Update on your situation/affair

[White Flower]

i'm sorry that he's not the man you THOUGHT he COULD be. that is more realistic.

 

hugs to all you gals who were fooled by these manless/heartless greedy men.

Hugs right back at ya;)

[Hazyhead]

Hi JJ, haven't been around so much lately, hence this being a delayed response, but I hope you are ok. How did the contact go?

 

I just need to vent about my situation such as it is. something tricky has come up in business (cant explain more on public forum) which directly impacts him and its an issue I have to push or I could get into hot water. I know I will have to be in contact with him over the course of the next few days unless his company does what I want them to do without any resistance.

 

For whatever reason, probably because this would be much easier to deal with if he and I were still close, or even on normal speaking terms , I have missed him terribly weekend. Not him as he is now (Im convinced hes been replaced by a pod) but the old him that he was when we were together.

 

Im sure its just that it would make this all easy. I no longer have the same ability to guide him to the right answer.

 

Very frustrating and all his fault because he no longer appreciates that I am always right... What I need to have happen is helpful to him as well although he hasnt grasped that concept yet.

 

I just hate missing him. I know there is nothing to miss. The man I knew no longer exists, hes like a turtle who has gone back into his shell. I keep telling myself that and hope tomorrow the missing business is behind me again.

[Fieldsofgold]

My xBF/MM just never seems to run out of it.

 

I have not spoken to him or texted in months, but he had been sending e-mails which I mostly just deleted, occasionally read, and very rarely replied.

 

I did read them occasionally because they were sometimes amusing, always reinforcing that he is not relationship material, and also, a part of me really wanted to understand what makes people like him tick.

 

So the last couple of months he's really poured it on thick. He's gotten rid of the OW, moved her out of the house he was providing for her, sold the house. She's moved to NY where her adult children live, never to be heard from again. He's working on the divorce from the W. He's living on his boat to be away from the clamouring females. His e-mails are full of details about life on the boat. And always declaring his undying love for me - he loves me like no other (I'm really believing this - but not like he means it!) So about a week or so ago, he begs me, via e-mail, to tell him what it would take to make me trust him again. Since WF had asked me a similar question a while back, I gave it some thought. Then e-mailed him back and told him to send me unaltered detailed copies of his past 3 months' phone bills. Of course I never for one minute expected to actually see one of those bills. But it was rather amusing to see the endless parade of failed "attempts" to e-mail me the copies.

 

So a couple of days ago, I was on business in the town where the OW lives, and my meeting was actually only a few blocks from the house. I swore I would never stoop to checking up on anybody. So I drove by. Just as I suspected, she had not moved at all. As an added bonus, both of their vehicles were parked under the garage (door was open.)

 

Here's what baffles me. Why, why, why would he tell such outrageous lies that could so easily be found out? (the town is within 50 miles of my home.) Is he just psycho? (I think he is.) Or was he counting on me having "too much dignity" to drive by? (Oops, guess I don't. But I was sooooo close, I just couldn't resist.)

 

I really think he's psycho.

 

His e-mails are no longer amusing and I certainly don't need any more reinforcing. I also realize that me trying to figure out what makes him tick is not gonna happen. At this point, NC is a non-issue. I have blocked his e-mails, which I probably should have done long ago, but I feel the continued reading really did give me some closure.

 

So I guess my final question is this: is he a psycho nut case, or is this just the sort of stuff MM are made of?

[Silly_Girl]

is he a psycho nut case,

 

Yes. Yes he is. How bloody annoying!!!! And the lengths he's gone to. Not even funny really. The fact he thinks your lil heart might be bursting to receive that bullsheet from him. Oh lordy.

[Fieldsofgold]

Yes. Yes he is. How bloody annoying!!!! And the lengths he's gone to. Not even funny really. The fact he thinks your lil heart might be bursting to receive that bullsheet from him. Oh lordy.

 

I know! It really is quite insulting.

 

But you know what? I feel stupid all over again. Why do I feel so stupid? I never believed him after the initial discovery. I never entertained any possibility of a relationship with him, nor nor did I want any sort of relationship with him. Yet, I feel almost as stupid as I did the day I found him out. I don't know. I just feel bad all over again.

 

I just want to give him a good bashing!

[Silly_Girl]

I know! It really is quite insulting.

 

But you know what? I feel stupid all over again. Why do I feel so stupid? I never believed him after the initial discovery. I never entertained any possibility of a relationship with him, nor nor did I want any sort of relationship with him. Yet, I feel almost as stupid as I did the day I found him out. I don't know. I just feel bad all over again.

 

I just want to give him a good bashing!

 

Don't feel stoopid. Feel smug. Your lie-dar was working just fine and you knew in your gut what he was doing. It's not nice that he did it, but he didn't 'get' you. You got him.

[BB07]

I know! It really is quite insulting.

 

But you know what? I feel stupid all over again. Why do I feel so stupid? I never believed him after the initial discovery. I never entertained any possibility of a relationship with him, nor nor did I want any sort of relationship with him. Yet, I feel almost as stupid as I did the day I found him out. I don't know. I just feel bad all over again.

 

I just want to give him a good bashing!

 

Sorry FOG.......chin up and hugs to you.

[Fieldsofgold]

Don't feel stoopid. Feel smug. Your lie-dar was working just fine and you knew in your gut what he was doing. It's not nice that he did it, but he didn't 'get' you. You got him.

 

"Lie-dar!". OMG, that is funny! Thank you. It does make me feel better to think of it like that.

 

But . . . I'm sorry I even wasted any of my "lie-dar" on him. Makes me think maybe I wasn't as "on top of it" or as "over it" as I had liked to think.

 

One things for sure, if I wasn't - I am now. That chapter's locked down tighter than some of our threads on LS.

 

Truthfully, I am still a little bit angry.

[Fieldsofgold]

Sorry FOG.......chin up and hugs to you.

 

Thanks, BB. You, too!

[Silly_Girl]

 

Truthfully, I am still a little bit angry.

 

I know. I do. I would be too...

 

But that's the last time. Hurrah!!!! Party at FoG's place!

[White Flower]

My xBF/MM just never seems to run out of it.

 

I have not spoken to him or texted in months, but he had been sending e-mails which I mostly just deleted, occasionally read, and very rarely replied.

 

I did read them occasionally because they were sometimes amusing, always reinforcing that he is not relationship material, and also, a part of me really wanted to understand what makes people like him tick.

 

So the last couple of months he's really poured it on thick. He's gotten rid of the OW, moved her out of the house he was providing for her, sold the house. She's moved to NY where her adult children live, never to be heard from again. He's working on the divorce from the W. He's living on his boat to be away from the clamouring females. His e-mails are full of details about life on the boat. And always declaring his undying love for me - he loves me like no other (I'm really believing this - but not like he means it!) So about a week or so ago, he begs me, via e-mail, to tell him what it would take to make me trust him again. Since WF had asked me a similar question a while back, I gave it some thought. Then e-mailed him back and told him to send me unaltered detailed copies of his past 3 months' phone bills. Of course I never for one minute expected to actually see one of those bills. But it was rather amusing to see the endless parade of failed "attempts" to e-mail me the copies.

 

So a couple of days ago, I was on business in the town where the OW lives, and my meeting was actually only a few blocks from the house. I swore I would never stoop to checking up on anybody. So I drove by. Just as I suspected, she had not moved at all. As an added bonus, both of their vehicles were parked under the garage (door was open.)

 

Here's what baffles me. Why, why, why would he tell such outrageous lies that could so easily be found out? (the town is within 50 miles of my home.) Is he just psycho? (I think he is.) Or was he counting on me having "too much dignity" to drive by? (Oops, guess I don't. But I was sooooo close, I just couldn't resist.)

 

I really think he's psycho.

 

His e-mails are no longer amusing and I certainly don't need any more reinforcing. I also realize that me trying to figure out what makes him tick is not gonna happen. At this point, NC is a non-issue. I have blocked his e-mails, which I probably should have done long ago, but I feel the continued reading really did give me some closure.

 

So I guess my final question is this: is he a psycho nut case, or is this just the sort of stuff MM are made of?

Wow FoG!!!

 

He must be psycho. Or just really stupid. Or just thinks ALL women are stupid.

 

I hope for the sake of educating this poor excuse of a chauvanistic pig that you enlightened him and told him you caught him lying once again and that you were going to block him.

 

L O freaking L!!!

[White Flower]

"Lie-dar!". OMG, that is funny! Thank you. It does make me feel better to think of it like that.

 

But . . . I'm sorry I even wasted any of my "lie-dar" on him. Makes me think maybe I wasn't as "on top of it" or as "over it" as I had liked to think.

 

One things for sure, if I wasn't - I am now. That chapter's locked down tighter than some of our threads on LS.

 

Truthfully, I am still a little bit angry.

So use that anger to remind you of staying NC. Anger helps.

[Mombot]

Just got back from 4 day vacation with MM- He went home out of state for 3 weeks- I look great today but feel sad and kind of pissed. He did not call me today, am wondering if he is reconciling with separated wife. Not loving it even though the trip was fun.

Hard to believe that wasn't even two months ago. Now I am giving a huge shot at NC. It's Tuesday- I started this NC Friday. I thought there would have been a D Day but that fizzled out, he shrugged it off and she told me she didn't believe me and not to bother her, and here I sit.

[White Flower]

Wow Mombot, it is hard to believe the turn it has taken. I'm surprised she woudn't want to talk with you more to get the whole truth.

 

Update for me. MM is still in IC, still working on plan to leave, and hopes it will be before Christmas.

 

This time I wait with an air of...whatever. In fact I'm not waiting at all. If it happens it happens but in the meantime I'm having all kinds of fun. Taking calls, going dancing, and I can't mention the rest.

 

And I told him that. Well, most of that.

 

But I have spoken with him. He has taken to showing up since I didn't answer calls when he came back from the cruise. I guess that is his way of saying how serious he is...since he lives so far away. Driving all that way when he's not even sure I'll be at home or at work (my hours change weekly) is a gamble for a man who doesn't take many risks...as I found out over the years.

[Mombot]

I hope the IC helps- I can see his flying over to see you as a gallant romantic gesture. Okay so he drove. And that meant something to you that was very big.

[NoIDidn't]

Wow Mombot, it is hard to believe the turn it has taken. I'm surprised she woudn't want to talk with you more to get the whole truth.

 

Update for me. MM is still in IC, still working on plan to leave, and hopes it will be before Christmas.

 

This time I wait with an air of...whatever. In fact I'm not waiting at all. If it happens it happens but in the meantime I'm having all kinds of fun. Taking calls, going dancing, and I can't mention the rest.

 

And I told him that. Well, most of that.

 

But I have spoken with him. He has taken to showing up since I didn't answer calls when he came back from the cruise. I guess that is his way of saying how serious he is...since he lives so far away. Driving all that way when he's not even sure I'll be at home or at work (my hours change weekly) is a gamble for a man who doesn't take many risks...as I found out over the years.

 

Didn't you tell him if he went on the cruise it was over?

[White Flower]

I hope the IC helps- I can see his flying over to see you as a gallant romantic gesture. Okay so he drove. And that meant something to you that was very big.

Thanks Mombot.

Didn't you tell him if he went on the cruise it was over?

 

Yes I did. And it was very effective.

 

The cruise was very tragic btw, and I had to give my condolences. It would have been cruel not to

[2sunny]

White Flower;2934269]

Update for me. MM is still in IC, still working on plan to leave, and hopes it will be before Christmas.

 

now Christmas? before it was October. then he went on the cruise and you still took him back - and now it's Christmas... oh brther - he's a gem of a man.

 

This time I wait with an air of...whatever. In fact I'm not waiting at all. If it happens it happens but in the meantime I'm having all kinds of fun. Taking calls, going dancing, and I can't mention the rest.

 

oh yes you are waiting - who are you fooling? you took him back! stop fooling yourself. be honest WF.

 

And I told him that. Well, most of that.

 

it's not funny to watch you go back for more manipulations and lies.

 

But I have spoken with him. He has taken to showing up since I didn't answer calls when he came back from the cruise. I guess that is his way of saying how serious he is...since he lives so far away. Driving all that way when he's not even sure I'll be at home or at work (my hours change weekly) is a gamble for a man who doesn't take many risks...as I found out over the years.

 

 

of course he did - he knew if he persuaded you after lying and going on the cruise - you would cave - have sex - and go back for ANOTHER date that's, once again, even further down the calendar.

 

 

such a vicious cycle for you WF. when are you going to get off his merri-go-round? it's exhausting just watching it from here. he hurts you every time. when is it going to be about YOUR best interest?

[Mombot]

My daughter wants me to break NC with separated man. She said he is fair game and I have never been so happy.

[Silly_Girl]

My daughter wants me to break NC with separated man. She said he is fair game and I have never been so happy.

 

Maybe he makes you ridiculously, disgustingly happy. If he can't be there when you need him to be, you WILL end up unhappy.

 

This way you skip the bit in the middle?...

 

Unless you think there's a Happy Ever After?

[Mombot]

Am at a real loss here.

[Silly_Girl]

Am at a real loss here.

 

Why? What's zipping through your head?

[Mombot]

I was so happy before I found out he is terminally separated- he said for years he was divorced. I tried emailing his W but she said she didn't believe me and not to bother her, He just shrugged it off, and that really made me feel like what I thought didn't matter. Many people feel separated is fine to date and whatever, but in my heart of hearts I don't want to fall in love very deeply with someone who will not be available for whatever reason. I listened to the I need her insurance for 2 more years blah blah blah- And then when his family was there, he said he's call me and didn't call when he said he definitely would. So I went NC and now my daughter thinks I'm being unfair to him and should talk to him and clear the air, but I don't know what to say. I think he knows why I won't talk to him.

[White Flower]

now Christmas? before it was October. then he went on the cruise and you still took him back - and now it's Christmas... oh brther - he's a gem of a man.

He said he'd tell her by October and move out by then. He doesn't want me to go through 'another Christmas alone'. That doesn't mean he changed the timeline. You misunderstood my words.

 

Yes, I'm entertaining the promises. No, not sure it will happen.

 

oh yes you are waiting - who are you fooling? you took him back! stop fooling yourself. be honest WF.

Being totally honest. Will I be happy if it happens, sure. Am I sitting at home alone biting my nails? Hell no. And he knows it.

 

 

it's not funny to watch you go back for more manipulations and lies.

No, it wouldn't be funny to watch manipulation and lies. If this were any other time in his life and if he were snowing just another OW I'd have to agree. Hell, I'd be starting the thread myself. But I see sincerity in him, I hear all about the counseling and I know when he's lying. If I ever feel he is lying to me, trust me he will suffer.

 

 

of course he did - he knew if he persuaded you after lying and going on the cruise - you would cave - have sex - and go back for ANOTHER date that's, once again, even further down the calendar.

 

 

such a vicious cycle for you WF. when are you going to get off his merri-go-round? it's exhausting just watching it from here. he hurts you every time. when is it going to be about YOUR best interest?

Who said I'm having sex with him?

 

And he is working on my best interests in the capacity that he can right now. No, it's not perfect like it would be with a SG but I see a positive change in that direction. Trust me, the way I was feeling before is worlds different than I am now due to these changes. Please give me some credit for knowing the difference.

 

If he screws me over after all this you will be the first one I invite to bash him with me.