"I hate men"

[Justanotherdude]

Wasn't sure where to post this - mods feel free to move if necessary..

 

 

So I've known this girl for almost a year now and we totally hit it off in class. There was some obvious chemistry - come to find out, she has a boyfriend.

 

Oh well. I moved on, and although we would hangout every now and then - it was still there. Recently, they broke up (3-4 months ago) and she still has this "I hate men" mentality and all guys lie, etc etc. HE broke up with her, and obviously it was hard on her. They were together for over a year. I want to make it clear we don't have long discussions about her ex, I'm not the "buddy" she goes to talk about this stuff.

 

I still really dig this girl and every time we hang out we have a blast. She seems interested by her actions but I haven't made a move yet. We hungout recently after about 2 months of not seeing eachother, it's still there.

 

My question: Should I just let this develop naturally? Just do whatever feels right? Because when she tells me "all men lie" and she has this hatred for her ex, it kind of stops me in my tracks. She is definitely soured on men and has no interest in dating right now.

[USMCHokie]

My question: Should I just let this develop naturally? Just do whatever feels right? Because when she tells me "all men lie" and she has this hatred for her ex, it kind of stops me in my tracks. She is definitely soured on men and has no interest in dating right now.

 

 

Nothing will ever "develop naturally." If anything is to happen, you need to take the initiative and make it happen. If she has openly told you that she "hates men" and isn't interested in dating right now, then she's simply not interested in dating you. A woman who is interested would never openly say that to the guy she's interested in.

 

This is kind of a tough situation as it seems you've been friend-zoned by this girl, but you'll never know for sure unless you grow some and ask her out... But one thing seems pretty evident...she's not over her ex...so I'm not sure I'd even go there...

[Woggle]

Never ever get involved with a misandrist. She will take all that rage and throw it in your face.

[SincereOnlineGuy]

That sounds like the sort of girl who is almost passed around from guy to guy. NOT in a pornographic sense, but as someone who by age 40 won't be able to recall two months of time since age 20 where she wasn't formally attached with a guy.

 

IF you want a shot, draw a line in the sand and at least (apply to be her next).

[Justanotherdude]

Nothing will ever "develop naturally." If anything is to happen, you need to take the initiative and make it happen. If she has openly told you that she "hates men" and isn't interested in dating right now, then she's simply not interested in dating you. A woman who is interested would never openly say that to the guy she's interested in.

 

This is kind of a tough situation as it seems you've been friend-zoned by this girl, but you'll never know for sure unless you grow some and ask her out... But one thing seems pretty evident...she's not over her ex...so I'm not sure I'd even go there...

 

 

That's what I was afraid of. I actually asked her point blank, Am I friendzoned? (in a lighthearted way, didnt wanna be all serious about it) Her reply, "Everyone is in the friendzone as far as Im concerned."

 

I basically gave her the chance to tell me, "nope sorry i'm not attracted to you" and she didnt say it. Told her I wouldn't get butt hurt about it - just to tell me.

 

Can any girls chime in here? Anyone ever been f-d over by a guy they loved and stayed "off the market" for awhile?

 

I'm not trying to rationalize here, getting ready to move on and stop talking to this one even though it doesn't feel right.

[carhill]

"all men lie"

 

Response: 'I'm a man and I don't lie. Do you think I lie?'

 

This reminds her you're a man *and* you have integrity and feelings.

 

I was an expert at being the penis-wielding girlfriend for many years and IMO the lesson to be learned is that you are not a sounding board, not a receptacle, not a whipping boy for her rage at her ex. If she wants to bitch, she can bitch to her girlfriends or buy a punching bag.

 

Try something my best friend's wife has used on me during my divorce...

 

'You sure complain a lot'

 

My response - 'you should talk'

 

The key is, one, setting boundaries; two, never ever let her forget you're a *man*; three, if you want to date her, ask her out. Don't waffle. If you know she's single, even if she's getting over her ex, make your interest clearly known. If she declines, smile, tell her to take care and go find another woman to date. Do not contact her again. That sounds harsh but here's the key....if she's truly *your* friend, after you 'being there' for her all this time, she'll contact you. Somehow, I don't think you'll be on her mind with care and concern attached. A lot of experience talking here....

 

Good luck

[that girl]

Wait, you haven't seen her in two months, has this I hate men thing been going on the whole time or was it something that was happening around the time she broke up?

 

People are really jumping to "she's an evil man hating bitch" but I think it is a little unclear when this was happening.

 

If it is still going on, walk away. Either she is still healing or she has serious issues. "Everyone is friendzoned" clearly points to her not being ready if that was 2 months ago, things might have changed.

 

The way to avoid being her buddy is to ask her out. It is silly to just hang out with her, acting like a platonic friend but expect her to not treat you like one. And people talk about their problems with their so. But if she is still devoting a lot of energy to the ex, she isn't ready.

[Justanotherdude]

Response: 'I'm a man and I don't lie. Do you think I lie?'

 

This reminds her you're a man *and* you have integrity and feelings.

 

I was an expert at being the penis-wielding girlfriend for many years and IMO the lesson to be learned is that you are not a sounding board, not a receptacle, not a whipping boy for her rage at her ex. If she wants to bitch, she can bitch to her girlfriends or buy a punching bag.

 

Try something my best friend's wife has used on me during my divorce...

 

'You sure complain a lot'

 

My response - 'you should talk'

 

The key is, one, setting boundaries; two, never ever let her forget you're a *man*; three, if you want to date her, ask her out. Don't waffle. If you know she's single, even if she's getting over her ex, make your interest clearly known. If she declines, smile, tell her to take care and go find another woman to date. Do not contact her again. That sounds harsh but here's the key....if she's truly *your* friend, after you 'being there' for her all this time, she'll contact you. Somehow, I don't think you'll be on her mind with care and concern attached. A lot of experience talking here....

 

Good luck

 

 

I guess I'll have to ask her again, either was dancing around the question because she isn't interested or she's flat out closing herself off. I never got a solid no. IF that's the case, that's what I want.

 

I have no interest in being ONLY friends with this girl so I should definitely cut it off immediately? Right now? She said "We should go do this.." and "I really want to go with you to this.." Things I mentioned in the past.

 

Going for a smoke. It's funny how the girls I could care less about end up wanting me the most. I'm never mushy with these girls I genuinely like and am 100% charming and funny most of the time. Most importantly, I just be myself.

 

Tired of the one night stands and random hookups.

[Justanotherdude]

I mean, am I crazy here? How can I not think this girl is into me?

 

She asks me questions - about my life, what i'm doing, my family, everything. In the car ride home I couldn't get her to shut up. When we're alone she seems a little nervous.

 

On more than one occasion she has asked me if I have talked to "Michelle" lately (a girl I hooked up with whom they share a mutual friend.) I'm not certain but I think she may know about this hookup or atleast knows "Michelle" is interested in me. I only know this because "Michelle" told me she was.

 

She has said multiple times she wants to do this or that.

She is always joking and laughing.

 

And I know this is small..no big deal, but I offered to do her a favor at my work (told her it wont cost me a thing) and she offered to bake for me.

[TaraMaiden]

Ok, this from a woman's perspective:

I get her.

I totally get her.

Anyone who has totally shat all over me in my life - be it an employer, a friend, a lover or a sibling - has been male.

I have been walked over, passed over and pushed over so many times in my life by men who assured one thing, but then when the schit hit the fan, delivered another.

I promise you, as I live and breathe, I have never been cruelly or nastily used or abused by another girl/woman.

I've met a few bytches in my time, but they were bytches to everyone.

I'm talking specifics.

 

my father said to me the other day - "I never cease to be amazed at the quality and endurance of your loyalty to any man you've had a connection with, in your life. Loyalty is an admirable quality, and pure loyalty is rarer, but you have it. It distresses me to see how many times in your life it's been abused, and you deserve so much better."

I wept buckets after that -I never knew he thought that.

 

So I can understand her point when she says "I hate men".

I can generally equate.

because I've been at the receiving end of an awful lot of mistreatment and abuse.

do I 'hate men'?

I could.

I feel I might even have justification.

But I don't.

 

And hopefully, my good friend Woggle will bear out that I am constantly banging the drum as an 'equalist' and not an ardent feminist - or even a misandrist.

 

But some women who've had what they perceive to be a raw deal, can lash out like this and make generalising, deprecating remarks.

 

I'm telling you, every hot-blooded attractive young thing dreams of a Mr. Right who will love, protect, respect and honour her.

So when that guy comes along, her viewpoint will change.

When some guy snaps at her heartstrings, she'll go the dutiful and loving GF route again, in the hope that the guy is the one....

 

Until then, she will maintain she hates men, because one guy treated her like crap, and you guys are all the same, right?

Carhill had a good few pointers.

next time she comes up with an "all men are...." line, tell her.

"Well, I'm a man, you see me doing that?"

Call her out on it.

Tell her all women throw themselves at men, for whatever they can get, then break a man's heart.... see how defensive she gets....

Turn it on her and see how she likes being bracketed under the 'all girls do *this*' banner.....

[Chicago_Guy]

Never ever get involved with a misandrist. She will take all that rage and throw it in your face.

 

Only an incredibly desperate man would get involved with an angry misandrist.

[Justanotherdude]

Ok, this from a woman's perspective:

I get her.

I totally get her.

Anyone who has totally shat all over me in my life - be it an employer, a friend, a lover or a sibling - has been male.

I have been walked over, passed over and pushed over so many times in my life by men who assured one thing, but then when the schit hit the fan, delivered another.

I promise you, as I live and breathe, I have never been cruelly or nastily used or abused by another girl/woman.

I've met a few bytches in my time, but they were bytches to everyone.

I'm talking specifics.

 

my father said to me the other day - "I never cease to be amazed at the quality and endurance of your loyalty to any man you've had a connection with, in your life. Loyalty is an admirable quality, and pure loyalty is rarer, but you have it. It distresses me to see how many times in your life it's been abused, and you deserve so much better."

I wept buckets after that -I never knew he thought that.

 

So I can understand her point when she says "I hate men".

I can generally equate.

because I've been at the receiving end of an awful lot of mistreatment and abuse.

do I 'hate men'?

I could.

I feel I might even have justification.

But I don't.

 

And hopefully, my good friend Woggle will bear out that I am constantly banging the drum as an 'equalist' and not an ardent feminist - or even a misandrist.

 

But some women who've had what they perceive to be a raw deal, can lash out like this and make generalising, deprecating remarks.

 

I'm telling you, every hot-blooded attractive young thing dreams of a Mr. Right who will love, protect, respect and honour her.

So when that guy comes along, her viewpoint will change.

When some guy snaps at her heartstrings, she'll go the dutiful and loving GF route again, in the hope that the guy is the one....

 

Until then, she will maintain she hates men, because one guy treated her like crap, and you guys are all the same, right?

Carhill had a good few pointers.

next time she comes up with an "all men are...." line, tell her.

"Well, I'm a man, you see me doing that?"

Call her out on it.

Tell her all women throw themselves at men, for whatever they can get, then break a man's heart.... see how defensive she gets....

Turn it on her and see how she likes being bracketed under the 'all girls do *this*' banner.....

 

Thank you.

[Justanotherdude]

Wait, you haven't seen her in two months, has this I hate men thing been going on the whole time or was it something that was happening around the time she broke up?

 

People are really jumping to "she's an evil man hating bitch" but I think it is a little unclear when this was happening.

 

If it is still going on, walk away. Either she is still healing or she has serious issues. "Everyone is friendzoned" clearly points to her not being ready if that was 2 months ago, things might have changed.

 

The way to avoid being her buddy is to ask her out. It is silly to just hang out with her, acting like a platonic friend but expect her to not treat you like one. And people talk about their problems with their so. But if she is still devoting a lot of energy to the ex, she isn't ready.

 

Her "everyone is friendzoned" quote is very recent..as in a couple of days ago. In the two months I haven't seen her she has been with friends, (we share a few mutual friends) and mostly working. And the only reason we hadn't seen eachother is because I backed off since she was obviously trying to get over her ex. Although, we held hands walking out of a crowded concert together a month after the breakup. It was a fleeting moment, I didn't put much emphasis on it.

 

To clarify even more the I hate men thing was something she said along with the everyone friendzoned quote, a couple of days ago.

 

And the only reason this stuff was even brought up was because I decided to try and see how she felt about me. She never talks about her ex to me. When we hang out, we have a ton of fun. Period.

[Itzonator]

Wasn't sure where to post this - mods feel free to move if necessary..

 

 

So I've known this girl for almost a year now and we totally hit it off in class. There was some obvious chemistry - come to find out, she has a boyfriend.

 

Oh well. I moved on, and although we would hangout every now and then - it was still there. Recently, they broke up (3-4 months ago) and she still has this "I hate men" mentality and all guys lie, etc etc. HE broke up with her, and obviously it was hard on her. They were together for over a year. I want to make it clear we don't have long discussions about her ex, I'm not the "buddy" she goes to talk about this stuff.

 

I still really dig this girl and every time we hang out we have a blast. She seems interested by her actions but I haven't made a move yet. We hungout recently after about 2 months of not seeing eachother, it's still there.

 

My question: Should I just let this develop naturally? Just do whatever feels right? Because when she tells me "all men lie" and she has this hatred for her ex, it kind of stops me in my tracks. She is definitely soured on men and has no interest in dating right now.

 

Move on!

 

There was an anecdote with an elephant in the circus.

 

As young, the elephant was tied with a rope around a tree. The elephant tried to escape from the rope, but it hurts like hell & finally gives up.

 

After years to come, the elephant has grown to a big powerful creature. At this situation the elephant can escape very easily, but because of this bad experience in the past - do not even try anymore. Elephants never forget -- so as humans. This is called, assumed constraint. We all have those, when we put limitations on ourselves & chains (ropes) around our necks & stay in the comfort zone.

 

So your girlfriend is like this elephant. She's trapped in her mind, assuming that all men lie. There is nothing in the world that will convince her otherwise. She has to become self-aware.

 

Move on - don't waste your time!

[sally4sara]

Wasn't sure where to post this - mods feel free to move if necessary..

 

So I've known this girl for almost a year now and we totally hit it off in class. There was some obvious chemistry - come to find out, she has a boyfriend.

 

Oh well. I moved on, and although we would hangout every now and then - it was still there. Recently, they broke up (3-4 months ago) and she still has this "I hate men" mentality and all guys lie, etc etc. HE broke up with her, and obviously it was hard on her. They were together for over a year. I want to make it clear we don't have long discussions about her ex, I'm not the "buddy" she goes to talk about this stuff.

 

I still really dig this girl and every time we hang out we have a blast. She seems interested by her actions but I haven't made a move yet. We hungout recently after about 2 months of not seeing eachother, it's still there.

 

My question: Should I just let this develop naturally? Just do whatever feels right? Because when she tells me "all men lie" and she has this hatred for her ex, it kind of stops me in my tracks. She is definitely soured on men and has no interest in dating right now.

 

Put it to her the next time she says things like that.

 

"Look, I have really enjoyed your company many of the times we've interacted, but this new anti-male attitude doesn't suit the impression you've made on me in the past. At first I chalked it up to you being fresh out of a break up, but its become enough. Clearly I like you and would like to see where that goes, but this bitterness is getting in the way. Call me when you're feeling more like the girl I know. Maybe then you let me try to put a smile back on that beautiful face."

 

And end conversation right there. Leave. If she never makes a move, at least you've got one less bitter female taking up your time with insults.

[Woggle]

All you guys on here know the story of my childhood and my father. He learned a harsh lesson when he thought he could love a woman out of being a misandrist. If somehow you do win her heart her misandry will pop up again and she will make your life miserable.

 

Somebody here made a comment that a woman can be swept off her feet and the misandry will go away but that is just plain not true. In fact she will look at you as a week nice guy and you will her punching bag she can take all her rage out on.

[TaraMaiden]

I think there is a difference between deeply-ingrained misandry, and misandrous comments.

I don't get the impression this girl is an all-round genuine man-hater... I think she's just holding a grudge.

 

If she really were a genuine, bona-fide hard-core, through-and-through misandrist, I doubt very much she would be treating the OP as such a good friend and confidant....

I also think that genuine misandrists are probably, in general, a little older, and more..."life-hardened" than this young lady actually is.

 

Just my opinion, here......

[carhill]

IMO, the situational 'hate' is a mask for something much deeper and more hurting. Frankly, that's my worry with such a woman. When one peels away the layers of the onion, what's inside can be a whole pack of incompatible. BTDT. Hope it works out for the OP. Remember, OP, you want to date her. Focus on the goal. If it isn't attainable, accept that. *Accept that*. Move on. Trust me, it's far healthier. Good luck

[Justanotherdude]

Thanks everyone for your comments. I got some good solid advice..

 

I do wanna say I did call her out and basically said "bs" to her statements.

 

I told her she's jaded. At first she was quick to say no im not.. later she said you know what you're right - you called it.

 

I don't think she's a hardcore misandrist - she is absolutely holding a grudge.