Do you have trust issues being in a LDR?

[asrgal]

I was curious how many of you have developed trust issues in your LDR?

Do you trust your partner all the way?

 

My bf and I been together 4 years and laways been together, he took a new job 4 hours away about 6 month ago and now we see each other every 3-4 weeks for 2-3 days.

 

 

Well, he is in a job working 12-13 hours daily (sometimes works nights) and working with 85% of women.

He is very tired most of the time, and we do talk daily but the conversations are really short anymore. When he comes visit he is so tired as well.

His day's off he says he sleeps a lot and doesn't really share what else he is doing.

I don't know if I am over reacting but I started to develop some trust issues, and really worry. I am not sure how to bring it up and/or deal with it :-(

 

Anyone with same problem? What is your experience?

[Rollercoasterr]

In an LDR trust and communication is EVERYTHING. IMO, in LDR's where there ARE trust issues, eventually it will not work out. I've been on this board for a while now and I've seen tons of relationships with trust issues go down in flames. Of course there are those than may break the mold, but how can you be happy and have your relationship thrive if you're always worried about what the other person is doing? It's not healthy and will eventually tear your relationship apart.

 

My LDR is freshly over, but we were wildly successful. I trust him 1000% percent and he does the same. We had enough problems dealing with immigration, planning visits, and planning a wedding without adding trust issues to it. We probably wouldn't have made it to the proposal period if there had been. And don't get me wrong, there were plenty of chances for me to be jealous and not trust him, and him the same, but it's all about knowing deep down what your SO is going to do and what he wont. Maybe this doesn't work for all, but it worked for me. Mathew and I have had a rocky past, but when we got back together 2 years ago I put all of that behind me and chose to commit myself to this and our future. And in 10 days we'll be married and never have to worry about being in an LDR again, so I would guess that my method worked out just fine.

[Spiritofnow]

IAnd in 10 days we'll be married and never have to worry about being in an LDR again, so I would guess that my method worked out just fine.

 

Living the dream...congrats!!!!

 

I am one of those people who loves a quote to summarise things, and this one is for you.

 

"The true meaning of happiness is not having what you want, but wanting what you have" Unknown - seems like you got it

[stace79]

I agree with Roller... at some point you just have to know in your gut that your SO loves you, is honest and wants to be with you and you only. Otherwise you could drive yourself nuts with worry, and your suspicion will be noticeable by your SO at some point.

 

I have trust issues right now in my LDR. My SO had a history of the "grass is greener" mentality, and I am not entirely certain he is through it. He says he is, but I'm not positive yet. I think when we have a fight, he still starts thinking things would be better with someone new.

 

You should talk to him about it when he visits. Tell him you don't believe he's done something wrong, but because you don't get to talk much or see each other, you feel insecure and afraid he might meet someone else or fall out of love with you.

 

My counselor said that all jealousy and insecurity is ultimately rooted in fear, so express what it is that you're afraid of. You definitely have to be able to talk to him about it though.

[Citizen Erased]

No, I trust him 100%. He would never hurt me in that way and I would never do that to him. I knew he was a trustworthy, decent guy years ago and me being LDR with him doesn't change that opinion. I used to think how lucky his ex was to have someone like that and now he's mine.

[aerogurl87]

I use to have trust issues within the first 2 months or so of my LDR with my SO. Then I realized they weren't really trust issues with him per say, but my fears. Like that he'd leave me for some girl or walk out on me one day out of the blue. And having been in a LDR in the past where those things did happen, that made those fears all the worst. But what helped me was talking to my boyfriend about those fears and where they came from. He was able to see it wasn't his fault I felt that way and he reassured me those things wouldn't happen, and I was able to realize that I shouldn't worry about something like that when he gave me no indicators that he was that type of person. Now everything's great and we're working on trying to get me to his country for a few months this fall/winter.

[Els]

I honestly don't think any LDR can survive with long-term trust issues. This is why I alternate between being perplexed and laughing when LDR skeptics pop over here and say, 'How can you call it a relationship when he could be banging any other girl at any time and you wouldn't know??' Perplexed because, if you don't trust your partner enough to NOT see him and yet know that he isn't cheating on you, your LDR will just cease to exist pretty darn soon. Laughing because they don't know the half of it. Trust is NOT the largest issue in any long-term LDR I've known. There are so many other difficulties that an LDR will almost necessarily pose - you DON'T want to add lack of trust to the mix.

 

I know it may get your heart broken, but if you have never been shown any reasons to distrust, he does deserve your full trust, especially if he has such a stress-filled life. Poking and probing and worrying will only stress him out further. You said you have been together for 4 years, has he given you any reason to worry so far?

[White Dove]

No trust issues here. We had doubts though if this could really work but we overcame that by thinking positive and supporting one another.

 

I agree with the above posters -- trust is key to making a LDR work. Without it, your relationship can and will suffer. Communication is important as well -- always discuss with each other if you feel something is not right or even if you feel a bit insecure.

[stace79]

No trust issues here. We had doubts though if this could really work but we overcame that by thinking positive and supporting one another.

 

I agree with the above posters -- trust is key to making a LDR work. Without it, your relationship can and will suffer. Communication is important as well -- always discuss with each other if you feel something is not right or even if you feel a bit insecure.

 

I agree on communication. I feel that includes talking openly and honestly about desires, expectations and boundaries in a relationship. My issue is that I know my partner and I have a few variances in our beliefs when it comes to relationships.

 

If you know that the other person knows and respects your boundaries and each of you work to achieve the other's desires, then you should be able to work things through.

[LittleTiger]

We have no trust issues in our relationship, on either side. If we did it just wouldn't work. I know he's a good man and I trust him completely. He feels the same about me. I agree with Elswyth, there are enough problems in a LDR without adding lack of trust to the mix.

 

asrgal, has something changed in your relationship recently that may have triggered your lack of trust in him? Is he behaving differently in some way? I believe trust largely comes from gut instinct, so maybe you have unconsciously noticed something and it's started to worry you.

 

The best thing to do is let him know how you're feeling. Ask him to be more open with you about how he spends his time. If he won't do that then you probably have good reason not to trust him.

[Major]

Actually, I am not prone to a LDR with a new, person. However, I think that once a foundation is established, it can work. It doesn't seem like anything is going on to me. I can understand the concern with the short conversations, however, if his visits became less, etc. I would be concerned. The only thing I would say is, forget us! Lol! Talk to your man about how you feel. He's the only one that can truly give you the feeling of security and peace you need about the situation.