my fiance broke up with me out of the blue

[Glors1116]

I was engaged up until last week when my fiance out of the blue decided that he would rather be alone and wasn't ready for marriage. Not only that, it seemed like he didn't even want to have anything to do with me. How is that possible when three weeks before that, he was still excited about getting married and even asked me why we don't hurry up and get married. The thing about our relationship was that we had no problems. We never argued and always enjoyed our company with each other. He even said so as much. He said that it was nothing I did, agreed we had a perfect relationship but he was afraid that if we stayed together, something bad would happen. What that bad thing was, I don't know. I don't know if he was afraid I'd cheat on him or leave him or what. But he notified me through email and didn't leave much room for discussion over the phone. I get the feeling that he's forcing himself to feel less love for me and trying to put me out of his mind. I cannot possibly describe the hurt I feel and to make it worse, the fact that he's completely cut me out of his life is just a stinging slap in the face. I know he didn't meet anyone else because that's not his personality and I know him well enough to know that. But I just don't know how to feel. I can't help but feel mixed feelings of anger, hurt, love, depression and then I fantasize about the day he'll call me and tell me he was wrong and that he really wants to get back together again. I know that if he ever did that, I should tell him to go away because of all the pain he's put me through but I still love him and I miss him and I can't help how I feel. How will I ever recover from this? I want nothing more than to get back together with him.

[Nameless]

You have the right to feel what your feeling right now. As for recovery, you will probably get over him sooner or later. It takes time to recover from these events and emotions, so just live through it or something.

 

Although you really miss him and want to get back with him, think of the bigger picture here. It is natural for you to want him back. I think the simpler route would be if he doesnt want to come back to you. I mean, you wouldnt have to choose the forgive or forget scenario. So in the mean time, you can work on getting rid of your pain. You can always try hanging out with you friends more or try your best to not be lonely.

[lakeishap43]

i know how you feel, i was going thur what your going thur about 3 wks ago. The easiest thing i have found to do to try not to morn over him was to just think of it as starting a new life. Not saying start dating right away we all know that would be a mistake, but like start doing things you enjoy by your self but the kicker is DON'T DO ANYTHING YOU AND HIM HAVE DONE TOGEATHER! That will only make you think about him even more. Do something you've never done before, went so far as to moving out of my house because everything i did, saw, even made made me think about him and i was literlilly killing my self. i didn't eat for 2 wks, and had 6 hrs. of sleep every 3 days. i just couldn't do any more because my body was shuting down on me and i was not about to let a guy do this to me. see the guy i was surrpost to marry started seeing my ex best friend right after we broke up. it was awlful. but like i said you need to go out with your single friends, dance, party and have a good time and do things that you would enjoy and something ya'll didn't do togeather. don't get me wrong you'll still think about him, there will be songs that come on or a movie you see or just some little things that will make you think about him but just try to ignore it. I'ts hard, one of the hardest things i've done in life soooo far. But take my word, the more you try to forget the easier it's going to be. Don't morn over this, if its' meant to be he'll be back or if it's not there will be someone else out there that your going to fall madly in love with. TRUST ME I'VE LEARD THE HARD WAY!!!!!

 

 

love,

kp

[lost_in_chgo]

Give it a little time. He's probably just freaking out. Leave him alone and see if he changes his mind. Marriage is a stressful thing, so it may just be a reaction to the stress. But don't wait forever, it may be that he's been building up to this for awhile and just didn't have the courtesy to discuss it with you. Some people just can't deal with letting other people down.

 

It's better that he did this before the wedding than after.

[Glors1116]

I guess you're all right. In a moment of weakness/frustration, I called and left him a message and told him I still loved him and that I miss him. He still hasn't called back and this morning I woke up wondering if he's trying to do this to make me hate him. I alternate between really wanting him and really wanting to move on and I feel so confused. I'm eating better now, but I still wake up early in the morning, before my alarm goes off. I dream about him and everywhere I look there's a reminder of him. At the very least I want to remember him as the wonderful guy he was, not the jerk he's being right now.

[grounded]

Very sorry to hear of your situation. Had similar thing happen to me with me soon to be fiance--out of nowhere on the phone and then no contact. My 2 cents: don't contact him in any way if you are going to wait and see what happens. If he comes back, he has to decide on his own and you can't convince him or use any amount of logic for him to see the light. If you ever decide you would never take him back, and you feel like you need to contact/see him for closure, then by all means do so. Just remember that the first time you feel like you don't want him back may not last and you may change your mind, so don't burn bridges. His need to flee may very well have nothing to do with you and only to do with that part of a guy that nature just won't allow to commit. Yes, he has caused you a great amount of pain and you deserve to feel hurt. But try not to direct all the anger at him personally. Be angry and hurt at the relationship not working out. He may not be able to help how he feels and he has to cut you off to get over you. Try not to lose love for him or decide to never have him back because of him needing to flee and because that hurt you. But he should have never done it the way he did it. That does say something about him. Perhaps one day he will correct that error. My ex never did. Just remember that no matter how you feel that there is light at the end of the tunnel.

[Glors1116]

It's so hard for me to not contact him. Since he never called back, I probably won't. Until my next bout of weakness at least.

 

I just feel so lost and confused and lonely, and I know that I should try my best to not be lonely but I feel like all the sudden I have nothing. It was a long distance relationship and I'm here by myself. We were supposed to get married in a few months and then I'd move over to join him. But I've only lived here for a few months and can't help feel like I've been stranded in the middle of nowhere. Which it is indeed the middle of nowhere - the nearest city is 100 miles away.

 

I've never had a problem with making friends before. I'm a military brat and have always adjusted easily to new surroundings, but this is the first time I've been in a situation like this - everyone I know is married and has different priorities in life. Most of the single people are men, and I don't mind that except that sometimes it's nice to have a girl friend too.

 

And in addition to the fantasies of getting back together with him, also have fleeting thoughts of just finding comfort in the first male arms I come across.