SamOzzy Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 This is the first time i have ever used the internet in this way.: ill get right to the point im depressed. i really am, heres my story: From the age of fifteen when i lost my virginity, i have always been the guy who gets with all the girls. I never really fit into a group at school. I flfirted between them all but never had a home in these cliques. But i had the respect of every male for being the slag that i was. Im 19 in 2 weeks, since i lost my virginity ive slept with 30 girls. I hate myself for everytime. i wish i had waited i wish hadnt been so weak. But thats my past. I can almost just about deal with that. But now im at university. I met this girl, and after getting to know her, i just cant ever stop thinking about her. She makes me feel like no one else every had. She made me feel good for being me. As soon as i met her i felt comfortable. We both felt similar things, and i spoke to her a lot about it. Then i asked her out, she said maybe, she needed to think as she had many bad ex boyfriends, who ditched her when she said she wouldnt sleep with them. This doesnt bother me. I dont give a **** about sex anymore. i just want to always feel like i do when im with her. Anyway she said no. i was crushed i was smoking pot everyday. I didnt understand. I was the perfect guy to her, she even said i was but said she wasnt ready for a relationship. I had never felt so much pain in my life. The first person in my life i honestly cared about more than anything in the world. But it was not meant to be. i spent a few weeks trying to get over her, get back to my old slutty self and forget i even have it in my body to have any kind of relationship. But for the last month i have felt nothing but empty. I just want her in my life so much, it hurts. The worst bit is everynow and then i ll go and talk to her and we'll end up kissing and cuddling. I cant stop myself because i feel so good while it happens, but after when i know i cant really have her it cuts thru me. I dont know what to do to win her over. I care so much and just cant seem to let go. Call me pathetic or whatever but i just want to be with her so bad. Id give up anything. But the thing is when im depressed i smoke weed. It makes it all go away and i can actually think for a minute. But now i cant go a day without weed. I just am so scared that ill never end up with anyone, and just be preceeded by my old reputation. Im Doomed. I dont know what to expect from telling people this. But maybe somoene will say something that helps. Sam. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Am I correct in gathering that she told you 'no, not now' as opposed to 'no, never'? Link to post Share on other sites
Author SamOzzy Posted January 31, 2004 Author Share Posted January 31, 2004 She never really said no, just im not ready for a relationship. But i dont understand how you become "ready" for a relationship. If your feel like she sas she does i just dont get it. Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 Sometimes you need to work on your own issues and/or life situation before you can be a good partner to someone else. Not nearly enough people are honest about their state of mind that way. They go into relationships even though they aren't really in a good way, and the relationships suffer. It sounds as though she is fond of you. It is too soon to give up. Hang in there, but maybe take it easy on the cuddling and kissing if you find it painful. Tell her that you aren't comfortable with it but that you still enjoy her company. Wait and see; she just may be very glad that you gave her the space she needed to get her head straight before getting involved with you. You say there's nobody else nearly as desirable to you and you're still young enough that waiting for a while is not likely to ruin any chance you'll ever have of meeting anybody else, should nothing work out with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 Sounds like you're trying to move it along way too fast. You're able to kiss, etc., so she obviously has romantic interest in you. Just let HER set the pace. Just enjoy the time you do spend with her, and spend the rest of the time reflecting on yourself and who and what you want to be. It's good that you say the sex is not important to you, because it's obvious that she is not going to share that very soon with you. But you also need to be aware that a relationship with this girl will be much different than your previous relationships, and you should prepare for what this one will be like and what it will require of you so you don't screw it up if/when it does come along. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 You're not doomed, you can overcome your past. A big part of it will be deciding "yeah, I'm not doing that anymore". Sounds like promiscuity was the easiest way you knew to feel like you were accepted or respected by other fellas. And paradoxically, you lost some respect for yourself. Since you're in a new environment and seeing things a new way, how about making some more changes? Decide what you want to be, and work towards that. You want to be with a girl you really feel good about, and who also makes you feel terrific? You want to stop leaning on pot and promiscuity as your crutches to help you stand up to the world? You want to stop feeling empty and start feeling fulfilled? Cool! (BTW - some people find Jesus at this point. Worked for me.) Question: This girl likes you, kisses you, and cuddles you? Yet you feel bad because you can't "have her"? She actually may be giving you a lot more than you have ever had before. How about opening your eyes to the gift of true intimacy? Intimacy which means sharing feelings, dreams, and your soul, and also, when the time is right, your body. It may be a slot scarier than sharing just your body because you clearly have the body sharing down pat, whereas letting your heart be open to love and to pain is something new. Granted, true intimacy takes more than one night to come to fruition. It may take many months or perhaps even years before you realize what I am talking about. But it will feel better, and it will LAST! Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author SamOzzy Posted February 1, 2004 Author Share Posted February 1, 2004 Thank you all kindly for your input. ITs nice to know that in this world there are people willing to help complete strangers. Ok, yeah i agree i need to stop sleeping around and smoking pot. I know where i want to be who i want to be, i can draw that picture of me in my mind, but it just feels like im looking at it over a 40ft wall. I just feel that my past has affected myself so much that its impossible for someone to ever really love or even like me because of that. Ok as i write that down it does seem slightly far fetched but its still there deep down inside of me. I just dont know how to go about it with this girl. Everytime i see her out and see guys talking to her i feel so jealous, thing is im almost pretty sure she wont do anything just because she is still getting with me occaisionally. im just not sure what to do. DO i keep kissing and cuddlying even thou i know thats all it will amount for at the moment, or do i just wait and play it hard to get a little? Im not sure why but i thought id tell you about the only other relationship i had, that lasted 8 months, was a pretty different thing she made me feel the way this current girl does. And yeah i completely messed up that relationship, i dont wana go into how, but i diid. I dont know if that my useful to someone if they have anymore advice Thanks Again, i actually feel a little bit better after reading the replies. Sam Link to post Share on other sites
Marty_McFly Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Originally posted by SamOzzy DO i keep kissing and cuddlying even thou i know thats all it will amount for at the moment, or do i just wait and play it hard to get a little? This quote shows that, in spite of you saying you want to change, that you're really not getting it. It's not about "getting some" or even getting "a little." Loving someone is not about sex. You've even said as much in your posts. Sure, at some point, sex is very important for the expression of love for another. But if you truly think you want a relationship with this girl, and that you could love her, sex really ought to be one of the last things on your mind right now. I think maybe you feel like if she won't give you some soon then it means she won't ever love you. But that couldn't be further from the truth. If you want something lasting with her, you should get to know her more as a person, spend more time with her. And even if she becomes your "girlfriend" that won't automatically mean that sex is imminent. It's not sex first then love, it should be love first, then sex (and for some, it's quite a ways down the road). Link to post Share on other sites
asdfg Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 This is off topic, but i suggest you go get checked for STD's after sleeping around so much. Link to post Share on other sites
Arabess Posted February 2, 2004 Share Posted February 2, 2004 Originally posted by SamOzzy when i know i cant really have her it cuts thru me. I dont know what to do to win her over. I care so much and just cant seem to let go. Call me pathetic or whatever but i just want to be with her so bad. Id give up anything. But the thing is when im depressed i smoke weed. It makes it all go away and i can actually think for a minute. You are turning into a pothead because the girl you have the hots for won't sleep with you? That doesn't make you DOOMED....it makes you a normal guy! It also makes her a very smart girl. If I were a girl who was interested in a guy with YOUR previous reputation....that's exactly what I would do. I'd give him NO SEX......because if nothing else....he'll respond to the challenge, his whole ego is then turned upside down and before he knows it....he's falling in love with a very nice girl. Which is exactly what is happening to you!!! Watch that potsmoking though. If she didn't wasn't impressed with your past sexual conquests....chances are she won't be too impressed with guy who lives in a fog. Pull yourself together....send her some flowers....ask her for a REAL date and don't try to get into her pants. Show her some respect by remembering what it was about HER which was different from all the OTHERS. She may not end up being your lifetime mate......but your priorities are changing because you are becoming a mature adult. You are going to be just fine.....and will surely find the kind of love you are seeking. PS: I printed your story for my teenage daughter. Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
amerikajin Posted February 3, 2004 Share Posted February 3, 2004 Wise words from Arabess. I'd just add that you have to be careful about falling for someone before you've started the dating process. I mean, I know there are some women who really bring out the little puppy in all of us...but you have to try to do whatever you can to control your impulses. It's a conscious effort, but one that has to be made. Don't give a woman too much power at first (i.e. don't drool over them until you've gotten to know them much better once you've started dating). Link to post Share on other sites
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