Not sure here..

[tryingtogetherback]

I am in love with this girl whom I have been very close friends with for a long time. I really would love to be with her. But since I have known her she has been dating this guy. They fight quite often, and often those fights are serious where one of them says they are leaving. Well one such fight occurred recently, and she said she wanted him gone asap.

 

When she told me about all of this, it was like a smack in the face saying that this is my chance. So i've been trying to be here for her and comfort her. And she keeps saying things like she doesnt know what she would do without me, or that I am the best thing that has ever happened to her.

 

So, I'm not sure what to do. I don't know if I should wait it out and see if she is really going to follow through, or maybe tell her how I feel and see what she says. Anyone have any advice?

Thank you for reading.

[WTRanger]

Usually when a girl comes to you, a guy, instead of her real girlfriends for comfort during a relationship issue, that's not a good sign. It means she sees you as a girlfriend. As hard as it is to see someone you care about hurting, you can't always be there for her.

 

Telling her how you feel at this point would do more harm than good. Though, you can steer things that way when next time she tells you all of that you simply ask her, "What am I to you? Where do I fit in your life?" Don't spill your guts to her, but have her try to define how she sees you in her eyes. But be prepared to hear the dreaded, "You're my best friend. I love you as a friend. You're like my brother." Etc, etc and all other of the sexless phrases you can get at that point.

[Feelin Frisky]

I wouldn't put it exactly as WTRanger, but agree pretty much in sentiment. To her you are Mr. Safety. Apparently she's one of those women who are all agog for Mr. Danger. If you feel that you're "in love" with her, I advise taking the first opportunity to tell her rather firmly. It should not look like an offer of rescue in a context involving this other schmuck. Just look for an opportunity where there is no such dynamic going on and tell her straight out "this may come as some surprise to you but I'm in love with you."

 

Admit trying to be Mr. Nice Guy and Mr. Safe Guy all the time was a mistake and you were wrong about being her shoulder to cry on. Act like you're a man and you're not OK with being some "safe" friend with no desires or needs of your own. Tell her she does it for you and you've been a damn fool for being so silent about it. Say you're sick of suffering in silence and, truth be told, you want her more than anything you can imagine.

 

If she's any kind of decent girl she'll have to acknowledge your presence as Mr. Safe Guy. Then will come the moment of truth--either she'll say she just can't see herself being with you in that manner or, if she's speechless but not put off, take her by the hand and move toward her with every intention of giving her the kind of kiss that expresses a man clear in his want for the woman he's with. If she accepts and returns your physical sign of having a backbone, it's incumbent upon you to sustain you're new appearance and stay a man of resolve and not just some "guy friend" who she can use to comfort herself while she makes some other azzhole number one. She may start to see you as a person who has a world in which she is the main character instead of having a world view in which you are a steady but sideline character in her world.