Wife had an affair - have questions

[bestplayer]

I'm gonna start with this uncontravertable fact----THERE IS AN EXPLANATION FOR EVERYTHING THAT OCCURS ON THIS PLANET

 

Who says so? There are MANY things that cannot be explained....especially when it comes to human behavior

 

Your wife is flat out lying to you if she claims she can't tell you why she did this. Her claim of lonely is pure bullcrap------

 

OK JNJ, what explanation COULD she give? Seriously.....what can she say?

What WOULD be a sensible reason for cheating? I think her reasons make absolute sense. Her reasons EXACTLY match everything I have read and learned on why woman have affairs.

 

 

You do not need inept counselors to get what you need----Make your wife give you the following explanations----down deep she knows why she spent the last 14 months loving another man, putting you at risk for disease, and worst of all wrecking th future of her flesh and blood children.

 

Of course she did....IT'S AN AFFAIR!

This is what USUALLY happens in an affair. It sucks for sure. I know...I have been betrayed.

 

Your wife has obtained a position of responsibility at her work, so she is not a weak minded woman----she knows right from wrong, and good from bad. Yet your wife began an affair with another man, that lasted 14 months that you know of----Make your wife tell you what she was thinking the 1st time she got into bed with the other guy to have unprotected sex----was she thinking of you, and the repercussions this will have on the mge., was she thinking of her own kids ---and how their lives will be changed forever, the minute she allows that stranger inside her-----was she thinking of the diseases she could pass on---from this stranger---and he was a stranger to her sexually---she knew nothing of the people he was with prior to knowing him.

 

I will answer for his wife. NO....she WAS NOT thinking of this. FEW DO IN AFFAIRS. It's tough to live a fantasy and be thinking about above. She was looking for an escape, and did not seriously consider the consequences.

 

Have your wife give you explanations for all of these things----believe you me she can----the WHY is inside her----make her tell you

 

YA SEE....WE WANT A GOOD ENOUGH ANSWER TO JUSTIFY HER BEHAVIOR. THE FACT IS.....THERE IS NO REASON GOOD ENOUGH.

 

She made a big deal of claiming she was torn apart, and wanted to stop----have her explain why she didn't stop----why sex was always just a phone call away.

 

I will answer again for her. The cheater feels they will hurt their cheating partner and don't want to. Why would you hurt the person that makes you feel good?

 

 

You don't need 6 months to know what to do----your gut will tell you-

 

-If you do, do a lie dtector----ask questions about her activities prior to the affair----your wife decieved you and lied to you for over a year---who knows what else has been hidden

 

Lie detector is a double edged sword. To reconcile, trust must be rebuilt. If we use a machine.....how can we trust them down the road?

 

Remember if it weren't for the false report you would not know to this day there was an affair going on----she only told you cuz she thought she had endangered your life----that's some kind of wife ain't it

 

Yes, most affairs that ARE discovered, are NOT via voluntary confessions. This is par for the coarse. It really sucks, but his wife behaved like most that have an affair here.

 

completely agree

[jnj express]

I don't disagree with anything said by anyone about this situation---what will happen will boil down to what Kaysun is willing to/can stand from his wife. Whether after a period of time he can live with the doubts that will always be there, whether he can in the future even continue to look at her, and want to touch her------The afterlife of an affair is extremely hard on everyone---

 

What will the cheating wife do---how will she handle boundaries,

 

We shall see

[Binster]

Just a thought if your wife had the one affair with this guy and he was cheating onhis wife who found out and made him take a HIV test, presumably its obvious the other wife was not having extra sex. Your wife seems to know you were not having extra sex, so why wasnt she angry at the other guy when she found out he was (or so they thought) HIV posotive (after all ,it made her confess to you, and put the health of her childrens parents in danger and was cheating on her, plenty to be mad about) answer because she had other partners, perhaps. I dont think your geting the full story here, personally would want her to change jobs. plus I would insist on a polygraph test even if you just threaten her with it she'll never agree to one and when you mention it you'll see a big change in her atitude which will tell you a lot. See a lawyer even if it's just for advice. Fourteen months is a hell of a long affair, about 20% of your marriage. Start telling her how its going to be, maybe an idea to have her move out for a while.

[jnj express]

Hey kaysun----where are you???/ This IS your thread----you have been given much excellent advice----what is happening, and what are YOUR thoughts??????

[Fight4Me]

Kaysun,

 

I know how you feel and I'm sorry you are in this situation.

If you want to talk IRL let me know, I have a lot to say.

 

Steps

1. Make no major life decisions for 6 months

2. Get rest, if possible, eat and drink water....walks really help me

3. Your WW must write a NC letter to mOM and never have contact with him

4. You both need counseling. IC and MC

5. You are not responsible for her affair!!! You are responsible for 50% of

the problems in the M but SHE is responsible 100% for her affair

6. Order/get the book "Not just friends" by Dr Shirley Glass and you both read it

7. If you need ADs or other meds then get them soon.

 

 

Excellent steps to take, and I also highly recommend the same book. DDay (discovery day) wasn't very long ago for you. Your reactions, repetitive questions, confusion, etc. are all very normal in the beginning. You're receiving a wide range of advice here, some of which is worthy of consideration, but this is a message board of strangers, so be cautious about acting on them. This is your life, your marriage, and the rest of us have opinions. Take what is useful and toss the rest.

 

1. I've been told not to make any decisions for 6 months. Counselor told me if I made decisions now it would be out of anger only. Let time go by so I see things more clearly. Counselor said many marriages get thru this and are stronger as a result, not that she condones the affair. When we got tested for the HIV, our doctor told us that out of any of her patients and people she knew personally, it would be us that would make this work. She said the way we were with each other during my W's two pregnancies left a lasting impression on her in what love looks and acts like. It's actually kind of hard to write and say that.

 

The bolded above is true, but your WW needs to take full responsibility for the choices she made. Her A was no mistake, and you should make it clear to her you don't accept that. Do not set boundaries you aren't prepared to enforce. Personally, I would suggest she go on an active job search right away. Her actions need to line up with her words, and you need to be clear in your mind what will happen if they don't.

 

2. Can't sleep or eat. I've lost 30 lbs in 5 weeks and wasn't trying to lose weight. I barely sleep. Funny thing is I don't feel tired or hungry at all. I can stay up all night long and feel I can run a marathon in the morning.

Ah yes, the infidelity diet... I know it well. Very common, and a good reason why you must force yourself to stay hydrated. I had zero appetite, but I was at least able to eat some fruit, and would at least drink one protein shake a day.

 

We're both in counseling, IC & MC. My W went to a counselor in March, after the A, but before she told me about it. The counselor actually told her not to tell me about the A because it would do know good. Neither could of predicted the HIV scare.

I've always maintained that A's have a way of coming out one way or another, so it's best to disclose it if you have any desire to save your marriage. I have no respect for therapists who advocate lying, whether it's outright or by omission. Unfortunately, there are a lot of them out there.

 

How can I tell if she's gaslighting or blameshifting me? Is there something she will say or do? Examples? My W has told me that the A was 100% her fault. I can also say that she's never once blamed me for the A by saying I did something to make her do it. She's only said that she was lonely when the A started and he built her up.

Gaslighting is subtle and insidious. You will be told things that don't add up, and then made to feel crazy for not believing them. To give an analogy, there could be a green chair in the middle of the room, but you are told it's actually red. Given time and isolation from rational influences, you will eventually start to believe that you must have been insane to think the chair was green to begin with. You avoid others who might point out that you were right the first time, because you NEED to believe the chair is red. It's a form of manipulation that serves the desires of the one doing the gaslighting.

 

So, your first clue would be second-guessing the obvious. In your case, it would be like your WW trying to convince you that is wasn't an A after all. That what you KNOW to be true, isn't what you think... that you are seeing it all wrong.

 

Blame shifting is putting the blame on external forces rather than your choices. Your wife had an affair because she was lonely is a shifting of blame. She may not be putting it on you, but she's trying to justify her choice as a valid reason for having an A. More obvious forms of blame shifting would be, "You were more interested in work than me." Respond to blame shifting swiftly and firmly. Let her know immediately and consistently that you will not listen to such garbage.

 

I still don't understand how this could of happened. Her sister always told us our family looked like it should be on the cover of a JC Penney catalog. We loved our kids, had what I thought was a good marriage, good jobs, lots of family and friends. We don't have financial issues, no debt and very rarely fought about anything. I know we were a little disconnected but having two young kids that are 19 months apart will do that to a family. I'm lost and confused about it all.

The vast majority of BS's have said the same thing. That's why the WS has to rewrite marital history in order to continue the betrayal. You're not alone.

 

Kaysun,

 

I do hope your wife is no longer going to a counselor that told her not to tell you the truth and keep lying to you. What kind of a counselor is this that condones lying to a spouse in a relationship? Unfortunately there are so many very poor counselors in this society.

 

Just wanted to agree with Bryan on this one. I hope your wife, if she's serious about digging deep to understand what was defective in her to consider an A in the first place, finds someone else who's actually willing and able to truly help her. I also hope you have a MC who will continue to address her A, and not suggest you should be moving on already. Huge red flag.

[turnera]

Phone counseling with the Harleys at marriagebuilders.com will go a long way to repairing an affair-torn marriage. It's what they specialize in. They don't waste time, they achieve results, they don't accept BS.

[Church Bells]

Phone counseling with the Harleys at marriagebuilders.com will go a long way to repairing an affair-torn marriage. It's what they specialize in. They don't waste time, they achieve results, they don't accept BS.

 

I thought we already covered this ground here at LS before and it was the board consensus that marriagebuilders.com should be avoided at all costs for a variety of reasons that were discussed on the previous thread on this topic.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t231946/

Edited June 23, 2010 by Church Bells
add link to previous thread

[turnera]

A consensus would require more than a handful of opinions; and fwiw, I felt that there was NOT a general agreement as to its lack of benefit, based on that thread. Therefore, it is your opinion which you are trying to foist onto someone else. The OP should look into it and decide on their own.

[kaysun]

Hey kaysun----where are you???/ This IS your thread----you have been given much excellent advice----what is happening, and what are YOUR thoughts??????

 

Sorry, my computer has been down due to a storm that came thru.

 

I ordered the book and that should be delivered today.

 

Right now, I'm not making any decisions because I really don't know what I want. My wife has continued to answer all my questions, has apologized everyday, lets me know where she's going and when she gets there. She has said she would look for a new job, and has started an active search, and has said she would be willing to do polygraph test. She told me these things while holding my hands and looking me in the eye. She tells me that she wants us and wants our family. We're both in counseling.

 

There definately is a strong part of me that wants to save this marriage. I would be lying if I said otherwise. I've seen my wife break down and cry more in the last 5 weeks than I have in the 11 years of being with her. I do believe she's being remorseful. She has said this has hurt her in ways she didn't know would, that seeing the hurt on other people's faces by the decisions she's made, is killing her also. She's humiliated by what she did.

 

I asked my wife if she would ever do this again. She said she would never do it again, because of what she see's now, and also because of what it did to her. She said if we don't make it, she still would never do it again because it has destroyed her also. Does that make sense?

[Manofaction]

Sorry, my computer has been down due to a storm that came thru.

 

I ordered the book and that should be delivered today.

 

Right now, I'm not making any decisions because I really don't know what I want. My wife has continued to answer all my questions, has apologized everyday, lets me know where she's going and when she gets there. She has said she would look for a new job, and has started an active search, and has said she would be willing to do polygraph test. She told me these things while holding my hands and looking me in the eye. She tells me that she wants us and wants our family. We're both in counseling.

 

There definately is a strong part of me that wants to save this marriage. I would be lying if I said otherwise. I've seen my wife break down and cry more in the last 5 weeks than I have in the 11 years of being with her. I do believe she's being remorseful. She has said this has hurt her in ways she didn't know would, that seeing the hurt on other people's faces by the decisions she's made, is killing her also. She's humiliated by what she did.

 

I asked my wife if she would ever do this again. She said she would never do it again, because of what she see's now, and also because of what it did to her. She said if we don't make it, she still would never do it again because it has destroyed her also. Does that make sense?

 

 

You are correct.....you are in the drivers seat. The question is: Has she mailed in front of you the No Contact Letter?

She seems remorseful but she seemed normal the 14 months of the A too

R is a gift that you give to her. She will mourn the loss of her A partner. That is normal but it hurts like hell.

After you both read the book, "Not Just Friends" then you can begin to make more informed decisions about the direction to take.

I've been praying for you as I know how you feel. It is so confusing and not a good place to be.

 

I wish you the best and post often.

[JustJoe]

OP, Forget about that "6 month", rule, YOU decide YOUR OWN timeline. Always remember that MC's are trying to save the marriage, that's their job, so they will always find reasons for you two to stay together. What it boils down to is this. If she does everything you say, answers ALL of your questions, jumps through every hoop, crosses every "T", and dots every "I", will it be enough for you to trust her again? Now you KNOW what she is capable of, and you KNOW that she is still lying and releasing info slowly (not to spare you, but to make her look less bad) do you want 15-20 more years of this crap? If she cheated once, what guarantee do you have that it won't happen again? I could NEVER stay with a woman, who could do this to me. Divorce isn't a dirty word, it is a process for repairing a bad mistake. Your kids WILL adjust better , now when they are young , than if you wait and still have issues, and split up later. My advice is to get a lawyer, and start the process, right now. I would not sleep with her, either. You don't need to wait 6 months. In your heart, YOU ALREADY KNOW, if this is going to be an issue that will be constantly on your mind, for years to come. "Free your mind, and your ass will follow". Good luck!!!

[Fight4Me]

Sorry, my computer has been down due to a storm that came thru.

 

I ordered the book and that should be delivered today.

 

Right now, I'm not making any decisions because I really don't know what I want. My wife has continued to answer all my questions, has apologized everyday, lets me know where she's going and when she gets there. She has said she would look for a new job, and has started an active search, and has said she would be willing to do polygraph test. She told me these things while holding my hands and looking me in the eye. She tells me that she wants us and wants our family. We're both in counseling.

 

There definately is a strong part of me that wants to save this marriage. I would be lying if I said otherwise. I've seen my wife break down and cry more in the last 5 weeks than I have in the 11 years of being with her. I do believe she's being remorseful. She has said this has hurt her in ways she didn't know would, that seeing the hurt on other people's faces by the decisions she's made, is killing her also. She's humiliated by what she did.

 

I asked my wife if she would ever do this again. She said she would never do it again, because of what she see's now, and also because of what it did to her. She said if we don't make it, she still would never do it again because it has destroyed her also. Does that make sense?

 

Don't ever feel ashamed for wanting to save your marriage. For some people, it's an absolute dealbreaker in their minds and can't understand how anyone would be willing to try to reconcile. Your WW still needs to give you what you need when you need it, but if you're both willing to put in the hard work, then you can rebuild successfully.

 

I'm also praying for you.

[kaysun]

You are correct.....you are in the drivers seat. The question is: Has she mailed in front of you the No Contact Letter?

She seems remorseful but she seemed normal the 14 months of the A too

R is a gift that you give to her. She will mourn the loss of her A partner. That is normal but it hurts like hell.

After you both read the book, "Not Just Friends" then you can begin to make more informed decisions about the direction to take.

I've been praying for you as I know how you feel. It is so confusing and not a good place to be.

 

I wish you the best and post often.

 

She said she would write the NC letter. I guess I've never really asked her to do it as my mind has been elsewhere.

 

She didn't seem "normal" thru the last 14 months. I knew something was amiss in our marriage but I never thought it was an affair. I just thought it was normal issues with having a young family.

 

She has also said she didn't mourn the loss of the AP. She said she was happy that he was gone because she wanted it to end and it coming out allowed her to break free from it. She said she mourned the loss of herself because she couldn't believe what she had done, how long it when on, and that fact she could of lost everything that meant something to her. I don't know how much of that I believe or don't believe.

[kaysun]

Don't ever feel ashamed for wanting to save your marriage. For some people, it's an absolute dealbreaker in their minds and can't understand how anyone would be willing to try to reconcile. Your WW still needs to give you what you need when you need it, but if you're both willing to put in the hard work, then you can rebuild successfully.

 

I'm also praying for you.

 

Thanks for the words and prayers.

 

I don't feel ashamed for wanting to save my marriage. I can see the good times we had before the A and can see, with hard work and time, a good, strong, marriage down the road with my wife. I admit it's hard to see the future right now but sometimes it's there, if only a glimpse.

[kaysun]

OP, Forget about that "6 month", rule, YOU decide YOUR OWN timeline. Always remember that MC's are trying to save the marriage, that's their job, so they will always find reasons for you two to stay together. What it boils down to is this. If she does everything you say, answers ALL of your questions, jumps through every hoop, crosses every "T", and dots every "I", will it be enough for you to trust her again? Now you KNOW what she is capable of, and you KNOW that she is still lying and releasing info slowly (not to spare you, but to make her look less bad) do you want 15-20 more years of this crap? If she cheated once, what guarantee do you have that it won't happen again? I could NEVER stay with a woman, who could do this to me. Divorce isn't a dirty word, it is a process for repairing a bad mistake. Your kids WILL adjust better , now when they are young , than if you wait and still have issues, and split up later. My advice is to get a lawyer, and start the process, right now. I would not sleep with her, either. You don't need to wait 6 months. In your heart, YOU ALREADY KNOW, if this is going to be an issue that will be constantly on your mind, for years to come. "Free your mind, and your ass will follow". Good luck!!!

 

I understand exactly what you're saying. I've said all these things about leaving and not putting up with it also - until it actually happened to me. I always thought it would be easy to leave but I can tell you it's terribly hard, to leave and to stay.

[turnera]

It sounds like you have a good reason to stay and work it out. That 6-month rule is usually meant for people whose wayward spouse refuses to end the affair - you can only sit back and watch them cheat on you for so long before you suffer mental anguish or just plain stop loving them. And it differs for each person, of course.

[Fight4Me]

Thanks for the words and prayers.

 

I don't feel ashamed for wanting to save my marriage. I can see the good times we had before the A and can see, with hard work and time, a good, strong, marriage down the road with my wife. I admit it's hard to see the future right now but sometimes it's there, if only a glimpse.

 

My fWH and I are a year out, and enjoy a marriage that is far richer and more fulfilling than we ever thought possible. We had what we thought was a great marriage even before the A, but I would never want to go back to that again. After twenty years of marriage, it's like we finally get it, especially him.

[Darth Vader]

Kaysun, if the HIV thingy didn't happen, your wife would still be lying to you and forcing you to live a LIE. I hope your realize that.

 

Someone posted about, was your wife thinking about you and your children as she had sex with her OM the first time and/or the first time she had unprotected sex with OM? Was she thinking how much pain this would cause and how this would destroy you and your children?

 

I think she just wanted a little strange at your expense, that's all.

[Binster]

It's not abad thing to try to save your marriage but lets be honest I just dont think your getting that much from your wife.

Says she'll send the NC hasn't done it yet.

Says she'll change jobs hasn't done it yet.

You ask her if she'll ever do this again and she say no (what do you think she is going to say).

But she says it while looking you in the eye. How many times did she look you in the eye and lie during the fourteen months she was being unfaithfull.

In your first post she say she's willing to do "whatever it takes" next thing she gets iritable at al the questions and feels she's being "grilled". She is fourteen months is a bloody long time.

Tell her you want the polygraph she has already agreed to it and it should clear a lot of doubts.

And get legal advice ----your wife has . (Its the one thing she did do).

[Darth Vader]

It's not abad thing to try to save your marriage but lets be honest I just dont think your getting that much from your wife.

Says she'll send the NC hasn't done it yet.

Says she'll change jobs hasn't done it yet.

You ask her if she'll ever do this again and she say no (what do you think she is going to say).

But she says it while looking you in the eye. How many times did she look you in the eye and lie during the fourteen months she was being unfaithfull.

In your first post she say she's willing to do "whatever it takes" next thing she gets iritable at al the questions and feels she's being "grilled". She is fourteen months is a bloody long time.

Tell her you want the polygraph she has already agreed to it and it should clear a lot of doubts.

And get legal advice ----your wife has . (Its the one thing she did do).

 

 

Since she's been to a lawyer already, thats tells you she knows her rights, so she may try to take you for all you're worth, so you'd be paying for her affair!

[JustJoe]

It's not abad thing to try to save your marriage but lets be honest I just dont think your getting that much from your wife.

Says she'll send the NC hasn't done it yet.

Says she'll change jobs hasn't done it yet.

You ask her if she'll ever do this again and she say no (what do you think she is going to say).

But she says it while looking you in the eye. How many times did she look you in the eye and lie during the fourteen months she was being unfaithfull.

In your first post she say she's willing to do "whatever it takes" next thing she gets iritable at al the questions and feels she's being "grilled". She is fourteen months is a bloody long time.

Tell her you want the polygraph she has already agreed to it and it should clear a lot of doubts.

And get legal advice ----your wife has . (Its the one thing she did do).

This is right on the money. Kaysun, I know what she says she will do, but what has she actually done? Pretty much nothing. If she is continuing to lie to you, what more proof of disrespect and lack of love do you need? I know it's hard, but you MUST go by her actions, not her words. Talk is cheap.

[turnera]

I agree. Set up the polygraph. If she balks, she's not serious. Crocodile tears.

[Manofaction]

She is waiting for you to MAN UP.

Women don't respect men that go around kissing their a$$ and feeling sorry for themselves. They want you to tell them "THE PLAN"

 

Tell her, I want you to write the NC letter today and we will mail it tomorrow.

I want you to write out all the details this weekend. I'm not saying you have to look at it, but it should be done. When you look at it ask her is there anything else you want to add?

These are actions of a remorseful spouse. Talk is cheap brother and it seems that is what she is doing.

I would go for the polygraph soon. There are PROOFs that she is serious about coming 100% clean......no trickle truth and is remorseful.

[Untouchable_Fire]

She said she would write the NC letter. I guess I've never really asked her to do it as my mind has been elsewhere.

She didn't seem "normal" thru the last 14 months. I knew something was amiss in our marriage but I never thought it was an affair. I just thought it was normal issues with having a young family.

She has also said she didn't mourn the loss of the AP. She said she was happy that he was gone because she wanted it to end and it coming out allowed her to break free from it. She said she mourned the loss of herself because she couldn't believe what she had done, how long it when on, and that fact she could of lost everything that meant something to her. I don't know how much of that I believe or don't believe.

 

I would say that is a very believable statement.

 

However, you need to realize that she could not cheat on you if she

1. Had any kind of respect for you

2. Cared about potentially killling you (HIV)

3. Didn't think it was worth risking divorce

 

There is no way she did this without knowing the consequences. It just comes down to the fact that Cheating on you was more important than Being Married to you. Or... potentially she thought through the consequences and found you to be so dependent that she knew you would not leave her.

[jnj express]

Kaysun---If you wan't every little detail from beginning to end---she gives them to you, and she gives them to you again, and again, and again---if you need it

 

Many BS need/want to know everything, so there is nothing left to their imagination----only when you have nothing left to YOUR imagination, and you know ALL the details, can you start to heal yourself in/re: what happened----Do not let her with hold info cuz she thinks it will hurt you----she doesn't want you knowing the extent of her cheating

 

Yes she is doing everything right, what do you expect her to do---If she gives you any grief about anything she knows she will be out on her ass--At least I would hope

 

As has been said here already many times----if not for the other wife---THE AFFAIR WOULD STILL BE GOING ON---cuz they would see each other at the trade shows, and even tho she claims she needed to quit did she-- NO!!!!!!!!!SHE DID NOT-

 

She is a master of deceit as has already been said---for 14 months she looked you in the eyes AND LIED TO YOU----How do you know if she is now telling the truth---cuz she is crying!!!!, ask her to look for another job----I know money can be a problem, and she shouldn't quit her job till another one is lined up----but demand she look for another job----see what happens!!!!!!

 

NC letter needs to go out----is she completely transparent about everything-----computer, cellphone----take her off any social websites

 

But bottom line---and this is on you----knowing she DID another man for 14 months, and was always just a phone call away from sex---and talked to him on the phone, and probably by computer---while disrespecting her family completely, and would still be disrespecting you and the kids----How can you look at her----do you really want to touch her----do you really want to kiss lips that have allowed a stranger to passionately, and with her complete cooperation, and loving every bit of it, do you really wanna kiss those lips----Do you really wanna have sex with a woman who has allowed a stranger, who might have given all of you a deadly disease, do you really wanna go where only you, based on wedding vows should have been allowed to go----Do you really wanna talk to her---she who has spoken words of love to another man for 14 months

 

You say you might get thru this---other say they do get thru it----but I ask you and them this question?

 

IS IT EVER REALLY THE SAME???? Do you ever really have the carefree days you had pre-affair. Can you have the same good time with your family that you had pre-affair----How do you handle your thoughts when you are by yourself----Do you ever really think of anything else, BUT her affair-----will this all go away with time-----Most of it maybe in 2 to 5 years----the visions you have of her and him----they will become less and less----BUT THERE WILL ALWAYS BE TRIGGERS

 

You say you love her----how do you love someone who made you 2nd in her life for 14 months----who was she thinking about him or you----who does she think about now-----Do you really think a 14 month love affair just ends------sure they had to quit, or they knew they would both be in immediate divorce proceedings---but do you honestly think she is over a 14 month affair????

 

I haven't even talked about trust!!!!!!!----Do i need to go on