chooch Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 Long story short, girlfriend of 5 years I love(d) very much. Things wore down and eventually she said she didn't feel the same and we should split up. I was so upset she advised I move in with my parents (we had lived together). Two days later she sleeps with a mutual friend. I can never forgive her for this but I still love her... It hurts so bad, especially as she moved on SO fast. She said she wanted us to remain friends but they had sex in a bed that had been mine two days beforehand! I know i have to completely let go but i can't just stop loving her. clearly she has no feelings for me even as a friend. I NEVER imagined she could stoop so low... any advice? Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 (edited) Sorry to hear that... She does not see things the way you do and hoping she would/will is futile. And unless you want a front row seat to more of hearing who she is with, no, you don't be 'friends' with her. You are in no condition for that kind of abuse. It's cliche here but you have to focus on the only thing that will make you better... you... Get out, work out, hobbies, anything to keep your mind on something else. It will seem like you are spinning your wheels day after day but it does get better. If you can stay determined, a better you will come out on the other side... Hang in there and post as often as you need to... Edited June 17, 2010 by sean1970 Link to post Share on other sites
Alain Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 I feel your pain, the same thing happened to me not too long ago. Its going to hurt for a while, but trust me that it will get better. Do whatever you can that makes you feel better, talk to close friends, workout, shop, go out etc. Anything that will get you to think about something else. More importantly you need to cut her off from your life. No phone calls, no emails, no facebook, and no seeing her. Seriously block her from all that. It has definitely worked for me. You WILL FEEL BETTER in time. Since I know exactly what your situation is like, you can even message me anytime to vent or whatever. I wish you well my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
monkeymaid Posted June 17, 2010 Share Posted June 17, 2010 wow, just wow. . ..i feel you bud, my ex slept with some guy after a week, then 3 guys the week after that, then was in a relationship in month. ...im 3.5 mos post brekaup....i promise it will get better. we were together 2 years, and friends for 7 before that. ...some women just arent what they appear! like the other guy said, lift, run, hobbies, etc... you do you right now. thats the ONLY way. stay up man, just let yourself feel everything. dontfight it, just let it come. ....you will get through. i promise you that brotha. ...you will get through! Link to post Share on other sites
bluz73 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 Long story short, girlfriend of 5 years I love(d) very much. Things wore down and eventually she said she didn't feel the same and we should split up. I was so upset she advised I move in with my parents (we had lived together). Two days later she sleeps with a mutual friend. I can never forgive her for this but I still love her... It hurts so bad, especially as she moved on SO fast. She said she wanted us to remain friends but they had sex in a bed that had been mine two days beforehand! I know i have to completely let go but i can't just stop loving her. clearly she has no feelings for me even as a friend. I NEVER imagined she could stoop so low... any advice? I know how you feel Its so hard and confusing. My ex was with me for 6 1/2 years and just cut off all contact no explanation and statred dating a teenage girl. Yes he moved her in and she is now sleeping in our old bed ...That was devastating to me. I have had the worst 8 months of my life and I still struggle everyday to pick up the pieces. the only advice I can give to you, is to remember you are worth so much more than this and its not your fault, these people are cold heartless cowards and only think of themselves. i am so sorry you are going through this. Its the worst feeling I have ever had. Link to post Share on other sites
What_Next Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 That's a tough situation. There's an old saying, "a good way to get over someone is get under someone". That might apply here. There's no easy way to deal with this for you. You will have to grieve. Focus on yourself. Rest assured this rebound will go nowhere and will fizzzle out. When she has second thoughts and if she reaches out to you, ignore it! Hang in there, it will get better. Link to post Share on other sites
ADF Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 I would bet any amount of money your ex-GF was chaeting with this mutual freind before you ever broke up. Any amount of money. They're both a couple of liars and schemers. I wouldn't be friends with either of them. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chooch Posted June 18, 2010 Author Share Posted June 18, 2010 I would bet any amount of money your ex-GF was chaeting with this mutual freind before you ever broke up. Any amount of money. They're both a couple of liars and schemers. I wouldn't be friends with either of them. Thank you everyone on here, it's cathartic to talk about it. I admit I was controlling at times throughout the relationship (very badly actually). So I accept that the relationship was over because I'd driven her away. But to do the rebound thing so quick was harsh. Ironically she had been 'overly' flirtatious with the lad she slept with for months before we finished. I had asked her to tone it down... I have cut them both out and intend on keeping it that way. The bit i don't understand is that she said she wanted to stay friends the day before... i obviously can't and don't want to do that! But I still love her... and that will take time to get over Link to post Share on other sites
Heatemyheart89 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 (edited) Im soooo sorry this has happened to you nearly brought a tear to my eye! You need to have no contact with this woman. Sleeping with a mutual friend?????NICE! dont be friends with her move on and go no contact best of luck!:)sending love your way!!!!!! Edited June 18, 2010 by Heatemyheart89 Link to post Share on other sites
sean1970 Posted June 18, 2010 Share Posted June 18, 2010 I admit I was controlling at times throughout the relationship (very badly actually). So I accept that the relationship was over because I'd driven her away. This is the toughest thing to get over and almost always, an unfair and inaccurate observation. No relationship was as good as we remember it nor were we as much the villain we make ourselves out to be. Everyone takes the SO for granted, at times, and we all do ****ty things to each other... If there are legit things you know you need to work on, ok... But don't be so hard on yourself to think that she was dating a monster. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chooch Posted June 19, 2010 Author Share Posted June 19, 2010 broken no contact - dammit! was her grans funeral yest and she rang me for support - ironic i know. i stayed detached emotionally but let her talk to me. She said she messed up by sleeping with him and has made the biggest mistake of her life... she said she still has feelings for me I text her today I asked what it means and she said she still didn't know if she'd end up in a relationship with him or not. I guess if she'd said I want you back (me) straight away and said she didn't want him then i coulda considered it. I've put up the great NC wall again and won't be broken; it was only because of the funeral I was there for her. Everyone is telling me never to take her back but part of me still hopes there's a chance Link to post Share on other sites
Username37 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 broken no contact - dammit! was her grans funeral yest and she rang me for support - ironic i know. i stayed detached emotionally but let her talk to me. She said she messed up by sleeping with him and has made the biggest mistake of her life... she said she still has feelings for me I text her today I asked what it means and she said she still didn't know if she'd end up in a relationship with him or not. I guess if she'd said I want you back (me) straight away and said she didn't want him then i coulda considered it. I've put up the great NC wall again and won't be broken; it was only because of the funeral I was there for her. Everyone is telling me never to take her back but part of me still hopes there's a chance Good that you are there for her. Just because you're broken up doesn't mean you shouldn't comfort her in these kinds of situations. Just don't break the wall again haha. As for the taking back part, can you take her back after all the pain she caused you? Can you still love her even though she slept with a mutual friend? And most importantly, can you prevent yourself from making the mistakes that caused the break up? If you can. Then take her back, be happy and let the past be the past EDIT: That is "if" she wants you back. Sorry if that sounded like a ******* response. Link to post Share on other sites
girlygirl25 Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Wow, that's terrible I'm so sorry. She might have been thinking since she had no more feelings for you, then it didn't bother her to do it. I'm not defending her, as I think it was very mean and insensitive of her to do that..she didn't take your feelings into consideration. I will say that she did have the guts to break up with you before she ended up cheating. Honestly, I think cheating would have hurt a lot worse! By the way, how did you find out that she slept with him? Did she tell you? I'm sorry you are hurting. Link to post Share on other sites
Author chooch Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 Well there's been some developments! She rang me this after. I answered and spoke for a bit and basically confessed I still love her and could take her back because I really do love her. My head disagrees but part of me (the bit I'm following) says do it. We were both virgins (lost it to each other) so the way I'd treat it IF she comes back is that she'd been a relationship BEFORE the one with me and treat it as the past. Just like any other relationship. Anyway she said she needs space to think if she wants me (knowing I'm no longer a control freak and actually love her) or the new fella. The good news is that, as foolish as I may be I actually LOVE the bones of this girl and she now recognises that. So back to NC and I'm treating life as if we're NOT going to get back together. When she decides she is going to tell me and then I'll either 1) have moved on through NC preparation or 2) still have the option to not take her back if my opinion on things changes. Messy perhaps, but only I know how I feel towards her Link to post Share on other sites
Author chooch Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 Wow, that's terrible I'm so sorry. She might have been thinking since she had no more feelings for you, then it didn't bother her to do it. I'm not defending her, as I think it was very mean and insensitive of her to do that..she didn't take your feelings into consideration. I will say that she did have the guts to break up with you before she ended up cheating. Honestly, I think cheating would have hurt a lot worse! By the way, how did you find out that she slept with him? Did she tell you? I'm sorry you are hurting. I found out myself. I had suspicions about this guy for a while and knew once I moved out that it was likely to happen. She said she was gonna tell me but meh, who knows. I don't think she's at all innocent (it takes 2 to do it) but I can forgive and move on, whichever way it turns out for me Link to post Share on other sites
BiAxident Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Long story short, girlfriend of 5 years I love(d) very much. Things wore down and eventually she said she didn't feel the same and we should split up. I was so upset she advised I move in with my parents (we had lived together). Two days later she sleeps with a mutual friend. I can never forgive her for this but I still love her... any advice? Advice? Take solace in the fact that, given that she did such a thing to you, she wasn't/isn't that good of a person in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
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