Financial Support to OW

[califnan]

This is not a laughing matter. Its actually true. That's why its considered THEFT to accept his money knowing his W is paying for it too.

 

But, this is also why some states allow for the W to go after the OW to get half of what is hers back.

 

A W was awarded over $400K from an OW who had the nerve to brag about how much her MM spent on her during their affair. At the hearing, and after the ruling the OW had the nerve to claim she was broke. She showed up wearing some horrible lace outfit too. Never heard anything else on this case. But since she was awarded it, the W can now go after the OWs assets to satisfy her claim. The MM was dead. There was no divorce settlement going on.

 

It saddens me to think there are people out there that laugh at the very real misfortune of others. All the while claiming that the same others should then care about their misfortune and pain (or humiliation or other inflamatory word meant to evoke sympathy/pity).

 

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Yes, and to Theft - add fraud to that too, NID.

 

As I mentioned before - funny how it seems that the O Womens' accounts of monies/favors received - have become more minimized since the beginning of this thread.. ha

[Ann_Igma]

I must say I am surprised, Ann_Igma, that you as a native English speaker seem to feel the need to borrow the words of a foreigner. You are not stalking me, are you?

 

The first example I pointed out in the very same post that I was using your own words to highlight to you that I felt you were being hypocritical.

 

The second example was also a direct reply to your take on the subject, and I felt the statement being in a similar vein was an effective starting point. I am sorry that you do not like my writing style and choose to reply to that instead of the content of my post.

 

I also wonder where you get the idea that I am a native English speaker, as I don't believe I have ever said as such - I am, I just don't remember ever specifically stating it. I could be mistaken and forgot that I've put said details in some post or other, but I thought the only things I have previously said about my country of origin is that it's not the same country or even continent where I currently reside.

[VelveteenBunny]

If he gets her pregnant, he should assist financially.

[califnan]

If he gets her pregnant, he should assist financially.

 

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Again, this would come down to monies from H and W community assets to pay for OW's pregnancy ..

[MizFit]

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Yes, and to Theft - add fraud to that too, NID.

 

As I mentioned before - funny how it seems that the O Womens' accounts of monies/favors received - have become more minimized since the beginning of this thread.. ha

 

Not saying that it's not so, but who exactly is minimizing monies/favors received. I said I don't take anything, J-J and FA have stated what they take and I believe has been quite consistent about it, and OWoman stated her situation being separate finances between the WS and and his W. Again, there are other OW and this is a very long thread, but I don't recall anyone minimizing anything. Please let me know if this is incorrect.

[Adunaphel]

That has got me thinking. What kind of a woman would want to accept a diamond ring from MM knowing that he's still married?

 

Some OW who genuinely believe that he is actually going to leave might interpret receiving a ring as a sign that he truly feels committed to them and that separation/divorce papers will soon follow the gift.

[jennie-jennie]

Not saying that it's not so, but who exactly is minimizing monies/favors received. I said I don't take anything, J-J and FA have stated what they take and I believe has been quite consistent about it, and OWoman stated her situation being separate finances between the WS and and his W. Again, there are other OW and this is a very long thread, but I don't recall anyone minimizing anything. Please let me know if this is incorrect.

 

I think it might be that Califnan interpreted the earlier posts in one way, and then later posts proved her interpretation wrong.

[califnan]

I think it might be that Califnan interpreted the earlier posts in one way, and then later posts proved her interpretation wrong.

 

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Perhaps.

 

There were two posters who volunteered in the beginning of the thread of more financial benefits - than they admitted to toward the end ..

 

I will bring those back later..

[awkward]

IMO both emotional and financial gifts hurt the MM's family. I imagine the emotional gifts sting more though.

 

Also IMO I believe that many women (not just OW) put too much value on emotional gifts (much of them words). The men who make these emotional gifts/expenses don't really have to back them up and don't really cost them anything unless there is a d-day in the cases where the men are MM. That is where the BS and the OW find out just how much the emotional gifts really cost.

 

Disclaimer: I am not speaking about one specific poster's circumstance. This is a general post about women and some OW.

Edited June 20, 2010 by awkward

[jennie-jennie]

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Perhaps.

 

There were two posters who volunteered in the beginning of the thread of more financial benefits - than they admitted to toward the end ..

 

I will bring those back later..

 

I wish my MM would grant me more financial benefits, but I am not going to ask for any. It has to be of his own suggesting.

[anne1707]

I wish my MM would grant me more financial benefits, but I am not going to ask for any. It has to be of his own suggesting.

 

But I thought you said you did not expect financial benefits?

[Silly_Girl]

I wish my MM would grant me more financial benefits....

 

Why? And what for? And why do you deserve financial benefits? Would you expect it from a single man? Would you also be happy for your daughter to be in the same situation, accepting money from a married man?

 

Not judging, am very interested.

[jennie-jennie]

But I thought you said you did not expect financial benefits?

 

There is a distinction between "expect" and "wish for" - two different words, two different meanings.

Edited June 20, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[jennie-jennie]

Why? And what for? And why do you deserve financial benefits? Would you expect it from a single man? Would you also be happy for your daughter to be in the same situation, accepting money from a married man?

 

Not judging, am very interested.

 

I don't see him as a married man. I see him as my SO. And as I said to Ann, there is a distinction between "expect" and "wish for".

 

The thing is, which I have also stated before, that I so enjoy my MM taking care of me. I have struggled for decades keeping the family together, taking care of the children, being the only one who provided security, both emotionally and financially. You can't understand the wonderful sensation of being cared for after decades with a compulsive gambler as an SO.

[anne1707]

No, but I am his primary love relationship right now, not only after a divorce, and as such he should care for me.

 

There is a distinction between "expect" and "wish for" - two different words, two different meanings.

 

 

I see you have taken out the reference to giving an English person an English lesson.

 

Anyway how about "should" - does that not imply "expect"?

[jennie-jennie]

I see you have taken out the reference to giving an English person an English lesson.

 

Anyway how about "should" - does that not imply "expect"?

 

Now I might need an English lesson. You can care for in many ways, can you not?

 

Anyhow, I don't expect. I am just like FA. I would be fine with the cardboard box as long as I have my sweetheart.

[jennie-jennie]

So this is the case:

 

I don't ask for.

I don't expect.

But I love getting.

[jennie-jennie]

Would you also be happy for your daughter to be in the same situation, accepting money from a married man?

 

Of course I wish for my daughter, just like for myself, to have a relationship with a single man. But if she was in a relationship with a MM, I sure would be happy if he cared for her financially. Why would I want her to be in a relationship with a man who did not care and provide for her if he had the means?

 

I know my parents appreciate that my MM pays for me. Flight tickets, cell phones, computers and such.

Edited June 20, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[Silly_Girl]

Of course I wish for my daughter, just like for myself, to have a relationship with a single man. But if she was in a relationship with a MM, I sure would be happy if he cared for her financially. Why would I want her to be in a relationship with a man who did not care and provide for her if he had the means?

 

I don't know. I have never wanted a man to provide for me. It is my make-up. My parents were quite poor, and I had jobs from 13 onwards, two simultaneously for a long time. I then studied in my own time to qualify and I provide for myself and my son. I've never benefitted financially from a man, although men have benefitted financially from me.

 

I would prefer my own daughter, were I to have one, to provide for herself first and foremost, for lots of reasons. It's not a question of married/single man for me. It's just a basic belief of mine. Which is possibly why I am so interested as to why you wish your AP would spend more than he does on you.

[jennie-jennie]

I don't know. I have never wanted a man to provide for me. It is my make-up. My parents were quite poor, and I had jobs from 13 onwards, two simultaneously for a long time. I then studied in my own time to qualify and I provide for myself and my son. I've never benefitted financially from a man, although men have benefitted financially from me.

 

I would prefer my own daughter, were I to have one, to provide for herself first and foremost, for lots of reasons. It's not a question of married/single man for me. It's just a basic belief of mine. Which is possibly why I am so interested as to why you wish your AP would spend more than he does on you.

 

All my daughters are feminists. So you don't have to worry. They will be sure to provide for themselves. I practically have to talk them into accepting things from their boyfriends.

 

If I dare mention the cultural thing again. Men here do not in general pay for dates and such. Women are supposed to be oh so equal, a lot of the time it turns out to be the women supporting the men, and the men ripping the women off. Perhaps this background of mine makes it the more enjoyable to have a man actually provide for me.

 

It is like this equality has actually made the men weak. Perhaps there is a basic need in men to care for and provide which should not be neglected.

Edited June 20, 2010 by jennie-jennie

[Fallen Angel]

All my daughters are feminists. So you don't have to worry. They will be sure to provide for themselves. I practically have to talk them into accepting things from their boyfriends.

 

If I dare mention the cultural thing again. Men here do not in general pay for dates and such. Women are supposed to be oh so equal, a lot of the time it turns out to be the women supporting the men, and the men ripping the women off. Perhaps this background of mine makes it the more enjoyable to have a man actually provide for me.

 

It is like this equality has actually made the men weak. Perhaps there is a basic need in men to care for and provide which should not be neglected.

 

ABSOLUTELY!!!

 

I think that women and men being "equals" in all ways has led to a demasculinization of men. It makes them feel less than what they were intended (and raised) to be. Men have the desire, even the need to be the "hunter" who provides the food, The "protector" who defends his loved ones against all threats, the HEAD of the HOUSEHOLD...

 

Women who do not allow their men to care for them in the way that the men crave to do so, will find their men unhappy, feeling less than a man.

 

It may appear old-fashioned but just watch a group of men react to two women with a flat tire.

 

One confidently gets out a jack and starts to, with no hesitation, change her own tire. Men drive past and leave her to it. because they do not feel needed, that encounter would not please them.

 

A woman who is on the side of the road with a jack in her hand looking at it with a bit of confusion, will quickly find a man stopping to "help" (change the tire for her). Because the encounter will leave him feeling he was needed, so will please him.

 

A man wants to be needed. A man needs to be needed, and one of the ways that he feels manly is in providing for the woman he loves. Denying him that diminishes his love for the woman.

[NoIDidn't]

It is like this equality has actually made the men weak. Perhaps there is a basic need in men to care for and provide which should not be neglected.

 

Something we agree on. LOL.

 

My H takes much pride in providing for me and our family. It would be a huge blow to him to not be able to do so.

 

(Not a feminist by a long shot)

[jennie-jennie]

Something we agree on. LOL.

 

My H takes much pride in providing for me and our family. It would be a huge blow to him to not be able to do so.

 

(Not a feminist by a long shot)

 

Good to see there are some things we agree on, NID.

[MizzBlue72]

NEVER!! Ever.

 

The STBDMM and I always go Dutch - always. I don't won't to be kept.

NO expensive gifts - either one of us.

 

He is on his own - has his own money.

I am on my own - have my own money.

[Silly_Girl]

My H takes much pride in providing for me and our family. It would be a huge blow to him to not be able to do so.

 

 

So did I, as a woman, when I was part of a family structure where joint decisions were taken as to who would pursue a career, who would not, and how we would manage the care of our child between us, where we should live, how much we wanted to spend on different parts of our life etc etc.

 

I find that to be very different to 2 single (unmarried/uncommitted) people with their own monies and obligations and expecting the man to cough up purely because he is the one of the two that has an appendage.