Not sure if our marriage would work...

[MissVegas]

My boyfriend and I have been together for four years. I just finished my degree and am starting work and will be moving out of my parent’s house in the near future. I would like to live by myself for a period of time before getting married so I can learn how to be completely independent so I can be a better spouse. I really want to get married in the near future though (within 3 years would be nice) but now that my life is changing I am unsure whether my boyfriend is the one for me and wanted some insight on our relationship and if it is time to throw the towel in and just give up on us or if it can be worked out. Here’s some background. My boyfriend is OCD about cleanliness and likes to keep everything a certain way and everything done a certain way. He would rather wash his floor on a Saturday night than curl up and cuddle. Also ff you get to the same result without doing it his way it is still wrong. I on the other hand am a little more laid back and frequently leave the house with makeup laying out on the vanity and clothes on the floor which always get picked up but later on. I am not a messy/dirty person I clean up after myself I’m just not as hardcore and I’m more laid back in general. He also is very serious most of the time and lets stress really get to him. For example if his work does not pay him his travel claims on time or he has a bad day at work he gets very grumpy and stressed and unhappy. I myself don’t let things affect me this way and find it hard to deal with him when he gets so grumpy about things and I’m trying to comfort him with no avail. My boyfriend also snaps at me frequently and sometimes swears like if we’re driving and I ask him something at an inconvenient time or I make a mistake such as I forget to barder on a t shirt in mexico and pay full price *which was 2 dollars more* etc. He does not call me any swear words but will use them in the sentence when he snaps. It makes me feel stupid and like I’m one inch tall when he snaps at me and I’ve told him that but it still sometimes happens. I’ve seen many husbands and wives snap at each other though. That’s the clashes in our personality. I’m more laid back which causes me to not care so much about tiny little cleaning details etc which causes me to irritate him which causes him to snap at me and then I feel stupid and small. Another problem we have is some trust that has been broken in the past. I’ve caught him texting girls on his phone sending pictures and I have also found out he flirts online with girls in the past. He goes out a lot with his friends and drinks and we fought one time a few summers ago when I found him with the same girl in 20 pictures at the bar on his camera with his shirt up and his arms around her. During the heat of it all I asked him for his facebook password and email password but he refused and he keeps his phone glued to him. I’ve forgiven him but I cannot forget and I do not bother checking his phone anymore if I have the chance because I have decided to trust him and when I did check he always turns it around and I get in more trouble from him for looking at his phone. I do not believe he is flirting doing anything right now though. We have really good times too though. His OCD is not always a bad thing because when we go on vacation he basically takes care of making sure the money is safe and carrying the room cards and the towel cards and is organized and I just relax. We can go on vacation for two weeks and have a wonderful time. We spend time with our families and do fun things but can also make grocery shopping or painting the garage the funnest thing together too. We love each other very much and he does lots of sweet things for me too. I love him so much and want to make him happy and really want it to work but I feel like I have gained some new maturity with my life changing and I don’t know if we can ever get married with the broken trust and the difference in personality. The broken trust and difference in personality doesn’t sit on the surface of our relationship most of the time were perfectly happy together but it comes out now and then and it makes me wonder. I want more than anything to share my life with someone and be an amazing wife and I definitely don’t ever want to get divorced. Can we work through these things or should I start fresh?

[TaraMaiden]

It depends.

On whether you both equally see them as problems, and whether you both want to work on them together.

if you have different perceptions on whether these really are niggles, issues or deal-breakers - then there might be bigger niggles, issues or deal-breakers down the line.

 

Nobody ever gets married contemplating the possibility of divorce.

So if you're wondering now....

 

Well....

What do you think?

 

Oh and by the way - please break up your post into easily legible paragraphs.

As a big rectangle of black and white text-block - it's really hard to keep track of different lines.

And I'm not just being picky.

It's in the guidelines......

[aerogurl87]

Trust is one of the cornerstones to building a solid foundation for a relationship. Without it, it's like using sand to build a house on that's near the beach, not a good idea. So if you don't trust him now and he's still being secretive about everything, then do you think some wedding bands, a ceremony, and a marriage certificate are going to change that? Just something to think about.