Poem from one to another (CP!)

[chumpz]

I now look back in deep regret

Of the bitterness and jealousy that just made me fret

Anger and hurt that she did know she caused

I felt provoked, then she sharpened her claws

So I took the brunt with anxiety and blame

And drowned in those feelings of guilt and shame

 

But I did nothing wrong, I do know now that’s a cert

For me to end what I wanted caused unbelievable hurt

She was just incapable of making a decision

forced me too it with distance, some derision

unaware maybe how much pain that can cause

she has seen this before many times that I’m sure

not quite to this extent, but I now realise why

because I could see my reflection deep in her eyes

So I pressured and wanted to talk these things over

I knew it was futile, and I never got closure

 

I do know she loved once, it is plain to see

we both promised things early that were far too deep

Of things she implied with talk of a future

Of a full life spent being a family together

usually It’s me who ‘bails out’ when things get that heavy

This time I wasn’t scared though for reasons a plenty

 

Would I have backed out further on down the line?

I’ll never know now, but I know I’ll be fine

Because like my past she leaves some things unspoken

"if I change my mind later I can surely re-open?"

"just in case I’ve lost the best thing that I’ve had"

"I’ll love you forever! I just went a bit mad"

 

So this now does seem all far too familiar?

I suppose because I have always done things very similar

realised no amount of pushing or understanding

Would’ve ever stopped her, she’s not one for taming

Talented special and crazy that’s why I loved her

And that deep emotional side of her addictive character

The saddest thing now is I know she’s torn apart

Looking to find ‘the one’ for her heart

But like me she’s conflicted, struggling to compromise

a life envisioned seen through those eyes

From the needs, wants, desires and independence

Or being trapped forever being ‘bored to death’ senseless

 

Well I did try my best and look where it got me

The ‘otherside’ this time, in shadows of insecurity

So time to bounce back, be that confident man

Leave in the past, block it out, and I know I can

Never live my life for somebody that much again

And heed all those warnings, avoiding more pain

 

Just make sure that I don’t go back to repeating

All that hurt that I used to and leaving girls reeling

Be a much better person and don’t push for trust

Or jump in with both feet, with desire and lust

Take my time these things take much longer

Don’t run or start letting my eyes start to wander

Be straight with any girl right from the start

If it doesn’t work out don’t rip out her heart

Just give her a reason, move on, no regrets

It’s the only way to avoid prolonged senselessness

 

“So my darling I really did love you once

I cannot go back now, both too destructive to trust

It’s the only way I can really end this you see

I’m strong enough now to keep the good memories

Without losing much sleep and not really eating

Or sit with the pictures endlessly repeating

The experience of every emotional outburst

Each time the connection was prolonging that hurt”

 

“We are both those people they call ‘creative types’

Singers/songwriters, musicians/artists that get hyped

Both you and I 'seem' to be regarded as talents

By our friends, peers, fans, but it seems not by our parents

Confident, witty, intelligent, regarded as ‘sexy’

But deep inside you and I feel worthless to many”