Last-minute jitters! Someone knock sense into me

[Els]

Okay, it's all set in stone - flights have been booked, accommodation has been arranged, and I have a week left before I head to NZ for the next 6 months. It's everything I've ever hoped for.. and everything I've worked for in the past few months. And all of a sudden I'm really nervous and thinking of all the reasons I might regret going! I know, it's dumb, right?? I'm thinking of the friends I'll miss and the parents who will miss me (frankly I won't miss them all that much, but I do feel guilty about them missing me). I'm thinking of all the food I'll miss (friends of mine have been all over the world and still claim my country has the best, most varied, and cheapest food, hands down ), the comfort zone of the known world, the place I've been used to for the past 24 years. I'm thinking of the fact that the bf is still hauling his ass through an extremely difficult few months of his course and working 50-60 hour days, and won't have as much time (and probably enthusiasm) to spend with me as the times he visited on holiday and we were both free to fully enjoy each other all the time.

 

BUT I should be excited!! Granted I'd probably have to minimize my expectations of the 24-hour sexfest I'd always dreamed of before... at least for the next month or so. But we'd still be able to see each other most days, which is a huge step up from now. And the relationship notwithstanding, NZ is a beautiful country, one which many people in mine dream of going to... but few manage due to the expensive plane tickets. The working holiday scheme which I am going for is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, which, again, many people here dream of but few actually leave home behind to do.

 

It's just that.. when I dreamt of this moment for the past 2 years, I expected everything to be perfect, y'know? I'd never thought that the bf would be working some weekends and stressing himself out over an important exam when I arrived. I'd never thought that I'd be missing home that much before I even left.

 

Apparently, from what I've read on backpackers' forums of people who left home for the working holiday scheme in NZ (both with and without romantic motivation) - this is normal. The fear of the unknown, just before you leave. The attachment to that cozy, lived-in room and that restaurant down the street that you've known for ages. For some of them, they even left an SO behind to do it. At least mine would be the reverse.

 

I'd just never imagined leaving to affect me. I'd always thought it'd be all happy-happy-joy-joy from the ticket booking day onward.

 

(Before anyone suggests to delay the trip for a month til the bf's schedule isn't so crazy... not a good idea. Time is already ticking on the visa and it would be a horrible waste of the opportunity to delay.)

Edited June 19, 2010 by Elswyth

[Els]

Okay, I think I shall make a list of things that I shall NOT miss in my home country:

 

- The bloody humid weather. I know NZ is currently at close-to-zero celcius temperatures but I honestly think I'd prefer it.

- The pollution

- Our language. Always sucked at it.

- The majority of our society's narrow-minded, third-world mentality.

- Traffic jams. Of like 1-2 hours at a standstill.

- High crime.

- The beaten track expected of us - graduate from a professional degree, work a couple years, marry, have kids, never leave the country...

- Boring relative gatherings.

- Ugly scenery. No competition here.

- Living at home with the parents!!

Edited June 19, 2010 by Elswyth

[Spiritofnow]

Hey, Lady

 

Sounds to me that you have worked through why you are feeling the way you are - purging has a wonderful way of helping us sort out our feelings in a balanced way.

 

I agree 100% with your observations based on your fears and anxieties - they are totally within context and appropriate. You have recognised how you feel and why, and haven't tried to push them down or displaced them and allowed them to surface in an imbalanced way, which is GOOD!!!

 

Nerves are natural and in part preparation for your new adventure. You are realising all the reasons why you are feeling this way, which is also preparing you for the newness of everything, which is also good.

 

I know that since me and my boyfriend have been discussing me moving out there and discussed decorating his place together so that it feels like home has felt really scary, but I know it's still what I want. Same for you....as for perfect, don't get me started on that, ha ha. Perfection and order is a man-made creation as far as I am concerned and while it does allow us some kind of order we should also be mindful that 'perfect' should be reasonable. Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions. Nothing terrible will happen if you choose go with the flow and let go of some of the ideas you have created. Let it be what it will be : )

 

Practical things that may help in the transitional phase - smell is a very emotive sense and I find that if I can create a familiar smell to home that that eases me. I burn incense, and I will for example take some with me when I move and burn it in the early stages to help me with that unfamiliar feeling - we are creatures of habit no matter how hard we try to rebel ; ) Pictures that you are used to seeing. Some of your fave snacks. You get it! just try to give yourself the familiar while everything feels so new. Above all else give yourself time to adjust when you are there. I am soooo excited for you, and I hope you have some time when you are there to post and let us know how it's all going.

 

Go with an open mind and an open heart and anything will be possible - be in the now and enjoy your new adventure.

 

The list you have created for pros and cons is excellent!!!!!

Edited June 19, 2010 by Spiritofnow

[LittleTiger]

Elswyth I am so excited for you. You will have the most amazing time.

 

As you already know, my man is in NZ too, and I'm in the UK. I travelled to stay with him for a whole month, after I had only known him for three months (and only spent three weeks IRL with him).

 

I'm 45, so I'm no little girl, but I was terrified. I'd never been away on holiday alone in my whole life and I hate flying. So the prospect of spending 30 hours on a plane by myself to travel to the other side of the world where I knew only one person was frightening to say the least.

 

I stayed in my bf's house and he had to work a lot of the time while I was there (he'd used most of his holidays visiting me in England the month before ). I had some work with me and sat in the Sun in the garden a fair bit, I got lonely, I got homesick, I missed my cat and my favourite foods, and it wasn't a 24hr sexfest that I'd hoped for either. But, BIG BUT, having him come home to me after work each day was worth every negative feeling I had. Spending whole weekends together like a normal couple was priceless .

 

Sadly, I was only there for one month and I cried buckets when I had to leave (pathetic for a woman my age! ) . You have six whole months you lucky thing. You may well feel all the things you have said, but I'd like to bet, if and when you have the time to post updates for us on LS, we'll be hearing what an awesome time you are having and how the time is just going by waaaay too fast.

[aerogurl87]

Being nervous is normal when your leaving everything you've been accustomed to. Before I went to see my boyfriend for 2 weeks I didn't start freaking out till I got to the airport. All the "what ifs" started running though my head like crazy, but I knew I was leaving for a good reason. Then when I got on the plane and it took off, I just sucked everything up and looked at it as being a big adventure in my life. So focus on the good stuff, and stuff you won't miss, and you'll have fun. I am jealous though as I'd love to be flying out to go see my boyfriend for 6 months right now.

[Els]

Awwww, thanks guys!! :heart: You've pretty much succeeded in perking me up! LittleTiger, I actually can't wait to be able to sit in the sun there - sun here is pretty much sizzling, so nobody sits in it! Although I don't think NZ will be having much sun til a couple months from now, heh. Then it'll be spring - the first spring I'll have ever seen.

 

To clarify, though, it isn't only his 'time' that's a downer. He himself has pretty much admitted that the exam will be on his mind a fair bit (damned medschool trainee interns have important exams like half the time, it seems...), so I'm sure he'll be stressed and all that jazz. Also, we won't be staying together in his students' flat for several reasons, so he won't be coming home to me either. But I can take a short bus ride to see him most weekdays assuming the other students he lives with don't complain too much, and he can come to my place on the weekends that he doesn't work. Hopefully by the time my month's lease is over I'll have found a more suitable place within walking distance of him, then things will be much easier!

[Els]

Anyway, congratulations!!! No more leaving Skype running for the next 6 months.

 

Hehe, I know! I can't say anything bad about Skype though - it's kept us going for 2 years!

 

Being nervous is normal when your leaving everything you've been accustomed to. Before I went to see my boyfriend for 2 weeks I didn't start freaking out till I got to the airport. All the "what ifs" started running though my head like crazy, but I knew I was leaving for a good reason. Then when I got on the plane and it took off, I just sucked everything up and looked at it as being a big adventure in my life. So focus on the good stuff, and stuff you won't miss, and you'll have fun. I am jealous though as I'd love to be flying out to go see my boyfriend for 6 months right now.

 

You'll have your turn soon from what I've read, right? Yeah, the 'what if's are the killer. 'What if I can't stand the change from 32 celcius weather to 1 celcius??' 'What if my nose allergies keep bugging me??' Grrrr... At least I don't have to worry about being stranded without food or shelter if I don't get a job like the other backpackers do!

[Els]

Perfection and order is a man-made creation as far as I am concerned and while it does allow us some kind of order we should also be mindful that 'perfect' should be reasonable. Perfection is about accepting that we cannot control everything and letting go of some of our preconceived notions.

 

Btw, this quote is so beautiful I'm tempted to sig it.

[LittleTiger]

Awwww, thanks guys!! :heart: You've pretty much succeeded in perking me up! LittleTiger, I actually can't wait to be able to sit in the sun there - sun here is pretty much sizzling, so nobody sits in it! Although I don't think NZ will be having much sun til a couple months from now, heh. Then it'll be spring - the first spring I'll have ever seen.

 

I went from minus 13 degrees, one of the worst Winters we've had in the UK, to a gorgeous 25 degrees of New Zealand Summer. Yes it's cold out there right now, but it will be warming up soon and you'll love it.

 

To clarify, though, it isn't only his 'time' that's a downer. He himself has pretty much admitted that the exam will be on his mind a fair bit (damned medschool trainee interns have important exams like half the time, it seems...), so I'm sure he'll be stressed and all that jazz. Also, we won't be staying together in his students' flat for several reasons, so he won't be coming home to me either. But I can take a short bus ride to see him most weekdays assuming the other students he lives with don't complain too much, and he can come to my place on the weekends that he doesn't work. Hopefully by the time my month's lease is over I'll have found a more suitable place within walking distance of him, then things will be much easier!

 

I won't kid you Elswyth it will definitely be different on his home ground. My bf was (and still is) going through a nasty custody/financial battle with his ex, which reared it's very ugly head from time to time during my visit and he was stressed as hell about it. It's a good test of your relationship to be together under those circumstances and you guys have been through so much already, I think you'll be fine.

 

If you're not actually living together that is a little harder for you, but at the same time, how exciting. What an adventure. Total freedom and you still get to see your bf lots.

 

Remember, if the worst comes to the worst, all you have to do is get on a plane and fly home. We all know that won't happen though Elswyth. You're going to have the time of your life!

 

Did I mention how jealous I am? (If it wasn't for my cats I'd be on a plane myself tomorrow and suggesting we meet up for coffee! )

 

Are you going to North or South Island?

[Els]

South Island! Heard North is a lot warmer now. Can't wait to try skiing and see the glaciers though!

 

P.S. I'd totally love the coffee, you should contact me if you ever come around the next few months.

[aerogurl87]

You'll have your turn soon from what I've read, right? Yeah, the 'what if's are the killer. 'What if I can't stand the change from 32 celcius weather to 1 celcius??' 'What if my nose allergies keep bugging me??' Grrrr... At least I don't have to worry about being stranded without food or shelter if I don't get a job like the other backpackers do!

 

Yep in 4 months. And I can understand the change in weather thing. I went from 30 celcius to about 1 celsius when I went to see my boyfriend in May (and yes it snowed while I was there, lol). And him and his family have already forewarned me that it'll probably already be snow on the ground when I get there in October. So big change in weather, haha. And yeah like everyone else said, just think about the positives and you'll be good to go.

[Spiritofnow]

Btw, this quote is so beautiful I'm tempted to sig it.

 

Thanks, Elswyth

 

Actually, that reminds me of a quote someone on here has of yours - Lecturer - and something you said about pins, rope and such ha ha! I have NO idea what you could have been referring too

 

So, glad you are feeling better. Everything will work out just fine

[LittleTiger]

South Island! Heard North is a lot warmer now. Can't wait to try skiing and see the glaciers though!

 

P.S. I'd totally love the coffee, you should contact me if you ever come around the next few months.

 

Lucky you, South Island is supposed to be beautiful, I haven't been there yet. My bf is on North Island (it is a fair bit warmer ). Believe it or not, I'm flying to NZ early December and we'll be touring South Island shortly afterwards - so that gives you five months to find a great coffee house! .

[Els]

Rofl, I must be having some rather prolonged case of PMS. One moment I'm utterly excited about everything and recognizing that I really am luckier than most, to have everything coincide so nicely, to be able to travel to a beautiful new country immediately after graduation (which most people don't get to), and to be with my bf (which, again, I know not to take for granted), and understanding that this is the best thing I could do with my life at this point either way.... and then another moment I'm agonizing because I've waited for this moment for 2 years and it isn't anything like how I'd imagined it would be.

 

2 years ago, even a year ago, I was deeply infatuated, I had no doubts about our relationship, I thought about him all the time, I believed with all my heart that we would, without a doubt, last forever. 2 years of coping with distance and all manner of trials and tribulations thrown at us has changed that. Especially the last few months, when we went through the roughest patch we'd ever been in, and nearly didn't survive. I am now too good at the distance. I threw myself into my hobbies and my friends, I don't live from phone call to phone call. I won't see him for 2 days because he's working a 32-hour shift and our schedules don't match up, and it doesn't bother me all that much. I didn't think about him all the time anymore. I had to change all of that to survive the difficult time of the past few months. So now I'm not nearly as excited about seeing him as I was the last few times he visited. I don't make plans of what to do because the last time I made plans for his visit, he didn't manage to make it due to work/family issues and nearly caved from all the pressure. The disappointment was devastating, and that was the worst point of our entire 2 years.

 

I learnt about all his flaws, learnt that some of the times that I had enjoyed, he had not. He'd admitted that the last time he had been here for 2 months, he had not actually wanted to spend every weeknight after work together, he had wanted to have some time alone and/or with friends. But he had not wanted to hurt me, so he hadn't said anything and went along with me instead. (We'd talked about it before and he'd promised to tell me the next time he wanted time alone instead of just doing what I wanted). It probably is a healthier approach to the relationship, to each have time alone sometimes. But this is only what the me that's been through everything thinks, the me that isn't bouncing continuously off the walls at the thought of seeing him. The me that WOULD have bounced continuously off the walls... had actually enjoyed spending every free moment with him those 2 months instead.. and would not have survived the past few difficult months if it had not changed.

 

I won't lie, I have my doubts. Especially when he admitted to me yesterday that he was currently swamped with work + exams, and he was worried that he wouldn't be able to spend enough time with me and I would be unhappy. He says that after the exams at the end of July things should be better. While he has kept every promise that he has been capable of, I well know that some things aren't in his control.

 

So I am going in with the mindset of 'let's see how it goes'. Let's see if he can really manage his work and we can have a great time. Let's see if the problems we've had in our R were distance-related, or if they persist IRL as well. Let's see if the past few bad months had made us stronger, or the reverse. If it works out, great, if not I'll have the adventure of a lifetime in NZ.

 

Like I said, not what I had imagined, over the past 2 years, when we were holding each other and mourning because we had to leave soon, and whispering silly tales about eloping and sailing off into the sunset, all happy and carefree.

[Els]

Bah, reading over my post I just realized I sounded like a spoilt brat. Sorry, was mostly just venting.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Els, I glad to see you are having doubts - that is far more normal than sailing blissfully into the future blindfolded to the ups and downs your relationship has had.

 

Make this experience about you - learn new things and have experiences that will benefit you and take you into the future. Please do not make this trip all about him, and how much time he is or isn't spending with you. There are so many opportunities out there for new knowledge and experience. Don't let those get past you by worrying about this.

 

Keep us updated! I want to hear all about NZ!

[White Dove]

Elswyth, in a few weeks I'm pretty sure I'll be in your shoes! I can't wait to be there with bf for the next few years or even for good but yeah, I have thoughts in my mind where I'm not really that ready to live my country!

 

Like your country, mine has a variety of food and that's one of the things I'm going to miss the most! It's cheap here and you can get food at any time of the day!! Now where else can you get that?!

 

As soon as you get to the airport, I'm sure you'll get over the jitters, Elswyth.

[Els]

Thanks, LB. The problem is, I know I should make it about me. It's just that, for some goddamned reason, I'm mourning the childish, but blissful honeymoon dream that I never had. That it would have been so perfect if this chance had instead come during those earlier few months when we had been besotted with each other but only had sparse weeks of visits.

[Els]

Elswyth, in a few weeks I'm pretty sure I'll be in your shoes! I can't wait to be there with bf for the next few years or even for good but yeah, I have thoughts in my mind where I'm not really that ready to live my country!

 

Like your country, mine has a variety of food and that's one of the things I'm going to miss the most! It's cheap here and you can get food at any time of the day!! Now where else can you get that?!

 

As soon as you get to the airport, I'm sure you'll get over the jitters, Elswyth.

 

Which country are you from, if you don't mind me asking?

[White Dove]

Which country are you from, if you don't mind me asking?

 

One of the Asean countries...

[Els]

Same here!

[White Dove]

Same here!

 

Interesting...

[Spiritofnow]

Elswyth,

 

I am trying really hard to make sure I hear you in your posts, so that I do not inadvertently make you feel any negative emotions.

 

Two points:

 

This first one is just a suggestion and nothing more and I hope you take it that way : ) Have you ever wondered whether you are two people who are in love, but perhaps want different things from a relationship???

 

I think compromise can be a tricky area, because the idea is that both parties have their needs met in a way that doesn't encroach on the needs of the other - from what I have read it seems you are feeling almost cheated by some of the dynamics of your relationship - the time you spend together for example. I do think that it is healthy to remain a single unit within a relationship, but I know that I would want to spend the biggest percentage of my time with my SO. Do you feel that what he has asked for is fair to you and makes you happy? Are you afriad that his need to be independent of you at times will mean you are left to your own devices in a strange country?

 

Secondly:

 

Love - we are brought up to believe that romance equates to love, when in actual fact romance is really the part that allows us to get together in the first place, and as we move on our reflections and expressions of love alter. Deeper love is about making the day to day commitment to be with the person you love even when we are aware of their flaws and any irritating habits they may have. Love goes through many stages and processes, which doesn't make it any less it just makes it stronger and different to the beginning. Romance is still important, but the way we express it changes - taking the garbage out for your partner or listening to them after a hard day is romantic.

 

I think it's unfair that we are socialised to believe that Disney and American block-buster chic flicks are what relationships are about - I believe that they are merely charactures of modern day love and only reflect one aspect--roamnce - those films and the books that are created for young girls are merely about selling us an idea of what love is, and I think that is why we see so many people feeling cheated or discontent with what they have.

 

Love isn't really like that. Love is about growing together, and making plans, and enjoying the journey. I am trying my hardest not to make what I am saying just sound like a rant or some social commentary, because I want you to realise that as time moves on the way love feels changes and alters, and it's up to us to see that for what it is.

 

Me and my SO were talking about people's perceptions on love one day, and we both agreed that sometimes some people are not quite ready for what love really has to offer and are chasing after the romance ideal - I guess you have to decided what you really want.

 

My so once said to me, we can still make love in the kitchen and make sure it doesn't burn down - we can have a spontaneous romantic weekend get away and still plan that we don't run out of fuel half way there - we can still be romantic and practical at the same time, because the two are not mutually exclusive. I see this so often, and for a long time created my own unrealistic version of what I thought love meant, and it was all hearts and roses and passionate sex. Real life isn't really like that every day, and in actual fact I am finding that the reality is much better.

 

After saying all of that I am sure this is just pre-leaving nerves, and it is okay to have them, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything more than being afraid of the unknown and wanting to make sure that you are going to be happy.

 

Just remember to ask for what is important to you, and if your SO suggests something you are not 100% on board with ask to discuss it further.

 

It's okay to be afraid as long as you don't let that fear direct your choices.

 

Forgive me if I sound like I am lecturing you, because that is not how I want to come across. I am just trying to give to you the wisdom I believe I have acquired as I have travelled this wordly path : )

 

I feel flattered that you have quoted me--big, big smile : )

 

Big hugs.

Edited June 20, 2010 by Spiritofnow

[Els]

 

This first one is just a suggestion and nothing more and I hope you take it that way : ) Have you ever wondered whether you are two people who are in love, but perhaps want different things from a relationship???

 

Yes, I actually think there are some differences. But also similarities, fortunately.

 

I think compromise can be a tricky area, because the idea is that both parties have their needs met in a way that doesn't encroach on the needs of the other - from what I have read it seems you are feeling almost cheated by some of the dynamics of your relationship - the time you spend together for example. I do think that it is healthy to remain a single unit within a relationship, but I know that I would want to spend the biggest percentage of my time with my SO. Do you feel that what he has asked for is fair to you and makes you happy? Are you afriad that his need to be independent of you at times will mean you are left to your own devices in a strange country?

 

Oh! No, I didn't mean it that way. I actually am of the opinion, with my mind, that a healthy relationship involves time spent doing things separately as well as together. But my heart, in that early phase, went right into overdrive and overrode my mind - I guess perhaps I feel hurt that his didn't as well. To be frank I am not sure exactly how MUCH time he wants and needs alone, as he has never dared to express it when we were together before, as the times were so scarce and he didn't want to make me unhappy then. I guess it's just one of the things I'll have to find out later.

 

Love - we are brought up to believe that romance equates to love, when in actual fact romance is really the part that allows us to get together in the first place, and as we move on our reflections and expressions of love alter. Deeper love is about making the day to day commitment to be with the person you love even when we are aware of their flaws and any irritating habits they may have. Love goes through many stages and processes, which doesn't make it any less it just makes it stronger and different to the beginning. Romance is still important, but the way we express it changes - taking the garbage out for your partner or listening to them after a hard day is romantic.

 

I think it's unfair that we are socialised to believe that Disney and American block-buster chic flicks are what relationships are about - I believe that they are merely charactures of modern day love and only reflect one aspect--roamnce - those films and the books that are created for young girls are merely about selling us an idea of what love is, and I think that is why we see so many people feeling cheated or discontent with what they have.

 

Yes, I think so too!!! But gosh, don't you miss the honeymoon stage of the relationship? When you were both mooning over each other and just couldn't get enough of each other, when you stayed up talking to each other all night til the sun rose? NOT practical for the longterm... but it was great. I guess I keep wondering how it would have been like if we had only had the chance to be together IRL back then - it'd probably have been the stuff dreams were made of. Then again, perhaps I am luckier in a way - this is the first time we'll be together IRL for such a nice long period of time... and maybe this is our chance at the second 'honeymoon', where we can start afresh, and both discover new things and experience life together IRL like we never did before. I realize that I have a very real chance of spoiling that if I can't get past my doubts and the hurt that the troubles of the past few months have brought, though.

 

Love isn't really like that. Love is about growing together, and making plans, and enjoying the journey. I am trying my hardest not to make what I am saying just sound like a rant or some social commentary, because I want you to realise that as time moves on the way love feels changes and alters, and it's up to us to see that for what it is.

 

I totally get you. Everyone in an LTR whom I've ever spoken to has said that. That the infatuation passes, trouble inevitably rears its head, and then it's make or break when we either learn how to appreciate a different sort of love... or we cannot.

 

Me and my SO were talking about people's perceptions on love one day, and we both agreed that sometimes some people are not quite ready for what love really has to offer and are chasing after the romance ideal - I guess you have to decided what you really want.

 

My so once said to me, we can still make love in the kitchen and make sure it doesn't burn down - we can have a spontaneous romantic weekend get away and still plan that we don't run out of fuel half way there - we can still be romantic and be practical, because the two are not mutually exclusive. I see this so often, and for a long time created my own unrealistic version of what I thought love meant, and it was all hearts and roses and passionate sex. Real life isn't really like that every day, and in actual fact I am finding that the reality is much better.

 

I would love to know how. In truth, I do think it means something incredibly special, for two people to have gone through what we have, and yet still be holding on, each doing what we can to make things work given the circumstances. It's so exhausting, all the pre-planning and effort and sacrifice needed to just be TOGETHER without screwing all the other aspects of our lives over... as an example, before he'd even left my place in January we'd already started planning my working holiday there, because it was necessary. Now, before I'm even there for these 6 months, we have to plan for next year, as his job applications and my postgrad applications are due soon, and we want to give ourselves a chance to be at least within a bus ride's distance next year.

 

But. But, I really enjoyed the earlier stages as well, when we were both crazy in love, when we hadn't gone through all those fights and tears and disappointments, when his medical course wasn't working him to the bone. When we got together 2 years ago, he actually warned me by telling me, 'They said this is honeymoon year, y'know.' I laughed at him then, thought he was joking, cause he had classes in the morning, hospital work in the afternoons and exams every couple of months back then. Now I actually believe him.

 

After saying all of that I am sure this is just pre-leaving nerves, and it is okay to have them, and it doesn't necessarily mean anything more than being afraid of the unknown and wanting to make sure that you are going to be happy.

 

Very very true! I think this is just it. When you are leaving everything that you know behind for something, you always start to wonder if it's worth it and pick apart all the 1001 possible reasons it may NOT be worth it, even if it's a ****ing ticket to heaven, I'd wager.

 

Just remember to ask for what is important to you, and if your SO suggests something you are not 100% on board with ask to discuss it further.

 

It's okay to be afraid as long as you don't let that fear direct your choices.

 

Forgive me if I sound like I am lecturing you, because that is not how I want to come across. I am just trying to give to you the wisdom I believe I have acquired as I have travelled this wordly path : )

 

I feel flattered that you have quoted me--big, big smile : )

 

Big hugs.

 

Thanks for taking the time to answer! Great advice, as always.

[Spiritofnow]

I agree that the honeymoon stage is very exciting, and that the LDR dynamics sort of take away some of those precious moments in comparison to if we were with them in RL. Yes, yes, I AGREE! However, I also think that there is a romantic element to being in a LDR and overcoming all the odds - it makes us special : )

 

You certainly do have something special considering the distance, RL, and trying to merge the two together all the time. I am a student, and a single mum and I know how hard it can be to get the balance when the person you love--your best friend, is frigggin' thousands of miles away.

 

I think my post was just a good opportunity for you to hear yourself out-loud and be able to answer some of those kinds of questions.

 

HUG!