Why has this guy contacted me again after all this time ?.

[BritishFemale]

I met this guy in a nightclub in 2007. I was 23 at the time, and he was 21. We texted each other a lot at the beginning, and we had a lot in common, as we liked the same music and films. We only went on one date, I thought it went well, even though we were both shy and quite nervous. I thought it was odd that he didnt try to kiss me though. Anyway, for some reason, he started to text less and less, until eventually, he said he didnt think it was going to work between us, as he was so busy with work, and he apologised. I said some things i probably shouldnt have done in my last text to him, out of hurt and anger, as i liked him a lot. We were in a lot of contact for about a month, and then it was during the last few weeks that he seemed to lose interest. I texted him quite afew times to ask what was wrong before he ended it.

 

I found him on Facebook a few months later and sent him a message, asking if we could be friends, but he didnt respond. However, last year, i plucked up the courage to send him a friend request, and to my surprise, he accepted the request. I sent him a message before i viewed his page, telling him what i had been up to and asked how he was, but he didnt respond. i found out when i looked on his page that he had a girlfriend.

 

A few months later, his girlfriend became pregnant. Their daughter is now two months old. Suddenly, last night, he sent me a message on the instant messenger on Facebook !. I had only just logged in, and he messaged me straight away. He said " hey you there ? " , and i said hi and asked how he was. He said " great, hows you ? " and i said i was ok. Then he said " hows life treating you " then added two question marks. i answered him and i told him that his daughter was lovely . He said " sounds like you have an eventful year !. i cant thank you enough for the kind words about my child's photos. It meant tons to me and even more to my girlfriend at the time ". I said " you're welcome, and yeah it is gonna be an eventful year ! ". Then he said " It was lovely speaking to you, take care and have fun !!! " , and then he added, " and keep intouch too ". I said i would and then he put FIVE kisses !.

 

I still sometimes feel sad when i think about what happened before, as i feel that it may have been a missed opportunity, and maybe we met at the wrong time and wrong place. I also cant help wondering what it would have been like if i had been with him since then , and i'm not sure what he thinks of me or how he feels. I'm not sure if i still have feelings for him, or if i'm just wondering " what if? " I also wonder what his girlfriend has that i dont. She is 8 years older than him, lives in the same area as him, and i think they worked together, if that helps. What do you think about it , and what should i say if i contact him again? I'm also wondering what his intentions were for writing to me, and why he seemed so eager, especially as we hadnt spoken for three years. It was the late at night/early hours of the morning as well when we spoke on facebook.

 

 

I'm not sure if he has grown up now, and maybe feels bad about what he did before, and now wants to just be friends, or if he has other intentions ?. Maybe we are both confused ?. I do wonder why he is bothered about me now, when we havent seen or spoken to each other for three years. And why didnt he send me a message sooner, as we have been on each others friends list for a year. I want to keep intouch with him in a friendly way, but, because i'm not sure what his intentions were for contacting me, and because i'm not sure whether or not i'll feel uncomfortable if he talks about his family, i'm not sure if i should write to him again. I'm also wondering , if i hadnt mentioned his daughter in our conversation, would he have even mentioned her and his girlfriend. If not, that could have looked suspicious too.

 

Do you think i shouldn't have responded to him at all ?. Personally, i think i sounded civil and polite in the conversation, and hopefully, i didnt sound eager. If anything, i think he sounded a lot more eager than me. On one hand, i'm glad he contacted me, because i had been wanting to speak to him for ages and try to be friends with him, but on the other hand, i just hope it isnt some sort of cruel trick. As you say, he might be up to no good, but why contact me ?. I'm someone that was only in his life briefly. He could have contacted an ex girlfriend or something if he wanted to get up to no good. Oh well, i guess men are confusing sometimes.

 

 

I have definately changed since i first met him, in that, i dont like him as much as i did then, and i wouldnt contact him too much like i did then, and i am getting on with my life because i want to. I definately wouldnt want to break up his family if he did try it on with me, but, who knows if thats his intention. Then again, even just flirting with someone online is bad, and is an emotional affair. I dont think he has flirted with me yet, but by asking me to keep intouch with him, i guess i need to be wary. The thing is, you cant always tell the difference between someone being friendly online, and flirting, as sometimes, text can be misinterpreted. The only way you can tell is if they write anything romantic/sexual. I guess the text he wrote, the three exclamation marks, two questions marks, five kisses, e.t.c could be misinterpreted too.

 

 

 

I'd like to keep you posted about this, if possible, incase anything else happens, and i'd be interested to hear your response to this message too.

Edited June 18, 2010 by BritishFemale

[Lishy]

He is taken and you really should find someone single to get with

 

Do you want a guy who would be willing to cheat on his wifey and 2 month old child?

[Adunaphel]

From the sound of it he just found it nice to hear from you and he was glad to exchange a few words.

I do not think you should read anything into it.

 

And...absolutely avoid comparing yourself to his gf. It's not like he was choosing between the two of you and he picked her.

[Major]

Ok...he is married. What are you thinking here? Who cares how you felt or he felt years ago? You see, maybe the baby is taking more of the wife's time and he needs attention and you fit the "temporary" bill of emotional, infidelity. You seem confident in who you are and that's the quality that should win out here. Whether he has a girlfriend, a wife, or a crazy chic who thinks they are in a relationship, there are single guys out there for you to invest your time in. Even talking about him on this blog is a waste of your precious time. Live in reality...not fantasy. Because trust me, he is living in reality with a wife and child and the responsibilities of that. If he was so into you, he would be signing divorce papers as we speak. Not pending...but signing with papers you can see. Not promises....and empty romantic visions...divorce papers.

[BritishFemale]

Just to clarify, they aren't married. Sorry, i dont know where you got the idea from that they are married. I didnt say that in my post. Anyway, just wanted to mention that.

 

 

I know i should date other guys, and i have dated other guys during the last three years. Infact, my friend told me recently that one of her friends wants to meet me, and she told me his age. I dont know anything else about him. I'm not sure if i will meet him yet, but i might give it a try.

 

 

I guess i'm intrigued to know what this guy, that i posted about here, wants. If i did contact him, i would keep the conversation light and casual. I wouldnt contact him too often though and would make sure he initiates most of the contact, like he did the other night. He could have just left it at that when he said take care and have fun , but then he went and added " and keep intouch too " , and the five kisses . There must be something behind that.

 

As i said, i do hang out with friends, and i do have some events coming up this year that i am going to, so it's not like i would be keeping my life on hold for him, and he knows this, although, he still asked me to keep intouch with him . Infact, i was glad that i got to tell him that, and i feel that i was polite when i responded to him. I think if i hadnt responded at all to him, it would have seemed hostile.

 

 

I spoke to a friend about this, and she said she thinks he was being " cute " with me, and " testing the waters " to see how i would react. She also doesnt think that he wants to be friends with me, because he was once attracted to me. She thinks there is something else behind it. if not sex, then, like you said, perhaps an emotional affair.

 

Another friend told me that maybe something would happen if he ever does split up with his girlfriend, but then, there would still be a tie to his girlfriend and his child that he would live with for the rest of his life. And she thinks that, maybe, he might have realized that the likes me more than he thought he did, and might regret hurting my feelings in the past. She also said the same as you though, that i shouldnt put my life on hold for him. Both these friends think that maybe he it overwhelming and a burden being a new parent, and they seem to think that he may have had problems with his girlfriend, because he put " at that time " when he mentioned how it meant to tons to him and even more to his girlfriend when i gave the kind words on their child's photos, and i guess they are wondering why he contacted me if everything is going well for him anyway . They also think that maybe, his girlfriend wants a committed relationship, with her being so much older than him, whereas, just a few years ago, he was living the single life, and probably misses it at times. They both studied Psychology , and its interesting to hear different points of view, although, i wish i knew the truth. there is only one person who knows whats going on in his mind though, and that's the guy himself.

Edited June 20, 2010 by BritishFemale