New_Damage Posted January 31, 2004 Share Posted January 31, 2004 Hello, all! I'm a 21-year-old female. Through a mutual friend about a year and a half ago, I met a girl who I developed feelings for. I noticed soon on they were mutual. We were both interested in other people, though; and she told me that although she wanted me badly, she was afraid us getting together would complicate our friendship. I didn't understand how that would be possible, since our relationship was already basically how I imagined it being, but I respected her wishes. My male best friend of 6 years, notorious for being a relationship junkie and introducing himself to people I know (a trait of his that I can't stand), started talking to her around 6 months ago. Well, I'm sure you can guess how that turned out. He called me one night asking my permission, and though it hurt me tremendously, I said yes because I didn't want to be responsible for anything. They're adults; it's none of my business. The following week was hell, because she continued to flirt with me and made it more than apparent that her feelings for me had not changed. This, of course, only hurt me more. So I sat them both down and explained to them that because I wanted them to enjoy being happy together, I would have to avoid them both for a period of time. I felt it was the best way to respect their relationship. Since they both knew how I felt about her, I figured they would agree. Apparently not. He snapped at me, "I'm not the one who'll be ditching the friendship if I don't get my way," which was the most horrendous thing anyone could have said especially since I wasn't necessarily asking for a *way*. His reaction worked for the best, though; and we have not talked for several weeks. She, on the other hand, tracked me down after I hadn't spoken to her for a week and cried about how she felt like I was punishing her for being happy and how she couldn't bear to go without talking to me. Right now, I'm at a loss. Either way, someone's going to be hurt. I told her as far as I'm concerned, there was no clean answer to this situation, and while I am a friend that loves her dearly, she has to respect that she also rejected me and that takes time to get over. Because she's so used to being hurt by others, it is driving her insane that she's done it to someone herself-- especially since she tells both him and I that she's in love with me, and she keeps looking for quick fixes out of the situation. So should I still talk to her? She asks me questions about their relationship because I'm "the only one [she] can talk to about this stuff." I hate answering them because I hate the fact that they're together, but I'm trying to be there for her as a friend. Should I sacrifice my sanity to be there for her, or is she having her cake and eating it, too? Link to post Share on other sites
Darkangelism Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 If you are hurt and angry then don't spend time with them, if they really are your friends then they will respect that fact. In awhile you will be ok with them and everything will be fine. I have had this situation twice b4, one time i was given the space and everything was fine, the other one i wasnt and it messed up my friendship. Link to post Share on other sites
theedge Posted February 4, 2004 Share Posted February 4, 2004 Honestly I find some people can be so selfish. Maybe its subconsious, but its the situation of "I would rather you be hurt and spend time with me, then me be hurt without you" Bah on that. I have been there numerous times where I had to step away, its not often that they say no though. Really it is the best thing for you, but I am sure if you do and get over that things will be fine again. Link to post Share on other sites
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