Relationships In General

[RAQUEL]

Hello everyone,

I'm new and I have read a lot of the posts for break ups and second chances and how to get over your ex's. Basically in my point of view I feel that relationships are not really easy at pin pointing at any situation because even though a relationship can have similar problems or situations they can end different from one relationship to another. In fact, no relationship is ever the same because they involve different people and different problems with one self or just the relationship in general. I am not expreinced in having a lot of relationships because I have only had one and I'm 18 going to be 19 in two weeks and two days. Me and my boyfriend are broken up and have been for a month on monday of next week. We are friends, and that is not friends with benefits. Not that I have anything against that because different strokes for different fokes but that is not what i want in any sort of friendship or relationship. Me and my ex have taken this break not because we need time apart, or we want to date other people or because we have fallen out of love or anything like that. I think we are bit to young to make everything final because for us school comes first, we both want to persue a career in our own pictular interest. The break up was hard for me and it was for him, and as I said I am very much in love with him and well he I can't say for sure because I am not him, I may have thought he was or still do, and from what his best friend told me he is, but my ex has too many issues right now and can't deal with a relationship. Lets face it he's only been in two relationships and they were more disfunctional then a reality show. I was his first "normal relationship" and the first girl friend he actually got close with as letting himself give in to trusting anyone. Please note that my ex has had very dramatic situations and problems in his life that he has ran away from and now he sort of confronting but doesnt want to handle them. Plus I have a little feeling that he may be a manic depressive but I can state that for a fact. I just think he's scared and is used to being a anti socal interver who stays stuck at home. Remember as I told you we are still friends and are not seeing other people, in fact all he does is stay at home, and studies a lot, plus he wants to become a musican not a rock star but a musican. so in a way he is selfish, but then again so am I. Now his friend told me that he does plan to get back with me but needs to figure himself out for a while. You know, and yes I know that can mean many things on what ever the person has experienced in their own relationship or their own opionion. But whatever the case as much as I do want us to be together, I do believe that he wont solve all his issue within a few months. That takes a while longer then that. Now I havent made any final decision anytime yet because I dont know what will happen "tomorrow" and that's sort of a scary feeling but all I know is that I'm going to follow my insticts because insticts are mostly right. Now if we are ment to be it will work out in the end, but if we are not I can't stay waiting for us to get together. I am a little understanding then most people with the whole relationship maybe bacause we broke up together, so neither felt more of a burn then the other, and we tried to end it with good terms. I call him once or twice a week just to see how he is doing, not like relationship wise or anything like that or you know, I keep the conversation light and fun. He can't handle stress and that was another reason why he was acting depressed and all and he has a lot of self issues he needs to get over. He doesn't have low self esteem but no self esteem so how can someone who doesnt love themself expect to love someone else fully and completely. Basically we are both immature right now and need to grow up. Me over reacting and needing to handle situations better and try not to may any assumtions becasue "you assuming anything, with make a ass of yourself". So I try to handle not just the relationship but everything better. Secondly I need to learn how to be more independant, and he needs to just love himself, respect himself and accept himself. Now me and my ex were only together for five months but please note that time is only of a essance. For some relationships a hour can mean as much as a week or a month to a year and others can see a year as to nothing. It all depends on how well that couple was with one another, and the funny thing is that there really isn't any right answer to any relationship because some people can be together for a long time, years and years and it's just a disater and others can be together for a short amount of time and it can be magical. I had a ex friend that had parents who were married for 15 or 16 years and married eachother after two or three weeks knowing eachother and they have been happy ever since, and I have know friends, family members or just accaintances who been together for a few to several years or almost a decade and just didnt have anything. Now I dont believe any relationship has nothing because something can be made of nothing as nothing to something, it all just depends. I know this is rather lenthy and all, but what I guess I'm trying to say is that I think the possibilites are everywhere but remember everything you belive in and live/love for will be challange, so just make sure it isn't too late. As I said with my own personal experience which can be nothing for a few but something for someone, I do want to end up with my ex, he's is the only person I ever felt this way for in all of my life which isnt long but I've been dating a lot since I was 14, and that is just a kid but then again who's to say, I see people in their early twenties and mid twenties who can say the same, less or more then me. different people different advice.......but anyway back to what I was saying I do want to even marry this guy and he has told me the same, and no it wasn't cuz he wanted sex or anything, a few people assume that too, in fact we haven't had sex, it was more than that, but I feel right now we are a little too young and nieve to feel so strongly when we can not even support ourselves fully and completely and we have school right now, that's why we are friends, trying to take it slower.......now what I do fear is the fact that it will remain or parish, and though I want to get with him, and he may want to reunite with me, we have to make sure we wont break eachother's hearts or make sure we just are not holding on theards that are not there. before if/when I get with him again, I need to make sure that we both are ready and just try to take it slower. remember you have the rest of your lives to be so one on one, just take it easy but dont take it for granted. anyway, what I am saying is hopefully in the end you and your relationship is good in the end. I guess just be really ready, and you know this is just for who ever is in the same boat as me or just wants to read this, but I guess all I want is him to be happy as of me. But then agian what do I know, just that I love him and he loves me but sometimes love isn't enough at certain times, You Just GOT to be ready and able to handle a relationship. Life is more complicated then that and that is just the beginning, later it's more intense and fustrating but it's has to be able to be dealt. anyway enough of my talking a ear off, luck for all of you and well thanks for reading or something.

[Samson]

Raquel,

 

Every now and then I dive into unreplied posts. I guess I just am curious, and want to see what's happened in this file.

 

Now, your post seems to have taken a good deal of effort and even possibly a measure of thought and I hate to have scanned through it without writing you back.

 

Sometimes just the act of putting our thoughts into words and writing can put our lives into perspective. Hope this is what your goal was with your post.

[jenny]

raquel,

 

i am selfish and lazy, and gluttonously crave paragraphs. i would love to help you but i was wondering if you could reorganize your post a bit for readability?

[Arabess]

I think it's wonderful when someone, such as yourself, takes the time to really sort out their feelings regarding relationships and makes a plan with their priorities is life.

 

Most people don't.....which is they get caught short.....and dissatisfied with their life on down the line.

 

Thanks for posting and sharing your feelings.

 

Arabess

[HelplessMidwest]

I think you hit the nail on the head.

 

Nice post very well written and thought out.

[WWDDFD]

As a writer, I feel compelled to introduce you to the concept of paragraphs. I'm only teasing you, but... good lord woman, PARAGRAPHS! It's so difficult to read things when they're all jumbled up like that.