Fiancee just told me she wants to have a baby... we already have 5 between us both.

[mlchris2]

Been dating my fiancee for 2 years now. Recently got engaged. I have 3 kids from a previous marriage and share joint custody. She has 2 kids and she shares joint custody. A year into dating we talked about more kids and she always said she didnt want any more and I made it very clear neither do I. Well yesterday she asked me "What if I want more kids, I think I want a baby..."

 

I'm still in shock and I don't know what to say, how to approach the situation.

 

Advice.... pls

[make me believe]

Well, you need to sit down and have a frank discussion about this BEFORE you go further with any wedding plans. This could be a huge deal-breaker. Why is she going back on her word and suddenly deciding she wants another kid? Do you think she said she didn't before just because she knew that's what you wanted to hear? Maybe now she figures you're locked down so she can change things up & you are so invested in her/the relationship that it will be difficult to leave.

 

You should remind her that not having anymore kids was something you BOTH agreed on. If you don't want to have anymore ever, tell her that and BE FIRM. If she really wants another kid, you just may not be compatible.

[DaisyLeigh]

Well, you need to sit down and have a frank discussion about this BEFORE you go further with any wedding plans. This could be a huge deal-breaker. Why is she going back on her word and suddenly deciding she wants another kid? Do you think she said she didn't before just because she knew that's what you wanted to hear? Maybe now she figures you're locked down so she can change things up & you are so invested in her/the relationship that it will be difficult to leave.

 

You should remind her that not having anymore kids was something you BOTH agreed on. If you don't want to have anymore ever, tell her that and BE FIRM. If she really wants another kid, you just may not be compatible.

 

Oh for cripes sake! Why automatically assume that she tricked him into something or is going to?

 

Maybe she changed her mind? Changing your mind does not mean that you went back on your word. Geez.

 

HOWEVER, I agree that this needs to be ironed out before marriage. Also, OP, if you truly don't want more kids, take charge of the birth control and get a vasectomy.

[mlchris2]

well long story short, she didnt want to discuss it further with me and ended our relationship over the fact that currently I feel strongly about not having anymore kids. Its almost like nothing else matters to her.

 

so now I'm crushed and feel lost... as I dont know what to do. Im torn between me standing by my feelings/wants and the fact that our relationship ended because of this event and I didnt give her what she wanted.

[SarahRose]

well long story short, she didnt want to discuss it further with me and ended our relationship over the fact that currently I feel strongly about not having anymore kids. Its almost like nothing else matters to her.

 

so now I'm crushed and feel lost... as I dont know what to do. Im torn between me standing by my feelings/wants and the fact that our relationship ended because of this event and I didnt give her what she wanted.

 

It sounds like you dodged a bullet.

 

Maybe she was looking for an excuse to break up with you and knew that would be the ticket?

 

If you really feel that strongly about not having anymore kids go get the snip.

[sadintexas]

Could she possibly already be pregnant? That would make sense as to the overreaction.

[Citizen Erased]

I don't think it's that uncommon, for a woman to realise she wants to have a child with the man she is marrying. For practical reasons, 5 kids between you, I can see why you both at that original point in your relationship said you didn't want them. But she loves you and to some, the ultimate expression of that love is having a child together.

 

I'm not saying you're in the wrong, your needs are just as important and this is too big of an issue for you two to overlook. So although you're devastated by this, it sounds like it is for the best.

[RockinZ28]

dude..count yourself thankful..it sounds like there was a MASSIVE ulterior motive involved..dare i ask are you financially well off? maybe she isn't? she clearly didn't care about you, only thinking of her own wants..my 2 cents