Lonely Woman Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 Hi there, My husband worked every single day this week 8am-9pm. We have a business I am staying at home with our 14months old boy, and answer the business phone calls, do the bookkeeping etc... Last night he worked so late, he finally came home at 11.30pm! The problem is, he chose to spend today with a friend, he finally gets to the weekend and there is no time for me and for our baby, he "gives it away" to his friend who I don't like anyhow. And tomorrow its football day so I get nothing tomorrow. I feel upset and rejected. I tried to tell him but he still decided to spend the day with his friend. Just to take this off my heart. Thank you for reading, Any advice/response would be great. S. Link to post Share on other sites
Tiffy_Pop Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 I dont know if you want to get advice or an opinion from someone younger or even a newlywed, but ITS not you! He might just be going through some stress! But trust me even tho, I am a newlywed, I have the same delema but mine goes every weekend! There is game night at his cousins! Ha, I dont know if men will ever actually grow up! But you might want to sit down and talk to him about how you are feeling! Link to post Share on other sites
Samson Posted February 1, 2004 Share Posted February 1, 2004 I'm not going to takes sides, OK? However, I'd suggest being much more specific about whatever it might be that you want. What you've said is that there is no time for me and for our baby You know what you mean, but I don't, and he may not either. What exactly do you want him to do for you and baby? Be explicite, make a list of priorities and how much time each should take, and challenge him to complete them. And I don't mean you want him to "be more loving" or "caring" or "thoughful," etc., etc. This all has almost no meaning because he may be doing this already and it has nothing at all to do with being at home. Or, at least, he can claim he's doing these things already. I'm talking about concrete tasks that you must have his help to do: Lifting bales, toting barges, pouring concrete, plowing the back forty, splitting rails, chopping wood, fetching water, etc., etc. Of course, if you're not living in 1857, you could call up a girl friend and have a weekly night out (or two) with her while husband babysits. Find a pool hall or bowling alley or begin a "book club" or quilting circle or...... .......... YOU DECIDE WHAT makes YOU HAPPY Link to post Share on other sites
FolderWife Posted February 3, 2004 Share Posted February 3, 2004 My husband used to be like that....sorta...anyway, I complained to my mom about it, and she said the best way to get your man's attention, is to not care if he gives it or not it works..... I stopped caring when he went out. Sometimes, I'd ask, "Are you going out with the guys tonight?" he'd say, "Yeah." then, I'd smile and say, "good." He always seemed confused, and would ask why I thought it was good, and I'd say, "Because I know you enjoy it, and I like you being happy." I was sincere I had convinced myself that if he wasn't home, then I could watch the TV in the living room (I usually watch in the bedroom) I can turn it up as loud as I want, I can eat whatever I want, and not hear him gripe (He has a habit of complaining if I eat to much) and I could turn the heat up to 90, and he wouldn't be there to complain. Finally, his nights out were great nights for me too! Then he stopped going out with his friends. I recently joined a gym....I was going every other night. One night, he calls at work, and asked if I was going to the gym. I told him I was, and he got sad, and said, "Well, I'd like to spend time with you once in a while." I asked, "Do you want me to cancel and come home?" He said, "Yeah." So I cancelled and went home. It made me feel good for him to miss me I tell you what; deciding that something I don't want him to do is ok is the quickest way that I've found to get a man to do what I wanted in the first place. I don't do this to psyche him our or anything, I just decide to like what he's doing, instead of hating it. I could sit around and be miserable and lonely, or I could be glad that I have all that time to myself One added thought: Men are kings of their castles. I'm sure he will be coming home early here soon, because if he's like every man I've ever met, then he likes his home. There's no place like home. Nobody can really relax anywhere but their home....if they have a happy home. He has a loving wife and child at home, and home is where his bed is, so I don't figure he'll be doing this very often. Maybe him having worked so much made him feel like he deserved to go out and have a good time for a change. Going to work and coming home day after day can make a person feel taken for granted, and in a rut. I know it was selfish on his part for "abandoning" you when the two of you hadn't really spent any time together. I used to get that way too...my husband and I didn't have hardly any time together, and here he was going out with the guys???? I didn't like that one bit, but once I changed my mind towards it, he started coming home. Link to post Share on other sites
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