Ahh Tony

[Shannon's Husband]

Shannon shared her posts and your response to it and I also read some of your other posts to other people as well.

 

I suppose that from the way Shannon worded it, 12 hours did seem a bit obsessive and if that was the case then I perhaps would agree with at least part of what you say. However what was not stated is that my work is my computer and those 12 hours spent on it in recent days was to complete a web design for a client that will put food on the table. I chose this profession because it allows me to spend time at home with Shannon and steal some moments that I would not have the opportunity to if I worked an hour from home in some office.

 

Who are you to state we have no marriage. Both Shannon and I have been in your off the net type relationships and have both experienced marriages that have gone ignored due to the other being ignored for work, or some other reason. It sounds like you have a personal problem with the net and i would bet that somewhere in your past, your significant other has turned to it to escape you which would account for your feelings.

 

The net has contributed to many divorces, but then so has bars and sports and to single it out is ridiculous. The net also has given many the opportunity to meet their future mates from across oceans and allowed them to get to know each other on different levels than ever believed possible.

 

Concerning your question or thought as to why I came to this country to marry Shannon it is because I love her and did not want to force her to come to my country if she was not ready to do so. In doing this I have left all my family and friends and have committed myself to supporting us and making a future for both of us. If working on the net interferes with that for the time being then that is a small sacrifice for a lifetime of security and happiness.

 

You are one of those people that pre-judge and base your opinions on hear-say and come across as some expert on all things. Shannon and I are all too familiar with your type but unfortunately there are some that would take your advice without even considering the reason you choose to use your cat in your posts is because you can not deal with the possibility of a human questioning your opinions.

 

Thank you for your response, it was enlightening and one I will file with other worthless information/

[Tony T]

You comments are well taken. But I am not married to you and I have no problems with your Internet activity at all. You need to communicate with your wife because she is the one who feels rejected and neglected by your activity on the computer.

 

The advice people give at the forum is based solely on the information given. The fact that your wife omitted important information is not my fault.

 

As far as my opinion that you have no marriage, that is an opinion that I stick by based solely on the information provided. It will be up to you to convince your wife otherwise.

 

According to the American Bar Association, neglect of a spouse through use of the Internet has emerged as a main reason for divorce, just behind abuse and financial problems. I am a lover of the net, I subscribe to DSL so I can get it faster, and spend an aggragate amount of about two hours daily at my computer. The only TV programs I watch as the news and one popular quiz program.

 

Now, I truly understand your explanation to me about why you came to this country and appreciate the sacrifice you made. However, you must communicate this to your wife, not me. If you already have and she still has found a need to post her problem here, then the explanation was insufficient and you may need to revisit this matter with her. She is the once who must be convinced, not me.

 

The fact that your wife showed you the posts says a whole lot about how she feels. A woman who is happily married would not have posted in the first place. A woman who is sort of happy would not have showed you copies of the posts to her querie. Unless her posts were part of a mean joke, which I doubt, she was showing you those posts because she wanted to get your attention. Sadly, so many wives do not get their husband's attention until it is in divorce court.

 

As far as prejuding, I don't have time for that. I do not know you and never will. I do not know your wife and never will. I did make comments, again based solely on the post, and while those opinions may not be popular I am as entitled to them as any other.

 

Perhaps I was harsh in saying you do not have a marriage. I should have qualified that by saying that you do not have a marriage by my definition based on the post. I have reconsidered and will say you do have a marriage that is in serious trouble. My deepest apologies for the offense.

 

All posts are annonymous, all posters are assumed to be intelligent enough to digest the information for themselves and use what is appropriate to them, and except for the use of profanity, promotional materials, etc., there are no rules that bar opinions.

 

I do not blame you at all for being defensive. It's obvious from your wife's post, trusting she was being forthright with her feelings, that you have shrugged off this problem in your marriage. Whether that is true or not is immaterial. The fact that she feels you have is significant. While it may make you feel better if you make me a fall guy here, you sound like you have the maturity to leave me out of this and take some responsbility here to troubleshoot your marriage. I hope you will explore what reasons made your wife put up this post, and govern yourself accordingly.

 

Throwing punches at me serves no useful purpose in saving your marriage. Denying that you wife is upset and frustrated with the lack of interaction in your marriage, again assuming she was forthright in her post, will also not serve you well (in my opinion).

 

If you would have conveyed the reasons for your dedication to computer work to your wife as eloquently as you have done here, perhaps she would have had no reason to make the post.

 

My final thought is this. From my experience, if a lady is unhappy in her relationship and the situation does not improve the anger and resentment from the rejection and neglect worsens, often to the point of no return. I know you did not solicit any advice but as a fellow man I am suggesting that you take a bit more time, and maybe make a bit less money, and use it to nurture your marriage.

 

It is always great to hear the other side of the story and although your post is critical of me I am very happy you made it. The purpose of this forum is to help people in matters of love. My prayer is that this exchange will help you and your wife to grow in your relationship.

[Nina]

Very eloquently put. I admire your ability to take a personal attack and turn it into a positive message.