yes, we have struggles and we do learn from them (hopefully!!) but we grow so much.

 

I don't 'regret' my A at all - without it, I wouldn't have been where I was so that I found my H If I had to regret the A, it would mean I wish it hadn't happened and if it didn't happen, I wouldn't have met H.

 

Grab life by the ass and go for it honey. I need to pop over to Infidelity and check up on you, but if you aren't happy in the M, speak up, try to work it out and if that doesn't happen, GET OUT. I know you have kids, as did I when I divorced my 1st H. My S was 6 so I do get it about being a single parent. My ex refused visitation for the first year we were split so I had my S full time and my EX saw him maybe 6 times that first year (he lived within 10 minutes from us). It was HARD - HARD as hell. I was DIRT poor, he was paying majorly reduced Child Support (because I felt bad for divorcing him --- yes, I was stupid to feel bad) so I cut his c/s in half. Yet, I had the house, daycare and all the debt from our marriage ($15k) when I was making barely enough to support my S and I without all the extra stuff.

 

But I did it !! No one can ever take that away from me and I am grateful that I had that time between marriages to bond with my son even more.

 

You have more strength than you think --- so go with your gut my friend.

 

I wish you peace and happiness!

[fooled once]

After 2 months of NC, we are in LC the last few months. It seems he wants me to say "we're friends." I'm fighting that tooth & nail, because it just means he feels better about hurting me & moving on. Honestly though, I give up on our A. We're in "how's the weather?" mode, nothing intense, no flirting. I actually saw him the other day & we gave each other a limp hug. We didn't talk about us at all, only when he asked if we could be friends & I said, "I don't know." Haven't heard from him since.

 

I don't have intense feelings for him anymore, although I have to admit, I do love him in a friend sense. I miss that part, but we haven't been actual friends since the PA started. Of course I miss the physical, but the mental pain far outweighed any physical pleasure we had.

 

So I guess I'm doing OK. Not planning our next meeting, not hoping to hear from him, not thinking we have a future at all. Just staying busy (really busy!)

 

So let me ask you Heather -- why are you even in LC with him? Why would you want to put yourself back into that game with him? Are you 'strong' enough to refuse him should he ask for a quickie? I don't mean that snarky at all. The A ruined any sort of friendship you had, IMHO. You can't go backwards. So ... why are you even in LC with him?