Author Els Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 Also, I think it would be necessary to add that my parents have made it clear that they disapprove of this trip, and while they are still on good terms with me and even helping me get ready, they are making their disapproval VERY CLEAR. Like, every day, inserting little snippets of conversation in to try and dissuade me from going. They basically have this idea that I should follow the beaten path - graduate, work, marry, settle down... and THEN if I want to leave the country I should do so with a husband's protection. Needless to say, I disagree with this notion - I think one should explore different things and make the most out of life while young and not tied down by commitments (ie house payments, car payments, etc). Anyway, I think this is part of the reason I'm second guessing so much. My mother keeps crying, and while I've been slightly desensitised to it due to her crying over every goddamn thing (such as me being 5 minutes late for church), it does sorta get to me. Fortunately many friends and relatives have expressed their envy of me, saying they think it'd be great fun and wishing they could come. One uncle (who now has two kids and a helluva trying time raising the money to support them) whispered that he'd dreamed of doing this before in his youth, but chickened out. Sadly, he can't do so anymore now due to family commitments. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiritofnow Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 I am sure there will soon be a time that I will be on here freaking out, and not sounding quite so wise- ha ha ha. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 20, 2010 Author Share Posted June 20, 2010 Don't worry! I'll be here pasting your posts back to you when the time comes. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiritofnow Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 Also, I think it would be necessary to add that my parents have made it clear that they disapprove of this trip, and while they are still on good terms with me and even helping me get ready, they are making their disapproval VERY CLEAR. Like, every day, inserting little snippets of conversation in to try and dissuade me from going. They basically have this idea that I should follow the beaten path - graduate, work, marry, settle down... and THEN if I want to leave the country I should do so with a husband's protection. Needless to say, I disagree with this notion - I think one should explore different things and make the most out of life while young and not tied down by commitments (ie house payments, car payments, etc). Anyway, I think this is part of the reason I'm second guessing so much. My mother keeps crying, and while I've been slightly desensitised to it due to her crying over every goddamn thing (such as me being 5 minutes late for church), it does sorta get to me. Fortunately many friends and relatives have expressed their envy of me, saying they think it'd be great fun and wishing they could come. One uncle (who now has two kids and a helluva trying time raising the money to support them) whispered that he'd dreamed of doing this before in his youth, but chickened out. Sadly, he can't do so anymore now due to family commitments. I didn't see this before... This certainly makes sense as to why you would have such heightened feelings concerning whether you are doing the right thing. It's a very brave thing to be independent of your parents and do what you feel is right for yourself irrespective of their ideas and wishes. This makes total sense. Parents are like a guiding light for much of our lives and so to be so bold and take a different direction is sure to make you feel conflicted. You are becoming your own woman - go girl Link to post Share on other sites
Spiritofnow Posted June 20, 2010 Share Posted June 20, 2010 (edited) Please don't ever re-post my posts to me, that would just be cruel - ha ha ha ha ha. Little bugger ; ) Edited June 20, 2010 by Spiritofnow Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 (edited) Grr, I knew some little snag would happen! I arranged to rent a room with some girls studying at a university near the bf's place... we agreed on terms through email, the bf went and saw the place, paid them the downpayment, etc, we settled everything except paperwork because he isn't allowed by law to sign the contract for me so I have to sign it myself when I arrive. Now the girls are changing their mind!! They're starting to pressure me into either extending my lease past a month or just not taking the room at all! I sent them a rather heated reply saying I thought everything had already been booked and agreed upon, and I'm now awaiting what they have to say. But I realize that with no contract, there's really nothing I can do. I probably won't be able to find another room that won't make my parents go berserk, in time... They're completely against mixed-gender flats, things are already tenuous between us as it is and I don't want to hurt them any more than necessary. Single-gender flats that are suitable aren't all that easy to find, which is why I snatched up this one so quickly. I could agree to stay the entire 6 months but I really don't want to. It's 30 minutes away from the bf's place (including walking to bus stop, etc), and I'm holding out in hopes of finding a better place that I can move to after the month's lease is over. I had no idea anyone could go back on their word at the last minute like that! Edited June 21, 2010 by Elswyth Link to post Share on other sites
White Dove Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 That is rude but like you said, without a contract they are able to do as they please. Why are your parents against mixed-gender living arrangements? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Shrugs, typical conservative Asian shyt. They're traditional Asians + hardcore Christians... which is probably the worst mix you could ever get in parents. Link to post Share on other sites
White Dove Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Shrugs, typical conservative Asian shyt. They're traditional Asians + hardcore Christians... which is probably the worst mix you could ever get in parents. I have a rough idea where you're from. My parents are against mixed-gender living arrangements as well but at my age, I do as I please. Out of my siblings, I'm the only one that has not lived with my partner prior to marriage and we are one of the races/religion that is very, very strict about pre-marital sex, let alone living with the opposite sex! Link to post Share on other sites
Spiritofnow Posted June 21, 2010 Share Posted June 21, 2010 Grr, I knew some little snag would happen! I arranged to rent a room with some girls studying at a university near the bf's place... we agreed on terms through email, the bf went and saw the place, paid them the downpayment, etc, we settled everything except paperwork because he isn't allowed by law to sign the contract for me so I have to sign it myself when I arrive. Now the girls are changing their mind!! They're starting to pressure me into either extending my lease past a month or just not taking the room at all! I sent them a rather heated reply saying I thought everything had already been booked and agreed upon, and I'm now awaiting what they have to say. But I realize that with no contract, there's really nothing I can do. I probably won't be able to find another room that won't make my parents go berserk, in time... They're completely against mixed-gender flats, things are already tenuous between us as it is and I don't want to hurt them any more than necessary. Single-gender flats that are suitable aren't all that easy to find, which is why I snatched up this one so quickly. I could agree to stay the entire 6 months but I really don't want to. It's 30 minutes away from the bf's place (including walking to bus stop, etc), and I'm holding out in hopes of finding a better place that I can move to after the month's lease is over. I had no idea anyone could go back on their word at the last minute like that! Have you tried appealing to their better nature and informing them of why you have choose to rent with them initially? It may make them more understanding??? Worth a try. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Have you tried appealing to their better nature and informing them of why you have choose to rent with them initially? It may make them more understanding??? Worth a try. Actually that's a great idea! I didn't consider that earlier since I was just totally miffed at them trying to change the deal after payment had been made and all that jazz. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 21, 2010 Author Share Posted June 21, 2010 Also, to be fair to the chief tenant, I suppose she did offer to share her room with me and split the cost, if I wanted to only stay a month. I really hate sleeping with others though (except for an SO ), and that would pretty much screw any chance of him coming over to my place. I could go to his but not too much, as he has rather anal housemates/landlady (we'd initially planned that I'd go over 3x/week and he to me on Fri/weekends). Worst thing is I actually had another viable offer but I turned it down since I'd already asked to see the place and I didn't want to make the girls go to all the trouble for nothing. I suppose one should never be too trusting... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted June 30, 2010 Author Share Posted June 30, 2010 Update: I'm here!!!! And it's such a lovely place!!!! It's a bit tricky getting used to the winter, and the house toilets are cold... but the country is just so beautiful!!! And the weather is actually nice during the daytime - I'm actually spending most of my daylight ours out and about touring the city instead of huddling indoors in the air conditioning like I used to back home, lol. Nice change to be able to cross the road without sweating buckets... AND the cars actually stop at zebra crossings, buses are on time, and there's a nice wide sidewalk!!! Who knew life was so good outside my country. Will be heading to my bf's part of the country this Sun. Having a blast meanwhile. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiritofnow Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Update: I'm here!!!! And it's such a lovely place!!!! It's a bit tricky getting used to the winter, and the house toilets are cold... but the country is just so beautiful!!! And the weather is actually nice during the daytime - I'm actually spending most of my daylight ours out and about touring the city instead of huddling indoors in the air conditioning like I used to back home, lol. Nice change to be able to cross the road without sweating buckets... AND the cars actually stop at zebra crossings, buses are on time, and there's a nice wide sidewalk!!! Who knew life was so good outside my country. Will be heading to my bf's part of the country this Sun. Having a blast meanwhile. Yipeeeeeeeeeeee I know I am relativley new to the forum and we don't know each other that well, but I am really being genuine when I say how excited I was to see you had been on here. It's soooo good to hear you just enjoying being in the 'now' and sounding so happy and relaxed! I feel like I am on an adventure with you. Where did you choose to stay? Soooo happy for you Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Update: I'm here!!!! And it's such a lovely place!!!! It's a bit tricky getting used to the winter, and the house toilets are cold... but the country is just so beautiful!!! And the weather is actually nice during the daytime - I'm actually spending most of my daylight ours out and about touring the city instead of huddling indoors in the air conditioning like I used to back home, lol. Nice change to be able to cross the road without sweating buckets... AND the cars actually stop at zebra crossings, buses are on time, and there's a nice wide sidewalk!!! Who knew life was so good outside my country. Will be heading to my bf's part of the country this Sun. Having a blast meanwhile. Awesome! Glad to see your enjoying your trip Elswyth. Link to post Share on other sites
LittleTiger Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Great news Elswyth. I knew you'd love it there! What a fab start to your adventure. Keep us posted. Link to post Share on other sites
Gradschooler Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Wow! Great news! Keep us posted. Where did you decide to stay btw? Link to post Share on other sites
carvidep Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 aww yay that's so awesome Elswyth!! Best of luck on the housing! hope it works out alright for ya! Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted June 30, 2010 Share Posted June 30, 2010 Oy vey, I just read up on the living arrangement situation. How did that turn out? Oh and I know what you mean about parents not liking you living with the opposite sex. My parents are extremely traditional and don't believe in premarital sex or cohabitation before marriage. So I know they hated that I went to see my SO for two weeks and stayed at his place, and I know they're really going to hate me going off to live with him for 5-6 months. But in the end it's always your decision and you have to do what's best for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted July 1, 2010 Share Posted July 1, 2010 I just read through this entire thread. Congrats, Elswyth! I am VERY happy that you decided to go and that you are doing well over there. I am about to be in a similar situation, as you know. I am actually flying out to California tomorrow to go apartment hunting with my SO... Then, in August, we are moving in together! It's scary, and I feel the same "jitters" that you talked about.. BUT.. I keep reminding myself that being with him is what I have worked toward for 2 years, and it's finally happening! It will be difficult at first, and I'll probably be homesick, but I will be OK.. and so will you! Your boyfriend sounds understanding and supportive, when you need him. Keep us updated! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Els Posted July 5, 2010 Author Share Posted July 5, 2010 Thanks sooooo very much for all the encouraging replies, guys! I'm still in the process of adjusting, but I haven't had a moment of regret since. Mpst of the issues with the bf just disappeared once the distance disappeared, and I had a great time with him the past couple of days, although he really is rather busy. Had to tour most of the city alone while he works... but it's still wonderful, just heartbreakingly beautiful! I have seriously never seen such a lovely place all my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Spiritofnow Posted July 5, 2010 Share Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) Well, that is wonderful news, Elswyth. I may have to visit there one day to see for myself the beauty which you speak of. Just remember that if you do start to feel any kind of homesick feelings or anything other than which is contrary to how you envisaged you would feel, that it is normal. It's a BIG transition. You are handling it all so gracefully, which is soooooo great. Hugs. Edited July 5, 2010 by Spiritofnow Link to post Share on other sites
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