Just friends? Finally going to find out...

[usamlt]

I've been on these sites, wanted to get people's opinions, but never have because I figured the story is too long and no one would care. But, I'm going to go ahead now that it's getting desperate, and you'll see why.

 

Ok, so, I've known this girl since freshman year of high school (we will be seniors in college next year, but at different schools in different states. but disregard that as it's irrelevant). We were pretty good friends in high school, but only really hung out outside of school 3 or 4 times, and never just us two. Despite this, I have had a MAJOR crush on her which has over time developed into major feelings for her, yes we're passed "crush" stages.

 

Since high school, despite going to college in different states, we have become a lot a lot closer. Feelings be damned, she is a great friend of mine and I enjoy her company so so much. But I obviously kept in contact with her originally because of said feelings, it just so happened that we get along great and are now really close.

 

Problems:

1) We're rarely single at the same time

2) The feelings I have for this girl that no matter how hard I try to forget or suppress, will not go away. They've even made it through a 16 month college relationship...

3) I obviously have no idea how she feels in return.

 

My Bias Analysis/Stories:

1) Why would she choose to keep in contact with me along with the few other people from high school she keeps in contact with? They were some of her best high school friends, I was just a minor friend (at the time). Does this mean maybe she has some interest but, like me, has always been afraid to say something.

 

2) More recently, there have been some examples of moments that gave me hope. Over winter break, I had a party at my house, I was in a relationship at the time still so as the ever faithful boyfriend was not going to do anything even though she was in a rare single stage in her life. But anyway, she had maybe half a drink at the party (parents were out of town), and was the only one to spend the night (different rooms). She had no reason to spend the night, and I'll always wonder her reasoning behind that/if she expected anything to happen.

 

3) More recently than the above story, we are both interning in DC this summer. When I arrived, she had been partying with some intern friends, was super excited to see me, which was lovely haha. Then after the party, since I was staying at her place that night as my dorm wasnt open to move in yet, fell asleep with her head on my lap on the couch, but woke up and said we should go to bed, seperate beds (she has a boyfriend now, a boyfriend of 3 weeks. which is by the way torture as I planned on us both being single this summer. but NOPE, lol).

 

4) More recently than the above story again, the two weekends we've gone out to the bars in DC, she seems to enjoy interlocking arms with me as we walk around after a few drinks. Both nights, this has turned into a hand hold that lasts about 10 seconds before we both release, realizing what we're doing probably. I don't know if that means anything...I was hoping it does...

 

 

Basically ladies and gentlemen, the gist of things is this. Her new boyfriend graduated college last year, is moving to DC july 4th. They're trying a..."summer thing." Lame, I know haha. Well, lame for me. She likes relationships, she likes the comfort of them, she had been single for a good 6 months before this.

 

To continue my bias theories, I think she was scared of spending 3 months single over the summer, and it was convenient to start something with this kid because he's moving where we're interning. And plus, she has no clue I have feelings for her...so she had every right to think she'd be "alone."

 

Last but not least, I don't know if anyone has seen The Office, I'm sure many of you have. But I feel like Jim before he told Pam he's in love with her, I never thought it possible to love a girl without dating them, but I'm pretty sure I do with this girl, and at the end of the summer I plan on telling her.

 

Any input, advice, points of view from personal experience, um...anything. Would be great. Even if you took the time to read one part of this, it's much appreciated. I know it's long, but to get the full scope of something, you need to know at least most of the details. This was honestly the best way I could sum it up haha.

 

ps-i don't plan on re-reading this so if a part is confusing or not explained thoroughly, that's why haha.

[Teflon]

You said from personal experience? I've known a few girls like that and everytime things went to holding hands, there was clear potential of things going way further than that. Or they went further than that Have you ever kissed a girl after walking her home to her boyfriend's apartment? I have and it is both the best and worst feeling on the planet. So yeah, I am not trying to brag with the crazy stuff I've done, I am trying to say - be prepared to a world of hurt in ways you didn't think it was possible.

 

Anyways, take things slow. You can't rush this thing either, right? So yeah, the next time you two are walking hand in hand (and there WILL be a next time, trust me), casually drop into the conversation that hey, I know you are always saying that you are afraid of being alone etc etc or something along those lines and finish with the coup de grace of "hey, remember, I am always around am I not?" This should allow you to gauge a bit at the feelings in the play, if any.

 

But the point is, either be prepared to make some move despite her relationship (if it doesn't look like it's ending soon or if you get the jackpot and they have a row or whatever), just do something then k? The deal is that now that you know you want to do something about this, and life being uncertain and everything, you can wait a certain amount of time for the perfect opening to make a move but you can't wait forever. Besides, here is the big question - if she doesn't love you enough to leave the other guy, it's not true love anyways so who cares? Or do you care? Think about it

[usamlt]

Thanks for the response teflon, no haha I haven't gone quite that far as to kiss a girl with a boyfriend, but I get where you're coming from with how you felt afterwards.

 

Really appreciate the input, that's exactly the kind of answer(s) I was hoping for.

[LoveLace]

Well she clearly likes some extent of affection with you. But why wait to tell her? What if the end of summer comes and her and the BF had such a great time that they decide to stay together and go beyond a "summer thing?" It's not usually recommended to interfere with another relationship, but she IS your good friend of many years and deserves to know how you feel despite of her status. I say tell her ASAP, everything you feel. And yes, it is putting her in a postition with that other guy, but that is just part of the deal, and something there may never be a way around if you want her to know the truth.

[Odyssey]

OP, (No your story isn't too long...you should of seen Lovelace's).

Your feelings aren't going to go away. It's really simple... tell her how you feel (if anything, just to get it out of your system). Better than letting this thing haunt you for the rest of your life. If she's a good friend and can be mature about things, then it shouldn't ruin the friendship.

 

Lovelace: you're giving very good advice (not just to this post either).

[Cracker Jack]

Yeah, she definitely has huge feelings for you. I also think you should tell her how you feel. At this point, you can't continuously wait for both of you be single; it'll just waste time. Tell her. Good luck.

[usamlt]

Once again, thanks to everyone for the replies today and the wishes of good luck. Much appreciated lovelace, odyssey, and cracker jack!

 

To comment on lovelace's post though, I guess I was thinking of waiting to tell her so I could build up our relationship even more than it is now on a personal level before I drop "the bomb." Haha. Since once our internships in DC end, I'll drive home to where we live. And she'll follow a couple days later (while her BF will stay in DC since he will officially live here at that point). So if she needed time to think about something, she could figure it out, and when she gets home as well hopefully talk to me more about it. And if all goes as fantastically as planned, (hey I can dream right) then we'll have a few weeks before we go back to college to maybe figure something out. That's my initial plan anyway's...before I got all the new input. Now I have a decision to make I suppose haha.

[Odyssey]

Sounds like you already made your decision then. Timing is very important here. Good luck dude.

[LoveLace]

Once again, thanks to everyone for the replies today and the wishes of good luck. Much appreciated lovelace, odyssey, and cracker jack!

 

To comment on lovelace's post though, I guess I was thinking of waiting to tell her so I could build up our relationship even more than it is now on a personal level before I drop "the bomb." Haha. Since once our internships in DC end, I'll drive home to where we live. And she'll follow a couple days later (while her BF will stay in DC since he will officially live here at that point). So if she needed time to think about something, she could figure it out, and when she gets home as well hopefully talk to me more about it. And if all goes as fantastically as planned, (hey I can dream right) then we'll have a few weeks before we go back to college to maybe figure something out. That's my initial plan anyway's...before I got all the new input. Now I have a decision to make I suppose haha.

 

Thanks Od, funny thing is I am the one who looks for help more than anyone else! But OP, it seems your relationship with her is on a pretty personal level already. The last time I waited for good timing to tell someone about feelings, that good timing never really came the way I thought it was supposed to. Because I was thinking about what's good timing for the other person, just as you describe your plan to be. It's nice of you to consider what's convenient for her, but the truth is there is really no perfect timing for either of you. Waiting could give you time to "build up the relationship" but it could just as well provide time for the relationship to grow apart (because of her BF, possibly). So you might as well get it out and don't worry about weather or not it's a good time for her...your feelings are 1st, her reaction is 2nd in priority here..

[SadandConfusedWA]

She wants you NOW. She might not want you few months from now.

[usamlt]

@lovalace and sadandconfusedwa:

 

touche, touche indeed. very good point. the entire time i've been thinking what's best to make us closer without really thinking that they (her and the bf) could get closer as well if i give it too much time. plus when he gets here in a couple weeks i guess i'll be spending less time with her as well since well, he'll obviously be in the picture at that point...