I Told (Again) Why do I feel guilty?

[jthorne]

jj,

 

If you really want it to stop, quit reporting him to his partners, and start reporting him to his wife. Everytime he sends you an email copy it to her. If it contains sensitive work related materials you can always edit it out, and forward the rest of the email to her.

 

When he calls, call her. Put him on hold and initiate a 3-way call to his wife. I am sure she would be interested in knowing just how frequently he is breaking NC.

 

(Hell, you probably don't have to REALLY do any of that, just tell him that you are going to.. that will probably be enough to cool his jets for awhile anyway. *shrug*)

I thought about this, FA. And I think in a lot of situations, even the threat of it might work. But this guy has the ability to smear her reputation in the marketplace. While IMO that makes him look like the jerk and not her, I'm not sure it's a risk she's willing to take.

 

Just my take on it, I could be wrong.

[jj33]

Thanks I take your point. I cant just leave my business right now and I dont want to. I would have to leave the country in which I live I dont have anywhere to go it is not workable.

 

I do take everyones point tho that I need to stop responding in any way and stop reporting him. Silence will speak far louder than words.

[jj33]

You are spot on J Thorne. And the fact is his W does not care. She would be furious to be annoyed with something so petty. I would be ruining myself for no gain.

[Silly_Girl]

I do take everyones point tho that I need to stop responding in any way and stop reporting him. Silence will speak far louder than words.

 

Lots of luck. I have another ex and I have found it so hard. Because he knows the buttons to press and knows my weaknesses (my job, son etc). I feel utterly trapped by him/his actions. I really hope this works out for you.

[jj33]

My head is spinning. I see now I should have held my tongue and said nothing. Just let it pass and not react.

 

I suppose it will blow over like it always does and in the future if I can will myself not to react it will be fine.

 

Whatever damage I did with his associates is done and was done some time ago.

[Jilly Bean]

JJ - I know you don't like the insinuation that you love the drama, but looking at your profile, you start a new thread on this every two weeks or so. Same topic, same situation, same comments, same replies.

 

After two years, despite ALL the advice you have been given, NOTHING has changed for you. You're still in the same place, and still crying the same cry. TWO YEARS.

 

That's drama, hon. Personally, I think you choose to nurture any kind of attention or interaction you get with him, and hold it close and dear, as if it might actually sprout into something. I don't think he gives a hoot about you, but here you are, TWO YEARS LATER, still fantasizing that he's doing this because he might want to call you up for mistress status again. Ain't gonna happen...

 

What will happen, if you continue on with your unrequited obsession and attachment, is your life will pass you by. Yes, you will have this career you enjoy, but you will have spent your life pining for someone who has no interest, instead opting to fortifying your pain, hurt, and rejection over and over, every time he sends you a business email or phone call. You will continue to not move on with your life, not date other (available, single) men and before you know it, you will be a senior citizen, and will look back on the choices you made and regret your choice to be stuck, rather than allow yourself to move on.

 

At this point, it isn't HIM that is torturing you and making your life so unhappy. It's YOU, JJ. No one but you, hon.

[jj33]

Thanks for your kind words Jilly. You dont know enough about my life to make that call but I can understand how you might see it that way.

[jj33]

It looks like my resolve not to react is going to be tested sooner than expected. I am going to have to spend the day with xMM and his colleagues and a mutual customer.

 

Wish me luck

[califnan]

It looks like my resolve not to react is going to be tested sooner than expected. I am going to have to spend the day with xMM and his colleagues and a mutual customer.

 

Wish me luck

 

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Colleagues / Customer ... Keep the same expression and businesslike stance you give them .. for him .. Don't allow your expression to change... If it appears he is badgering you - testing you, give him short businesslike answers..

[jj33]

Thanks Califnan. I had a major breakthrough today and I am feeling much stronger about things.

 

A few years ago someone I knew experienced really weird behavior from her husbands grown children. They did things that you would scold a child for but are just too bizarre coming from an adult (like hiding her keys so that they had the locks changed and admitting it months later).

 

Today it hit me that this is the same behavior. There is some reason for it, but actually the reason doesnt matter. If children act out you scold them or punish them.

 

If an adult acts out like that and you arent related to them, you distance yourself and when you cant you just treat them like the children that they are.

[califnan]

 

If an adult acts out like that and you arent related to them, you distance yourself and when you cant you just treat them like the children that they are.

 

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Yes, with indifference..

[jj33]

Thanks. Yes it feels so much easier now that I have an incredibly absurd set of facts to relate it to.

 

I was so in the midst of it that it was hard to see the forest from the trees. I hope he doesnt keep trying to undermine me in business but I will just have to deal with that the best I can if he does that.

 

But the rest of it suddenly seems far less intrusive because it just seems silly now.

[jennie-jennie]

Sorry, wrong thread.

 

Be well, jj!