Time... time..... time

[xoxowondersoff]

Could someone tell me how long is the whole recovery stage after cheating takes place?

Is it several months? 1 year? How long? Any approximations?

 

BTW (by the way) I'm only 16 years old.

Edited June 16, 2010 by xoxowondersoff

[Posh Polly]

Need more info. Are you staying in the relationship or leaving it?

[xoxowondersoff]

Need more info. Are you staying in the relationship or leaving it?

I'm getting bored... he's annoying as hell. I would like to stay as I'm still in love but he's pissing me off.

I'm drunk right now so excuse my writing and the way I'm talking about him.

[Mimolicious]

16, drunk and thinking that whoever cheats on you now will be in your life 20 yrs from now.... I am worried.

 

There is no uniformed time frame. Depends on the person and the situation. Hit the books, do the right thing now so later on in life you know the difference.

[xoxowondersoff]

16, drunk and thinking that whoever cheats on you now will be in your life 20 yrs from now.... I am worried.

No it was me. He won't leave me alone with that making-out session from 4 months with his friend. I already told him myself a week after and gave him my yahoo password as he asked for it. What more does he wants? I can't be apologizing forever and forever. I hate talking about the same subject. That's no life and yes I drink at times but not too often.

There is no uniformed time frame. Depends on the person and the situation. Hit the books, do the right thing now so later on in life you know the difference.

It was only making-out. Edited June 16, 2010 by xoxowondersoff

[xoxowondersoff]

Alright I think I'm going to give it till October. My girl friends told me it shouldn't be taking that long.

It's hard to keep my balance as I'm drunk and feeling sick.

[Div]

You sound like trouble, and obviously don't have a lot of respect for your bf's feelings.

 

I suggest you save him the heartache of you doing it again and leave him be.

[LSNoob]

You are very very young,stupid, irresponsible and immature to be in a relationship. Sorry if was a bit harsh, but that's the truth.

 

Look, jumping from one guys c0ck to the next doesn't make you a "cool" chick in school. Will only make you look like a slut, desperate slut that is.

 

You prob have no idea how it feels when you get cheated on. Not to mention your loved ones betray you with your friend. Right now he feels inferior to his friend probably, and that's just because you just cant keep your legs close.

 

As for how long it takes. As long as he keep seeing your face and his friend's face. He will always remember what happened, and will always have images inside his head of you screwing his friend.(Although you didn't have sex)

 

So, as for your BF, you need to sit him down and ask him and talk to him. Why is he so stupid and desperate to be with someone as low as you are? Why be with a horrible bad trashy GF when there is like 100 trillion good girls out there waiting for a good guy like him. He must be a pathetic loser to date a girl like you.

 

As for you, like posters said. Please stop the drinking, wtf you are only 16yo and drinking. Stop being the "village bicycle". Don't let every guy that you come across end up being banging you or hooking up with. Yes we all agree, even you, that you're a slut now and trashy and all, but you can change that IF YOU WANT. It's time for you to hit the books, do good at school, go to college, graduate with good degree, grow up and be mature, find a good job , then find a good man and be faithful to him.

 

So pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee leave your BF he deserves SO MUCH better than you.

good luck =)

[xoxowondersoff]

You sound like trouble, and obviously don't have a lot of respect for your bf's feelings.

How would you feel if your partner talks about the same thing for about 4 times a week? If you already apologize more than 10 times then wouldn't you get irritated?

I suggest you save him the heartache of you doing it again and leave him be.

This is why I'll give it until October.

[xoxowondersoff]

You are very very young,stupid, irresponsible and immature to be in a relationship. Sorry if was a bit harsh, but that's the truth.

This reminds me of class lectures.

Look, jumping from one guys c0ck to the next doesn't make you a "cool" chick in school. Will only make you look like a slut, desperate slut that is.

Where did you obtained this information? I can report you for defamation.

You prob have no idea how it feels when you get cheated on. Not to mention your loved ones betray you with your friend. Right now he feels inferior to his friend probably, and that's just because you just cant keep your legs close.

For your information I have only been sexually active with my boyfriend and the cheating was only making-out with his friend.

It's time for you to hit the books, do good at school, go to college, graduate with good degree, grow up and be mature, find a good job , then find a good man and be faithful to him.

I hate reading pathetic novels or things not of my interest and my GPA is already at 3.7. Yet there is still one more boring year left to go. Do I like staying hours in a classroom full with boring lectures I have already acquired certain knowledge and don't need to study too much? Some of my classmates are always copying from my exams but I don't care. Finally what does Government and Home Economics have to do with my desired career which is Marine Biologist.

One thing I hate about high school is too many phonies and don't really like my teachers (well only 1).

Edited June 16, 2010 by xoxowondersoff

[xoxowondersoff]

That depends if you are the cheater or the cheatee.

Cheater though it was just making-out.

Or perhaps the cheeto?

Not very familiar with this term. Explain.....

[LSNoob]

This reminds me of class lectures.

Where did you obtained this information? I can report you for defamation.

For your information I have only been sexually active with my boyfriend and the cheating was only making-out with his friend.

I hate reading pathetic novels or things not of my interest and my GPA is already at 3.7. Yet there is still one more boring year left to go. Do I like staying hours in a classroom full with boring lectures I have already acquired certain knowledge and don't need to study too much? Some of my classmates are always copying from my exams but I don't care. Finally what does Government and Home Economics have to do with my desired career which is Marine Biologist.

One thing I hate about high school is too many phonies and don't really like my teachers (well only 1).

No you don't need to report any thing, you know damn well what I'm talking about. Yea I did over exaggerate a little bit, but you get my point. I know you do.

Phonies? Boring classes? Cheating friends? Wow, remember GPA 3.7 doesn't mean anything. Marks at school doesn't tell anything about how smart a person is. I finishing software engineering degree and going for 2nd degree in management after, but that doesn't make me automatically a smart person. Nope it dose not.

 

Why do you keep saying "it was just making out", you make it sound like "he just handed me a glass of water". Winking an eye to other guy behind your bf is just as bad as getting gang banged by 20 ppl lol. Cheating IS cheating, there is no levels or degrees or what ever. Stop trying to justify your cheating. Please stop it.

 

So you cheated, you come out here to justify your cheating, and nagging as if you are doing some favor to your bf by giving him time =/.

And you say you are in love? Do you know what love means? Do you know what you have to do to be in a relationship? Why do you think its wrong to be single? I'm 22 this year and I don't have a gf. I just not ready to have one, still want to have fun and enjoy life, there is no shame in being single.

 

"For your information I have only been sexually active with my boyfriend"

 

Lol, you are 16yo for the love of god, you shouldn't be having sex god damn it. What you want? at 16 had slept with 20 boys? Oh dear.

 

"and the cheating was only making-out with his friend."

 

Lol again, cheating was ONLY(WTF?) making-out? What's that supposed to mean? Explain to me please. With his friend? well done on ruining two friend's relationship just for your selfishness. Can you see the pattern? How ignorant and selfish you seem to be?

 

Like I said, you did a lot of damage to the boy you say you "love". Your actions showed him that he's second best among his friends, and you are not a good girlfriend so that he can trust you around other boys. He deserves so much better and you know it. So don't act like your doing him a favor and be thankful that he's actually that stupid for wanting to stay with you.

 

Remember people don't wise up at 16. I was a teenager once too I know how you feel. When you are a teenager you think you KNOW EVERYTHING, but in reality you know absolutely NOTHING. Some people might grow up a lot quicker than others, you seem like those people who will wise up in their mid late 30s/early 40s, after she screwed up her marriage. Please, try very hard not to.

 

Time for you to leave this guy for a better young lady. And for you, you need to look at yourself and fix yourself, why you don't have respect for yourself? Are you insecure? Been abused as a child? Not loved enough? Jealousy issues? Look at these issues and go counseling if you need, I think you really need it. Time for you to be, and act like, a strong lady, don't be like those weak girls that can't resist silly temptations, remember a man that goes around sleeping with women is called a "sexist pig" so there's nothing "cool" about that. So don't make those people your idols.

 

Hope you change to be a much better person one day, because of this society that we live in today makes it so hard to find decent women these days. =/

[Citizen Erased]

My ex "only" made out with someone when I was a couple of years older than you. He was really drunk and blah. Actually it was he got laid finally and wished tospread the love around finally. But anyway, it took me probably a year to not be a jealous, insecure mess. Looking back I'm ashamed I was like that, but on the other hand sucked in to him.

 

At least he didn't throw what he did back in my face as "only" kissing someone else. Your boyfriend is nuts.

 

Once your life becomes a little less about who is dating who at school and which teachers you hate you will come to realise there are far better things beyond the box you're trapped in until you graduate. I suggest you don't trap yourself even more with a high school sweetheart. Especially one you can't remain loyal to.

[xoxowondersoff]

Why do you keep saying "it was just making out", you make it sound like "he just handed me a glass of water".

I didn't really think it was such an enormous issue. I can understood when people are truly hurt about their spouse's ongoing affair but a kiss (both my older cousin and older brother got cheated on and it was worst than what I did)? This is why I'm surprise my boyfriend is still not over it by now.

And you say you are in love? Do you know what love means? Do you know what you have to do to be in a relationship?

I wanted to spend my life with my boyfriend but he keeps on making me feel guilty. I told him about the kiss a week later. At least he didn't caught me nor found out through someone else. I was honest in that part. And yes I do love him.

Will we ever have a normal conversation not having to do with the kiss? I already get the point and how he's hurt but when is it enough?

Why do you think its wrong to be single? I'm 22 this year and I don't have a gf. I just not ready to have one, still want to have fun and enjoy life, there is no shame in being single.

To be honest, I haven't smiled much until the day my boyfriend came along. I can go single but it wouldn't be the same. I'll probably be alone with some hypocrite friends (the ones using me for exams and assignments). I bet none of them would hang out with me if it wasn't for that reason. They think I don't know but it's easy to distinguish fake people from real friends. Some teachers are like that too... only treating you special because you're the top one in the class (the term for this would be teacher's pet) but not see you as a whole person.

One day there was a new boy in my class and he made me feel special. That's how I met my boyfriend.

Lol, you are 16yo for the love of god, you shouldn't be having sex god damn it. What you want? at 16 had slept with 20 boys? Oh dear.

What's wrong with having sex with my bf if I felt ready (he never pressured me at it but I decided to go for it)? If protection was used at all times then there shouldn't be pregnancy issues. It's failure rate is very rare. I would say about 1-3% only but me thinks that's for the reckless people not knowing the correct usage. I found this information on my own at another library and internet. I'm learning new things neither my absent-minded father nor his stupid fiancee would have advice me.

While many girls my age would probably not know this stuff, I always did. So I'm not clueless about it. I knew what consequences I was going to get into if protection was not used.

Lol again, cheating was ONLY(WTF?) making-out? What's that supposed to mean? Explain to me please. With his friend? well done on ruining two friend's relationship just for your selfishness. Can you see the pattern? How ignorant and selfish you seem to be?

I didn't think it was going to create this mess. I just want it to go back to the way it was. Can it?

And for you, you need to look at yourself and fix yourself, why you don't have respect for yourself? Are you insecure? Been abused as a child? Not loved enough? Jealousy issues? Look at these issues and go counseling if you need, I think you really need it.

I have never been physically abused by anyone. Not even spanked. Edited June 18, 2010 by xoxowondersoff

[LSNoob]

"I didn't really think it was such an enormous issue. I can understood when people are truly hurt about their spouse's ongoing affair but a kiss (both my older cousin and older brother got cheated on and it was worst than what I did)? This is why I'm surprise my boyfriend is still not over it by now"

 

Excuse me, you didn't think it was enormous issue? Are you joking? You can understand how people hurt about their spouses cheating? No you do not understand, you are a typical teenager, you think you understand but you don't. ( Don't argue with me, I'm judging your actions, your words say you understand but your actions say you don't understand and we all know the saying "Actions speak louder than words").

 

 

"both my older cousin and older brother got cheated on and it was worst than what I did"

I don't get this part... So lets say my cousin his GF cheated on him by banging 20 guys behind his back at same time, does that mean I go and bang 15 girls behind my missus and say "WAIT GUYS WAIT, my cousin's gf banged 20 guys, I only banged 15, okai guys listen... it's FIFTEEN only. So I still have 5 more to go." Don't look at other wrongs when you done something wrong yourself, look at the good people and the right things to be done, that's how you can become a better person and improve your self.

 

"This is why I'm surprise my boyfriend is still not over it by now"

What is your problem? So you timing him how long it takes him to get over a bad cheating girlfriend? He can forgive but he can never forget, its human nature.

 

"I wanted to spend my life with my boyfriend but he keeps on making me feel guilty. I told him about the kiss a week later. At least he didn't caught me nor found out through someone else. I was honest in that part."

Wow wow wow WAIT A MINUTE, calm down, what spend you life with your bf? Are you out of your mind? Look it's so obvious that you are trying to test the waters, you still want to see whats out there. Settling for someone is not easy, are you crazy? The day you want to settle with someone, is the day when you go blind and you can see nothing but your partner, not when doing his friend(DON'T TELL ME ITS JUST MAKING OUT).He makes you feel guilty? Did he take a gun and pointed on your head and said "kiss my friend", did he do that? "At least didn't caught me nor found out through someone else"? Why you trying to justify? Huh? I told you, stop justifying your cheating. "I was honest in that part" , no you not, you just felt guilty and wanted to take the guilt of your chest. Who you tryina fool teenager?

"And yes I do love him."

I love my adidas shoes as well. No you don't love him, you love his friend more.

 

"Will we ever have a normal conversation not having to do with the kiss? I already get the point and how he's hurt but when is it enough?"

If anything, he is not getting over it because of your actions, you making it seem like nothing happened and hes just bothering you for no reason, you don't even want to put effort to work it out. No you don't get the point how he's hurt. What do you mean "when is it enough?" why you making it sound like you are doing him a favor? Look you obviously not into your bf, you want his friend, its so obvious. Instead of staying in relationship and nagging and crying about taking you so long to fix your mess, just leave and get the hell out. There are so many good girls out there that deserves your bf, which your bf deserves.

 

"To be honest, I haven't smiled much until the day my boyfriend came along. I can go single but it wouldn't be the same."

But... you just pushed him aside and chose his friend? Ya, you won't be the same, you will be better off without him. You proved it. If he's that "amazing" and you "love" him that much, why did you replace him with his friend? When you hooked up with his friend, that means his friend is better and your bf is simply not that "special" and hes not the one. Why is it so hard for you to see?

 

 

"I didn't think it was going to create this mess. I just wanted it to go back to the way it was. Can it? "

You didn't think? People think with their heads, where was yours? Oh I forgot you are still a teenager -_-

If I drop an egg right now, and it breaks and goes all over the floor, can it return to its initial form? Back in the shell all perfect? No it CAN NOT. So what makes you think your relationship can go back to the way it was? Your relationship is over, you destroyed it, your actions proved to your bf he is not the one, he is not the special one and he is replaceable. Not to mention, replacing him by his friend too. You are a horrible human being.

 

One last thing, first it was making-out ( which means kisses ), now you saying a kiss?

If you are trying to lie to make it look less bad then that's not the right start for you. You need to accept and acknowledge what you've done, leave your bf for someone better. And YOU NEED TO FIX YOUR SELF. You have issues, you are not faithful, You said your father and his fiance? So parents separated? Maybe that's the issue right there, talk about it with a counselor. Or maybe that your cousins and brother been involved with infidelity? It's very obvious you have issues. No normal good girl would cheat on her "special" bf that she "loves" so much.

Edited June 18, 2010 by LSNoob

[xoxowondersoff]

Excuse me, you didn't think it was enormous issue? Are you joking?

No I really didn't. I don't know why it happened, I really don't. I've been trying looking for answer all day long to his ''why'' question but I don't know. I wish there was an answer I can give him so he can heal.

I don't get this part... So lets say my cousin his GF cheated on him by banging 20 guys behind his back at same time, does that mean I go and bang 15 girls behind my missus and say "WAIT GUYS WAIT, my cousin's gf banged 20 guys, I only banged 15, okai guys listen... it's FIFTEEN only. So I still have 5 more to go."

Both of those scenarios deal with having sex with someone else. That's how my older brother and cousin what cheated on, their spouse slept with someone else. In doing that, they were putting their spouse in danger of catching an STD. And you're saying sleeping with someone else is exactly the same as making-out?

What is your problem? So you timing him how long it takes him to get over a bad cheating girlfriend? He can forgive but he can never forget, its human nature.

So are you saying there's no hope at all for this relationship to continue? That I should give up right away? I already learned my lesson. What else do I have to prove I still love him and it ain't happening again? We have agreed to work this out.

I love my adidas shoes as well. No you don't love him, you love his friend more.

Excuse me but who do you think you are to tell me how I should feel nor what's going on inside me? You don't know how I'm feeling right now.... no one does.

No you don't get the point how he's hurt. What do you mean "when is it enough?" why you making it sound like you are doing him a favor?

I'm not doing him a favor. I get sad and angry at myself seeing him like that. I have refrained from crying many times.

If I drop an egg right now, and it breaks and goes all over the floor, can it return to its initial form? Back in the shell all perfect? No it CAN NOT. So what makes you think your relationship can go back to the way it was? Your relationship is over, you destroyed it, your actions proved to your bf he is not the one, he is not the special one and he is replaceable. Not to mention, replacing him by his friend too.

I don't know what on earth was I thinking but alright I get the point. I do regret doing this to him. My first 4 posts I couldn't think straight because I was drunk at that moment. I'm a total wreckage when drinking which is why I'll stop. Don't wanna lose him.. I really don't.

You are a horrible human being.

And you're so perfect aren't you? So perfect that you never in your life made a mistake. Who do you really think you are? God? The president? The judge?

One last thing, first it was making-out ( which means kisses ), now you saying a kiss?

Yes it was. It means the same thing as kissing, no difference. I'm not lying to make it less bad.

You said your father and his fiance? So parents separated?

I only have my father (mother passed away about 14 years now) but it's not like he cares about me. I bet he won't even notice if I'm not at home for more than an hour nor when I started dating or my birthday. All he ever cares is either his fiancee, wrestling matches, the world cup or just lays there on the couch with a cigar (sometimes drinks too). Then comes graduation next year. Don't think he'll even be there.

Maybe that's the issue right there, talk about it with a counselor. Or maybe that your cousins and brother been involved with infidelity? It's very obvious you have issues. No normal good girl would cheat on her "special" bf that she "loves" so much.

I can do that but will they then proceed on calling my house for a parent conference? If so my father will send them to hell and say there is nothing wrong here.

[LSNoob]

"Both of those scenarios deal with having sex with someone else. That's how my older brother and cousin what cheated on, their spouse slept with someone else. In doing that, they were putting their spouse in danger of catching an STD. And you're saying sleeping with someone else is exactly the same as making-out?"

See, I told you, you are still young . There are chances of catching an STD from kissing. Another tip, STD like herpes, if the person is having a breakthrough you can catch the disease from sneezing, close contact, etc.

 

"Excuse me but who do you think you are to tell me how I should feel nor what's going on inside me? You don't know how I'm feeling right now.... no one does. "

I told you, don't argue with me about this. I don't care how you feel, how we feel, I look at your actions and judge. We are humans, we judge other humans actions to identify them to what they are. eg: bad friend, good friend, etc.

Your actions showed me you don't love your bf. That's all.

 

"And you're so perfect aren't you? So perfect that you never in your life made a mistake. Who do you really think you are? God? The president? The judge?"

I always make mistakes, ahahah and I laugh at them and learn. BUT, wow wow wait a minute, I gonna tell you something and I want you to remember this for the rest of your life. CHEATING IS NOT A MISTAKE and NEVER WILL BE. Cheating is a choice, a bad choice you can say. But it's no where near a mistake. For example, I have a cup of orange juice on edge of table, then I accidentally tipped it off the table and made mess on the carpet and now I have to clean it up. zZz so lame. Now that's a mistake, so I learned to put the cup of orange juice in middle of table from now on.

 

"So are you saying there's no hope at all for this relationship to continue? That I should give up right away? I already learned my lesson. What else do I have to prove I still love him and it ain't happening again? We have agreed to work this out. "

No, that's not what I mean. Listen, not everyone can cheat, it's like one of those things that comes with the person when she's/he's born. Not sure, I think they call it "character"? Each person have her/his character, some people just can't cheat, no matter how much you tell them cheat, they just won't frigging do it. You proved that your character is capable of cheating. That should be a warning sign for you.

 

I really don't know what to say, you say you love your bf, but I keep looking at your actions and say "nah, no way a girl that loves her bf cheat on him, that's just impossible". Look maybe those feelings that you say you love your bf, are just feeling that you feel sorry you betrayed a person that is been nice to you, loving and caring. Maybe if you had a chance to not act on the temptation, you prob would break it off with your bf and go date his friend. I don't know, you could be feeling in love with your bf just because you hurt him. Trust me, in today's western society is not very common to see a girl spend the rest of her life with one man, very very very very rare. So don't ever think he's the one for you already, specially when you found someone that kissing him is worth more than your bf.

 

Be honest with me please, did you ever have feelings for his friend? I won't go mad at you or anything, just tell me so I can understand. If you have feelings for his friend then its ok. You can break it off with you bf, make sure its a lesson learned for you, so that next time you end things on good terms so you wont end up cheating. Then you can go on dating his friend.

 

"I only have my father (mother passed away about 14 years now) but it's not like he cares about me. I bet he won't even notice if I'm not at home for more than an hour nor when I started dating or my birthday. All he ever cares is either his fiancee, wrestling matches, the world cup or just lays there on the couch with a cigar (sometimes drinks too). Then comes graduation next year. Don't think he'll even be there."

THERE IT IS, told you it could be family issues.

But first just let me tell you, that I'm sorry to hear about your mother I'm sure shes in much better place. As for your father, I don't wanna be rude to your dad, but he doesn't sound like the best father in the world.

 

Ok, see I told you it could be the family problems that caused you cheating. Father ignoring and neglecting his daughter can cause a lot of damage, specially for girls, aww . I read about it heaps, that girls that are ignored or not loved enough by their fathers, end up cheating on their boyfriends. They are constantly seeking love out of other boys, one boy/man is just not enough for them.

 

You should tell your boyfriend about this, it will help him a lot. Does your bf know about your family issues? Talk to him about it, let him know, vent it out with him. Let him know that you been hurt and missing some love and caring too. Please talk this to a counselor they can help you through this easy, and if your bf can make it with you for couple sessions or one then that would be even better. They will teach him how to deal with it maybe or something. Your bf agreed to work on it, he must be a really good guy, that's good to know. Then also tell him that you are hurt when you see him sad and stuff, he prob thinks that you are not caring about it anymore that's why he wants to remind you. IF you showed him you suffered a lot, he prob will try to make you get over it and move on.

 

Few more things, do you really really really wanna continue with your bf? Are you sure you not doing it because you feel guilty? Can you explain at least how you got with his friend? Where you drunk? High? Did he initiate, or you did? Who stopped it? Were you thinking about the friend before you made out with him?

 

"I can do that but will they then proceed on calling my house for a parent conference? If so my father will send them to hell and say there is nothing wrong here."

I don't think they do, I'm not sure, never been to one. But hopefully other members can confirm this. But when you go and book, you can ask them. I think they usually keep it as private as you wish. After all you paying them and they trying to help you. So I'm sure they will do it your way. Wish you best of luck.

Edited June 18, 2010 by LSNoob

[xoxowondersoff]

Be honest with me please, did you ever have feelings for his friend? I won't go mad at you or anything, just tell me so I can understand. If you have feelings for his friend then its ok. You can break it off with you bf, make sure its a lesson learned for you, so that next time you end things on good terms so you wont end up cheating. Then you can go on dating his friend.

I will admit to feeling attracted to his friend at one time but then realized how much my boyfriend means to me. I felt sick that day.

As for your father, I don't wanna be rude to your dad, but he doesn't sound like the best father in the world.

No he isn't and yet I'll still give him a father's day card even though he doesn't deserve it.

You should tell your boyfriend about this, it will help him a lot. Does your bf know about your family issues?

He does know about my father ignoring me.

Your bf agreed to work on it, he must be a really good guy, that's good to know. Then also tell him that you are hurt when you see him sad and stuff, he prob thinks that you are not caring about it anymore that's why he wants to remind you. IF you showed him you suffered a lot, he prob will try to make you get over it and move on.

Yes I'm lucky to have a good guy. I don't know what was I thinking when I did that to him.

Few more things, do you really really really wanna continue with your bf? Are you sure you not doing it because you feel guilty? Can you explain at least how you got with his friend? Where you drunk? High? Did he initiate, or you did? Who stopped it? Were you thinking about the friend before you made out with him?

His friend invited me one day to the movies. We started talking and had a very long making-out session, he initiating and I kissed him back. He was attractive but this wasn't worth cheating on my boyfriend. I'm sad again that I treated him like that. My friend kept saying not to say a word about it to b/f but I didn't feel that was right. I would want to know too if I was him.

Yes I love him... I want him.

[LSNoob]

Very long making out session????????????

 

I don't know what to tell you actually. Like, if you really cared about someone, forget about loving them, how can you have a very long making out session and not thinking about him for a second???

 

Thing is, girls usually when they cheat, they cheat because there's something wrong in the relationship, it's mainly emotional. While when guys cheat it's just physical (that happens only with men who have no morals or self-respect of course). You said your bf was amazing, perfect, nice and all. But then you still cheat on him, just because his friend is attractive, that's a physical reason to cheat on the boy you "love". Wow, I mean that's very bad, to tell you the truth, that's a behavior of a guy with no self-respect.

 

 

Tell you the truth, when he invited you for movies, I'm 110% sure that you knew what was going to happen that day. I'm sure there are people here who agree on this one. I mean lets be honest, when he invited you, IF there was nothing in it or you knew it was just friendly, why didn't you tell your bf? Why didn't you tag your bf to come with you? (Why didn't you reject him and told your bf what friend he have, but nvm that's way out of your character). "Watching movies", "just us alone" I mean come onnnnnnnn so OBVIOUS right there that he wants to **** and you accepted the invitation because you want to **** too.

 

Look, when someone loves someone, you have no idea what they will go through to just to be faithful to their loved ones. You say your bf is the one for you? You want to marry him? But yet, you come across an attractive guy, and your bf is tossed in the rubbish? How is that love? How is he the one? I don't get it, AND you still don't know the reason why you cheated??? ( that's a sign of a serial cheater ). That should be a HUGE warning sign to your bf, he's obviously not the one for you and you don't love him that much. Why he decided to stay? And of course not to mention, there's 99% chance you will cheat on him again, since you still haven't figured out the reason for the first time you cheated.

 

Listen, you are way way way too young to know what love means, or know who's the one for you. Forget that, you still haven't figured out how to stay faithful.

 

I don't know how your bf feels now, never been cheated on before (and never cheated on someone of course), but I can imagine how ****ty he's feeling . It really really really suck to be him now . The girl that he loves just replaced him by his friend ( which whom he usually competes with on EVERY THING, that's just boy's nature ). He obviously lost that confidence in him, he knows he's second best to his friend. That **** hurts A LOT you know.

 

I think in your case, it's unfair for you both to be in this relationship:

-First, you can never heal your bf's wounds fully. Only other women can do that. That's just the way it is. Can fix it, but NEVER back to the way it was.

-Second, your obviously not so into you bf. You forgot about him completely just because some guy was attractive. I think you are with your bf, because like you said, you don't have much friends to hang out with, most of your friends use you only and all. But in other hand, your bf is so caring and loving towards you, so you think at this moment ONLY that he's the one for you and your in love with him. But reality is, I doubt your fully into him or you love him as much as you claim you do.

 

I'm still kinda confused about it =/.... like I never seen girls do that to their boyfriends, accept invitation and all. I know some girls who been exactly in your situation, but in my experience, they always reject the invitation and go mad and angry at that "friend". Oh well, prob that's just American girls =P

 

Hope it works out for you . Keep asking your bf how he feels, remember boys never want to show you their true feelings, they want to always be staunched up and macho. I won't be surprised if he's even feeling depressed about it. Make sure you talk to him a lot, if you really really really do want to work it out.

[Diezel]

So you cheat on your boyfriend but it's justified because you only "made out" and then you are mad at HIM because he reminds you about it?

 

Good for him.

 

Although he's probably just as troubled as you are for even staying with you.

 

16, drunk, and justifying your actions with: It was just making out.

 

NICE.

 

So by your standards, he can kiss other girls... because it's not cheating, it's just making out. RIGHT?

[xoxowondersoff]

IF there was nothing in it or you knew it was just friendly, why didn't you tell your bf? Why didn't you tag your bf to come with you? (Why didn't you reject him and told your bf what friend he have, but nvm that's way out of your character). "Watching movies", "just us alone" I mean come onnnnnnnn so OBVIOUS right there that he wants to **** and you accepted the invitation because you want to **** too.

He didn't want my boyfriend coming nor me telling him about it. Though I initially felt it wasn't a good idea but he talk me out of it and kept saying nothing can go wrong and that he doesn't have to know everything. Then we kept on talking.

Look, when someone loves someone, you have no idea what they will go through to just to be faithful to their loved ones. You say your bf is the one for you? You want to marry him? But yet, you come across an attractive guy, and your bf is tossed in the rubbish? How is that love? How is he the one? I don't get it, AND you still don't know the reason why you cheated??? ( that's a sign of a serial cheater ). That should be a HUGE warning sign to your bf, he's obviously not the one for you and you don't love him that much. Why he decided to stay? And of course not to mention, there's 99% chance you will cheat on him again, since you still haven't figured out the reason for the first time you cheated.

No I still don't know why I cheated but we're working it out. Why can't you see it from my point of view. I already learned my lesson and ain't cheating ever again. I now can't see myself doing it without feeling sick.

Hope it works out for you . Keep asking your bf how he feels, remember boys never want to show you their true feelings, they want to always be staunched up and macho. I won't be surprised if he's even feeling depressed about it. Make sure you talk to him a lot, if you really really really do want to work it out.

Yes I want to work it out.

[xoxowondersoff]

So by your standards, he can kiss other girls... because it's not cheating, it's just making out. RIGHT?

Listen I was drunk when I wrote my previous posts and disgusted at myself.

Kissing is still cheating and would want to know about it right away. My first words coming out of my mouth would be alright where is she.Where on my post did I stated kissing isn't cheating? I was a bit annoyed before about the whole timing process but I understand now.

[Diezel]

Sobriety, ain't it a bitch?

[xoxowondersoff]

Sobriety, ain't it a bitch?

Why do you even bother posting this?

[adeala]

There's a lot of issues you need to sort out with yourself before you can truly commit to a relationship. Often young people believe they are stable and that they know it all, but your posts here have shown that you need to address many parts of your life in order to feel better as a person and in order to have a good relationship.

 

First, your relationship with your father. Counselling is definitely recommended for you. I don't know what country you are from but you can get a referral either through your doctor or by asking a school nurse/school counsellor. You could also talk to your dad and ask for family counselling, where the two of you would talk together and individually to a professional who could help you to repair your relationship. You appear to have written off your father, but remember, he is a man with feelings too. No doubt the loss of your mother affected him deeply. You seem very resentful of him. It's possible you remind him of your mother, and he may need help to get past that. Losing a wife and a mother is an extremely awful situation and you cannot underestimate the effect that has had on him. Your relationship can be repaired but it will need effort from the both of you. You need to work on that as a priority because it will affect you for the rest of your life. "Daddy issues" isn't such a popular phrase to describe messed up women for no reason.

 

Second, you appear to have issues at school. You say your friends are false and use you. Well, why don't you try making new friends? There are no doubt opportunities to do so. School clubs, groups, they're all there to encourage students to make new friends. It's never too late at school to make new friendships, even if you have rejected people beforehand, it just needs you to put the effort in to repair or remake those friendships. You are relying on your boyfriend for your happiness and you are rejecting the idea of having a circle of friends who are truly interested in you. As long as you do this, your relationship will have issues. Also, if it comes to a point where you break up, you will be in a very bad place to deal with it.

 

Third, drinking. Again, this is considered a bigger issue depending on where you live. I can only say it from my own perspective (being from the UK), where drinking at 16 is not that rare. It's a young age to start drinking and posting on forums, though. Do you drink alone? Do you only drink in social situations? Do you drink to ease your anxiety? Many young people develop a reliance on alcohol without realising it. This causes huge problems as they get older - and in social situations, it often ends up in binge drinking. It's not a good habit to start young. You'll begin to feel that you need a drink to relax or to express yourself properly. Cut it out. You don't want to have a liver transplant at 20 years old. A few drinks with friends is fine once you have learned self control.

 

I am not going to judge you for cheating - it is not my place to judge anyone. What I will tell you is that from your posts I believe the reason you did it was due to a general lack of self-esteem and a need to feel "loved", or at the very least, attractive. I won't patronise you by saying you don't know what love is (though I am sure in 6 years time you'll look back and know yourself), but keep in mind that the young heart is very quick to change. Don't hold this relationship as the one you will want to be in for the rest of your life. Enjoy your time with your boyfriend, but don't plan your life around him. Don't neglect your studies and don't write off the chance to make friends just because you have him. I've so often seen young people completely close themselves off to life because they meet someone they believe they love. Don't make that mistake. Develop yourself as a person, and your boyfriend will gain rewards from that. The more secure you become, the more confident you are, the better your relationship will be. You cannot truly love someone until you love yourself, and from what you've written, you're a while away from doing that.

 

Your boyfriend will continue to hurt. All you can do is reassure him that it was a huge mistake, and that you deeply regret it. He may never get over it, and if he doesn't, you need to accept it and let him go so he can put it behind him and move on. Your priority right now though needs to be yourself. The hurt can't be undone, you need to accept that. He may move on, and he may not. Focus on yourself right now though and it'll put you in a better place to help him.