I'm living w/ my ex boyfriend. Advice?

[sweetali]

Ok, I guess I just need some advice. I've been with this guy for over 3 years and 6 months ago we signed a year lease and moved in together. About a month ago we broke up but have continued living together. It has been really hard on me since the breakup wasn't something I wanted.

 

About a week after we broke up it seemed like we were going to get back together. We were taking things slow and I thought we were on that track. Then we had a small fight and it completely fizzled out.

 

Since then, he has been hanging out with this girl who he has been friends with since childhood. She was in town and he was going over to her house all the time. He said nothing is going on between them but even now that she is back home (out of state) they talk for hours on the phone. So I'm not sure what to believe.

 

I really miss him, we had a good relationship for three years. There were definatly things that we needed to work on, but nothing that isn't fixable. I should mention too that he is planning on moving out of state after the lease is up. He says he just needs to get away and start over. Oh, and I can't move out because he wont sign a sublease so I'm basically stuck unless I were to continue paying my rent and not living there. No one can move in in my place since we share a room.

 

And did I mention he is bi-polar? What the heck do I do? We've had some great times, were planning on having a future together. He does this every now and then due to the bi-polar but has never cheated or done anything really wrong. I would love to have him back in my life as a boyfriend but am at a loss now. I'm trying to be the upbeat friend / roommate but it's exhausting to hide my feelings everyday. I've brought up getting back together with him before but he says that we're not right for eachother and that I deserve better. How do you argue with that!?! He REALLY is a great person and doesn't give himself a lot of credit. I think we could have a wonderful relationship together if he would just let go and not be scared or something. I dont know. Any advice????

[Samson]

Advise, .........why not?

 

Run like hell, Sugar, its over.

[pinkroses]

he does this now and then because he's bipolar... could you explain that some more? I suspected my boyfriend was bipolar. He tends to distance himself periodically too. I finally had to break it off because he was totally pushing me away.

 

In your case there should be no need for you to suffer like you are. If the living arrangement is too hard on you and you think he is starting to see someone else, then he needs to go stay with a friend or get his own place. It doesn't sound like he's in the place and frame of mind to consider working on your relationship with him. If he's already seeing someone and talking about moving away, he's already moved on. The sooner he gets out of your space and your life, the sooner you will be able to heal and move on too. I know three years is a long time of loving and memories, but sometimes people just come to a place where they can't take a relationship any further.

[TimmyTime]

Sweetali.......I hear you all to well.

 

I might not have the best advise here, but I agree with pinkroses that he needs to move out for both your sakes. That of course is easier said than done. Especially when you have responsibilities that hold you together.

 

I am in a similar situation with my ex. We have been broken up for 2 months after almost 4 years together. I am trying the friend route but nothing ever works. She obviously wants time on her own, but I just sit and watch trying not to get to confused at the matter. On top of that we still sleep with eachother, making being friends a little weird. Not a good idea at all.

 

I would love to leave, but i am tied down here for another 6 months. We have 2 other roomates, and also share a room. So unless I want to screw over all of them, I am stuck.

 

Hopefully he agrees to sign a sublease, that would make both of you realize if you even want to be together. Take the much needed time and space, and if you still want eachother, it will happen. You don't know what you've got until its gone, but since he is not gone, he doesn't get a chance to see this.

 

Oh, and as far as his old friend, She might just be a refreshing escape from you and the whole ordeal. It is his way of keeping his self esteem and piece of mind.