Am I being too needy?

[Bostonbabe]

My boyfriend and I of 1 1/2 years just entered a LDR about a week and a half ago. We have been dating since I entered college and I am used to seeing him everyday, getting texts, and falling asleep/waking up next to him. I have been having a hard time adjusting to the distance due to my own very open schedule with a lot of downtime (I work as a front desk attendant mainly at night) and his incredibly busy schedule that has him in class from 6am to nearly 7pm at night with work till pretty much till late at night. With the one hour time difference, waiting to talk to him at night for our usual agreed upon 15 minutes minimum can get pretty tough.

 

I understand he has a horrible schedule and is incredibly busy, but I think part of why I am so upset is because of how distant he has become. I hardly ever get texts during the day aside from a good morning text in the morning and one saying he got off class. When we do talk I seem to do all the talking and he doesnt really say much about what he has been up to or how his life in his new home is going. He justs mentions how much work he has to do. When I suggest chatting or webcamming while he works and I read or watch tv (like we did when he was here) he just stresses how much work he has to do like I would distract him or something. Combined, these two things make me very lonely during the day and feel very isolated from him. Even when he was in the same city as me on his busiest days I was used to at least some updates during the day as to how he is.

 

Am I wrong to push for a few updates during the day and is he being distant? He has told me that I should not be as upset as I am having him gone and that it seems a bit unhealthy, but I feel he hasn't been very supportive of the situation I have found myself in (working over the summer with very few friends around) despite how busy he is. Am I right to be this upset with him and in general?

 

Please let me know your thoughts!

[Els]

I don't think this is your fault, but I don't think it's his either. Just very unfortunate circumstances. To be honest, if I was working/at school everyday from 6am to late at night... yeah I definitely wouldn't be a great communicator and I'd definitely be stressed all the time! In fact, I really don't think I could survive such a schedule at all and remain sane, let alone sustain a relationship.

 

I've also been on the other side of the coin, and that sucks too. Currently I'm on holiday, the bf works 10 hour days, sometimes 16 hours and weekends. He isn't happy with that, and he is often so deadbeat after the 16 hour days that he just digs into instant noodles, mumbles a few words and falls asleep. It sucks. But it's necessary. If he doesn't deal with it, he won't graduate as a doctor.

 

There is no perfect solution to such circumstances. It requires compromise, tolerance, and sacrifice on both parts - especially the person with the easier life, ie YOU. If your bf wasn't talking much because he was too busy partying and getting himself stone drunk everyday, it would be a different story. But in this case I don't think pressuring him for more would help.

 

Edit: If I'm not wrong, this is only temporary, for a few months? If so, I'd just suggest toughing it through. If this is going to be long-term (years), however, I would seriously ask myself how worth it this relationship is to me, and how well I would be able to cope with my partner's gruelling schedule, without compromising my own happiness and emotional health.

Edited June 17, 2010 by Elswyth